"Active" Behavior

Hi L., My 3 boys do this too. It's almost like they are trying to show off or impress, but it is presented in more than not, negative ways...running around, singing at the top of their lungs, hitting, like you said, "wild". Reminding my guys before we go somewhere and setting up times for full on attention from grandma and papa work for me. Hope you find something that works! K.

L.,
It sounds like she really needs boundaries. Does she know exactly how to behave when she goes out? For example, "When we go to Grandma's, you need to stay in the living room with us and play with your toys one the floor. When we eat, sit at the table until you are done eating and you are excused." Sometimes being really obvious in your directions helps the children know what to do. Also, if she's looking for attention from the new people she's seeing, she may just not know how to go about getting it in an appropriate way. I would plan an outing where you don't plan to stay, just so she knows you mean what you say (make plans to visit Grandma on Saturday and Sunday, truly planning for her misbehavior on Saturday and going home after 10 minutes). You can try again on Sunday, and if she behaves, you can stay. Your consistancy will also help her regulate her behavior.
Good luck!

My kids did that also. It is very hard. What I did is punish them. You have to. I know that you don't want to but that is works. Put them in the other room for 5-10 min's and tell them when they calm down they can come out and you have to stick with it. Or what I do when we are at a resterant or shopping I take them in the bathroom and have a talk with them so that way people aren't looking at me. You just have to start now or it is just going to get worse. The only reason that she does that is cause she can get away with it. But they are your kids and your there mother so do what you think is best.

Hi L.,

Just you know you aren't alone. My niece is the same way. My sister married a man that doesn't believe in yelling or making his daughter cry. She gets everything.

But she is the most adorable little wipper snapper ever!

We all love her to pcs. Just be greatful she is so full of vinegar! Think about it. I would rather see a child so full of life and vigor than to be one of those children that sits in front of the TV or the computer and doesn't notice that anyone is around them.

Consider your daughter a blessing. It sounds like she just loves life and is excited when around people. What a lovely thing to have; a little someone that gets excited when you show up.

Many blessings,

J.

I have to disagree with most of the responses here! This is not a discipline issue! It is a wonderful thing that your daughter is happy and excited to see the people she loves!

Instead of yelling and trying to depress her spirits, trying holding her and talking to her calmly. Help her express her love and enthusiasm in ways that are easier for others to deal with, put please don't punish her for enjoying other people.

Missing a meal or two due to excitement is not really going to harm her. If hunger starts to make her cranky, just have her eat a calming snack in a quieter place. Most likely her enthusiasm will be curbed naturally as she ages. Enjoy it while she has it.

My 3 kids, ages 21, 6, and 3, were all this way. While it can be embarrassing and flustering to me, I've realized most of the others find it flattering and adorable. While you must guide them away from anything destructive, try to appreciate the entertainment! :)

As the previous entries suggested, discipline her. THe behavior you find unacceptable at home needs to be unacceptable wherever you and no matter who comes to visit. It sounds like she has figured out the the worst punishment she gets at Grandma's house or shen you ahve visitors is to be yelled at. The yelling ceases and she acts ua gain. Give her time outs, take away privileges etc. Don't be afraid to discipline your child in fornt of others. I am sure her grandparents would rather see her calm and cooperative. Before you go the next time lay out the ground rules, tell her she'll get a warning and if the behavior continues she'll get a time out and after "X" number of time outs you all will have to leave.
As far as eating at the dinner table let her know before you go that this is her dinner. If she does not eat it that is okay with you, but she will not be able to get dessert (even if it is a birthday cake), nor will you be making food for her once you get home. This might take some time for all of you to get used to but after missing out on a birthday party or having to leave Grandma's early she'll get it and you will feel better about taking her anywhere. Good Luck!

I'd stop worrying about it. If other people didn't make you feel uncomfortable, it wouldn't be an issue. Some kids are just more active than others. Short of being diagnosed with an actual medical issue, they outgrow it. My oldest never liked to sit still for a meal. I'd give people a heads up not to worry about feeding him, and not to be upset if he didn't stay seated at the table for long. I'd feed him ahead of time something "high protein" and would avoid any activities or food that would get them overstimulated like sugar and for some kids gluten. Or I'd bring something from home I know he would eat. I'd also come prepared with quiet activities I knew will keep them engaged. Make sure they get lots of exercise before the get together. This way alot of excess energy would be burned off. Sometimes I'd avoid letting him know our plans too far out in advanced because he'd get really worked up before we would ever get out the door. So, I'd sometimes wait until we were in the driveway of the day's destination to tell him where we were spending the afternoon. I have since learned Kids like this are usually very intelligent, often sensitive and more often than not misunderstood. IF you can find a way to understand how they think and react, you will find they actually will be surprisingly well behaved. Give them a little attention before getting involved in your adult conversation. Most important don't yell. If this is how they think they'll get attention, they'll settle for it. Read "The Highly Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It is the best book out there for parents with above average, yet very active kids.

to me it sounds like she gets overstimulated very easily, reason why she acts up. all the excitement in not knowing what to do with her excitement in seeing these other people, it would explain why at home she is calm and well behaved...things are very normal at home, but interrupted 'calm' could be what gets her all worked up.

Try shorter visits for a while, have her sit with a snack when she goes (not a sugar snack) and have everyone else sit and talk...it could show her how to sit and be calm while at the same table as others...

it just sounds like some sort of nervous reaction, that she has not yet figured out how to control, and really it cannot be forced and 'yelling' (for lack of better word) could only make it worse.

I agree with what others have written. She really needs concrete rules and consequences. "Love and Logic" parenting apporach talks about enforceable statements said with empathy and calmness. She is not being calm so everyong else needs to be or it is a double standard. Practice at home. Have her role play what she needs to be doing at G & G house. Point out that sweet and clam girls get to be part of the group and little girls who run around and shout need to sit in another room. Maybe have a major plan if things don't get better; maybe you or your husband have to take her home and she really sees that you mean what you say. Let the other parent and baby stay there and she has to leave. Lectures do not work; kids tune them out; natural conquenses work. If you get crazy and G&G house you have to go home. Stick to it and be empathic. "I am so sorry, but now we have to leave. Maybe next time we can stay longer and have fun." And leave with her and leave it at that do not go into a lecture she is smart and will figure it out if you are consistant, firm and loving.