Abusive Preschool Teacher?

I had to giggle at the "Ask". I`d ask him if he heard one of the kids say this or the teacher...sometimes the kids will say the teacher said it-and later on it`ll turn out to be one of the kids. If she said that!!! WOW!! Take him out! I`d be surprised if a preschool teacher did say that but you just never know these days! YIKES!

I would absolutely inquire about this. Never ignore signals from your children. I had a similar situation with my son and I was all over it and am glad to this day that I did. I would talk to your Aunt immediately and she should speak to Ms. W. that quick as well. You'll feel better and if this woman did act inappropriate she will think twice about doing it again if she is aware that she is being observed more closely. She needs to get her self control in check or find a new career.

I recommend you talk with your son again- he is three years old. Ask him where he heard "i'm going to tear your ask up".. if he repeats from his teacher- go speak with the teacher. Try to practice what you want to say and talk with her about beforehand as you don't want to get into an arguing match with her. If she admits she said that- or even if she doesn't but you still believe she did- talk with her next up (whether that be your aunt or not).. If a pre-school teacher is talking like that or behaving that way towards the kids- the administration needs to know. There is more than enough teachers out there that would love her job if she can't do it right. Administration has the ability to remove someone who is causing this kind of complaint. You should not need to remove your child from school because of a bad teacher. However keep that as your alternative (removing him or sending him someplace else) if this situation is not taken care of.

The time out or grabbing arm I can see in certain situations (ie he runs into a dangerous situation- teacher might grab his arm to pull him back etc) however that kind of language does suggest she has anger issues and that should not be tolerated. Are you allowed to sit in on classes and do other parents have similar concerns?

L.,

You should certainly not feel bad for asking that the teacher be removed. Your aunt should understand that, especially as a business owner. Her business entrusts her with peoples children, there is no excuse for the way Ms. W treats the children. Your son should be coming home excited about preschool, this is his introduction to school and you want it to be a good one.

If it were me I would remove my son immediately and demand that the teacher be removed. It is your aunts responsibility to see to it that the people she employs are good with the children and will treat them in a way that will provide a positive experience for them. It breaks my heart to hear how your son was treated. No child should be treated like that. They need to feel safe and secure in the environment that their in, and your aunts school is not providing that. If she was not aware of how this teacher treats the children she should appreciate you telling her so she can take the appropriate action. If she was aware and has not done anything about it, or becomes defensive when you tell her then you don't want your son there. You know what they say, if your dog or your children don't like someone then you shouldn't either. As silly as that sounds they are very intuitive when it comes to peoples character, so don't discount what your son says. You have every right to be upset.

I would talk to the teacher and your aunt BUT remember, He is 3. My 3 year old will tell me about his trip to the moon in present tense while meaning he WANTS to go... He may have just heard it somewhere else or heard her telling another adult that phrase.
Ask him questions about WHAT him and his friend were doing...
Where where you, etc...
Was teacher talking to someone else? IE looking at you.
Where did you hear that from...
Make sure all the answers are consistent BEFORE making a big deal out of it.
If this teacher does say this sort of thing to the kids then there could be other reports of it so def. bring it to your aunts attention... But not accusitory (You'll never guess what ..... said. He said that mrs.... said..." ASK up". Haha" And see where the topic goes.

Yes, he may be telling you EXACTLY what happened... Or he could be telling you what HE thinks YOU want to hear (ie the constant negative remarks... He NEVER has fun?)... You know your child, and should pay attention to what he says, but you also need to make sure that what he's saying is worthy of making a big deal out of.

Ask him more questions about it and react from there...

I would pull my child out. If there are any other parents who experience the same thing and bring a lawsuit, be available.

Definitely bring this to the attention of your aunt (the director)! Kids can make things up by age 3 but I can't imagine there is any way that your son would come up with "I'm going to tear your 'ask' up" on his own. And if you've never used that term in your house (which it sounds like you haven't), that means he heard it SOMEWHERE... Be sure to go in with an open mind as that seems to get results better than just pure anger. It would probably help to talk to Kellie's parents too just to see if Kellie mentioned anything similar. I know that daycare providers can get frustrated like parents do (and that's OK) but there is no reason to say something like this, EVER, to a child.

I know I am a little late with this, But I was wondering how this turned out for you? I There are far to many teachers in the wrong line of work. I hope your son is no longer in her grasp. Is she even licnesed to teach? If you go to mdoe.state.mi.us/teachercert/rs_teaCerts.asp or google"verify a teachers certificate in Michigan", its about the fifth one down. You just type in her last name and first if you like. It will tell you what she is licensed to teach, when her certificate will expire and I think where she got it from..I have a 6 year old who has a first grade teacher that isn't abusive but should probably be working in the construction industry. Please post how things turned out for you. Homeschooling looks better every day!

L.,

Thank you for having the courage to put this out there.

You have enlightened many people by doing this, good luck to you and your situation!

I am sure it will work out,just put your child first and trust your "gut feeling". Think positive and don't give up hope, ever!!!

Your Friend,

R. Yager

It's good that you have the weekend to calm down; I would certainly need to calm down if I were you!!

Definitely talk to your Aunt about Ms. W and what your son has told, and been telling you. She may fire Ms. W and then problem is solved. Or she may warn Ms. W and then if it happens again you can take your son out of the school and vote with your feet so to speak.

In first grade my teacher was ruthless to us; she was always yelling and I faked sick to stay away from her. My mom confronted the school and they stood behind the teacher saying that she was one of the best and I must be exaggerating. So, my mom stood outside the classroom door one day and heard for herself the alter ego of my teacher when no other adults were in the room and found I was not lying! That was the last year I attended that school (it was a private school).

I would not blame you if, after confronting your Aunt, Ms. W is not fired, you decided to remove your son from the school. We are their defenders and protectors and it sounds like you mean to do just that. Good for you! No child should be subjected to that.

God speed!

If the PreSchool Teacher cannot have patience with small children she should not be working there, I also would ask your Aunt if there any complaints from other parents, and talk to other parents to see if there are any signs from there children about this teacher if there is I would make sure your aunt handles the situation immediatley.

I would call your Aunt and ask her to stop by for coffee and I would ask your son the same questions again in front of her. Watch her reaction and body anguage. And from there, I would remove my child from the situation. Then you have to report the incidents to the state so that this "teacher" can be investigated. I don't care what your son did before - she had no right to grab him in anyway! I take that back. If he were running out into the street in front of a car - yes grab him. But this is the reason you see so many kids getting hurt in daycare centers/preschools and if people would report these types of abuses, these things would stop. That is wha I would do if this were my own child. If you tell your aunt - hopefully she will do the smart thing and get rid of this woman! If she doesn't - CALL THE STATE!

Dear L., Don't pre-judge. Children do make things up sometimes, and more often when they see the reaction they get by saying things about others, adults or children. When my oldest was 3(she is 26 now), and in pre-school, she told me while hysterical, that she no longer wanted to go to pre-school, because they "locked her up" when she was there. Shocked, I investegated!! Come to find out that she was throwing a temper tantrum about not wanting to play London Bridges!! So please, calm down, ask other moms, children, and any other adults that might give you some insight. Most of all, don't allow your children to see you react to what they tell you, because then they will lie just to feel in control of you. Good luck.

hi L. i am shaking while i am writing you how dare this women treat these sweet little children like this what is she teaching them at there age the first place a child should feal safe is at school i would let your aunt know what going on then i would report the teacher and i would even go as far as letting kellie mom and dad know what was said to there child in case she did not tell them good luck i hope this dose not sour your son on school TELL YOUR AUNT TO LET HER GO BE FOR SHE HURT SOME ONE

OK..OMG!!! I would not let this person around my child ever again!! I would also be reporting her! I understand that it is a hard situation because it is your aunts place but I would drive over, sit her down and tell her..the arm grabbing is completely unacceptable from a teacher excpet to pull a child from danger (ie running out in the road). I would then be callin the authorities and reporting her..this person can not be a teacher of young children and behave like this! Child protective services are who you need to speek with right away!

You are your son's ONLY advocate and it is your responsibility to protect him! The caretaker that is doing/saying these things is abusive! Either the teacher goes, or your son goes. That is what I would do.

Your aunt should really question this teacher's behavior. If she did say this (which I'm sure she did), she should be fired. I would definitely take your son out of there asap. Best of luck to you. It seems there are so many bad people out in the world. It really bothers me. What does she think she's teaching these kids by speaking to them that way??? Report her asap.

God bless :)

You definitely need to talk to the teacher and have her side of the story before jumping to any conclusion and making any decision.
Yes you are boiling rigth now and thinking he's not safe at daycare...but your son is only 3 and what he says, thinks he heard and repeats may be stretched far from the truth for tons of reasons !

At this age (and beyond !) they don't grasp full meanings, intentions, humor... and they have huge imaginations too. If they didn't get what happened in a situation they invent an explanation and don't bother to check the reality of it (for ex : the teacher grabbed his arm because he was about to knock the paint down or sit on somebody)...

It seems that you've been holding a lot against the teacher (time outs, always negative things...) did you spend an hour at the day care seeing how this particular teacher takes care of the children ? Did you talk to her about your concerns before ?

Absolutely you should remove your son and if your aunt does nothing you need to report this teacher and school for investigation. Your son is too young to lie about such a thing and I'm sure he isn't the only child being abused.

Your aunt needs to know she has an employee who is using inappropriate language and behavior with little ones. Go with your gut as it is usually right. You might even ask some of the other parents if their children are saying the same thing. Maybe Ms. W is in the wrong profession. Do not wait!

I would talk to Kellie's parents then other parents, and as a group bring up the concern with the director. My daughter had a teacher with issues and after myself and other parents made the principal aware they decided it was best for her not to be teaching the younger kids. Alot of them just dont have patience and we have to speak up otherwise other kids will keep going through this. Good Luck, and they most likely will never admit to it so talking to them(the teachers) may not help, but you can always try.

I'm sorry but this does NOT sound like a quality program. There is no place for arm grabbing, swearing, & time-outs in a good early childhood program. If these incidents were reported to the state there would definitely be some investigating going on!

If I were in your position I would probably remove my child from the center. If it's not okay for you to treat your child like this, it's definitely not fair that he goes to school and is treated this way by other adults.

I'm sure this is going to be difficult because family is involved. You really just have to think of the best interest of your child though. Good Luck!

Your aunt may not be aware of the level of inappropriateness going on or perhaps has become used to it. She may feel in a bind since this is the only teacher she has for this age group. I definitely wouldn't leave your son in this situation. Just tell your aunt this isn't working - your son's unhappy - and you are very uncomfortable with this woman'
s interactions with your son. Tell her you're going to take a break, then look for a new school unless she hires a different teacher. I think this teacher may become abusive at some point, beyond what she already says and does. I'd consider her abusive already! She may blame it on the kids but it's inexcusable in a teacher. She shouldn't be working with vulnerable preschoolers if this is the best she can give. Of course, none of that is your problem if you remove your son, which I think you should do immediately. If your aunt replaces her, you can put him back in. If not, move on or keep him home till next fall. You're doing the right thing! If you don't protect your kids, who will? Good for you for being willing to risk your relationship with your aunt for your son's sake. These things are very difficult.

Do not ignore this. A three year old does not have any 'agenda'. A child at that age will just tell it like it is.... sometimes blurting the truth out when you really don't want them to!

I would not ignore this. I would talk with your Aunt about it. I really like the suggestion of the one mom to have your Aunt HEAR what your son said. This needs to be addressed. This teacher needs further investigation. In addition, I would remove your son from the situation. Request another teacher... something.

I would call DHS and report it right away. If Mrs. W is not removed I would pull my son and take him somewhere else. Your son does not sound happy there and physical contact, unless you are restraining a child from hurting himself or others is forbidden!!! I would not send him next week and I would call DHS today and report the situation! I have 8 years working in the childcare and preschool industry and I would go over your aunts head in this situation, she obviously is not taking care of it and this should not happen in any preschool.

Hi L.,

While I wouldn't discount what your child is telling you, have you contacted Kellie's mom to see if she gets a similar story? That just may be another avenue you want to pursue while trying to get to the bottom of all of this. I think 3 year olds are pretty honest and I think you should follow your gut, but try to put your emotions aside as much as possible while trying to "investigate." You don't want to say something you'll regret, especially if you find out later that these allegations weren't true.

Just wanted to give you a slightly different point of view. Hope it helps.

Good luck.

A.

Do you have any opportunity to observe the day of your child, attend school with him for a day? It would give you a better perspective if you could see this teacher in action. It is a scary situation! Do you have parent teacher conferences? Do you have any relationship with the teacher?

If I were In your shoes I'd be fumming out of my nose. Get all the info out of your child that you can. They don't just make this stuff up. Side with your child. Your child will benefit most by your quick reaction and hold that woman responsible. Have a firm talk with her then remove your child. Never trust even the "Professionals". Do your homework on where to place your best asset in life. best of luck. My thoughts are with u.

Andria

When I my son was 3 I had him enrolled in a preschool program as well. All of the teachers there were wonderful, but I did have issues with one. I was at a classroom party and she was getting frustrated with the chaos. My son kept tipping in his chair and she had asked him to stop. He was 3 so he kept tipping (you know the scenario.) I looked over as she walked by, picked him up off the chair by one arm, sat him back down on the chair and shoved him up to the table. He looked absolutely stunned. There were other little things too. My daughter was 4 and in a split class with him. If she were difficult that day and my son wasn't, the teacher would give my son a piece of candy and not my daughter. She would say, "This is what you get for being such a good boy." and walk away leaving my daughter in tears.

Long story to say that you are probably not alone. I ended up having a sit down meeting with this teacher, the head teacher and the director to talk about my concerns. Come to find out, others had many of the same complaints and she has since left. I don't know if she was asked or if she left because so many parents were upset. I would confront her in a meeting with her superiors and see what she has to day. If no action is taken, I would pull your son. He has a long educational road ahead and if he already dislikes/has a fear of school, you will have a battle getting him to enjoy going.

Good luck! Be brave and assertive!
C.

Go with your gut. Talk to your Aunt for sure. Give her a chance to understand your concerns and maybe explain (not that Ms. W had a reason to do what she did but to see what she has to say).If you need to pull him out you might want to file a report with the police or DHS as well. I know it's your aunt but what if something happens to one of the other kids? If it was another parent and they pulled their kid out and you found out after Ms. W "grabbed your childs arm" or worse you probably be pretty P.O.'d.

L., as all of the others have told you, it is hard to know from a 3 year old. My concern is why take the chance? What is more important, hurting your aunt's feelings, or risking your son's well-being? You will never know what actually happened on those days, but it is important not to have those days again. Don't risk it, talk to your aunt and take him out of there, before your "proof" is an injury. Your aunt needs to know the truth so she can run her business. My take is, even if your son misunderstood, or is wrong, at this age, you should side with him for the sake of protection. What you don't want are regrets.

Hi L.,

I taught elementary school and preschool for over 10 years, so my first line of advice is to investigate thoroughly with your son, the school and the teacher (and possibly the other little girl/ her parents) ASAP- like demand to have the situation addressed before you let your child back into the class. It is possible that there is a misunderstanding from your son's point of view. (I used to tell the parents at "Meet the Teacher Night" that I would only believe half of what their children tell me about them if they only believe half of what they tell the parents about me!)

That being said, it sounds like it could be a VERY serious situation, and I agree wholeheartedly that you are your son's only and most important advocate. Should the situation be true, it is important that the teacher be removed because she is obviously not in the right job situation for herself or the children.

Good luck! I am sure everything will work out for the best for you and your son. He obviously has a very strong advocate in you!

Look into it for sure, but go through the ranks. Reporting it to DHS would NOT be my first step.

First thing Monday, before putting your child back in class, either make an appointment to speak with the teacher (PLEASE do NOT confront her in front of other students or parents, or right before they'll be arriving). Or you could just go into talk to your aunt and let your aunt call this teacher down to her office to conference with the two of you while a sub watches her class or whatever.

If she really said this, it sounds totally inappropriate, but sometimes children misunderstand or remember things incorrectly. Another child could have actually said it, or the teacher could have been repeating back what another child said, etc. There are always many more possibilities than the obvious, so it pays to ask the teacher (and maybe the other child, with the parent's or your aunt's permission) for their version of what happened, and then take it from there. Give the teacher a chance to tell her side of the story, and then listen to your instincts about what to do from there. If you feel your aunt isn't taking it seriously enough, then consider pulling your child and/or making a report to DHS or against her licensing bureau, etc.

Also, sometimes adults use sarcasm or humor that children are too young to understand, and so they take it literally. In those cases, the adult needs to learn to be more appropriate, of course, but I have heard some people use phrases like that on their own children even when they had no intentions of hitting them.

Definitely take it seriously, but don't let emotions cloud your ability to think clearly.

Good luck!

Remove your son and talk to your aunt. Who know what Ms. W will do (if she's not fired) once kids start reporting her. If that is who she is, she's not going to change, at least not long term. If your son is unhappy and being abused in any way take him out of there!! Good Luck!!

I'd be sure to talk to your aunt asap and if she doesn't agree to immediately take action, I'd yank him and tell every other parent w/in earshot why. My guess is she'd get hundreds of applicants to fill the spot quickly. No reason for that type of personality in a job like that.