Abusive?

She needs to document this, and if ex's girlfriend lives with him, he should have supervised visitations. I hope they can stop this before something worse happens...

Is there a way to prove this? There is so much he said she said in these situations. But assuming it's true, something has to be done. I agree with the person that said that if they handle a child just starting to potty train this way, what will they do to her when she truly misbehaves?

That is terrible. I would not allow my child to go back over there. If they did this i'd imagine how they disipilne her when she does something wrong. That is just insane and not right. You dont expect a child to go from wearing dipars to not having an accident until she can tell she knows when she needs to use to bath room. I would try and keep an eye on the visits she takes over there and possibly getting a nanny came put into one of her belongs to see what really happens when yall arent around. I am so sorry that this has happen to her. It only takes one bad experiance to tramatize a child. they must have done it more then one time.

I would definitely say that's abusive.

I would also make an appt with a child psychologist who can witness the extreme fear/reaction... get it documented with the courts... and get custody altered.

But that's me.

Hi B.-

I say report it. This child is traumatized! If I was treated like that I would feel abused.

Children do not have a voice, so I believe it is up to all of us to report when we feel children are in danger. If this woman is this harsh now, what will happen when the child makes a mistake, has a bad grade, etc.

Please call ASAP.

R. Magby

That is very sad :( It definitely is NOT okay. My biggest concern is if she feels this is okay to do for potty training - what does she do to discipline (or in her case punish) her?? What would she do if she dropped food on the floor when eating? spilled food on her clothing? broke something by mistake?

I feel that she must be HANDS OFF, she is not the parent. Talk to your ex about it (that she is NOT allowed to par take in the care and NEVER be left alone with the girlfriend). If it happens again call child protective services.

I have also heard that this is an old-fashioned method for potty training. I think instead of rushing to get this new girlfriend in trouble, your SIL just needs to ask her to stop it and tell her that her daughters hates baths now and is freaking out.

Some people need to be educated first before you try and put them away in the evil parent box.

My first response, although illogical, would be to invite the ex girlfriend to a party at my house. I would make sure I had lots of ice and a baby pool. I would beat her til she peed herself, then put her in a nice, cold bath as punishement for her accident.
Then my mature, responsible answer would be to keep my niece home til this mess gets cleared up! :) I am still in favor of my first response, but unfortunately there are laws about that. Good luck and hope the little princess bouces back quickly. Which I am sure she will, since she is surrounded by a whole family that loves her so much!!

I feel a little sick. Your ex's girlfriend should have NOTHING to do with potty training your daughter. Do you know this woman at all? I would do whatever I could to keep my child away from her, whatever it takes. If you think about it and turn the tables, what would it take for you to even lightly discipline the young child of a boyfriend? She shouldn't be invloved in that way and the fact that she is should be a huge red flag!

Definitely not okay! It's troubling both because of the method AND because the girlfriend was the one calling the shots. However, since the issue has since been resolved, I'm not sure there's much, if anything, that can be done about it. Maybe it would help if your sister and her ex made an agreement that:

1) Only the two of them will make and/or follow through on parenting decisions for their daughter.
2) Any new issues/methods/choices will be discussed between the two of them so that they each are aware of the routine at the other's house and can voice any concern they may have. This would be things like: bedtime, food restrictions (like if the girl has always been a vegetarian and one parent wants to start feeding her meat or something), drastic changes to personal appearance (for example, my son has dreadlocks... they've taken a long time to grow and he loves them... I'd flip if his dad decided to shave his head the one night he was over there), discipline (changing from time-outs to spanking OR if one parent promises her a big reward the other might not want her to have , like a cell phone or a tv in her room).
3) In the event that they can not agree (or agree to disagree) about an issue, they'll go together to a mediator or family therapist to work it out.

Hope this helps.
T.

Yes this is abusive. I would never put my daughter in cold shower for any reasons. I can't believe this little girl daddy would follow through with his girlfriend's idea. He should be there to protect her not torture her. If this happened to my girl, I would not let that woman near my daughter again and report it to the CPS or police. This is cruel punishment to a 2 year old toddler. I wish your SIL the best in handing this issue and hope your neice will recover from this soon.

I completely agree with SK....definitely abusive...definitely not OK! Document EVERYTHING! You never know when you may need it.

Oh my gosh, I would never allow my child to go back to that house again. Absolutely it is abusive to terrify a child like that.

I think your sister-in-law should make a report to her lawyer and the police. I would recommend that she get a restraining order against the girlfriend for her daughter. At least that will prevent her from being around when she is at the ex's. I would also watch from a distance for awhile and if I saw the girlfriend coming around I would call the cops. She could also request that her ex take a parenting class. I wish her the best of luck in dealing with this. No one wants to see their child abused and the girlfriend definitely needs to be out of the picture.

Abusive and on the ex-hubs end neglectful. It is not the GF's job to train or discipline his daughter. If the little girl still goes over there does she freak out when they want to give her a bath? If so does ex and GF feel any sense of responsibility? You SIL has to lay down the law with the ex and tell him how everything is going to go. They might not be married anymore but they are still this little girls parents. I also agree with the poster who said dads will pass along rearing to GF's quicker as they have no interest in this stuff. This is making me see red. I hope your niece will soon adjust but yes document everything . The smallest thing that we think can happen in childhood can have a very long lasting effect well into adulthood.

ohhh wow. terrifying.
i'd be fuming mad if anyone did this to my children. screw all politeness towards the ex and his gf. i'd be calling up agencies to have this woman removed from my child. yes, very abusive. i mean what else can you call it?
cold shower as a punishment for having an accident? really? wow, i am speechless.

I find this woman's behavior appalling. The fact that the ex-husband agreed to the cold showers really says something about his judgement. I am not sure what legal options your sister has, but I would find out. I would do everything I could to get my child out of that situation.

wow. this makes me want to cry - so sad. I do hope mom is able to step in and rescue this little girl from a terrible situation. Good job on supporting her.

If your ex wasn't part of this odd method of instant potty training torture I would say you ban your daughter from being around her. She doesn't have custody rights. I would sit your ex down, tell him what his potty training has done, is still doing, and explain that your daughter needs some kind of counseling so this doesn't turn into a lifetime stigma. Tell him he is going to pay for it all, and if he disagrees, tell him you will be taking him back to court and to ask for supervised custody for him. She is not even going to like going in a swimming pool if this isn't nipped sooner than later I bet. Make a video of her reluctance of going into the bath, keep it, and use it if needed. My ex had a horrible girlfriend after we broke up. She was pure psycho. My kids were 2 and 8 being around her. She didn't physically do anything to them, but she was verbally abusive to them. After awhile, I banned them from being around her. He still could see them, but they weren't allowed around her. He broke up with her after that thankfully.

yes, abusive. I am so sorry. Perhaps she has some control and recourse through her legal parenting plan. I am so so sorry. Poor little girl.

This is so wrong. I am guilty of using the cold shower, BUT I used it on an older child, and only when they had an intentional accident. I would NEVER use it on a 2 year old, NEVER! This is abusive, as a 2 year old is not understanding why you are doing this. I didn't potty train any of mine until they where 3, and I must say it was quick and easy for all of us! How sad that someone else took it upon themself to take control of your child and force potty training. It was never her decision to do any of this, didn't we just here a father got arrested for waterboarding his 4 year old over the ABC's! She should have been reported, and at least a restraining order issued. I know corporal punishment is legal, but this is not punishment for a child unless they are able to understand.
I used it on my 4 year old boy a couple of times, when he would not stop playing to go potty and intentionally had an accident, but I ran it cold for a total of two seconds, then turned it to warm. Afterwards, I sat him down and explained that he needs to stop and go potty, and not go in his pants. I have threatened it a few times, but have not had to follow through. He has no fear of bath or shower, becasue he understands why he had it happen, children need to understand why they are being punished otherwise it is completely ineffective!

I think the dad needs to protect his daughter from his girlfriend. A 2 year old might be able to potty learn, but that's the key. They LEARN how to use the potty. They don't know and refuse to do it until someone takes their diaper off. We've been working on it with our nearly 3 year old for over six months and she's been making steady steps towards being diaper free. It takes times.

Teach the girlfriend how to change a diaper and inform her that this little girl is part of life with the dad and she can either mature and do right by this girl or she can move on. This little girl deserves better influences in her life and deserves to be treated kinder.

why is the father of this child not defending her daughter???does he think this is ok??? please this so called "girlfriend" needs a lesson or two on how to care for a child. I wholeheartedly agree that you have to intervein(sp?) talk to your sister and confront the witch, if she is not getting it get cps.

This seems to be an old fashioned potty training remedy. While I completely disagree with this I have heard of people doing this. I believe the cold water stings where the pee is on their skin. Not for sure, but I believe that is the whole deal.

oh my god, yes, definately abusing & I would not let this woman near your child again without supervision, or at all. What a terrible experience for your little girl to have had, I am very sorry. Please let your ex know that this is not okay in the least bit.