? About My 4Yr Old and His Preschool, Sorry for the Length!

Kids shouldn't be forced to hug someone. At my daughter's preschool the teacher's ask each child as they are leaving if they want a hug or a high five. Some kids choose hugs, some high fives. Maybe you can tell them that your son is uncomfortable with hugging and could they offer to give a high five instead.

30Mom,

I have to address the hugging thing first. No one, let me repeat that, no one has a right to force a child to physically touch them. I realize that his teacher might mean well but it is wrong. Nor should anyone force themselves upon a child. It sets a bad precedent. Change the players a bit. What if your husband forced a hug from the teacher? It would be unacceptable. I don't know why people think it's okay do to it to children.

Jr Kindergarten sounds like pre-K4 in the public schools. Unless your child has preference for sitting alone then I see no reason for isolating him. If he needs more guidance to finish an activity then the teachers should give it to him. I would have a sit down discussion with the teachers.

I agree with the other mom who said, "Be your son's advocate."

Good luck.
~K.

He should NEVER be isolated-for any reason at all-in a pre-k program! If I were you I would go in tomorrow and talk to the director about this. I am actually stunned a preschool teacher would do this, really. And every day!In our school the ONLY reason this would happen would be for behavior.

You also need to talk to her about the hugging. If your son has a problem with it he should NOT be made to hug her. Period. I find it strange that a teachers asks for hugs every day anyhow.

I also don't like that in your Pre-K program the teachers are expecting any kind of mastery of anything. At this age it is unrealistic to expect them to write perfect letters or shapes. Many just don't have the coordination for it. And it is stressing him out that they are expecting this of him and for him to finish within a certain time. Your son is bright-my son was doing the same thing at your's age -adding multiple digit numbers in his head. He is 9 now and in Gifted classes and he STILL is about the sloppiest writer out there.

You are the advocate for your child. At your son's age he is not able to stand up for himself so you have to do it for him. You are NOT nagging and please don't think of it that way. These are VALID concerns that need to be addressed.

I would speak up about the isolation. After you ask how he is doing again and they say really good...I would then ask if it is time he moved back with the rest of the class.

I would also have a talk with the preschool teacher about the hugging situation. If your son is uncomfortable with it, I don't think he should be required to do it. (My daughter was never required to do this in preschool)

Well I can tell you this: if my daughter doesn't want to hug someone, then she doesn't have to. Period. I don't care who it is - grandma, teacher, even me! That's a personal and intimate act and no one should be forced into it (sorry for the dramatics). My daughter's preschool teacher does not make anyone hug.

As for the rest, maybe you should make an appointment with the teacher to sit and chat about your son's progress in the class. Go into it open-minded and with a few questions about what is expected and how he's performing.

Physical contact of any kind should NEVER be required for a student to give to a teacher, or anyone else in the school. I find it quite odd, and I taught in a preschool setting for a few years.

Does being separated bother your son? If not, then I would not worry too much about it, if it is helping him focus. It he has said that he wants tomtit with the other kids after he finishes his task, then I'd ask the teacher to be a proactive in getting him back with the others.

Just sounds like your son is very young and not at the speed of the other kids.
So what? He is the youngest.. He is a full year younger than a lot of the other kids.

You sound more upset about him having to work alone more than he does, so maybe you need to not look at it as punishment but as a time for him to concentrate on his own. They said they are just trying it.

If you do not think this is the class he needs to be in take him out or ask what other class he should be in. He is an individual and may just not be mature enough for some of these activities and you know what that is ok.. He is only 4 about to be 5 and it is not surprising.. This does not mean he will be slow, he will not do well later in school. It means at his moment, this particular activity takes him longer or is not something he can do independently very well. Ask if it can be sent home so you can work on it with him.

Instead of a hug, maybe you could ask if he could give her a handshake. Our daughter is not a big hugger for people outside of the family. It takes her time to give someone a hug, but she is good at handshakes or a pat on the shoulder..

It is going to be ok.. Preschool is a safe place. Your son sounds very bright. His likes and interest will change a lot in the future. There will be things he will love and things he will not care for.. not a big deal at this age..

There is something very wrong here. I am a former preschool teacher (before I had kids) and I have a master's in education, and this school and this teacher sound like they do not have an understanding of developmentally appropriate practice.

First, requiring children to do an "entry task" that is academic is NOT appropriate for four year-olds. Yes, some children this age enjoy "worksheets", but it is not developmentally appropriate for 4 year-olds to be spending time doing academic tasks. Many, many children are not ready for this type of activity, and it's very likely that your son is still within range of what is typical for his age. (Of course I have never met him, but really, it's fine for a four year-old to be uninterested in letters!!!! If you are concerned at all about his fine motor skills, that;s something you can assess in other ways besides letter writing...)

So, not only is it inappropriate to require this of four year-olds, it is DEFINITELY not okay to isolate him when he does not want to do the work! There has been lots and lots of research that shows that preschool aged children learn through play, NOT academic activities such as worksheets that isolate skills. Research has shown that children who attend preschools that focus on developmentally appropriate play and avoid academics have better school performance in elementary school. The most important things that preschoolers should be learning and practicing are building friendships, getting along with peers, conflict resolution skills, building relationships with adults outside their home, creativity, problem-solving, building oral language, enjoying books and stories, etc. How can a child accomplish these tasks if they are spending their time doing worksheets and sitting by themselves?

I am saddened by your post. The things the teacher said to you are very inappropriate and unprofessional. And I just can't believe that the teacher forces every child to hug her. That is just awful! How can we teach children to have control over their own bodies and say no to touching they don't like when their teacher whom they are supposed to trust forces them to hug her? That is inexcusable, and no adult should EVER force a child to hug.

I think you are certainly not being a "nagging" mom. You are listening to your instincts and protecting your son. If it were me, I would probably start looking for another school. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Whoa!!!!!! I think by asking this question, your instincts are telling you there is a problem. I own a Montessori pre-k and k, so I feel really comfortable with this age group, and I can't see any way that this "entry task" is at all appropriate in how it's being done. Maybe a workshet like that during the day, but as a requirement to join the group?!?!? The "entry task" should be choosing a book or a toy or puzzle to transition away from Mom and Dad at drop-off time. My hugest issue here, though, is the hugging thing. No child should EVER be forced to hug someone he doesn't want to, even Mom or Dad, quite frankly. This is a huge personal safety and respect issue, and the teacher clearly is being inappropriate in this. I always tell my students and my own children that they never have to hug or kiss anyone if they don't feel like it: Grandma, Grandpa, cousins, whoever. They can't be rude about it, but if it's a time they don't feel like giving a hug, they can just say "No thanks." We've also taught them how to shake hands with an adult; sometimes that is an acceptable substitute. Honestly, if I was doing this to children, and my certifier found out, I would be in trouble. If the school is licensed through Childcare Division (if they are, they should have a license posted with a license number) you can register a complaint with their certifier. As far as all the writing, he's just now approaching the age where writing becomes a little more of an interest for kids, usually, and where the fingers have some control to reproduce letters, numbers, etc. And for boys, this is often even later. If it's frustrating him, or you're concerned, an Occupational Therapist can help promote some of these skills, or teach you some tips and tools to help him. Sorry for such a long post, but my heart breaks when a child has a negative school experience. Don't worry about being a nagging mom; it's your right to be his advocate and to trust your instincts! Good luck and good for you for being so proactive about this!

How about a new school?

Your a mother, and don't worry what anyone ever says. Obviously all this is bothering you, do something about it. Don't worry if they think you complain too much, there will be a time when you'll back off and let your children make the first move. I waited until they were in middle school, then I wanted them to be more independent and contact the teacher first and I'd support them. He's too young right now and needs you to look out for him. Your son sounds like he might enjoy the time being away from the other kids, that he likes working alone. He doesn't want to give the teacher hugs, he's not a touchy-feely-type, that's okay. I'd personally talk with the teacher and tell her that he's uncomfortable with the hugs and you would appreciate her not requesting him to give her hugs, some schools have a no-touch policy these days. I would say that you feel that your son really needs to work with the other kids instead of being separated from them. I think you should also address the "miscommunication" with the teacher, just say, it's really been bothering you and just want to make sure you understand what she was saying. You will feel better than worrying about it all the time.

i would be honest and tell the teacher he's not an affectionate kid and he likes his space. my 3 year daughter is similar and sometimes she just doesn't want to be hugged. she doesn't want a hug from her older sister half the time. she's just different as is your son. not bad, just different.

as for the possible discussions at your daycare, i'd just listen and take it all in stride. in the big scheme of things you know your child and what's best. you will reinforce what he takes in and highlight the important pieces.

if you feel he's a little isolated with the kids, however, that's another story. i'd schedule a playdates and enroll him in parent and me classes like soccer, gymnastics, etc. drop whatever doesn't stick.

stay positive,
M. y

As a kindergarten teacher myself, I feel that I may be able to answer some of your questions (with a couple of questions also). Firstly, when table work is being done, there are certainly kids that are easily distracted and work better without all of the external noises that can make it hard for them to focus on the task at hand. At times, I may ask a child that is having a hard time focusing if he/she would rather work at a "quiet space". What I am not sure about is why the children in your son's class are working at a table as soon as they get to class. At my school, the children are expected to be in their class by 8:30 a.m. They have a bit of choice time until about 9:00 when we begin our morning meeting. At that point we gather to discuss the morning routine, and begin our morning centers (math, writing etc.,)
If I were you, I would request a meeting to discuss what the teachers are seeing in the class. For example, how often this happens, what they think the problem may be etc., Please understand that at the tender age of 4, many children are not developmentally ready to hold a pencil. Many of my children have incorrect pencil grips, very light or squiggly handwriting or prefer to dictate their writing even in kindergarten. It is perfectly normal for him to have a difficult time writing. This skill comes with time and practice. However, I would still request a meeting to see if the teachers are concerned about other things as well.
As far as the hugging, I don't blame you for being concerned. In my kindergarten class, I may hug a child if they are hurt or have separation issues. At the end of the day, I may come down to their level and say a earnest goodbye. They may want to hug, but I DO NOT intitiate the hug. I find that when I do not initiate it, kids seem to want to sit with me, hug me etc,.! At the meeting, you can discuss your child's discomfort with the hug and come up with an alternative. Something not so personal! With some kids I may whisper in their ear, "see you tomorrow." Maybe your child has some sensory issues and the hug is just not a comfortable thing for him. Again, all of these issues should be addressed NOW at a meeting. The school year is just beginning and he should feel that he is in a place that he is comfortable and nurturing. I hope this helps...

I have not read all of your answers. Your son reminds me a bit of my son. He is seven today (Oct.7). He was also a kid who learned quite easily, he was great with math and enjoyed playing chess in pre-K. I noticed that he was "opting out" of most art projects in pre-K. My friend, who is a school psychologist, suggested getting him evaluated by an occupational therapist. We did this independendently (with a reccommendation from our MD- who couldn't really appreciate the issue but trusted our intuition). We found a wonderful OT who did a standardized test on him. I remember one test involved tracing the scales on a fish, then cutting it out, then tearing a piece of tape off and attaching a string to the fish and then rolling the string up over a pencil- all fine motor activities. My son couldn't tear the tape and cut the tail right off of the fish. His score showed that he was delayed in fine motor so we started OT once a week. He loved it! He couldn't draw a picture of a person when he started. She drew a pic right with him. She said it was like "if you were trying to do something with a computer but couldn't figure it out and the computer whiz sitting next to you didn't tell you what to do but told you it was easy." I could relate to this. Anyway, to make a long story short he started OT in January of his pre-K year and by the time he hit K he was no longer hesitant or afraid to do the fine motor work. He still does not love it but he does participate. We have graduated from OT now as he started 1st grade. It was the greatest gift for him. I really enjoyed watching my confident little boy during his kindergarten year. What a difference from his previous year.
I do think there is something weird about your preschool's approach. My son is not a hugger either. We never have had that issue with a teacher though.
On a side note, our OT noticed that he was having some vision issues- it turned out that he was seeing double up to 18 inches from his eyes. We completed a year of vision therapy as well. He now has "the strongest eyes in the family." He is reading at the second grade level. Again, we now have a very confident self-assured boy but it took a lot of effort, time, patience, stress and $ to get us there. I'm so glad we figured it out early.
So I guess my suggestion would be to have your son checked out by an OT. If he needs some coaching it will be worth it.
p.s. I was never told that our son was on the autism spectrum or anything like that.
I hope this helps a bit- You are the greatest advocate for your kid. Take care.

What kind of school is this? If it's public, I'm very surprised with the hugging thing. I would set up a parent/teacher conference right away and talk about everything. It's fine to ask questions about their tactics and see why he is still separated. I'd ask if it's helping. I'd ask when he'll be integrated back into the class to see if he can complete the work with the other kids. I'd also discuss the hugging and tell her that it's not that he doesn't like her, but he's uncomfortable with hugging others and that you'd like to have it be on his terms. It's totally fine to discuss these things with his teacher. If they can't address your concerns, he shouldn't be in that class. Good luck!

wow-I think I might find my kid another school. I can't even imagine a preschool that would have an entry worksheet each day or let alone they isolate your child at all. Although I think my daughter would completely love a worksheet thing at her school, I am so glad they don't do that. Children at this age develop at different speeds and that really does seem like a lot for that age group to be expected to do.
Our preschool teacher does not hug unless the child asks for it or if she is reciprocating back to a child prompted hug. She may touch their shoulder, but definitely not anything more than that. I find that kind of weird that a teacher would even think that was ok. It doesn't teach kids that they have control over situations, more like they can be manipulated into one.
My instinct would be to leave and find a new school. One school may be right for one child but not the other.

Oh, honey, you are seeing all of the signs... and you need to move your son. The fact that the teacher is unwilling to let your son NOT hug her is all by itself enough to know this is not a fit. If she can't read his body language, she isn't listening to his needs at all.

NEVER should a school hide things from you. If they have concerns, the teacher should let you know FIRST. The statements the teacher makes are awful, about not giving up on your son yet... He's in kindergarten! Holy cow!

So many schools are out there, so many teachers who are ready to treat your wonderful son with respect, to nurture his loves and help him with his weaknesses. I am appalled by this teacher's--and school's--treatment of both your son and you. Both of you deserve better.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you have the courage to speak up and make it clear, at least, that they are not meeting your son's needs, and they need to.

I agree that your son should not be required to hug, I would send the teacher a note saying that the hugs make him feel uncomfortable, maybe she can high five him instead if this is ok with him. Just curious, are they having the children come in 1st thing and start their handwiriting? If so maybe this approach is pretty academic and appears not to be good for your son. He may needs to start his school day with more playing then begin his writing later if it is required. I teach young children and know that often "Jr Kindergartens" are usually a step-up academically than regular pre K, they are often designed for parents who want a fairly academic preschool environment, or for 5 yr olds who have missed the kindergarten cut-off. They are definitely not for all 4-5 year olds in my opinion. Mom, is there a regular pre-K class that he can go onto rather than the Jr Kindergarten? As for the isolation, the teacher likely has your son sit at the table so he can focus more on completing his handwriting, or possible he was just last to finish his "work" then will join the other children. Your son may have problems focusing on doing his "work", the handwriting, and the teacher has seen he is easily distracted by others and can do it better on his own. I would ask to meet with his teacher and Director asap to see how your son is doing so far. He may, at his young age, still want to play more, which is a great learning tool too; he may not be ready for writing yet. THere is nothing wrong with this, some young chldren have no interest in writing at this age, their fine motor skills are not developed yet and often they show more interest later in learning to write. The ability to sit down and learn to write comes with maturity and requires more self control, he may not be there yet Mom. Be sure you are not comparing this son to his older brother, he is likely very different. I have seen some parents wait to begin their child in kindergaren until they are a very late 5, or even 6. when they have matured more and are more ready socially, and it turns out they made the very best decision for thier child, they usually become the confident leader of the class if this is done and they go on easily and fully prepared for kindergarten. I commend these parents for doing this for their children, they are doing what's best for their child and don't just put them in kindergarten because they are age 5. Some young children are not ready at 5 for kindergarten and many times we see it is boys. THere are so many things you can do with your son at home on days off school to help him work on his fine motor skills for handwriting. If this is a good preschool they should easily be able to provide you with a list of fun, play-type things to do and suggestions that will help him gain more strength in his hands. I wish him all the best. Keep us posted on the outcome after you meet with his teacher and Director.

ok. making the kids hug her is icky. i'd tell the teacher high five is WAY more appropriate. i wouldn't want my kids to1. grow up feeling he HAS to hug or touch physically anyone he doesn't want to and 2. that hugs are for everyone.

i'd ask your son how he feels and what he was told about sitting at the table.

if you're kid is doing math with double digets maybe he's gifted... usually have trouble writing letters. they typically don't like to pay attention to detail and get bored.

its good if they thing he needs less stimulation and they tried it and it helps, think of it that way vs isolation.

Your child should not be hugged. Period. If the teacher continues to force this on the kids the director of the program needs to be informed. Especially if you have told her not to hug your child because it makes him uncomfortable. That alone would make me change schools. Also, my son had a period of time where he couldn't concentrate on work and would be asked if he wanted to work alone for awhile. It was always his choice and the teacher would help him just as she would the others - he just needed fewer distractions. Being able to make the choice has helped him. He's in 4th grade now and hasn't used the "isolation" for two years.

Stick to your mama instincts. Good luck.

My daughter's K4 teacher hugs all the kids. She' would feel bad to not hug one for fear of leaving them out, but would gladly not hug them if a parent said the child would rather not hug. No problem there, just tell the teacher.
The rest sounds really weird and high stress to me. My daughter is the same age and at no time in daycare last year or structured K4 now has there been an activity that would isolate or pressure kids to finish something alone. If your son is adding and subtracting he's WAY ahead of the game, and I've never seen anyone enforce super neat writing and coloring, just encourage it.

Do not feel guilty or like a nag to say exactly what you are saying here. Whenever I heard about questionable things I went and cheerfully asked the teacher and talked it out. When I got wind of the unheatlhy snacks they were handing out, I met with the teacher and cheerfully asked what and how much they were eating and started sending snacks with my daughter-all in a very cheerful non judgmental way, and it was fine.

You won't seem naggy if you act confident and cheerful. You should say, "This just seems strange to me, why is he being singled out and not merged with the class, is it me, are other kids having this issue too or is something wrong here? Id' really rather not have him pressured and isolated at 4 over a task-I want him to like school after all...." Just make them answer and keep your tone cheery and pleasant.

You are his advocate. You need to speak up for him and let his teacher know that he isn't comfortable with hugs and how about a high five or handshake, instead. Give the teacher a chance to adapt, and if she doesn't, move him to another class or preschool.

The entry task sounds odd, too. Most schools have some type of learning activity on the tables when kids come in, puzzles, sensory items, magnets, etc., things for discovery and learning. But having a child complete a task by himself in order to join class seems odd. Did your other son have a task like this when he was there? Definitely speak up about him rejoining the group for this task. If he has been successful for 2 weeks, it's past time for him to be with his peers.

Make sure that you give him other ways to practice his letters and writing skills at home. Salt in a pan, play dough, my kids love the bath crayons in the bath or shower, shaving cream, etc., so many different and fun ways to practice. But do make sure he is having fun practicing at home. Kumon has some books that help with writing where kids trace different types of lines to learn pencil control. It takes lots of practice, but it needs to be fun. Also, using scissors and playing musical instruments will help his fine motor skills and help with writing. Look into playing piano, guitar, or recorder. Does your local parks and rec offer classes like these or some other private group that might be affordable?

Speak up and advocate for your child. Work on how to remain calm and not confrontational- this can be hard when our child is at stake. You can do it.

HI there,

Sorry, but I would find another school, particularly if you are not looking specifically for an academic school. In my opinion, your little guy is too young to be pressured by "entry tasks" and isolated for not doing his work quickly enough. I think it's a bonus if kids learn to write their letters in preschool, but I don't think that it should be the focus. I would be angry that this hadn't been discussed with me and about how it's being handled. Yes some kids have trouble focussing and completing work, but at this age so what? He should not have to complete work to be able to start play in PRE-SCHOOL. That's just crazy.

I would also not be comfortable with the hugging part. There are lots of options to hugging and a child, and a child should be able to choose if they want to hug someone. They can high five or wave or shake hands or just smile and say see ya tomorrow.

Good luck!

He shouldn't have to hug her!!! I would say something..that is ridiculous!

First I commend you for not pushing him into a full kindergarten class.

Next go observe the class--all day. If the teacher won't let you--find a different school. If you feel uncomfortable with anything that the teacher does, speak to the teacher, talk to her about it. I would tell her about the hug and how uncomfortable the hug makes you son feel and tell her he can give her a handshake instead. Insist upon it.

And after reading all the responses if you feel uncomfortable after observing the class, find a different class.

Ask her for multiple copies of the letter work. Have you son work on them at home.

Alternative activities include making letters out of limp spaghetti, air writing letters, write letters in salt, write letters in jello, write letters in the bath tub, fun things like that. Remember he is four! Letters for four year old boys are more than difficult. He will have trouble with them for a couple of years. Don't do too much--no more than 15 minutes at a time a day. If it isn't perfect--that's okay.

Remember to make it fun at home. It doesn't sound like much fun at school.

Go on line and fine the website for the Children's Bookshop. They have fantastic materials for teaching young children.

this is not a good place for your son. preschool is supposed to be fun. social skills, stand in line take turns, share toys. etc..

if they learn some letters and numbers that is a bonus.. but moms can teach letters and numbers at home..

4 year olds do not sit down and do worksheets. they run and play and if you are lucky they sit still for one short story being read . move your son to a more appropriate preschool.

I visited a strict preschool for my son. a boy was rolling around on the floor during story time.. the teacher had him removed from the story time circle. then he was screaming.. Now just cause the kid was rolling around on the floor doesnt mean he wasnt listening... and learning. I did not put my son in this preschool as he would be in troulble every day.. my son is an active boy.

I think the more involved you can be in your son's school experience, the better. Express how important it is to you to be "kept in the loop", and make an appointment to speak with the director about your concerns. Keep open lines of communication with the teacher and director, perhaps through email if talking in person makes you feel confrontational. It sounds like you have a history with this school so you might not be too excited about finding a new one, but you should definitely follow your insticts and speak up to get these things that are bothering you fixed. (And I agree that you have every right to be bothered!) Hopefully the school will work with you and everything will be fine. My other recommendation, if at all possible, is to spend some time volunteering in the classroom. That will give you a better feel of the workings of things, and how your son interacts with his classmates and teachers.

You have received some great information. My feelings are, if you've already talked to the teacher and progress has been made, I would just go to the teacher and say, "We discussed that W would be back at the main table if he's doing his work. He's been on top of the work and I believe we're ready to try the main table again." You're politely stating your observations and wants.

As for the hugging. Well, I'm pretty straight forward. I would tell the teacher that we are working on manners and teaching our child to say "Hello" and "Good-bye" . Hugs, however, are a personal choice. Hugs do not reflect manners. If W doesn't want to hug, he does not need to.

Change the hug to a handshake while you look for a new school.

No forced hugs, ever! If a child is required to surrender his own sense of personal space or privacy to an adult, how will he know where to draw the line in other situations? I adore hugs from my nearly-5 grandson, but I would never demand one. He gets to decide whether, how many, and when.

It's hard to know whether the separate seating is good or bad – what does your son think about it? If he doesn't like being touched, then the physical separation may be comforting. On the other hand, if he feels that he's being singled out as a sort of punishment, that's not so good.

Lots of 4yo's won't get letter shapes for awhile yet, and that's well within the range of normal. Different brain areas are responsible for the mastery of different sorts of activities, and each child's pattern of maturation varies. I tutored kids in high school who had become convinced at a very early age that they were failures, because the expectations about what they should have been able to master were unrealistic. And in a couple of cases, they had neurological deficits that were never diagnosed or handled correctly. So sad. A four-year-old is not yet an academic, although he may certainly have some advanced skills, he's still a kid whose primary education comes from play.

This educational situation, as you describe it, doesn't sound like a particularly healthy one.

Hello,

As a former kindergarten teacher's aide, I am shocked that anyone working with children would ever require the child to hug her. That alone would cause me to look for another preschool. I used to parent help at Youngset Preschool in Portland, Oregon when I was a nanny and the most admirable aspect of Teacher Lynn Young's curriculum mindset was that children learn through playing. I never saw a child there writing on any paper. And it was a blast there! The children were fully prepared for kindergarten and loved attending school.

When I was a kindergarten teacher's aide, I had a boy in class that doesn't like to be touched. By the end of the year he would hug me anytime he saw me, but that relationship was created over a year of a relationship being built.

Bottom line is to do what your gut is telling you. Whether it is preschool, daycare, or playdates, don't ever leave your child in a situation that you feel isn't in his best interest.

Best wishes to you and your family and to little "W".

~P. G.
Portland Preschool Directory
We can help you start your own local preschool directory!
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com

My child would not be going to a school that punishes 4 year olds for not finishing their "entry task". Period.
At that age pre-K should be fun, it should stimulate a child's natural desire to learn and explore and give them the SOCIAL (as opposed to academic) skills to succeed when they are ready for K.
My opinion is that the schools approach of singling him out, rather than supporting him and trying to encourage and appreciate his efforts will stifle his self esteem, his love for learning and will make him hate or be afraid of school REALLY fast. I would love if you'd PM me the name of that "school" so I can stay far away when we are looking for one next year.
Thanks!

No way in hell should an adult force a child to hug her. Next time you see this, just grab him by the hand, pull him away from her and say "He doesn't like giving people hugs he isn't close too, and he hasn't been here that long, so please don't force it." Actually, I' m pretty sure it isn't even legal for her to do that, I know in elementary schools they are very cautious about any type of touching. I would go to the school's director about that.

Also, he is finishing his paperwork on time and still not invited to be part of the group? I would pitch a fit to the school over this. Reason one, because he has done the work and he is still in 'punishment seclusion'. Reason two, the activity isn't even developmentally appropriate at his age. That is an assignment they should be working on together during preschool, not on their own as they get in the door.

Find another school!

I am sorry to hear of your frustrations with your child's school. I too have been frustrated at times. Its not easy. I really don't have much to offer other than sitcking to your convictions and being honest.

There is one thing that bothered me though, the hugging. If the teacher is truly "making" the kids hug her, that is inappropriate. Children should NEVER be forced to make physical contact against their wishes. It should be encouraged to show affection to family, hugs, etc...but never forced. I would definitely have a talk with the administers regarding their policy.

Wow-just reading this, I feel myself going into protective mom mode for you! I have a child in 1st, Pre-K and Preschool....
First - this is not Kindergarten. Pre-K is is supposed to be more about a social setting than actual academics (although that is learned as well). A child should not be isolated at this stage even to get his work done. Pre-K is a stepping stone for Kindergarten where he will again learn his letters and their sounds, so don't worry if he's not getting it quite yet - he will.
As for the hugs, that's just not necessary. He's not comfortable and now he's being forced to do something he really doesn't like.
I really think you should sit down with the director and talk through this. Explain that you do not feel that it's fair, especially at this age, that he was seperated before you were even made aware that there was a possible situation. If they would have given you a chance to talk to him, that could have been avoided. I would also explain to them that he doesn't like to be touched and by making him give a hug every day, its crossing his boundary line. Every child is different and they should know that each child will learn differently and they need to respect personal boundaries (as they would expect of him). Trust your mom instinct!! Good luck :)

Wow - you have had a lot of great responses. I am glad to be reminded that we are the best advocates for our children.

He is only 4 once. Let him be a 4 year old boy. Our Montessori suggests hand shaking before and after class, but it is never forced. It is suggested to learn what adults do. That is it.

But of course, You should hug your kids - everyday :-)

The teacher at my sons preschool does not force hugs. sometimes he doesnt even want to say bye and they do not force it.

That has always been one of my gripes. Why can't we focus on the child strenghts? My son is like me. Has no interest in letters but math, we sure love that. I am the wrong person to give advice, because I am precieve as "werid" because I am an engineer. My observation, the system literally wants kids to act the same, learn the same, etc. We all develop different and as an indivual we have peronalities, interest, disabilities, that makes us all learn in different ways. I guess, if you son is willing to try the system and you can help him at home, I don't see why there should be a change. I would talk to the teacher about the hugs. You can say it also makes you uncomfortable see you son do so something that he is not comfortable with. Touch and homework are two sepearate issues. A teacher can assign you homework and you don't like. Tough, deal with it, but a teacher should not make a should touch someone they don't want to. Perhpas with time your son will want to give the teacher a hug, but I don't think it should be forced.