A Young Parent I Know Is Having Issues with Her First Grader

It is not the school's job to test a child for ADHD, they are not qualified for that kind of diagnosis.

I had to take my son, 8 at the time, to a psychologist to get him diagnosed properly. It took an entire summer of testings, and adults in his life filling out questionnaires before we got a diagnosis. Then, we spent another 3 months working on behavior modification therapy before we went the route of medication.

This mother (30 isn't young) needs to pull her head out of her fifth point of contact and start acting like an adult.

A parent can request psychoeducational assessment from the school (in writing) and the school has 30 days to send out an assessment plan and begin conducting assessments. They can't say no. However, ADHD is not something a school can assess. It is a medical diagnosis and must be assessed by a medical doctor. This mom can ask her pediatrician at any time. The school assessments would be testing for learning disabilities, processing disorders, and other trends in learning style, gaps between ability and achievement. They might get some findings that would point toward attentional difficulty, but they would not be able to diagnose it.

This scenario sounds like a spoiled child being raised by an immature and inconsistent mother :( a psychoeducational assessment might not help but some heavy behavioral interventions would. If mom and teacher aren't gellingor agreeing in their approach with the girl, they should enlist the help of the school counselor or some other support staff who could help mediate, be the in-between.

ETA: Again, they can not deny a written request for Special Education Assessment by law in a public school in CA. She may mention it to the teacher and principal and they might try to talk her out of it, but if she puts it in writing to the school psychologist, they can't deny it. Call the school psych or Director of Special Ed at the district level, they can explain the process.

To my knowledge, a school doesn't test for ADHD. This is how it should go. She speaks to her doctor about the concerns for her daughter. The doctor refers her to a developmental pediatrician, a pediatric neurologist or a pediatric psychiatrist. That professional gives her a set of questionnaires to fill out and sends a set to the school for the teacher to fill out. Upon receipt of both sets of questionnaires the doctor then does his own evaluation based on the evaluation of the questionnaires, observation, interaction and interview, and then diagnoses the child. Just because a child receives a diagnosis does not mean the child will receive medical intervention. Most specialists that I have spoken to have said they only feel medication should be given to a child if the child is a danger to themselves, a danger to others, or unable to learn. If one of those three is not the case, behavior modification therapy and counseling are part of the treatment plan and modifications and accommodations to help with learning and school behavior can be implemented in school through an IEP.

That's how it works. The school can't diagnose this issue. She has to go through her physician to get the ball rolling.

More than anything the child sounds unhappy. Lack of structure is a miserable thing for a child. It's hard to feel safe when there is no stability and a child will push boundaries just to ensure themselves that those boundaries exist. She wants a mom who will do homework with her and make sure she turns it in. She wants a mom who will assert her authority in an appropriate way because then she will know *someone* is in charge.

Schools never diagnose medical conditions. To have her child assessed for ADHD, she'll need to get a referral from the pediatrician to a child psychiatrist or neuropsychologist. That is the proper route for this type of evaluation. If her daughter has ADHD, she'll also want to start meeting with a behavioral therapist for tips on dealing with daily life with the condition.

Schools do play a role in helping. If her child does have ADHD, she'll want to pursue a 504 plan or IEP. Those give special accommodations for kids with disabilities like ADHD.

Per the public schools here:
the process is.... that a concerned parent, go to the Principal.
Makes an appointment with him/her.
To discuss the concerns of their child etc.
Then, there is a "school services coordinator" which... if needed, will set up along with the Principal, whatever assessments or IEP's is required.
It is NOT the Teacher that decides this. But if a Teacher is told about it, then he/she would refer the parent to the proper channels of processing for this or setting up meetings, with the Principal.
AND the child's Doctor, has to be a part of it too.
Does the child even have a Pediatrician?
And it is the PARENT.... that has to go through the PROPER channels of, inquiry and finding out... when needs to be done.

Schools are not Doctors.
But schools provide, services, for a child if/when it is needed.

This seems to be a parenting problem.
The daughter is also missing a lot of homework.
Why is that?

First grade is a little bit difficult. Some kids are socially adept to sit still and be at task but a great number of them still suffer from social immaturity. I would not jump the gun and call it ADHD. Especially since she's doing a good job on classwork. A a lot of them do outgrow the behavior.

I'm sorry but this seems to be more of a parenting issue.

You might suggest to her to talk to the school's guidance counselor about the testing issues and what the procedure is for testing. The child is in first grade so the child might be behaving on a first grade level. It is difficult to talk to someone who has a chip on their shoulder, so i would be careful how to approach her. "I know you are concerned, but .... Maybe trial roleplaying with her on how to discuss this with the teacher. I see a few other flags here, the child's attitude seems to reflect the mothers and the child is not getting their homework done. Perhaps she needs a parenting class to better deal with her daughter. A first grader yelling at her mother and punching a hitting is going to be a very out of control child soon, unless the mother develops some better skills to parent her.

I have not read the other replies.

Why does this child need to be tested?????

First of all, a parent at age 30 having a child in K, is not what I would consider young, it would be average. She had her child when she was an adult, not a teenager.

:"The report card mentioned the daughter is missing a lot of homework, yet does a good job on classwork"... This sentence sums it up for me. The child does well in class, but is not getting the support and help she needs at home. This has absolutely nothing to do with a possible disability or getting tested. It has to do with bad parenting.

Tell the mother, she can help her daughter by providing a proper "homework" environment, complete with the supplies she needs. Tell her to sit down with her child and do homework with her. Tell her to read to her child on a daily basis. Tell her to document what she is doing and any issues she sees with her child during this time. After a few months, she should then meet with the school to discuss these issues. Also, at the next well visit with the pediatrician she should discuss these issues.

It seems her biggest issue in school is not turning in her homework, which at that young age means mom is not doing her part to help her child succeed. She should concentrate on that rather then looking for medication, that should be a last resort. JMO.

If she truly feels the child is in fact ADHD then rather then talk to the teacher she should try to talk to her child's doctor.

The mother needs to make a formal request in writing if she wants the school to perform an evaluation, and the school has a special form for this called Permission to Evaluate Form. She can also write a letter with very specific wording. Either way, the form or the letter need to have the name of the evaluation that she wants done and why.

It would help if her pediatrician agrees that the child requires an evaluation and refers her to a specialist for a neurological-psychological evaluation. If she suspects ADHD then she should request a Pediatric Neurologist and NOT just have the pediatrician start medicating her daughter or agree with her own personal assessment. The diagnosis (or more than one diagnosis) will carry more weight that way. She HAS TO HAVE the evaluation done the right way. If it's ADHD and she's right, great... then she and the doctor and the school can all work together. But if it's not then she'll have to face that it's her parenting.

Also know that if the child has ADHD, the child is a girl and it does present differently in girls than in boys. There may also be some Oppositional Defiance, which is a common comorbid diagnosis as well as Sensory Integration Disorder.

I have a daughter with severe ADHD, ODD, and SID. I was the opposite of your relative... I did whatever it took to avoid that diagnosis until I couldn't ignore it any more. I put all blame on myself and my daughter.

But if her mother has a, uh, lifestyle then it sounds like she's not a stable force in her daughter's life. It sounds from the insinuations that it really is a parenting issue more than a child issue. The child's behavior that you describe sounds like frustration and behavior she likely has witnessed her mother behaving. She would need consistent discipline and a mother that doesn't blame others for her own faults and failings in life and in parenting... who doesn't take constructive criticism as a personal attack.

The school does not do the testing. Several years ago my granddaughter's teacer suggested that she be tested. I learned that the testing is done through an office separate from the school. In our county the office is called the Multnomah Intermediate Service District. (Multnomah is our county's name) My daughter got their phone number from the school district administration office. The testing, diagnosis, and treatment is provided by the "no child left behind" federal legislation.

This office will do an intake interview and if the child needs testing they will do that. The school will be a part of the process but they do not do the testing nor do they decide whether or not to test.

I suggest that having the student's desk next to the teacher's is not punishment. It sounds to me that this mother is not understanding the situation and that her angry defensive attitude is causing it very difficult for the teacher to help her daughter but you know that.

If you were willing would she allow you to go with her to talk with the teacher or counselor? If so perhaps she would agree to let you do the talking so that she could just listen and perhaps better understand. I'm reaching here. She is probably too angry to do that.

It's good that you are concerned about the girl but there is very little you can do. I suggest that the girl's behavior is caused by the way her mother acts and that, on some level, the mother knows this. Until she can ask for help this won't change.

Yes by law the parents can put in writing to the school that the child needs to be evaluated for learning disabilities (which ADHD falls under). Once it is received the school has 60 days to get the testing done

Drop in on the class if you can. If the mother is as angry as you say, then she will alienate the teacher if she were to drop in.

In addition, most teachers teach standing, so she only sits next to the teacher in short periods.

S., I wanted to say -- after reading your post and your "so what happened" additions, I think you are great for trying to make a sensitive effort to help. You seem to have very good observations (such as when you note that the mom thinks her child is being "singled out" but the reality is that the teacher is only talking to the mom about her own child, etc., and when you note that things were better with another person in their household). And you are being very careful to avoid appearing as if you are judging this mom -- you know that it will make her defensive and she won't listen to you. Good for you for approaching this the way you are. It's tough to be so far away from a situation like this one and I think you're doing all you can from a distance.

I would only add, how do you think the mother would react to the suggestion of a parenting class? Would it make her angry and defensive or do you think she would accept the idea? If money is an issue there probably are free or low-cost classes available through the county or city family services department where they live, but if the mom would take such a suggestion as a criticism and would then stop talking to you -- well, you do not want her to stop communicating what's going on. But a parenting class might be a big help to her -- IF she can really listen and be open to hearing that she might need to change some things about herself, rather than seeking quick fixes and diagnoses for her child.

Is there anyone who lives closer to her who can volunteer to help her out in dealing with school and with the teacher? Or again, would mom see that as a judgement that makes her angry? If she could accept some help along those lines it would benefit her and the girl; the mom sounds quite immature and she is going to put off teachers so badly that her daughter will end up labeled as trouble when the real issue is mom's unwillingness to work with teachers like an adult.