SO my darling, intelligent, 3 yo son can sleep through the night... DRY. Gets up. Goes to the potty. Follows the pictures on the wall to take care of business (wipe, flush, wash hands, etc.) INDEPENDENTLY. Now here's the rub... He won't go to the potty any other time of the day without (at best) a reminder, (middle ground) a bribe, or (worst case) a major meltdown from someone - me or him. He occasionally will go change if he is wet, but not necessarily. Evidently he does not poop in potty without convening a special session of congress. He never wants to leave whatever he is doing to go to the bathroom. He will go before bath or when told he can not participate in an activity out of the house without first pottying. He will usually stay dry during naps and if we are out & about so this seems to be more of an issue at home while playing.
Here's what I've already tried.
Pull-ups.
Underwear.
White chocolate pieces (1 for going in the bathroom & peeing, 1 more if he did it while he was dry)
Sticker charts.
Setting a timer to make it a "non-Mommie" issue. (He would be wet 15 minutes after leaving potty even after encouraged SEVERAL times to "try to peepee again." and saying "no more, peepee, Mommie.")
I feel like this is a power struggle at this point since he clearly has the bladder control if he can go all night dry. So how do I reverse this? If he's not uncomfortable enough when wet/dirty to motivate him to go, what else is there? I've heard that once you're out of the pull-ups/diapers don't go back but really, I don't really think he's getting it. Did I push him to fast? Is it even physiologically possible that he would potty-train nights before days? I was fairly firmly in the "they'll get it when they get it" camp but now I think he's almost deliberately NOT getting it and I have to wonder if maybe I'm missing something. I'm inclined to go back to diapers (caving purely for my convenience) because it feels like nothing is getting through to him and I almost feel like he's either 1. pushing my buttons just because he can 2. really not ready. At present, he goes through about 3-12 pairs of underwear a day. Is this an average for you all that have been there? We've been potty-training at this same pace for about a week. He was better initially when we started, (closer to the 3 pairs a day) and yesterday we went through about 10. What am I missing? (aside from the patience of a saint...)
Hi J.!
My daughter didn't fully potty learn until she was 4 so I know what you mean about patience. My only thought is that you let him go underwearless at home. I have a couple of friends that swear by this with their boys. They say it helped their boys be more body aware. I've also heard it from other people.
Hope this helps.
Yes, the "want to" factor is so important. My son was "trained" at 22 mo and then about 26 mo decided he wasn't. Life was just too much fun to stop for the bathroom.
He had continuous problems until he was 4 and occasional accidents until he was 6.
It helped to not bug him about the bathroom too often. I set a time for morning and afternoon snack and lunch. I made it about washing his hands just that he had to go to the bathroom first.
It cut our accidents in half but I would still invest in several dozen pairs of underwear. Also try the boxer briefs if they make them that small. Having a little more room down there helps them feel the urge a little better.
The biggest help was to not make a big deal about it. I know it is contrary to every parenting instinct you have but simply go with the flow. "Oh, you had an accident. Here's a new pair of undies and pants. Yes, you do have to stop and change. I'll help" and then send him off running. Somehow focusing on it more made things worse.
Good Luck.
J.-
I don't have any advice, but I did want to thank you for having a good sense of humor about a stressful situation.
Our 3 year-old nephew is going through the same struggle (will hold it for 15 hours and then floods a diaper).
You're not alone in what sounds like an issue of independence vs. ability.
Good luck!
i say not to push it..i took my son into his preschool..and he over heard his new preschool teacher and i talking about his potty training things he needed to work on..he was in the office with us..after he heard our conversation he completely was potty trained...as if hearing another person besides me talk about it..maybe try that? is he at a preschool yet? if not take him in to see one..meet the teacher ..and talk about it in front of him..or stage something? i don't know but it totally ended all troubles ..he's almost 4..we've had 3 accidents since..all when sleeping. good luck..
dd
I have heard of people putting their kids back in pull ups and then coming back to the training later and it works. Basically, he gets it and you get it, however, he doesn't seem to have the control down just yet. He is a boy and he is three. From what I understand, he is probably not ready, since boys take a bit longer. If he is not ready, just keep trying, but don't get frustrated, as he can sense that. If he potty's his pants just change him and remind him we potty in the toilet. Just think how upsetting it would be if you were at work and your supervisor stressed out every mistake you made and you could read it on their face. Wouldn't it feel better if they just encouraged you to do better next time. I know can all be stressful, but give it a try and enjoy the journey.
One thing that gave my son an 'incentive' to use the potty was getting to toss in a couple Cheerios and having target practice. It made it fun and helped him keep it in the bowl and not on the wall, carpet, dog, sister, ....etc.
Keep your sense of humor and continue to support your little guy. It may just take him a little longer.
Besides being physically ready for potty training, they need to have a mature enough attitude (they've got to want to), and a lot of Mom's over look this requirement. Finding their currency (what reward will motivate them best) might help, but if there is no reward they want and they don't care about peer pressure yet, there is not much to do but keep on trying (which can wear a Mom down) or stop trying for awhile till they are a little older and a bit more mature. My son went to a day care center, and they had little child sized toilets. At about 2 1/2 they'd start taking the whole class for potty breaks every hour, before lunch, before playground time, before nap time, etc. They'd be in pull ups, and it would take longer for some kids than others to stay dry for any length of time. But I think it helped to have the whole class go through it together because it was then just something everyone did, and because of all the work they did at daycare, at home it was really easy to continue his training on weekends. My son was day trained by 3 1/2 and he wore pull ups at night for a few more years. It was just me, but I preferred dealing with pull ups rather than a wet bed on a frequent basis.
No words of wisdom but to say ur not alone! I could have written this!
I am going through the samething with my son who turned three dec 29.
I told my dr about two months ago the wall I was hitting and she told me not to push
it that when he is ready it will happen and be easier on me then trying to force the issue
and stressing myself out.
I am eager to read the responses u rec.
Also makes it hard when my son his so tall lookslike a four or five yr old and changing
pull ups when we are out is hard.
The only thing I have come up with of why is I recently had a baby in OCT, not that he was doing a whole lot better before but could be why he doesn't show any advancement since we are changing sisters diapers all the time.
He is amazing with her not jealous at all but that's just s thought since u have a younger one as well.
Good luck!
Let me know if you find something that works!!!
Wow, I think you and I are raising the same son - hahahah! My son is 3 as well going through the same thing! I don't have any advice for you other than hang in there sista...you're not alone! At first I was very concerned that I was doing something incorrect, my son is VERY strong willed. I talked to his pediatrician about it thinking there was potentially something wrong. He assured me some boys take longer and once it becomes a power struggle, it's very hard to win that battle. I think you're doing all the right things...and although you may hear it over and over again, they really will do it when they're ready. He's not going to be in diapers-pullups forever (at least I hope not - hahaha).
Good luck and hang in there!
Hi J.,
My son, who is almost five now, did the same thing when he was 3. He would be dry all night but did not want to stop during the day to use the bathroom, and like your son, had many accidents.
You are right about it partly being a power struggle. It's the one thing these little guys do control versus everything else in the world that mommy, daddy, or other grown-ups control. So, in that case, the more we push, the more they push back and just do their own thing.
Also, it is a maturity thing, and we cannot force maturity---only help guide it along, and this takes time. You are on the right track, keeping a sense of humor about it, doing common sense things like having him use the potty before you go out and about, etc.
At this point, going back to diapers could send mixed messages to your son. The only time I put a pull-up on my son after he was trained was one night when he had several episodes of diarrhea, and I did not want to be changing sheets all night. I just explained it to him that since he had been having diarrhea, we were doing this just in case he could not make it to the bathroom in time and that this would not be something we would continue to do. That was the one exception.
One thing that might really appeal to your son as it did with my son is the Elmo potty game on the Sesame Street website. I learned about it from my son's preschool teacher. I'm not really a big fan of having my son on the computer, but I was willing to try anything that seemed positive and had the potential to help. I'ts a cute little game that has several versions where Elmo and his friends are playing and one of them has to use the potty. Elmo says, "When you feel the feeling, stop what you're doing and go, or you could have an accident!" Then, the character will go and afterwards, comes right back to what he/she was doing previously. My son still quotes this when he has to stop playing and use the bathroom. When' he's done, he will say something like, "Now, I can go right back to doing what I was doing before! It had that much of an impact on him that he is still refering to it almost 2 years later. He still occasionally asks to play the game.
Maybe if it comes from Elmo, it will help break the power struggle thing. Your son will be hearing the message you're trying to send, only it's not directly coming from you this time.
Just a thought and hope it helps. I wish you luck and patience through all of this!
J. F.
you may need to have frequent set times of the day when you take him to the bathroom. most kids would rather play than potty. :) So, when he wakes up, after breakfast, after lunch, before nap, after nap, before dinner etc. just say okay, now it's time to potty. and just have him get used to every day being that way.
