A Non-shower....

Awe, I know where she's coming from. I have an 8 year old and am pregnant with my 2nd. I didn't want a shower at first but then once I heard a friend wanted to throw me one I started to think 'ya know, if people want to come they will, if not owell' it's not about the mom as much as spoiling the baby!! I could see if it was her 3rd or 4th in 6 years and she had a shower for all of them. That seems like it's not the case. Just throw her a suprise shower with her closest family & friends and act like 'she didn't know' ;)

With my second and third babies my good friends and family members took me out for a special dinner. It wasn't a "shower" in that there were no games and I didn't register for anything, but we had cake and of course people gave me gifts.
Like many people I feel showers are really for new mothers, but that doesn't mean you can't celebrate each birth in some way :-)

If she says she doesn't want a shower, don't assume that she really does. Not everyone "wants that attention and spoiling." I didn't want a shower with my ONLY baby. Several people asked me if they could give me one, and I told them, "No." They gave me a surprise shower. I knew they meant well, so I made nice, but I was NOT pleased.

It is not your job to "encourage" people to give gifts. They either will or won't, depending on their own wishes.

If you want to give a gift, do so. You can even offer to babysit once the mom is up and around so they can have a date night. But beyond that, leave it be.

You and others can offer all kinds of things, from coming over and doing laundry or dishes to offering to keep the older child for a few hours at a time. Run errands, grocery shop, care for the new baby for a couple of hours at a time while she naps or soaks in the tub. Offer to make up or do bottles for the new baby so there is a contant supply ready for use (if she isn't breatfeeding) Suggest maybe a calender where people could sign up for a certain time on a certain day to do one of the above. People can also make meals that just need to be heated up when ready to use,etc Hope this gives you some ideas ! It's always fun to celebrate a baby, whether it's #1 or #10!
C. S.

If she really does want a shower (make sure you're right), then throw her a surprise shower. Make sure everyone invited knows it's a surprise. That way everyone will know it's not just her being greedy.

If your friend doesn't want a shower and she has been under such stress it will not be a good idea to have one...I don't know if someone bring meals to her home directly after the delivery would be good either, I personally did NOT want people coming in & out when my babies got home for at least a month...perhaps having a shower AFTER the baby & mommy have settled in and are calm, happy & healthy is a better idea, maybe a luncheon even after awhile...listen to what your friends needs are, after all she is the one person who knows what she will be comfortable with...BEST!

ETA: I had a shower for my 2nd child.
Which people threw for me/my Husband.
It is not so unusual to have another shower.
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I dunno.
If she does not want a shower, then I would not make one nor to "encourage" others to do gifts.
It might be seen as pushy etc. Unless you know her family WELL.

As her friend, you can pamper her.
But beyond that, well, I would go by her own cues and preferences for not wanting a hoopla over it.
She is being cautious.
I can understand that.
Being she had a hard time with her first baby.
So this time, she does not want a "shower."

I am one of those people who believes showers are for new mothers, and not for forcing your friends to furnish each and every child you have with large gifts. People usually do want to buy gifts for your children, and they will find a way to give them after the baby is born.

I don't think you should "encourage" friends or family to give ANY type of gift. Anyone who wants to buy a gift, and I'm sure friends and family will if they want to. Encouraging anyone to buy a gift is the very definition of greedy. Gifts should NEVER be encouraged.

Instead of a shower, I would talk with some of your mutual friends and do a girls pampering day or a girls day out. Maybe you treat her to lunch out and a pedicure. At lunch you can give her small gifts. It's not an official "shower" just an informal gathering of friends.

You could also ask friends to contribute and make a nice baby basket of goodies and have it sent to her house. Get a big basket or a laundry basket and then all of you buy stuff to put in the basket like diapers, toys, bibs, outfits, books, etc. If you get enough friends to contribute (and make sure you are letting them know that the amount of money they spend and what they contribute is strictly up to them) then you can make a nice big surprise gift!

Let her friends know it's a surprise, so that your pregnant friend doesn't come off feeling greedy.

Congrats to your friend!

We are having a lunch for my sister at a restaurant. She is registered (mostly for clothes), but doesn't "need" much for #2. Do not do this as a gifting occasion. Let her feel spoiled and pampered and loved and if they bring gifts, yay. If not, she had lunch with some nice people.

Do a dinner or lunch out to celebrate. Do not call it a shower but you may want to mention to everyone that a special gift would be nice given what she went thru with the first.. DEFINITELY DO SOMETHING!!

http://takethemameal.com/

this is the best site for meals. we use it at church for women who have had baby's families with surgical stuff going on etc. it is a wonderful thing. and maybe not do a shower now but do one a little down the road to welcome the new baby. good luck

What's really sad about this is that many of the people you think will come to this and celebrate this baby, well, they likely won't show up. Most people think it is greedy and rude.

We had a shower at church for a lady who had 4 boys and was finally having a girl. She had nothing but boy stuff and was planning on making do with that. Her husband worked at Walmart. They lived frugally and she was careful with every penny.

A friend and I hosted the shower for her and invited over 40 ladies from our ward. Only one lady out of all those women came. She said she didn't really feel right about coming but did so because she knew my friend and I had gone to a lot of trouble.

We spent a bunch of money on games, prizes, food, gifts, etc...and nothing. It was one of those defining moments when I realized that people don't do stuff they feel is not right. They'll say they'll be there but in reality they will find something else to do.

So she could be totally disappointed if she is given a shower of some sort and not many people come. I'd just make sure everyone knows when she has the baby. Most people will bring a baby gift to the hospital when they come visit.