9 Month Old Learning to Put Self to Sleep

Hi J.! I have a 1 yr old daughter that has been putting herself to sleep since she was probably 6 months old. She still fusses a little before falling asleep though. It just about killed me to hear her cry at first, but it didn't last long. She maybe cried for 10-15 min. Now she usually just goes right to sleep, she may cry for 5 min. on occasion. She even does this at naptime. It could have been easier on us though since we have made her sleep in her own bed from the first day she came home from the hospital. She has always slept in her crib unless she's sick, but even then we try to keep her in her bed. My husband has a 12 year old from a previous marriage and it took them 6 years to get him in his own bed, so he said he wasn't doing that again! Goodluck!

My 9 month old son has been sleeping on his own in his own crib for awhile now, but even some nights if I put him in his crib awake, it still takes him about 15/20 minutes to fall asleep on his own. He just lays in there and babbles and I can hear him standing up and playing with the mobile. Then he just conks out. At first, he cried more - say for the first 10 minutes, but now he just sooths hisself tills he's tired out! Good Luck!!

I used to time my son. I'd lay him down, he'd scream. I'd walk out of the room, set the timer for five minutes. When the timer was done, I'd go in his room, not turning on the lights pick him up, hold him and rock him for a minute, and lay him back in his bed. He's scream again, I'd set the timer again for five minutes, and I'd go back in there if he was crying. Which usally he was. Then I'd comfort him, lay him back down and set the timer for ten minutes. I'd do the five minute increments 2x, the ten 2x, and then 15 2x, and so on. It does take some time, but he's getting used to the idea that I will come back. I didn't have to do this every night, but most nights when he weas smaller. On some occasions he's literally cry hiself to sleep. Which sounds mean, but if they aren't wet or dirty, and they've been fed, and they are not sick, then they are fine. Crying helps them to release energy. he'd even wake up and night, and fuss a little and then he'd go back to sleep. I got this idea from my parents magazine. So, I didn't just invent it. It was oa doctors suggeston to a mom who was having the same problem. It's hard to hear them cry, but you know the difference in their cries. So you have to be the judge about what kind of cry it is. And handle it accordingly.

My daughter is also 9 months old. I have found that if she's tired and I put her down drowsy but awake, she may cry for 5 to 10 minutes and then quiet down and go off to sleep. Sometimes if she's really resisting (usually at nap time) she'll cry for 20 to 30 minutes. My personal boundaries are that I always check on her every 5 to 10 minutes, 30 minutes is my max and then I'll go in and try to soothe her (still in her crib), and if she's crying really hard and has herself out of sorts, I will pick her up and soothe her...and then put her back down to try again.

THE ABSOLUTE KEY for us is the fact that she has a lovey that she sleps with. I highly recommend if your son doesn't have one, to select one and start to encourage a bond. My daughter has a stuffed Eeyore that she loves to hold his ears. She can be fussy and if I touch her cheek with Eeyore's ear she will hug him, close her eyes, and calm down. You can encourage the bond by holding the lovey between the baby and you when you feed him, play peek-a-boo with it, and put it in the crib next to him. I gave my daughter her lovey at about 3 months and I don't know what we'd do without it!!!

I let my daughter cry it out for the first time when she was 4 months old and nothing else would put her to sleep. I finally realized she needed to learn on her own. The first day was really rough. For nap time she cried for 45 minutes, but each time thereafter the time went down considerably. It took about 3 days for her to fall asleep without crying. Now, it's a godsend because they only way she would sleep is if I laid next to her. Good luck and it will break your heart the first time, but it DOES GET BETTER!

Hi J. -

Some children this age put up a fight to go to sleep, while others konk right out. I suspect it has a lot to do with the level of activity and rest they get during the day. Basically, there's no "textbook" timeframe that a child should stop crying before falling asleep. If you watch any of the popular Nanny shows, they advocate a tough love approach by letting the kids cry until they just konk out. Some moms aren't comfortable with this method nor are they willing or patient enough to make the entire household endure the noise, so you really have to decide what's best for your baby and your family.

Personally, my children fell asleep peacefully at a young age because I stayed with them until they did. Because I filled their days up with lots of activities, it only took them about 20 minutes to konk out. Of course, as my son got older and he was watching more T.V., if he was too over-stimulated, getting him down would take longer. Now I know to start winding things down about 30 - 40 minutes before bed with a warm bath, some reading, some chatting, and some soft singing - this formula works well for us.

Blessings to you and yours.

Every child is different. My husband and I do not believe in letting our daughter cry to sleep. Since she was 8-9mths old she was falling asleep on her own. We just started putting her in her crib with a pacifier and she would sometimes play for awhile or just fall asleep. The only time she cries is when she is sick or something is bothering her. You don't have to let your son cry in order to get him to fall asleep on his own and you shouldn't anticipate that happening either because then it will. I would start slowing. First get him almost asleep and then lie him down and gradually build up to putting him in his crib totally awake. If he cries you can pat him on his back or rub his head but don't take him out of the crib just let him know you are there. A nightlight is also a great idea. Set up a bed time routine so he knows what is coming next and isn't surprised when you put him in the crib. We always give our daughter something she likes or is comforting in her crib i.e. a stuffed animal or doll now that she is old enough. We make sure it is safe of course and has no eyes she can bite off etc. At this age your son is too young to telling you want is going on that is why I don't believe in letting them cry to sleep because he could be scared, have a bad dream or just not feel well and needs you. Of course he could also just know you will come running. I believe in letting them cry once they are old enough and you know they are just doing it to get your attention. Our daughter knows when she cries we will come and get her but she never does it unless she is sick and has an ear infection. Good luck and be patient some kids take longer, our daughter did it the first night we put her in her crib awake but most children aren't that easy.

Each baby is different. My 25 year old daughter, when she was a baby, always fell asleep on her own. I gave her a pacifier at first, but when she was about 8 or 9 weeks old, she spit it out and never wanted it again. Of course, I usually made it a point to rock and sing to her beforehand, but even on the nights I couldn't do that, she slept on her own and all night. There is nothing wrong with your baby. (My 21 year old son more than made up for it, believe me!)

My grandsons are polar opposites also. The oldest is 4 and still wants someone at least nearby when he goes to bed. The youngest, who is 2, my daughter would just give him a bottle and play some soft music and he would be out like a light.

A 9-month-old is too young to be able to put himself to sleep - he needs you to help him and that's completely normal. Heck, my 3yo still needs me to lay there for a bit most nights.

This time is so short, just go with it!

Hi J.!
There is no set amount of time that a baby will cry before they will fall asleep. My third daughter who is just over 5 mos old already puts herself to sleep at night and for most naps. I have found that what works with her is feeding her dinner, letting her play for a few minutes on the floor, doing the night time bottle (which she usually drifts off for and then wakes up on the way to the bed) and then laying her down in the crib and turning on her mobile. We have one of the Tiny Love Mobiles that plays classical music and is battery operated. She loves it. It runs for about 15 minutes and she is USUALLY asleep by the time it shuts off. Occasionally she may fuss a little, but I try to let her fuss it out.

I know with my first daughter (she's now 7) I had a very hard time getting her to sleep at night. It took till she three before she would fall asleep on her own without someone next to her. I feel it is because I did not start a routine early on. By the second daughter I learned my lesson and my now 2 year old has slept in her crib since she was born and with very little fuss either. We occasionally get the 2 year old battle but it is nothing that we can't handle.

Basically what I am saying is develop a routine. This will be easier on you and your son will get used to the pattern of things. Be persistent. If you are going to let him cry, then let him cry. Eventually he will learn that you are not coming back, so he will not fuss so much. Try some sort of soothing music too. It amazingly works. Good luck!

Dear J.,

I highly recommend the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I used this (and continue to) and it was a lifesaver. Some babies are very stubborn and cry 1+ hours. The book suggests only letting him cry for up to 1 hour at naptime but there is no limit to nighttime crying. I swear the book isn't mean and you can check othe crying never was very long. There has to be a good bedtime routine... like bath, books, milk, cuddling then put down in the crib. Self-soothing and sleep is something that a baby has to learn. Some babies are easy and go right to sleep but that was not my son. But since about 3 months of age, we have had a tolerable/good schedule and most nights sleeping through. Good luck!!
K.

Hi J.,

My daughter is one year old. We started putting her to bed (instead of rocking her to sleep) around 4 months old. Most nights we lay her down when she is wide awake and she goes right to sleep. We still have "bad" nights when she is over tired and she puts up a little fight with insincere crying (sounds more like yelling than crying). That can last anywhere from 5 minutes to a half hour.

The book I read that helped us get a good solid routine going was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Mark Weissbluth (sp?). The book has really helped us transition through a few sleep changes now! The main things that we did were: get her attached to a stuffed animal or blanket that she only gets to take to bed, this helps let her know that it's bed time. We have a very strict bedtime routine and we are very strict with what time she goes to bed. Also, we use a routine for her naps too with the blankie. She is so well trained for sleeping now that she gets her blankie and brings it to me when she is getting tired. I owe it all to the book!

I hope you get it figured out soon, it's wonderful when you can lay them happily in their crib and kiss them goodnight without a (major) battle!!!

B.

When I began working with my son to fall asleep on his own it took a couple of days. The most important thing to remember is to be consistant. If you start picking him up it breaks everything you have done previously.

Good luck and if you need any more advice on how I did it don't hesitate to email me.

N.

Those moments when your son is drifting off in your arms or laying next to you in bed are the most precious moments. Enjoy them for this time goes very fast. I know it is sometimes easier to just want to put him down as you want to get on with what you need to do in the house, but you would be missing out on a true blessing!

A.

My nine month old does a good job with going to bed himself. I lay him down with a bottle and turn on his Baby Einstein music. We have had a week where he wanted me to sleep with him, so I would lay on the floor. Once he was asleep which did not take long once I was "asleep" on the floor I would get up and go out. He now sleeps with "Momma" which is an night shirt that I use to wear. He is slowly not needing that anymore.
Good Luck!

Let me know what you find uot. I am going through the same thing!

Thanks,
L.

J...I'm so sorry!! I can relate. You get so many different suggestions, that it's hard to know what's right. You do what works for your baby & your family. My 1st child I rocked to sleep for the first six months (maybe a little longer) he had such a hard time falling asleep on his own. Once I started putting him down it was rough, at first, but he learned & would go to sleep w/out a peep!! My second went to bed just fine,but had me up multiple times a night for the first 11-12 mo & would wake up at times @ 4:00am. I finally had all I could take & if he wakes up pre dawn, I'll rub his back a little & allow him to (cry if he needs to) go back to sleep until the house gets up for school. This is my take on what works. You have to find your happy medium. The single most important thing you can do is BE CONSISTENT!!! If you're gonna let him cry it out..then let him cry it out. If you are going to snuggle him to sleep...then snuggle him. Once you pass the apprehention..you'll be fine & so will he. Good Luck & Best Wishes!!!