8.5 Yr. Old Playdate Help Needed!

I don't know what age kids stop playing with barbies now, but I was still playing with barbies when I was 8 and 9. We would make cookies together, play a board game, play a card game, (we didn't because we didn't have one, but) they could play a nintendo game together. They could play dress-up and put on a fashion show. They could make a craft. That's all I can think of right now. Hope it helps!

There are a lot of great arts-n-crafts things that you can pick up at your local crafting stores. It may mean your being somewhat involved in the playdate, but maybe that will help the adjustment until the girls get more comfortable with each other.
Also, just as a side note, children tend to not only "like" the other girl they are playing with, but they like the entire family, as well. I know that even with friends that I enjoyed, if I didn't particularly feel comfortable or welcomed by the parents and/or siblings, I didn't really care much for going to my friend's house.
Just my two cents,
R.

She may just need to find friends who like to play the way she does. Some kids love to be more directed and do crafts, play specific games, etc. Others would rather disappear and start pretending together. I'm not sure what you mean when you say these other kids seem "bored" with your child when they get together. Think through the specifics of what you have observed -- Did the other child leave your daughter and start to wander the house as if looking for something to do? Did you find your daughter sitting reading during the play date while her friend sat separately doing nothing? Figure out the specifics. It sounds as if you might need to talk gently with your child and remind her that when a friend's over, she might not want to start drawiing or journaling unless she somehow involves that friend -- a lot of my daughter's friends love doing secret codes together in journals they both can share, for instance.

Before a play date, ask your daughter: Would you like to go to the craft store and get something for you and X to try? Let her pick out more than one craft kit in case the other kid isn't into making bracelets but would love making "perfumes" from distilled water and essential oils. Girls this age often love crafts so your child can have fun coming up with themed things to do -- making spa stuff (perfumes, body scrubs from sugar and essential oils, eye pillows from new socks stuffed with dry rice and lavender -- there are lots of ideas online). Or jewelry making, or playing outdoors with all her toys out so they both can choose. Or take the girls for a specific activity like (depending on the season) mini-golf, bowling or even the good old playground. Sometimes having an activity planned can help break the ice and the next time the kids may be more apt to come up with something on their own. But be sure your daughter, not you, does most of that planning, so you are not her social secretary but her helper and provider of supplies.

Over time your girl will have friends with whom she vanishes and has tons of fun in her room or the yard, but give her time. Meanwhile, look into Girl Scouts, school clubs, church groups if that's your thing, or other outlets to meet girls her age. And it's OK if overall she is happy doing things on her own -- that is actually a great skill to have.

One last thing; someone said that at this age they move from playdates to sleepovers. I don't find that true at all. Sleepovers require more work and from what other moms tell me, sleepovers just as "playdates" can last so long that girls get tired of each other and bored and can get a bit testy with each other, depending on the personalities involved. I reserve sleepovers only for birthday parties. There are plenty of playdates to have that aren't sleepovers.

I remember that I would go the skating rink alot...loved the music and the ability to be flying thru the air...so much fun and plays right into the tween ara--good luck and she will find that one special friend..no worries mom

Your daughter will have to find friends who suit her. Don't worry about her: reading, journaling and drawing are more worthwhile than the things a lot of kids do.

Put her in some clubs or other activities, where she can meet girls like herself.

My two oldest daughters 'graduated' at around that age from Barbies to Bratz dolls, Polly Pockets and American Girls. Also Littlest Pet Shop was a big hit at that age. My oldest and her BF had a huge collection of miniature dogs (I think they got them out of the 50 cent machine at HEB) and would play with those for hours. But, as I think others have mentioned, it depends on the personality of your child and her playmate. My oldest is extremely active and has always preferred playing outdoors (roller blading, rip sticking, soccer, basketball, etc.) to doing anything inside. My middle daughter sounds more like yours--she enjoys reading, computer games, movies, etc. Playdates became more fun when they found friends with similar interests. My youngest is now 7 and still plays with barbies but is becoming interested in American Girls (she is getting one for a holiday gift because she won't give up her older sister's doll); she tends to be more flexible and plays indoors or out, whatever her friends want to do--perhaps because her older sisters are such polar opposites of one another, she has had to learn to be adaptable! The best you can do is invite over different kids until she finds a couple that she has fun with. Good luck!

My son (almost age 8) has a friend who is a girl that age and when she comes over they play his favorite board game or uno. Or they have even played "store" or some pretend game. I've seen them play with legos too. They have also played hide and seek. They sometimes go outside and ride bikes/scooters. They love to jump on the trampoline together. They just come up with their own games. I don't really do anything except sometimes make a pan of brownies for a snack :)

Does your daughter want the playdate or are you worrying and want this for her? she could sense this and yet it sounds like she moves at her own pace. I was the kind of girl you are describing, still am actually and although I love doing things with other people those are my happy things: journaling, reading, music, etc. Do not worry, she will bond with girls with similar interests. In the meantime let her enjoy her life like that. Unless she seriously is crying about how she has nothing to do after school, the best is to immerse her in activities that she is interested in and friendships will develop. Not to worry mama, things will turn out fine.

When my daughter was 8 "playdates" were replaced by sleepovers. This sorta depends on your philosophy - lots of moms on here don't let their girls do sleepovers unless they know the family well - but this would give you the opportunity to meet other parents (plus if the sleepover is at your house you maintain some control). They do each others hair and paint fingernails and toe nails and put on makeup and watch lots of movies with Taylor Lautner in them, all while giggling.

I would look into some art classes - she will meet friends that way. But they will be friends that share her same interests. Do they have a creative writing club? Book club? She can join these groups and meet girls her own age that like to do the things she likes to do.

Now that she's 11 it seems they are more just on the phone, or texting, or they meet at the movies. They also hang out in the computer lab after school-ish, which is sort of like a playdate unsupervised by a 'parent' with just the teacher up front. It's my understanding that the sleepovers pick back up again around high school.

Yep, now I think it's time to move to common activities, sleepovers etc. She's in 2 different transitions right now, the "new kid" and the "tween". Church would be a great place to encourage outside activities. This time of year there is so much going on. It's tough to be the new kid but she'll transition out soon...Good luck!

Board games, outdoor sports games, basketball hoop, tetherball, bikes or scooters, Wii, all helps kids interact. Also a simple craft project can be fun if you have the energy.