8 Year Old Girl Behavior

I say absolutely take away the dance for a week, see if that helps -- and I will tell you also that I am a firm believer that Grandparents should not be full-time babysitters. I love my mother dearly and want my son to know her and spend quality time with her but I don't let it happen too often or very regularly. She usually gets to spend 1 day a week with this and that's good enough. You see grandparents just want their time with their grandchildren to be fun, they just want to spoil them and go home or send them home. And it's like all the disciplining that they did to us years ago is now forgotten!! My mom seems to think that EVERYTHING, good or bad -- is funny.

Good luck!

My dad is diabetic and needed his medication changed a few times before he felt "right". Please ask her doctor about a possible medication change. Hopefully that will give you results! Good luck.

Please go to www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com Even if you don't use the method, it will give you something to think about. The main points are to expect your kids to do what you say, with a good attitude. Then be ready to face the battle each and every time they don't. Outlast them. Everything stops until they do what they need too.

Also an 8 minute time out is a 'joke' for that age. I've had my 3 year old in time out for longer than that. For us, if the child is crying and carring on, without good reason, they must stand in the corner. Not for a certain number of minutes, but until they choose to give up the attitude. If it is 2 minutes, that is their choice. If it is 20-30 minutes, that also is their choice.

Please check out this site. It will totally challenge you, but hopefully will help. If you aren't convinced, maybe you could try it for a month and see what happens.

I would have probably taken away the dance also, but that is the one thing that she is successful at so perhaps next time do something to surprise her. The moment she's doing that. It's funny but taking away consequences work for most but not all children. There are of course the special few, like my son and your daughter. Recently at the age if 18 my son ended up in a hospital in what was sort of like a nervous breakdown. They put a number of labels on him. like your daughter he was artistic (plays, etc.singing) well, he was then medicated, heavily. So he wasn't himself, stared like a zombie and didn't do the artistic stuff. He has recently been cut to about a fourth of the meds. And he is himself, started college for the second time, works and will be trying out for plays. Don't give up. Check the diet out. I work at schools and kids may bring lunch, or are paying for the healthy lunch but they are passing back and forth their treats and are permitted to go up and buy the sweets after they have their healthy lunch. Any chance she eats things that affect her? Point is, there are all sorts of things. I thought it was normal that my son was doing some of those things and that perhaps he would 'grow' out of it. He apparently got himself in control at school and did poorly in his school work, but was enough in extra curricular activities. And so no one identified anything else that we could do. You are probably tired at night,and do not have time to go get tests done or drag to the doctor and yadeda. And if Grandma is taking care of her ask Grandma to note things that are going on. You might have GRandma as an ally or a person who unwittingly is adding to this by like giving into things with that kind of behavior. Just don't want you to go through what I went through so if you can do little experimentation, do it. She's so worth it and your health is, too.

Sounds like it is time to try a totally different form of discipline. time outs were originally developed as a method for controlling pigeons. sometimes they are effective but in general, their long term costs are high. there are some great books on this topic - Smart love by martha heineman pieper and william pieper, unconditional parenting by alfie kohn, how to talk to your children so they will listen and listen so they will talk by jane nielsen. If you live near Oak Park, Musikgarten does a great parenting class called Endzone and I found it really helpful. The bottom line here is that discussion rather than punishment will likely yield better results. Talk to her about what is going on and how it affects her and everyone else. Ask her to come up with her own solutions. Children when asked are generally very fair minded and so when you engage them in getting to the solution,they will often surprise you with what they come up with. She also needs to know that she is not bad, that it is the behavior that is irritating but that you love her unconditionally. Good luck.

Hi L.! Welcome to 8 yo girls! Mouthy, difficult and hard to focus! Some times are better than others. That said, if you rule out a physical issue with the doc, I'd say you're spot on about dance, you earn those privileges by doing what you're supposed to do. Don't beat yourself up, you didn't chose to misbehave. I had to tell my daughter she can't return to piano because she never practices, won't waste time & money with lessons if she won't do her part, and she loves piano. They do this to themselves.

I don't know about your daughter's nutrition issues, but I did find with my oldest that when I changed his diet, his ADHD symptoms drastically changed. You might take a closer look at what your daughter is eating. For my boy, we learned corn starch was a trigger for him, and cornstarch is in so many processed foods! I had to feed him oatmeal for breakfast (we made it yummy with peanut butter & a few chocolate chips or with brown sugar, etc) and made delicious lunches made from things I baked and snacks were fruit & carrots with ranch, etc. It made a huge difference. I mean no accusations or anything, it's just a suggestion. It isn't easy but it pays off!

Good luck to you and your daughter.
D.

pretty typical behavior. We found our kids get that way after playing with certain friends or not getting enough sleep. Our "punishment" is either a spanking or we make their bedtime earlier by 15 minutes for each nasty behavior. One time of a 6 pm bedtime and gee, attitude changed.

Hi....I do not know if this will be of use...but I cannot help thinking..her dance is a vreative release and an essential physical activity so necessary in any person afflicted with diabetes. Her behavior might be related to her illness as well. Sudden changes in blood sugar levels can cause mood swings and erratic behavior and the rates that insulin is absorbed are unfortunately effected by diet..exorcise...and even depression. A diabetic is never going to have a 24 hour period that mimics the day before...because everything changes constantly. Insulin dosages even if constantly monitored as I am sure your daughter's are....can never replicate the natural balance a normal human being has concerning these issues......I am suggesting that if in fact her behavior has suddenly changed....you might want to double check with her pediatrician....or maybe even get a second opinion....from another doc...I would....I would also consult a dietician...she needs slow digesting proteans....6 to 8 small meals a day....and you might want to make sure she is not cheating on her diet with junk foods and candy possibly obtained in school or from friends when your unable to watch her...or be with her at meals. She ought to have trail mix without M&M's.....always in her backpack and be encouraged to munch if she feels lightheaded. Her problems are diet...or medication related....I really think so. She does not hate you...she hates feeling poorly....sounds like she usually does. When she wakes up..her blood sugar is naturally low....of course she would be unusually cranky.....give her some skim milk...like ASAP when she wakes up...and two crackers...BEFORE she has a chance to start trouble. For an eight year old...this is a very hard condition to manage...very hard. I do not know if she takes tablets...injections..or has an infusion pump or what she uses to administer her insulin....but I would bet you that at least a talk with her present doc..and a referral to a dietician might be all that is really needed. Might not hurt to explain to her that some of what she is going thru...can be dealt with...once you both understand the actual source of the problem....poor girl is probably very confused. I wish you success in this matter....you sound like a caring mom....I think it will resolve....the first thing you need to explain to her...is that how she takes care of herself..and how she eats will make all the differance...kids are amazingly strong.....Regards Jack in Chicago

I would find it hard to take away dance. Exercise for a diabetic is so important. If you do plan to take dance away, you must replace it with another kind of exercise. I think she is just going through an early teenage stage. Mine is testing the waters and starting herself. She started at 8, she is now 9. Her friends seem to be the same way. You have to know that they don't really hate you. You have to try to encourage her when is is not throwing fits. I try to ignore it when she says I hate you. She has lately been trying to be very sweet.

I find this is typical 8 year old behavior, they want to have independance and see how far they can go, BUT they still need you and want your attention so much, it's like tug of war in their mind (although they don;t know it). I would strongly recommend more one on one time with your daughter, and sometimes make it seem like it's not one on one time (shopping, house chores, cooking together, riding bikes). Get her talking to you and start finding out what makes her frustrated so easily, if she's mad at someone, why she gets distracted. When you guys are in conversation you can help her see the importance of politeness, following through, etc. This would also help you see from her perspective if she is having difficulty from a medical/medicine issue.

I agree with other posters to check to see if this is related to the diabetes first. However you are almost to the hormone roller coaster age, so the behavior you describe sounds fairly normal.

Here's my two cents: have a sit down with her and tell her what behavior you expect to change and what the consequences will be. These are her issues, not yours - so don't make them yours.

At eight, she should be able to get ready for school on her own. Explain that she has to be out the door at X time, and so she will be leaving at X time no matter what she looks like. If she starts whining, walk away. Don't engage in it! I would imagine going to school in her pajamas with bed head for a day just might make her a morning person.

If she's rude to you, send her away (or walk away) with no discussion. She can talk to you when she has a better attitude.

Hopefully you'll find a currency that suits both you and her.

I would definitely NOT take away her dance!!! First of all, she should continue it for exercise and health reasons. Second, it can be huge for boosting confidence and making her happy if she enjoys it. I would find other ways to deal with her behavior issues.

A time out has to be calm time for her to reflect on what she's done wrong and tell you about it after. Kicking and screaming delay the start of the time out. Yes, taking away the things she cares about is a good idea. How would she feel about missing the convention?

This is typical, but you need to fix it.

Parenting with Love and Logic is a great book. Also, On Becoming Childwise and On Becoming Preteenwise.

You mention her diabetes. How often do doctor's check her? Make sure none of this is related to her diabetes.

Good luck.

Lol, hate to say it, but it sounds like she is just 8!! My son is almost 10 now and I think they all go through this stage. I think girls particularly have a lot of social pressure at this age and start breaking into cliques at school, etc.

I noticed that you start by mentioning she has Type 1 Diabetes- but I don't think that is really relevant to the issue. Certainly it should not be an excuse for rude behavior. If grandma is there a lot and is NOT discouraging this behavior, you need to have a firm talk with grandma. Ask her if she wants a mouthy brat for a granddaughter and explain how she might be (unknowingly) contributing to that. Tell HER that if things don't shape up, she may not be able to watch her granddaughter so often. She is an adult, after all, and should be able to control herself and her responses better than an 8 year old.

I'm not sure if taking away dance will help.It sounds like it is a good physical outlet for her as well as providing its own structure and discipline. When my son talked back, etc. we took away his Nintendo, no playdates etc.

I think that some of the responses below are pretty harsh. 'Punishment' can cover a lot of things. My son is one of the best behaved children I know, and although he got spanked a couple of times for serious things when he was small, I don't know how much difference it made in the end. Personally I would not let a book authored by Dobson into my house. I can be a good parent without that kind of influence!

But I am not advocating that you put up with back talk, either!! I like the 'toothpaste' idea about words that cannot be taken back. We always talked about the word 'hate' as in " I Hate You!" and how it is 'too big' a word for most situations. After we had this discussion a few times, my son never used the word again towards me or to complain about anything.

We made a firm schedule of chores and stipulated that they don't just have to be DONE- they must be done willingly and cheerfully. We had talks, over and over again, that attitude counts just as much as actually getting something done. Doing a task isn't really 'punishment' - but it is practical, keeps the kid busy and lets them know that you are in control of what goes on. If she doesn't do her chores and mind her manners, then she doesn't get to watch movies, go on playdates, etc. As she gets older and her friends are doing more and more these activities will become more important to her.

Eventually it sunk in. He is a little older now, a little more mature- and very very responsible!

BTW, he only exhibited this 'talking back' snarky attitude with ME. His teachers, aikido instructor, etc. always found him to be very polite and never snotty! They say kids are hardest on the people they feel safest with and this seemed like a huge test of that!! But like the 'terrible twos' the 'eight going on eighteen' as my fiancee called it, passed as well!! Good luck :)

I would check her blood sugar first but assuming it has nothing to do with that issue. Try this book. "Have a New Kid by Friday by Leman (Lehman). I loved it. My son NEVER responded to timeouts or taking away priviledges. THis book gives other alternatives to punishments. I admit it is a lot harder but the punishments have more to do with their misbehavior than just grounding and taking away priviledges. IE when my son was 14 minutes late on curfew, we used to ground him (never worked). After reading the book I made him write 14 ways to get home on time. He has not been late again. When he lied the other day we made him write and present a puppet show about how the conversation should have gone (telling the truth). It is more time consuming for them to do these "punishments" but they are also learning from them. Doing time as Lehman calls grounding and taking away things teaches them nothing. Good luck!

Hello L. S:

L., I read your request, and realize how hard it is for you to cope the situation when you work full time and your daughter has diabetes 1 and then her behavior.

However, thinking carefully this reminded me of another child that had diabetes and always whined.

Now you know diabetics have problems with levels of blood sugars, specially in the morning, when depending on the medicine and her food intake, it could be really low, and her body and brain are not operating at 100 %. You have to give her more attention in the morning. I know it is very hard, but one day you and one day your husband, ( I am just assuming, pardon me if it is not possible).

Remember your daughter did not choose to be sick, a sick child does need extra care.

Another fact I know is diabetics are depressed many times because of being diabetic. Since she is growing up and does not know that she is depressed, she will behave unreasonable, without knowing.

Either talk to diabetic specialist, (endochronoligist).
Or
Discuss it with your primary doctor that takes care of her.
He might prescribe a medicine.

You are the mother, you care for her the most in this world. She deserves the best solution so she is happy and you are satisfied. Besides these tentrums of hers bring tension to the family, therefore, look into the matter carefully. Find the best solution possible for her.
It is possible that her behavior is due to health problems or something is bothering her. Talk to her when you both are in good mood and with a positive attitude, may be you will find what is bothering her. But find out all the reasons health behavior etc and then think it over and decide what she really needs. Mother's intution will let you make the right decision.

Sounds to me she might be a litle spoil....i have the same issue if not worse, of course it was my fault...hmmmm...i fix it after 3 months of putting up with it....when she is having a fit send her to her room....then tough love comes in do not look at her when she is having a fit she is use to you getting fustrated and she knows it drives you crazy...i would put her back in dancing, but leave everything the way it is and tell her that people don't like it when she is rude or being mean... Tell her she will loose all her friends if this continues any longer...remember don't pay her no attention when she acts like a meanie and don't give in....

sounds like diabetic phycosis from uncontrolled blood sugar....my BIL has this constantly as he does not maintain his diet or insulin.....she may have had a growth spurt this summer or be in one now...check with her DR. she might need more even possibly less insulin......many "behavioral" issues with juvenille diabetics can stem from uncontrolled blood sugar/insulin levels, and imagine after 6 1/2 years of pokes and pricks this may be the 1st of many episodes of "I'm tired of all this"...Check with the Dr. might be fixed as easy as food adjustments....hope this helps