8 Month Old Refusing to Sleep (Big Suprise....)

When my son was about the same age, we had a similar issue. I don't remember the specifics (he's 4 now) but basically his go-to-sleep routine was thrown off balance and he couldn't get himself to sleep. He had always been able to get himself to sleep, but suddenly would be up crying and no matter what we tried it wouldn't seem to help. In fact it seemed like trying ANYTHING made it worse, made him more awake and overtired. We eventually resigned ourselves to letting him cry it out, mostly since we had run out of ideas and got too frustrated. The longest we ever had to do it was 45 minutes. And it was hard, we had to turn off the monitor and busy ourselves to try not to hear it. But he got himself back on track within a couple of nights and went back to the same routine he had before. It was like a reset button. I know it's hard for some parents to let their baby cry it out, so you may not be comfortable with it. But if you can stand it for a couple of days, it would probably set things right.

I so disagree with the cry it out "method". My God, why do we think it is normal to allow a vunerable and defenseless baby to cry until she is so exhausted then falls asleep. An 8 month old baby isn't tring to manipulate or control her parents when she is crying. She is telling you in the only way she knows how that she needs you and is scared to be alone. How would any adult like it if they were crying and there spouse or partner just walked out of the room, closed the door and waited for them to stop? I suspect the relationship would be over in the morning. So why do we keep insisting it is okay to do the same to our children. Babies sleep routines change all the time for various reasons. Not until they are older and not teething anymore and we can talk to them about proper sleeping habits will they begin the stabilize. You daughters sleep has be disrupted. You and your husband need to talk together and work out how/where/when sleep should occur. Once the two of you get on the same page and stop trying to control each other (which is the real problem here) then you can help your daughter get the sleep she needs. But remember, it will take time, love and alot of patience. But whatever you decide, letting her cry it out is a terrible way of letting her know you will always be there for her. Don't be a fair weather mom. Try loving her more when it is hardest to do so. She will be a better person for it in the long run.

My daughter did the same thing, and still occasionally does this. For naps - we allow her to sleep anywhere, cause she won't sleep in her crib. So I will put her on the couch, floor, our bed, and she sleeps on a cot at daycare. As long as she sleeps. For nighttime, we sometimes allow her to fall asleep in our bed, and then transfer for her crib. However, she still throws a semi-fit when we place her in the crib to fall asleep for the night. We do the cry out method, and it can last from 10 mins - 1/2 hour. She eventually puts herself to sleep. When I first started the cry out method, the first night was 45 mins, then 10, then the 3rd night she went right down - no crying. It is horrible to listen to your baby cry, but it works. You need to do whatever you are comfortable with. Good luck.

My perspective is different, but I hope you will read it. I am with your husband on this one. If you really want your baby, and yourselves, to sleep better, get very creative with your furniture arrangement so you at least can sleep in the same room. If you are short on space, try making the Pack'n'Play her crib. Also, I highly recommend reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp and anything written by Dr. William Sears. Dr. Sears explains in detail the sleep patterns and needs of a babies and children. Sorry, but your baby needs you...

First off, this seems to me a natural time for your daughter to be exploring boundaries. Your 8 month old is probably starting to understand who you are and naturally just wants to spend as much time awake with you as possible!

We encountered a similar situation with my son around the same age. The following worked for him and for us. He is a great sleeper, it's better for him to be rested, and better for us that he's not running us ragged with hours and hours of trying to get to sleep.

I have some friends who have tried different approaches and their kids are not good sleepers or else sleep with them all the time, which is harder and harder to break as they get older.

Set a routine: 2 naps and bedtime. I read the Dr Weissbluth (sp?) book and my one takeaway is that kids that age don't need to be up for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Don't let your child get overtired or they'll have more problems falling asleep. They can become overstimulated and are too tired to soothe themselves. So set a schedule and keep it (of course with some flexibility). Watch your daughter for signs of being tired and put her down BEFORE she gets overtired.

Make sure you follow your wind down routine (sounds like you have a great one) before each sleep period. Our wind down takes about 5 minutes in his room (music, shade down, diaper, rock and read a book). Then put her down and WALK AWAY - even if she's crying. I know that sounds rough - harder on the parents than the child, I think. You probably know your child's different types of cries at this point - so ONLY go back in the room when something is 'wrong' - diaper, food, but really you probably take care of all of that when you're in your wind down routine.

Whatever you do - don't keep walking in and out of the room, or picking her up and putting her down - just let her work it out. She'll come to understand very quickly that it's sleep time and she can let go and relax.

I really don't think this is cruel: you want your child to learn how to soothe themselves and fall asleep. You've made sure they're safe and fed and clean, and had cuddles with them, so don't believe it's harmful or neglectful to set a firm bedtime.

This approach was very hard for me the first day, but my husband encouraged me to stick with it, and boy am I glad he did! Within about 3 days, our soon got the routine and has been a great sleeper ever since.

There are of course days when he does get overtired, that's life, right? We just allow a little more wind-down (reading, etc), then let him cry it out. It's usually less than 5 minutes before he's sound asleep. He's 16 months now.

Sorry this was long-winded. I'm not very opinionated on many parenting things, but this is one I feel strongly about!

Good luck with whatever approach you take!

I agree with some of the other moms - that cry it out works best. It's harder on the parent than the child. I used to keep myself busy checking emails. Or a modified cry it out where you go to check them in longer and longer intervals. After a while they get bored of it and go to sleep. Babies learn so fast an she is controlling you. Most babies learn by the 4th night. It does not affect them psychologically and cause them to become John Wayne Gacy's or Ted Bundys when they grow up. Anyway just my 2 cents worth, take it with a grain of salt and do what works for you. Cry it out is not for everyone. But for those who do use it, it works, very, very well.

Hi A.,
I read a very interesting article about sleep and babies the other night on a doctor's website but now I can't seem to find the link. It basically said that babies sleep differently than adults. We need more REM sleep than babies so, and they tend to sleep lighter because it is a left-over survival mechanism: the lighter they sleep, the more likely they are to wake up when they need to eat, can't breathe, etc. Unfortunately, this light sleep applies to EMOTIONAL needs as well. My son has the same issue: he sleeps fine when we are in the room with him (we had a blow up mattress on the floor because we both work full time and NEEDED to sleep!) We have to wait until he gets into what the doctor calls "limp limb" sleep before we put him in hi scrib--sometimes that even requires putting him in his swing with a Baby Eisntein tape or holding him until he passes out. BUT, once we get him down, he will sleep from 10:30 until 5:00 and then we rub his forehead for 5 mins and he will sleep through until 9:30 or 10!! (he's only 4 months). I would get online and read about baby's sleeping habits. There are a lot of opinions on how to deal with it (people usually disagree with my way because apparently I am "spoiling" my four month old...but a lot that I have read says that the less babies are lef to cry as infants, the less they are shown to cry as babies and toddlers). Anyway, do your research: I think it will really help you to at least know what is going on with her--then you can react according to your parental preferences. Oh, one other thing...I know its trying your patience, but cut your husband some slack: there are so many fathers out there who aren't willing to take the time and lay down with their babies--mine REFUSED to let ours nap in the mornings in our room, which is how we ended up with a blow up mattress on the floor. I know they can be frustrating (mine CERTAINLY can) but it sounds like at least he's really helping out (yikes--sorry if I am over-stepping...I know you didn't ASK for that advice...).
Good luck!!

Hi A.,
I agree with most of the moms here on letting your child 'cry it out'. And keeping a regular schedule. Dr. Weissbluth's book helped me out a lot! And it still does. However, we used the technique created by Dr. Ferber, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" on teaching your baby to learn how to fall asleep on their own. It's a softer version of the cry it out method. If you and your husband are willing to deal with some crying the first couple of days, I think it will work. It truley worked for my son and we 'ferberized' him when he was 4 months old.

Good luck!!