"7 Yr Old Son Lies."

Kids lie for several reasons (kind of like adults)

1. They want to give you the 'right answer' - did you brush your teeth? Well clearly the right answer is yes :)

2. They want something to happen or have happened differently. This may be what is going on with the playground stories. They are a what if sort of thing.

3. To avoid punishment or a 'consequence'. And no they don't quite grasp the 'it's better if I just come clean now' theory. Of course most adults don't either.

So, first, stop giving him the opportunity to lie. It is a habit, the less of it he does the less of it he will do. You know if he took a bath or not, right. Instead of asking, say - 'it's time to go take a bath since we didn't do it earlier'. You can see if he picked up his toys, instead of asking - say - I see you need help picking up your toys, let's go do that.

I also think you need to stop punishing him or threatening to punish him. He likely says negative/angry things because that is what he perceives/hears. If you want him to speak positively and nicely, I would try to treat him with respect and model the positive behavior you desire.

LOL, true about boys trying to sensationalize things. My friends son who is the same way will make up stories and I can here his Mom matter of factly saying, "I don't think that's true (name)" He usually has a response but is sort of smiling. She'll say, "Well, I don't believe you." and usually drop it. Sometimes she'll add, that it's not nice to lie but it's kept light and sometimes becomes a joke with exaggeration that can only come from a 7 year old mind ;-).

I would touch base with his teacher to make sure it isn't a problem at school. Kind of a precarious dance of not squelching their imagination but reeling them in so they learn what's apropriate.

Lying is a part of gaining control of his surroundings. Does he have choices when it is time for all things you want done? Make a chore chart together so he feels like he has say too.
You either decide that everything is a lie and you do not believe him in any way or tell/ model truthful behavior and reward it. Rewards are picking a show to watch together, an extra book read at bedtime those type of things.
He needs new habits try not to see every lie and then keep reminding him what needs to be done not that he lied about it.
As for school lies.... doe he get along in the classroom with peers? is he understanding the material? Like the teacher? Have a good snack and lunch every day? Many things may be contributing to the school issues.
Remember also that this to uis a phase and you both will get through it. Good Luck!
J. O
mommy to six

Boys that age lie to get attention, seem tougher, more important. (oh, wait - that's why adults lie also LOL)

It is important that you call him out on his lies - if thinks he can get away with it - he will definitely continue. There needs to be consequences to lying - loss of favored privileges. There definitely needs to be consequences to threatening to hit you. You must be consistent in your plan of action when dealing with your son.

I think some of the playground stories are a "what if" situation. What would I do if another boy wanted to punch me? How would my Mom react? What would she do?

Mine went through that stage - at home I just sat in the bath and watched him brush his teeth, I started sitting in the bath while he bathed (with the curtain closed) - I washed his hair - all until he understood that, like the "Little Boy who Cried Wolf" I just had to see it to believe it.

When he spoke in rude tones to me, I simply calmly told him that I could not understand what he was saying when he spoke like that. Then I continued doing whatever I doing and did not answer him until he spoke in a nicer tone. I still do that to him (at 14) - drives him crazy - but it is effective.

When the lying was at its height - about 7 years old - I also re-evaluated my life - was I spending enough quality time with him? Was I doing more than ensuring that his physical needs where met? Was I really listening to him when he spoke about mundane 7 year old boy stuff? Was I praising him and noticing the good things, or just focused on his negative behavior. Once I did this and spotted my weaknesses - I was able to be more pro-active and a better parent to him.

We got through this phase - the extreme, outrageous lies stopped, I no long had to sit in the bath while he brushed and bathed (thank Goodness!!) and we both matured and grew.

Good Luck and God Bless.

I'm not sure what to say about the school situation. But for at home, you simply have to eliminate the opportunity for him to lie about things.
Why do you have to ask him if he's had his bath? Don't you know? If not, then take him in there and give him his bath or sit in there while he is taking it. Tell him it is time to brush his teeth and stand there while he does it - or watch from the hallway. Don't even ask him if he's picked up his toys. Go look! When he hasn't, call him to his room (or wherever it is) and tell him, "Your toys are not put away. Pick them up and put them away, please." Do NOT ASK him these things. You already know that you cannot trust his response, so why continue to give him the opportunity to lie about it?

And talk to him about the lying. Tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf. It might not change his behavior right away, but he will begin to understand why people don't believe what he says. Eventually, that will carry some weight with him.
My son has often stretched the truth (or outright lied) about whether his room was clean. But his definition of clean and mine are FAR from the same thing. He is FINALLY starting to take the initiative to pick up in his room a little without me FORCING it. He is 12 1/2. And I am now complimenting the heck out of his self-initiated maturity!

Good luck with the school/bus situation. That sounds like a mess. And I am surprised buy the number of times, in your short post, him hitting or being hit or being threatened to be hit was mentioned. He's only in 2nd grade. That really is stunning to read so many references to hitting or being hit. My son is in his 2nd year in middle school and my daughter is in 4th grade, and I have not heard references like that IN TOTAL for the entire time they've been in school.

I just read (I think in Parents mag), that 7-8 is the age where lying is really in full force.

I'm sorry I don't have any sage advice, but know you're not alone.