7 Year Having Problems in School

I would have her evaluated for ADHD. What appears to be laziness may be a real medication condition involving dopamine levels in her brain that makes it hard for her to focus. I would ask her therapist for a referral to a psychiatrist, who can evaluate her and make a diagnosis, if there is a condition involved.

I think I'm missing part of the big picture here.... if she is being too "lazy" at school to do her writing assignments, how exactly is quitting your job going to help?

I don't have the perfect solution for you, but I can tell you that my son's biggest weakness in elementary school was his writing skills, and now his middle school grades are suffering because of it. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.

You have some great tips from other moms already about looking into other issues she may have (like ADD, ADHD, sensory issues, etc.) but before you dive into all of that, I would check to see if it's simply a behavior issue. If you offer her some sort of reward system and it works, you know she is very capable of the work. If you discover that is the case, continue a behavior plan, but add consequences for NOT following through with her work. Keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits-all reward plan. You have to figure out a reward she is willing to work toward, and consequences she will do anything to avoid. Every child is different so you are the only one who knows what will work best for your daughter. Just make sure you set goals she can reach, and don't make her wait too long for a reward. For example, work with her teacher on having a DAILY communication in writing as to how her day went. If she is using a school planner, use that-- if not, ask her teacher to make a simple chart that she can initial daily with a symbol (like a happy face/sad face). Each day she gets a happy face should be a mini reward and each week she gets ALL happy faces should have a bigger reward. There should be a consequence for sad face days, and a large consequence at the end of the week if she received zero happy faces all week. After 2 weeks of little or no happy faces, that's when I'd start looking into it being a chemical issue she can't control, like ADD. But if this is working, after a month of mostly all happy faces, sit down with her and explain that you now know she is capable of the work, and from now on there will be no more daily rewards for doing what she is supposed to be doing anyway, but there will still be consequences for NOT doing it.

If you are considering quitting your job, this must be very serious.

I would strongly suggest that you schedule a meeting with the teacher and school psychologist and request (in writing) a full evaluation. There are lots of reasons why she may be struggling- better to find the source before trying a treatment. If she has a learning disablity, behavior mod therapy won't make it better. If she has ADHD, behavior mod won't help either!

Find out what is causing the lack of work production before you assume that she's lazy!

Hello Nana,

have your daughter evaluated by an ocupational therapist. it could be that the way she's holding the pencil makes her hand hurt or uncomfortable. I didn't figure that out until my son got to 4th grade. so, it's worth checking it out. Good luck! ~C.~

Ask the teachers to give her something more complicated..I had the same problem with my oldest. Believe it or not..she was just bored. She needs something to stimulate her. My daughter had the "been there done that..not doing it again" attitude. See if she can't be put into and excelled class.

I agree with Pamela S - sounds like she's not stimulated enough and the course work just isn't interesting because it's not challenging. That's how I found out my now 15 year old was gifted (had her tested through the school when she was in the 1st grade) and the reason why her kindergarten teacher said she was always distracted.

i don't think that quitting your job is going to help your daughter do her work. i'm a SAHM and my daughter is in Kindergarden right now. she does wonderful while at school and the teacher is challenging. however, the problem i have with her is homework. she HATES it. she alwasy complains and says that she doesn't want to go to school bc of it. some kids just don't like certain things. if she doesn't like writing so much, see if the teacher can find another way for her to complete her work that wouldn't consist so much of it, i.e. instead of written reports or homework, do oral. i let my daughter play when she gets home and get snack and then i make her do homework for 20mins which is what the teacher recommends.

It sounds like she needs a class or teacher that is more engaging for her... had she been more motivated to complete work in the past? Her feelings about her class may be key to her behavior, so just doing behavior mod isn't the best way to address it. I'd encourage her to share how she feels about her teacher, classmates, subjects studied in school, etc., and if she doesn't like her class she may need a different learning environment to get motivated.

Hi - Nana12 - It sounds EXACTLY like my middle daughter USED to be. She had a fabulous1st grade teacher who talked to me about her issues. We went and got her assessed and she has ADD - not the hyperactive type (Thank God). Now she is on meds she is an Honor Roll Student!! I am so proud of her. As a Mom you have to do what you have to do to stop your child falling through the cracks. I was anti meds before for young children, but now I see that they are necessary for some kids.

Good Luck
M. F

From what your wrote, that doesn't seem to be enough to quit your job for.
My son is ADHD and has some sensory integration issues. (we have not ruled out Aspbergers yet..)
He is EXTREMELY smart. Ahead of his peers by nearly a year and a half(could be more). But socially a little behind. He has been/is very easily distracted. He has writing issues.
If you haven't already, definitely ask the school for a full evaluation. If you are close to a hospital that is similar to All Childrens Hospital or what ever is covered on your insurance, you may want to get an evaluation with a child neuro psychiatrist. Just because you have an evaluation, doesn't mean you have to do anything. But it would give you something to start with. You may find out that she is academically ahead of her peers and needs to be challenged more. My son, is one of those kids that if he has proven it to you one to three times, he doesn't want to be asked again, so he shuts down. If he is not given things that are more challenging, he creates issues. Standard teachers don't like this. And unless you can prove it multiple times, they will not give you the more challenging work. AND they won't listen to the parent on some occasions. It appears that you are writing from Porto Rico? I do not have a clue what options you have down there.
If you should find that maybe she is just ADD or ADHD there are medications to help concentration. Just remember that all people are different and what is right for me isn't possibly right for you. There are homeopathic remedies that can help, there are diets that can help. Most people in similar situations start with eliminating items with Red and Yellow dyes in them and wheat products. Also gluten. That doesn't leave much to eat but fruits and veggies and a little meat. If that doesn't help boost her moral, then move on to something else. Keep in mind what you control at home, you can't control at school. SO, You may want to try that over the summer when school is out for two months.
(look at finegold diet, I think that is how it is spelled).

Unless you are being called to pick her up from school all of the time and you have enough time in the evenings to spend on homework.... Don't think of quitting your job yet. Get the tests done and go from there.

I hope all goes well and if you find that she is ADD or ADHD or has real writing issues, write back and I will tell you more about what we have done. You could possibly click on my name and read more that I have written, there are links in one of my posts for all sorts of other resources.

Also, remember that some therapy that have been labeld for Autistic, Aspbergers and all the other diagnosis, could help too. It took me a while to get over the other labels that we don't qualify for.

The big one that has worked for us: Therapeutic Listening It is music that has other sounds embedded in it that stimulate brain functions. My son has started to write more and pay attention more because of this. He is also singing more dancing more and so on. Again, not everything that works for me could work for you... I just heard yesterday that a friend of a friend tried this and it had the opposite affect on that child. It is a 12 week program, you MUST have special head phones and must do it twice a day for 30 minutes.

She could also be choosing to show her "Strong Willed Child" side. That is the name of a book, very good reading and sounds just like my kid.

Good luck.

Kids love to learn, so ask her what's up.
Behaviour mod is awful and doesn't work, as you have found out.
Check out YokaReeder.com.
And if you can do quit work, and home school her.
Something is wrong with her school and assignments- check if that isn't what is wrong
instead of thinking something is wrong with her
best,k

Hi Nana,
My question to you is what kind of reward or punishment system do you use at home to correct her behavior? If it is important to you that she do her writing and her homework, you have to express that to her. I suggest a 2-part strategy: tell her the importance of completing school work, and then take away 1 or more home privileges such as of watching tv, eating snacks, staying up late, or buying a new item she wanted. When you say you work all day, does that mean you get home just in time to put her to bed, or after she gets to bed? If so, who is responsible for her to make sure she gets her work done while you are away? Talk with that person about not letting her do extracurricular activities after school until after her school work is completed and approved by an adult.
I hope this helps.
J. G