7 Month Old Sleep/separation Anxiety Issues

Updated on August 18, 2009
A.F. asks from Littleton, MA
7 answers

Hello mamas! My 7 month old son has never been a great sleeper (often waking 2-3 times per night) but recently he's gotten much worse and I just need a reality check! For the past week or two, things have escalated to the point where he is waking sometimes as often as every hour between the hours of 7/8pm and 8am. Previously, I had been following steps in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and felt like I was making some progress (baby is still sleeping in the pack n play in our room, I'm still nursing but during night wakings I'm trying to nurse as little as possible to get him back to sleep on his own). But recently nothing is working: he won't nurse to sleep, rock to sleep, I rub his back/belly with no luck, give him his "lovey" & pacifier with no luck. He just wails! So, over the past couple weeks these sleepless nights have evolved into me bringing him into bed with me. It is the only way he will be quiet and rest at all! Other complicating factors: he has been teething recently, starting to crawl and try to pull himself up, and he appears to be starting a phase of stranger anxiety/separation anxiety. So there is a lot going on developmentally. We have tried giving him Tylenol, Hyland's teething tablets, and oragel to ease his teething pain but have seen little improvement at night with the waking so I am thinking that it is not his teeth. When my husband tries to comfort him, he just wails until I pick him up.

Has anyone else gone through this 7 month sleep regression?? Any tips or words of advice? While I am not opposed to co-sleeping (he co-slept with me for the first few months), I don't want to start a bad habit now that he's older--and never be able to get him out of our bed. Has anyone else co-slept for a short period to get through separation anxiety?

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

At 7 months old my daughter was still nursing every 2 hours and she was more than heavy enough to make it through the night. I was the one who could not handle it anymore so I sought advice. I used the Ferber method (http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...) to help her not need to nurse so frequently during the night. It took about 3 weeks and we were able to sleep from 11 to 5: heaven! This book also has advice about other sleep issue that might come up later, as well as sleep walking and sleep terror information. A good book to have handy. But if you need or want to co-sleep to get rest, that is just fine as well. And remember, you have to be happy, well rested and healthy to be able to care for him.

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L.D.

answers from Boston on

I second Joanna there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with responding to your babies needs. Your baby still NEEDS to nurse during the night, anyone who tell you otherwise is mistaken. I personally co-sleep for many reasons, most importantly its the best way to get a full night sleep and let my baby nurse during the night(which we have done since birth). Check out http://askdrsears.com and look up "nighttime parenting" for some intelligent advice from some of the top baby care experts, also get the Baby Book by Dr. Sears. It seems as though your baby is telling you what he needs, just listen to him.

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J.S.

answers from Springfield on

Responding to your baby's needs (bringing him into bed with you) is NOT creating a bad habit. It's being a thoughtful, mature and loving parent.

Babies are very good at telling their parents what they need. Right now, your very tiny baby is telling you he needs to sleep with you. Go with it! They are only this little for a very short time :-)

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E.B.

answers from Boston on

You have to do what is good for your family. My husband and I argued about this very same thing for a long time and now we know better. All the books and information in the world may not be the best thing for your family. Use them as a guideline or something to try. If it is not working, try something else. Everyone is going to look at you like you are crazy and tell you you must be doing something wrong, don't worry about it.

Our son was sleeping through the night in his own crib in his own room. Then teething began at 5 months and wammo! He ended up in our room, then our bed just so the three of us could get some sleep. My husband even slept in the guest bed for months until the teething stopped. We tried crying it out, going in and putting our hand on him, etc.

You all need sleep to keep sane. We eventually transitioned him back to his own room (most nights I slept on the guest bed in his room) and eventually he bagan to make it through on his own (once the teething stopped a year later). When I had my secong son (number 1 was 15 months), number 1 stayed at my parents for 4 nights. When he came home, he slept in his room by himself. He still has some issues on some nights with keeping asleep, but it is much better.

Some kids are bad sleepers and there is not one miracle solution for them. They eventually grow out of it. Try as hard as you can to work through it and take a nap when he does (if time allows it)!

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M.B.

answers from Hartford on

Around 6 months old they start to remember people. This is totally normal. He's realizing that he's separate from you and he remembers you and needs the comfort. Keep doing what you're doing. Assure him you are there and lay him back down and go back to bed yourself. I kept my 21 month old son in our room I think for too long. We had a lot of difficult nights. It was like he heard every move my husband and I made in bed at night and would wake and not go back to sleep until he was in bed with us. When we moved him into his own room (just before he turned 1) he slept beautifully. So while I understand your need to keep him close for convenience with the nursing and all it might not hurt to have him in his own room. You might find the waking to be less often and those times only being when he needs to nurse anyways. But if you've covered all of the bases (meaning you know he doesn't want to eat, need changing, or is hurt in anyway) then a quick goodnight kiss and back to bed he goes and you're good.

As far as the stranger anxiety goes this is actually a good thing. I know how annoying it can be. I have a boy who's just starting to let go of me. They are learning who they can and can't trust. Right now you're his world and he trusts you completely. Keep bringing him places so he gets used to people and keep reassuring him that everything is okay. Believe me they'll be running off and away from you soon enough so enjoy it while you've got it. It just means you are a good mama that has made him feel so safe and secure.

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B.L.

answers from Boston on

I also have a 7 month old, who wakes several times for nursing and comfort throughout the night. It's perfectly normal (he is my third, and all three followed this pattern). We cosleep with him, and although there is the occasional really hard night, usually because all 3 kids take turns waking, because he's in bed with me and I don't even have to fully wake up to latch him on or give him the snuggle he needs, we all go back to sleep very quickly and there's little to no crying. I really think that 7 months is too young to go without this kind of loving support, although ymmv. My kids all nightweaned at approx 18 months, transitioned to a toddler bed in our room shortly thereafter (always free to climb in with us if needed) and then into their room sometime between 2 and 3 years. They are still free to climb into bed with us in it's really necessary (nightmares or something where they need us) but encouraged not to. They all usually come in when they wake up in the morning for a snuggle to start the day, even my almost 8 year old. It's a very sweet and wonderful way to wake up. Anyway, I highly recommend this article: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Good luck on whatever you decide. The most important thing to remember whatever method you try is that if it feels wrong for you or for your baby, then don't do it. That's my mantra of parenting. Follow your intuition -- if it feels wrong, don't do it.

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C.S.

answers from Boston on

I am on the other end of teh spectrum from the other responses that you have gotten. I believe that at 7 months a baby should be sleeping in their crib. I co-slept with my son and my daughter for the first several months but by 5 months I found that I was having the same issues as you. Once my kids were in their cribs and I had weened thm from the night feedings they were sleeping soundly for 11 -12 hours a night. I really believe that being in bed or in the room with parents disturbs their sleep and they are sensitive to all of the sounds/noises around them. Once they are awake it is natural for them to want to eat to go back to sleep and then the cycle continues over and over. I do really believe that you need to do what is right for you and your family first and foremost though.

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