6 Yr Old Dinner Battle

Hey L. -

This issue is VERY common -- many kids get weird about their food this way. DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER OVER THIS!Arguing over food can lead to actual eating disorders later in life, and certainly will cause unhealthy power struggles over food.

My advice is this:
- Try (within reason) to cook foods she generally likes. Yes, it's a pain. I was a chef for 10 years, and my kids don't like my 'fancy' cooking. So, I make a lot of kid food. It's part of being a parent.

- Give her exactly 20 minutes to eat her dinner, and when the 20 minutes is up, dinner is over. Calmly remind her at 10 and 5 and 2 minutes to go that time is passing. Try using a timer if you like. Don't get mad, don't get frustrated -- be matter of fact.

- Sit down with her while she eats. Make 'dinner time' chatter while you sit there -- what did she do today, does she want bubbles in her bath, etc. Kids generally do not like to eat alone, and she is definitely missing quality mealtime here (understandably, given dad's schedule).

- No snacks after dinner, dessert only if she's eaten enough.

- Give her a HUGE breakfast in the morning -- whatever she likes and you have time for (if she likes pancakes/waffles, you can make a big batch on the weekend and freeze them for the week).

You'll get through this -- without fighting!

Best,

J.

My daughter can be picky at times too. She's 7. We make dinner. Dinner is what dinner is. If she doesn't like it, she can make herself a bowl of cereal. She doesn't know if she doesn't like it until she tries it. No discussion. I don't beg her to eat. I put the meal on the table. When she's ready to try it, she does.

That being said, when she was 6 she was not so open. It was more of a struggle and more often than not, when I made something we all liked and I knew she didn't, I pulled things out for her. She hates eggs, except quiche (I usually poured her eggs into an ovenbowl and baked her a quiche. She doesn't like tomato sauce, so I reserve noodles for her. She doesn't like vinegrette, so I make sure there is salad w/no dressing (she puts on blue cheese. Yes, I know. I don't get that either.).

If you are putting together a casserole, keep out some ind. stuff for her and that can be her dinner. She might see that yours looks better and want to try it. She might not. What ever she decides, just go with it.

I picked up a book by Louise (something) Ames about my 7 yr. old. I also bought 8 and 9. There is a book for each year. Parts seem very antiquated but it really helped me understand my 7 yr old. Kids are in equilibrium and disequilibrium in so many areas of their lives. Everything is in a constant state of flux. Great eaters, but struggle to articulate needs. Great negotiators, but rigid about personal space. Great @ sharing space and things, but horrid with sharing mom. It really helped me understand who my child was and where she was going. You can get them on Amazon.com.

Stephanie

Keep making the meals for your family the way you like them, without the fuss and timers and such. Calmly eat your meal, when dinner is done take her plate and yours and rinse the dishes. When she is hungry, she will eat my pediatrician said. I also pulled a mommy dearest tactic with corned beef and cabbage which my daughter usually loved. One night she just wouldn't eat it. She went straight to bed at six pm. In the morning, her breakfast was her plate the night before heated up. She ate the whole thing with not one morsel left. She still only eats the things she likes out of casseroles like the noodles she'll pick out but for the most part she has learned to eat what I serve. I don't make other things for anyone to eat. No PB&J sandwiches. If you give them that if they don't eat then they expect to be served something they like after the stand-off. Don't do it. Cook what you cook, serve it, that's it. No dessert either because that's all they will wait for.

Food battles set up very negative dynamics and are bad for your relationship. She is trying to tell you something. Maybe she feels she is powerless in making any decisions about her life and this is the one area where she has some control. A lot of kids are picky eaters at some stage or another. Back off and give yourself and her room to breathe. Fix the food she likes for a week without saying anything and see if she notices. Then just announce that you are going to fix casseroles, etc. next week and that if she doesn't want to eat them, you can sit down with her and plan her dinners for that week and cook them ahead of time with her help, then freeze each meal in bowls or bags. Then while you are enjoying cooking your food, she can pick one out of the freezer and heat it up in the microwave. Good luck !

Here's what we do. We have a 12 yr old girl and 6 yr old twin boys. The kids eat whatever we serve for dinner. They are also required to take a 'thank you' bite of anything new. That is to say thank you for the meal that has been prepared. If they don't like it they don't have to eat anymore. We also always serve at least one thing we know they like--so if you serve a casserole, have a side dish you know she eats. You don't need to be a short order cook.

If mine choose to not eat or not eat very much, they are done for the night and only get water. We do have to encourage them to eat sometimes because they will get distracted if there are too many people around or if they're really wound up, but they're really good eaters. We've never done the 'short order' thing and our kids eat a wide variety of foods.

Good luck!

I was the same way when I was little and I am almost 40 and still the same so I wanted to tell you that it may not change, but it could. She will probably like lasagna but if my foods touched or if the juice from the veggies, lets say got on my mashed potatoes I would not eat it. My mom tried to force me to eat it and I would throw up. Eventually she just made something different for me when she made casserole or wet chicken type dishes. She can eat a sandwich and some carrots or something. Hope your situation gets better. Don't worry, you choose your battles.

This is a tough one because it straddles the line between respecting your child's preferences and not allowing her to turn you into a short order cook. I'd come down on the side of humoring her. Lots of kids go through a phase where food can't "touch." She may outgrow it before you know it. And.. if not... she has plenty of company. There are lots of adults who can't stand to have their food touching. It's the reason we have to hear corny jokes about it every Thanksgiving! I'm not suggesting you make her something else entirely, but how about saving off some of the individual parts of the casserole as you prep them? If she turns her nose up at that then tell her too bad.

Hi L.

My son likes his food separate too and he is now 9. However bit by bit he is eating casseroles and 'mixed' food. The first time he tries them is usually at relatives' or friends' houses because there is nothing else on offer! Children are often more cooperative with freinds and relatives than their own parents! At home I cook what he likes to eat and it is all served separate, even for the adults. Now and then I can get away with a casserole! Be happy that your daughter likes food and eats vegetables.

All the best

M.

You're making too much of a deal out of it. Make what you normally make, but also offer her something you know she will eat on the side. In my house my rule is "Don't like it, then don't eat it, but you're not getting anything else!" End of conversation. No negotiating, no battles. The more you battle with her, the more turned off she will become. My kids understand this rule. The consequence they suffer is going to bed hungry. My kids have their food quirks, but they are healthy. They aren't going to starve to death if they skip out on a meal every now and then.