I've gotten several calls from my son's teacher throughout the school year regarding his behavior. Her complaints are that he has inappropriate outbursts such as clapping his hands or something verbal. He also has a lot of trouble staying on any task given him, or following directions. She doesn't feel that consequences such as no playtime until work is done really sink in, and that he doesn't understand when she reprimands him for his outbursts. He even acts surprised at both his outbursts and the teacher's reation to them. At first she thought it was because he was just still getting used to the school environment and even hinted that he might have done better if he'd been in preschool. None of this is very surprising to his dad and I. We never thougt it was any big deal, but now I'm not so sure. Of course we think he's very clever and yes, being the youngest of four kids, maybe we baby him and let him get away with things we shouldent at home, but he's hardly allowed to run wild. We've always known our son was "different", but have always embraced his differences and thought him unique and special. We proudly say things like "he's his own person, he marches to his own drum," etc. As for cognitive stuff, he was reading by age three, and has no learning delays. However, I am vigilant about working a lot with my kids at home, and if he needed to learn anything at school, at this point, I'm not sure he could.
This is as clear a picture I can come up with right now, thanks for reading, and any insight would be welcome.
I haven’t been on here in a while, and I just read all the responses to my situation with my son. All the empathy and thoughtful advice brings tears to my eyes. As a mom of 4 with 4 sets of issues, I can get tired and burned out, but knowing other people are going through the same stuff helps—a lot.
My son (whom I wrote about) is now in first grade and has a wonderful and patient teacher. I'm still not sure what's going on with him, but in the end, I know he will be ok. We took him to our pediatrician, who also works with Adhd kids. She said that sure, if we wanted a diagnosis from her, and to put him on meds, she could do it. But she asked us, is that really what he needs? Are there tons of kids his age (especially boys) who could fit somewhere on the ADHD spectrum? Yes. Her advice was to just work with the teacher and school as closely as we could, be open to anything that would help him be successful at school. She said that as a dr. and a parent, she would rather see a parent take their child out of school and home school rather than put them on medication. If meds are necessary, then sure, the kid should be on meds, but only after other strategies are tried. As for all the thoughts on touretts, this is not a concern. He is nervous and overwhelmed at times, and has a lot of trouble staying focused. We are a work in progress!
Thanks again for all the thoughtful responses.
I'd say homeschool him until he is 8yo. School is made for girls, and he probably would like more physical activity. Giving him no playtime until the work is done is probably not going to help. He may need to do jumping jacks while reciting his addition table, or whatever. Just a suggestion.
It almost sounds to me that there might be something more going on. It might be something simple as ADD, ADHD, I'll be honest aspects of what you mentioned sounds like autism..as I said I'd recommend you speak with his pediatrician about these issues. Good luck!
Is there a child behavioral specialist who can observe your son in his classroom setting in a nonthreatening manner? Last year was my son's first year in preschool. He had many problems transitioning, staying on task,social issues, etc. He is very bright and with a fall birthday is the oldest in the class. Last year's preschool teacher had some diagnosis in her head that she wouldn't share with me. Each time I would pick him up he would be out of control and overstimulated. It was a truly negative experience. We took him to a counselor. She didn't see anything that raised any red flags. He was attentive, polite, and followed directions with her.
After talking to many people whose children were diagnosed with many different things I had convinced myself that he had one of those different diagnosis. Which one depended upon who I had spoken with that week or what I had read on the internet.
Finally at the end of the school year I asked if someone from the area special services program could come out to observe him. She saw an active child in an environment that maybe wasn't as interactive as it could be. The environment worked for most of the children but it wasn't working for him. The teacher was great for many children but not for him.
This specialist made a recommendation to the public school district that my son be placed in a classroom where the teacher had experience dealing with many different behavior types and special needs. Our school has a blended prek program. This year he is doing much better. His current teacher observes that he has a challenging personality. She has worked really hard with him to help him transition into the school.
Perhaps your son has some diagnosable difference. Perhaps he doesn't. My son was at home with me his first 4 years. Interaction with his sister and his family and (on a limited basis) his friends was not enough to get him used to the culture shock of attending school. School and interaction with peers really overstimulated him. Finding the right teacher for him and the right school is so important. Having a neutral party observe the interactions without placing blame is also good. As some people have said, home school is an option that some families choose.
Personally, I'm tired of seeing the "system" trying to squash any personality out of kids. It's like they want school to be mini military academies. Children are supposed to file in perfect little lines, speak only when spoken to, stand on numbers in gym class waiting for all direction and any talking out of turn isn't just unnappreciated but looked at as some sort of learning disability!
If it were me I'd pull him out and homeschool. God made him the way he is and I'm sure he's perfect that way. I'm not sticking my head in the sand. I know that disabilities, special needs and exceptional circumstances apply. BUT, I just see these labels being thrown around on account of any little annoying habit.
Suzi
Hi Karen, you son sounds alot like my son! We had some of the same issue's and I was lost at trying to figure out what to do. Nothing ever seemed to effect him. Then we had him tested for ADHD and that was confirmed. Then he started doing "strange things". We just thought he picked up some kind of habbit from some kid at school. His teached asked if she could send him to the nurses office for a quick evaluation. Of course I said sure. Come to find out he has a form of tourettes syndrome (Motor Tic disorder)!!! I was shocked! Then I felt bad that I had missed this totally! I'm even in the medical field!! Anyway he is now on medication and is doing wonderfully! Something else you may want to consider (of course after testing to confirm) Once he starts school next year, I would always type a letter to each and every teacher and principle that my son would have for that year. I would let him know about his little issue's just so they weren't thrown off by these little things that he would do. When his tic's would start to act up, I'd send alittle email to him letting them know of the situation. This went over very well and opened up a great communication corner for all of us. Please let me know if you have any questions. I'd be happy to answer anything that I can. Most importantly be calm and patient with your son. I know, I've been there but you will come out much better if you keep that in mind. He can't always help some of the stuff that he does. Good luck!!
Dear Karen,
I believe it is difficult to assess a child's behavior if dietary issues aren't put into check. I would recommend that you remove all sugar and dairy products from his diet (doing so gradually). While doing this introduce 2 things: 1) fresh, raw fruits and veggies (5 - 9 servings a day) and 2) make sure he drinks 1/2 of his weight in water every day.
Over time with the above dietary changes, I believe you will be able to determine if there is a true reason for concern.
If you would like to chat further please feel free to leave me a mnessage at (800) 887-0643.
M. Q.
WOW you just described my nine year old. My son is unofficially autistic. It took quite awhile to figure it out and we have never officially let anyone label him. Nothing really changed once we did figure it out but I at least have a better understanding and can better work with him because I get it isn't a behavior by choice. Your son's teacher sounds like she is expressing a concern not really a complaint. Often our children behave very differently at school than they do at home. Doing research and testing on my son helped both me and the school better understand what was going on and helped all of us address his specific needs. I am lucky, I have a great small public school! I reccomend at least discussing this with the school & your doctor more in depth and make sure there isn't any issues you need to at least be aware of. We don't do any kind of drugs or anything like that. We do some counseling and special activities and consequences more on his level of what he understands of the event. I would try not to take it personally that your teacher is talking to you about this. My guess is she is just trying to be on the same page with you and has your sons best intersts in mind. If not you can always change schools or home school but at least try to see if you can be a team first. The part where he seems surprised too would be where she is telling you she doesn't really think he is doing it on purpose and she is not qualified to diagnose anything but she thinks it is something worth checking out. We give such little power to our teachers anymore and so many parents ignore them when they try to tell us some thing isn't quite right. It sounds like your son is very academically advanced, it could be as simple as he is bored and acts out for lack of other activities. Working with the school that issue can be solved as well right in the classroom.
Hi! If it were my child (and it does sound similar to my now 12 yo son, I would take him in for have him evaluated for any neurological challenges - such as Tourette's (it doesn't always mean cursing), Asperger's (my son has this and is also very intelligent), ADHD (the catch word of the millenium!), etc. If nothing else, I would want these ruled out. Otherwise, if you try to get him to stop it may be like asking a child in a wheelchair to get up and run a 50 yard dash. That is what my son said about some of the things we wanted him to do and he just could not comply. What a frustrating experience for the child if that is the case! I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and truly hope it is "only" a behavioral issue - those can be very challenging as well!
M. in Anderson
It sounds like you need to have your son tested. What you described makes me think of Tourette's syndrome. If you let it go untreated it can hinder your son's ability to learn. Tourette's can be a very treatable condition with medication and therapy. Good luck.
Sounds very much like torrets... involuntary ticks, whether verbal or physical. my son has a tick in his eyes that is very noticible to the teacher,,, your story is very familiar to mine...
just wondering if he has been tested for a form of autisim
Hi,my name is Y.. I am a working mom of a 10 yr old girl and 6 yr old twins and the step mom to a 16 yr old boy who is autistic.
I don't want to scare you at all because what you are experiencing doesnt sound all that bad. But have you ever had him tested for Autism. Autism is a broad spectrum disorder and there are many different categories of it. But he may just have a very mild form of it cusing him to have these outbursts. Does he like to spin the wheels of cars rather than running them on the road like they are meant to do. Autistic people can excell at many things and just have one or two things that seem very innappropriate. My step son will all of thesudden begin laughing for no reason very loudly or blurt out a string of words unexpectedly. They tend to hate loud sounds and have sensitive hearing. Many love music and can duplicate a song after just hearing once.
There are alot of things to try if this is the case. Jenny McCarthy is a big advocate of ways to help autistic children and has almost cured her son of it with diet and therapy.
Just something to think about. Hope it helps.
I would recommend that you consider having him evaluated, NOT to try to 'fit a square peg in a round hole' but so you at least know exactly what you're dealing with and can research options to help your son. Your teacher is just trying to help your son do the best he can, so please don't take her comments as a criticism. 6 is kind of young for official diagnoses, because so much of these quirks can be attributed as age-appropriate, but you also don't want to wait and let it possibly escalate, either, because that can really make your son miserable. Kids will take their problems to heart and many times their self-esteem will plummet because they don't know why they're having the problems/doing certain things and they'll just decide they're "bad" and it's "hopeless". Often times knowing what is causing their behavior (that they're not "a bad kid") can really help students do better in school, especially when they know they can use certain strategies to help themselves deal with problem situations. Of course no one wants their child to feel hopeless! If there are certain modifications you and his teacher(s) can put in place early on, you can make your son's future school experience much happier and less frustrating for everyone. I'm not saying go get him medicated, but please do consider having a professional observe him in school, evaluate further if necessary, and try to implement some modifications to help him in school EARLY ON so he doesn't start thinking negatively about school. He's so young his future is pretty much a blank slate, so you can look at it as an opportunity to find out how to help him do his best in school. It will likely be a great adventure, especially with the trial & error involved in finding out exactly what works best for him. Good luck with that, and hang in there! I know you won't give up on him--he is your son and you obviously love him dearly!--but also don't give up on his school either. Work with his teachers and other professionals in the school district, because they want the same thing you do--for him to have a positive experience in school.
Not to frighten you, but I would encourage testing for your son. Perhaps these behaviors are from something bigger. These sound similiar to autism behaviors. There is a VERY wide spectrum of autism disorders. A lot of people think a child has to be way out-of-the-ordinary to have autism and that's not the case. It's just a suggestion. It could even be just a small behavior problem that has a quick fix. But if he isn't following directions well and has some other things to deal with also, you may want to check. Your pediatrician may say that's ridiculous, but I would push for it.
Good luck.
As with anything, the root cause of the behaviors need to be addressed and not just put a bandaid on it.
First of all; you should have you child tested for terrets syndrom, and ADHD. Then determine weather or not medication is needed. For terrets I highly recommend it, and most kids prefer the being able to control themselves. For ADHD however I feel that medicating the child takes away from who they are as a person. Before there was a name for it people considered these kids to just be full of piss and vinegar. But there are several things that you and the teacher can try in the classroom that could help. I have a son who is ADHD, and no it has nothing to do with having a learning problem. I've gotten together with his teachers now for the past three years, and modified some things for him. First we took his spelling words from 15 to 10. The very next week he got 100% on his test, and even got a couple of the challenge words. We then desided to take the reading assignment's and instead of telling him to read the entire story at the beggining of the week to take the test at the end of the week. We split it up so he would read an equal portion of it for four days, and test on it on the fifth day along with the rest of the kids. And behold; the stories made since to him, and he remembered everything about them by the time they tested on it. Before this he got too overwhelmed with everything going on around him, and wasn't retaining anything. And when he would loose his focus of the task at hand; the first thing to do was cure his bordom, and he did that by disrupting the class. If you have a teacher that is open to trying new things to see if maybe your childs problem is that he's just overwhelmed; I would suggest trying to lighten the load, or spread it out. It dosen't take much on the teachers part to accomidate one or two children in this way, and could be just what he needs. Along with all the praises that come with seeing his graded go up. My son used to get the worse grades in school, but now since we've been working with the teachers to adjust his leasons; my son gets awsome grades. He had all A's with the exception of one B at the begining of the year.
Hi Karen
I am totally agree with Suzie..I am sure that your little boy is a totally normal and smart boy. We are in times where children are so different from ourselves at those ages. They are more influenced by the environment, computers, advanced stimulus, and my belief is that all this and more that I mentioned H., make some adults, not all of them, label the children or think they have behavioral problems. If your son's teacher is not willing to work with your child or you do not see any help there, I would suggest you to change the school. There are wonderful teachers who are willing to work with you and help you. Every kid learns in different environment, ones are calmer and more quiet than others, others are more challenging, or more active or may be some others need to learn in a different environment with a different system. You have to help your kid to find the right school and the right teacher. I did with my kid. Please do not let this to think there is something wrong with your kid, there is not.Let him know that you will be there for him no matter what, let hi know that you love him the way he is and give him something to carry with him when he feels sad or frustrated ( little toy in his backpack, a note from yourself....etc) Work with him and make a plan, talk to him, let him vent and expresses himself.
take care and be consistent and patient...
Good Luck
Aejandra
Your boy sounds sweet. Is it possible that he may have Tourette Syndrome? My father had a bit of this and so do I. My father used to shout out that he loved the dog while mowing the lawn. My dad couldn't help himself. Maybe your son could be tested and given therapy to learn how to redirect his behavior. Good luck with this!
As a mom and a teacher, I would go to your peditrician as a starting point. This is the first step I reccommend to my parents. You can also contact your school district for testing. Does his school have a learning consultant? If so, have the learning consultant make observations and meet with you with their thoughts and suggestions.He truly may be unaware of his "outbursts". The behaviors you describe are attributes to a couple of possible learning/social issues that can be diagnosed by your peditrician or other specialist. I have seen similar situations in my own classroom and with children of good friends. I feel for you and your son. I wish and hope for all the best.
I would also think it might be a form of Autism or terrets (sp). I would definately be exploring more on this issue. Ask the teacher if they do any testing or who could she refer you to. Since she is concerned, she might be wanting to help also before your son goes into a higher grade.
L.
maybe have him evaluated for Tourette's Syndrome. Similar symptoms.
Karen, it does sound like he should be tested so at least you know you've done everything you can to help him. The outbursts do sound like it could be Tourette's. And it's not his fault! But don't ignore it, and try not to be defensive. I agree with the the mom who said that we give teachers so little power these days. They are around kids all the time. If the teacher is making you aware of a certain behavior in your child, be grateful! She's trying to help your son. If she didn't care, she wouldn't point it out.
When my son was 8 he was diagnosed with severe anxiety, which was so strange because he played sports, he made friends easily, etc. But when I dropped him off at school I would get a call almost every day saying he was hysterical and I had to pick him up. He was so anxious he would start gagging. I would get soooo frustrated with him instead of feeling empathetic, because I thought he was trying to "play" me. He kept saying he was worried that something would happen to me. He basically had separation anxiety (which kids usually get when they are 9 months old or so!)After several months of this, and the school recommending a counselor, whom we saw but it did not do any good, I finally took him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with anxiety and put him on Prozac. I know people don't like putting kids on medicine, but I am telling you that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. I was the same way when I was his age, but my parents didn't know what to do with me. My life would have been COMPLETELY different if I had the medication then that was available now. I was recently put on anti-anxiety meds at 42 and it has changed my life. I only regret not taking it sooner.
Another example: My neighbor's son would come to my house when he was about age 9 or 10 and would do horrible things. One time he painted my basement with a can of spray paint he found down there. He painted chairs, couches, dressers, etc. I was LIVID, and banned him from coming over ever again. He did things like this in the neighborhood for years. He could not help himself! He got a reputation as this terrible, rotten kid. His parents had two other boys who were really good kids and they did not know what to do about their middle child. Finally they took him to a doctor and it turns out he had ADHD. After going on meds and feeling the change in himself, he (at age 10 or 11 at this point), turned to his parents and said, "Thank you for taking me to the doctor." He absolutely did NOT want to be behaving the way he was and he actually thanked his parents for getting him help. The boy is now in high school and is an AWESOME kid, doing great in school and really into sports.
My point is, do whatever you have to do for your son and BE OPEN TO ANYTHING!!
Karen if I could say it does sound like you have a very unique little boy. I dont want to step on your feelings but have we looked into "artisime" very bright, intelligant children but like you said they are their own person a little confused about what is going on, but oh so smart and pick up and learn on so much so fast. May need to look into a more structured class with limited children that is able for the teachers to give them a more one hands on attention. I know in the little town I live in we have a great school just for children that just need that extra special person to work with them. Good luck
