6 Year Old Son Apprehensive/ Scared to to Engage in Sports

Why does he have to do that? Not all kids are interested in group activities and he's young yet. I go would go by his comfort level on things and have him have friends other ways. Just give it time

Maybe the answer isn't sports. Maybe he needs a quieter introduction to socialization, like a library reading group, or Boy Scouts even. But my guess is that its deeper than that. There are some unanswered questions here: Was he like this prior to his dad's death? Have you asked his teachers if he is like this in school? Answering those first will likely give you insight into what is going on. Some kids are really just shy. Some don't feel comfortable around people they don't know. He might be thinking his dad should be at these sports things, and since he can't, your son might not want to play. Does he have other strong male role models that he has REGULAR access to, like an uncle or family friend? I'm sorry you guys are going thru this. Hang in there. There are many factors that might be playing a role in the situation. Give him some time. If he's getting school, he's getting socialization, so just give him some time.

Please, please don't push this with him. He has been through a lot of upheaval -- including one of the most profound upheavals anyone can experience, the death of a parent. Add to that the insecurity of losing his half-sister, and living without you for a time (however necessary the situation was, and however much he said "It's OK, I understand," he still was not with you), and he has been through enough to make any kid scared of being around strangers.

Right now he probably just wants to hunker down and be with you as much as possible, or be around familiar faces at his own school or others he already knows. If you push him to do activities with which he is uncomfortable -- you may be thinking it will help him cope when actually it may make him feel less social and less secure, rather than more social and more secure, which is probably what you're hoping for.

The crying and shaking alone are your clues that he just mustn't do something with which he's uncomfortable. While it's good to get outside our "comfort zones," he is a very young kid who has lost a father, a sister and a home all in a very short time--pushing him outside his comfort zone right now could make things worse.

There's no rule that by a certain age a boy has to do sports--or anything else. I like someone else's idea of getting him into Boy Scouts (or any similar group that promotes cooperation, service and active life). They will probably not have a geographically based "you can't be in this group because you don't live around here" rule, and he probably can get into a troop that has other boys from his school in it. Please consider that as an alternative group activity that won't have the competitive nature of sports. Putting him into something with competitive pressures, with kids and adults he does not know, could really backfire at this point in his life.

Is he seeing a counselor or therapist who specializes in helping children deal with grief? If not, please consider that too. That can truly help children learn to process their grief, and also their fear -- because he clearly is feeling fear, and that probably circles back around to losing his dad, not living in his own familiar home, losing his half-sister with whom he was used to living, and more. Any one of those would be tough on a young kid, but all three in a short time are too much. Please find him a good counselor or therapist who really knows how to work with children. This professional also should be able to help you assess his needs and situations like this one involving group activities.

poor fella. my sincere sympathies to both of you. what a lot of life changes.
not all kids want to be on a team and play sports. i would back off and let him take the lead in how he wants to enjoy his leisure time. i do think it would be a great idea to work some male role models into his life, either by recruiting family members or getting involved with Big Brothers. but please don't feel that you're letting him down by NOT pushing him to play baseball or whatever. kids come in all sorts of flavors. let him ease into social situations by helping him develop coping tools, but not pushing him past his limits.
khairete
S.

Can he do cub scouts? Social but no pressure.

Not all kids are interested in sports or other group activities, especially at such a young age (yes, six is still young!) I know it seems like "everyone" is and that it's such and "important" part of his development, but really it's not. As long as he's happy and secure at home and at school, then let him take the lead. Stop signing him up for things unless he asks for it. Let him have friends over so he gets a chance to play and socialize outside of school. Check into Cub Scouts or youth groups at church if that's something you're into. If he's into more quiet activities let him try an art or woodworking class, but again, only if that's something HE wants to do.
I know as a mom you want to give your son all the opportunities that are out there, but you must balance it with a respect for his personal needs and wants. He's been through a lot of changes so I imagine he's easily overwhelmed right now. Just give him some time and space, and if someday he wants to sign up for these things, then great, but if not, that's okay too. He will find his own outlets and activities that challenge him and keep him happy :)

He's not ready and no kidding. There have been too many changes for him to feel secure....sticking him in another insecure situation seems a bit too much. There's the fine line between getting a kid to stretch for his own well-being and stressing him out....it's a tough one.

Our son who will be 6 this month just decided to starts sports. 3 months ago, he started swim lessons, tae kwon do AND we signed him up for soccer. He wouldn't do it unless his little sister was with him. He's very outgoing, but new situations were terrifying for him....so we introduced and encouraged, but never pushed. Now he's ready. He's watched him almost 10 year old brother do tae kwon, soccer, swimming, diving, etc. since birth, but refused to participate. Suddenly something changed and we seized the moment.

PS You SHOULD be able to sign him up with his friends in a different district. We can here. We just pick whatever district we want....although they offer us one district, you can google the other one.

Have you thought about contacting Big Brothers Big Sisters of America and finding him a mentor? There number is ###-###-####. I would look into it and see if there is a male in your area that could help out. Also, maybe team sports isn't the right fit for him at this time. Would your son like to try a sport like karate or swimming? That might help ease some of the anxiety.

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss.

My son is this way. My daughter too actually. The only thing i could think to do was to ask the league to place them on teams with someone they knew. Of course you have to ask around the parents a lot to find out which child is playing what sport.
But then, you can ask at registration, to put your child on same team as your son's friend.

I did hear you that you are in a different district. If it were me, I'd register with old address ( yikes ) or call the league in that district you want and talk to them. tell them your situation. I bet there is a good chance they could be sympathetic and allow your son to join in that league.

Just want to help because i go throught the same thing :( feel sorry for the kids.

Maybe you could ask his friends over for playdates too? Any neighborhood kids he could get to know and do sports with? That's a long shot ,,,

I am just trying to help and have begun to ramble.

God Bless you both & good luck