6 Month Old Won't Sleep in Her Own Bed

I would suggest to just keep starting her off in her own bed. That is what I am doing with my 6 month baby. Slowly every night it gets longer and longer before she cries and wants to get in bed with me. I think it is also making the bed a comfortable place. When off work we also put her in her crib for naps.

I have been there countless times. I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. I went through the process of correcting sleep issues several times with my daughter only to have them completely undone by my husband the first chance he got. After three years I finally gave up trying because if your spouse is not on board completely anything you do will fail. The intermittent reinforcement that your daughter gets, meaning that if she tries long and hard enough she will get what she wants some of the time, just makes the process longer and more difficult for everyone. Work on your husband first to make sure he will support you. After 4 years of sleep issues with my daughter, my husband still won't support my doing sleep training with my son. I'm just as frustrated as you are ;(

Obviously there are different theories on which way to go with this. I would suggest chosing one you feel comfortable with and sticking with it. We "Ferberized" my son at about this age and it worked great! I put him in his bed a little awake (if you breastfeed them to sleep at this age and beyond you'll struggle putting them to sleep for years!), if he cried we first let him cry for 5 min. Then one of us went in and reassured him it was ok and we were there. Then we left and let him cry for 10 min. Then reassured again etc. We doubled the time each time and eventually he feel asleep. It bothered me so much to hear him cry I actually had to put earplugs in and let my husband do it the first few times. Your husband might need to wear the earplugs! You both need to be on-board and have a plan beforehand otherwise it will be a struggle. We did the same thing if he woke up at night. At six months she physically should not need to be fed during the night. If you feed through the night for too long the child thinks they need to be fed in order to fall asleep. You're doing the right thing by working this out now. My sister has a 2 y/o she struggles with every night with putting to sleep. Hang in there!

I agree with the advice about not letting them cry it out. At 6 months old it is all about trust and security for the baby.
I have two kids and have breastfed both. They both nursed at night well past a year. They both slept in their cribs when they were past a year. We kept them in our room for a long time and eventually moved them to the nursery.
The pac n play beside the bed was the way I transitioned the second one out of the bed. When she would stir during the night I could just reach over and comfort her. If she needed to nurse grab her, nurse and put her back.
To get her to her nursery, I started putting her down for naps in there. In the beginning she would be asleep in her car seat and I would just sit it in the nursery, so she would get used to waking up in that room. Then move to the crib.....
it takes time.
She will still wake (16 months) during the night some. I just go in grab her, sit and nurse and put her back in her crib. Most of the time she is awake when I put her back in and she may talk or sing, even turn on her musical aquarium in the crib and eventually goes back to sleep. (of course she is older than 6 months now).
Hang in there, it is a season and you will eventually get some sleep. Don't give up nursing! It is so good for them.
Both of my kids are incredibly healthy and I know a big part of it is that they nursed so long.
One more thing, I originally tried letting her cry one day. I thought I could do it and just was overwhelmed and needing rest. She cried for 1 hour and 55 minutes and was not going to stop. I finally rescued her and never again did that! Terrible!!!! Some days when it is nap time she will cry for a few minutes. I've learned when she cried for a few seconds and goes to sleep it is okay. When she cried for 5 minutes or more (at least w/ my baby) that she is not going to calm down and I need to go pick her up, console her for a few minutes. Just about every time then she will then go right to sleep.
They put out of study just within the past year about how crying releases a chemical in their brain that is bad. I truly believe the cry it out method is not good. Sorry to offend those that stand by it. Just my opinion.

Hi my kids are older now but this issue is very common so take some heart in that you are not alone! I did not breastfeed my kids at night for this reason....contrary to what works for many women BF at night was a nightmare for me bc my baby would wake up every hour or two to nurse and he was in bed and I got absolutely no sleep. I am a very light sleeper and every sound and movement was hard on me. sounds like that might be a problem for you. I could not sleep nursing and it takes me forever to fall back asleep once I am up (have insomnia to begin with) so BF at night was a disaster. We ended up moving to formula at night at 6 weeks...baby slept for longer stretches. At three months we moved him out to his own crib down the hallway. We had a set bedtime routine and he went down after a bottle at 7 pm. I had both my babies on a routine that did not vary esp. for sleep...this seems to be important for sleep success. after a couple of weeks of consistency my 3 month old started sleepign longer and longer stretches at night and finally at around 5 months was sleeping 7-8 hour stretches. So it can be done...it just requires some work on your part for a few weeks. As for the crying it out...I was lucky...we never had to go that far maybe bc we started the routine so early...there was fussing but it stopeed at 10-15 mins. If its bad...I would go in at 5-10 min intervals to pat down in the crib and talk softly but not let the crying get to me and cave! easier said than done but I had to do this during the day for naps (one of mine was a terrible day napper) and after a coupel of weeks fo daytime crying it out he was able to take good 2 hour naps and was not a fussy baby anymore. I am not sure that all babies are good at putting themselves to sleep or self soothing or able to regulate themselves very easily...its a skill that needs to be taught to them by parents in a gentle way.
If its hard for you to nurse at night and sleep...try pumping and having your husband feed once so you get some more sleep. Good luck!

I live in NRH, too. Call me if you want, I have had experience with this as well. It is so hard.

I have 4 kiddos- 5,3, & twins @ 2 months.

Hi J.,
Our daughter also co-slept with us until she was 5 months old. After not sleeping for all those months out of fear of rolling over her my husband and I talked to our doctor and he had told us that cry-outs are the healthiest way to get your baby to start sleeping through the night. He had told us that once a baby reach 4 months and 12 pounds they are capable of understanding that crying will not get them what they want and they are heavy enough to ween from night-time feedings.
I was especially concernced since our baby was a preemie and he said not to worry. We went home and that night followed his instructions:
1) set a routine (i.e. bath, read, bottle, bed)
2) put her in her crib sleepy but eyes open
3) say I love you and good night
4) walk out, close the door and don't look back
5) only get her out of the crib when at the time you want her to wak up in the morning.

That was the hardest time I ever had. She screamed from the top of her lungs for 3 hours. During the crying I told my husband he was cruel, I hated him, I hit him, I cried. It was so miserable, but when she fell asleep it was worth it. She woke up at 2 a.m. and cried for an hour. The next day she cried for 2 hours, the next day an hour, the next day 30 minutes, and the next day 15 minutes.

5 days of hell and it was absolutely worth it. Now I put her in her crib at 8p.m. and falls asleep on her own and she knows I won't go get her until 8a.m. so she sings and talks to herself until I come get her. It is wonderful!! I strongly reccommend this. IF you need any advice or encouragment e-mail me.

Hi J.,

There are many different ways to handle your situation. I can tell you what I did.

1. Continued breastfeeding was important to me while working. I found it easier to keep up milk when I nursed at night. Dr. Sears mentions this as a secret key to success that working breastfeeding moms know. Swearing off nighttime breastfeeding might work for a SAHM, but not usually a working mom. Since I continued to breastfeed, I found I got more sleep and less nighttime disruptions, and had a good milk supply, if my daughter slept close to me. I also felt she DID need food at night, especially because she was smart enough to avoid bottle feeding during the day and wait for me to come home to her. She didn't want the breastmilk from a bottle.

2. At six months, she was too big for the cosleeper, pulling up, and I was afraid she could fall out. I brought her in bed mainly so I could get more sleep. She hated the down-the-hall sleeping arrangement and cried for a long time. I bought a bed guard that clamped down ON TOP OF the mattress. No gaps to fall into. My husband was not next to her. I was never concerned about rolling onto her. Mothers, especially breastfeeding moms, are pretty instinctive about this, provided you are not drunk or zonked on drugs of some sort. Fathers can have these instincts too, of course.

3. She stayed in bed with us until she was about 18-24 months. Nighttime feedings diminished over time and I tried to discourage them as time went on. I can't remember exactly when, but she became too big and annoying for us in bed. We tried to move her into her crib in her room at that time. No deal. Lots of crying. We believe that cry-it-out does not teach "healthy" sleeping habits. Rather, it simply teaches the child "when I cry, you don't come, so I may as well not cry anymore." We don't subsribe to this psychological "training." Kids don't understand that you are trying, with the best of intentions, to "teach" them anything. They just feel the brush off. Many cultures co-sleep. It is commonplace in Asian countries. It is a cultural conditioning that has taught us to think "this co-sleeping thing has to end." There is a strong tendency to separate mothers and babies in our society. It is helpful for many establishments (e.g. education, business). Your instincts are a better guide (ie. that part of you that wants to keep her in bed with you forever). Mothering magazine, and its website, has many articles on the benefits of co-sleeping.

4. By two, we tried to move her to her crib down the hall. Again, lots of crying. We couldn't deal with the loss of sleep, or her crying. We moved her crib into our bedroom, side came off to make toddler bed, and she still sleeps there at age 5. (By the way, I weaned her at 2 1/2).

5. Many would not allow this sleeping arrangement, calling us crazy. But I see our happy, well adjusted, well behaved, emotionally connected, well-spoken, sensitive, thoughtful, compassionate, funny, creative, independent minded, intelligent, well rested, maturing child and beg to differ. She loves playing with other kids and is extroverted. She has tried out her big girl bed many times, sometimes spending the whole night there. Then she comes back again, unsure whether she is ready to take the plunge and grow up for good. She stated "the only time I don't sleep in my own room is when I'm the only one in there!" She recently declared she is never going to leave us. We laughed, knowing that in a few years she will deny she ever uttered such nonsense. And we will miss the day we heard her say it. Most kids tiptoe down the hall hoping for permission to crash. Many parents we know admit they let them in. It's a secret society of parents who acknowledge their children's emotional nighttime needs and have the courage to support them, depsite what the "good doctor" says.

There are more of us out there than people like to admit. We receive scathing criticism. Much criticism comes from people who themselves didn't have the mettle to provide the level of nighttime parenting that their kids really needed. So they mock those that try to do this. We admit it is hard to support kids to the extent required, all the time, especially at night. Layer on a few more kids, and parents start to get positively overloaded. No criticism of those who falter. But if you can find the strength to support them in the early years, the payoff in terms of your child's psychological health is worth it. Some may move to their own room more quickly than others. No set rule here. All depends on your child.

Try getting the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She's good.

Good luck!

This dilemna happens often when one or both parents become so insecure and protective that they think they have to do extraordinary things for their child's well being. This eventually harms the child by setting up a dysfunctional pattern of filling your child's demands long past the time that they should be growing past that and onto other challenges that they proudly overcome. Would you continue to tie your child's shoes for them years past when all other kids can tie their own? Of course not. Your strength should come by knowing you are doing what is right for the child's well being: you want to know that your child can sleep through the night without you, that the child can sleep in a bed without you, eventually not need to take in nourishment several times a night, wake up to need the touch of a parent to be able to return to sleep. If you were a bird, you'd want your baby to learn to fly, right? I have heard that breaking this kind of habit will mean 3 bad nights of your having to be strong. I would bet that the baby takes naps without you, right? Maybe the first night, you go in to assure them that you're in the house. Maybe you offer them a soft and safe age appropriate stuffed animal or small blanket. The second time, you just call through the door to say "I love you, now go to sleep." Then no more responses. Tell your husband that it takes two strong people to raise a child and that you need him to support you in this. If this doesn't work, perhaps a bit of short term marriage counseling or parenting course will help him see what good parenting is. Leadership, love, warmth. Their security is not based on your sleeping with them.

I recommend that you p/u a copy of Dr. Sear's Baby Sleep Book. I got it for my second baby and have gotten way more sleep than with my older one. They have information for the father, too.

I am not a supporter of the "Cry It Out Method". There are some great tips in Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution" book for alternative methods to getting more sleep for you and your baby. They take longer than the 3 days that the "Cry It Out" proponents mention. However, it seems to be just a week or two, with no crying it out either. Sometimes, the quickest solution isn't always the right one. Just go with what your heart is leading you to do, but I truly don't believe that letting a child cry it out is your only option. There are more gentle (albeit a little more time consuming) options out there. Good luck!