Hi Moms,
I have a 6.5 month old and for the past week or so he has been consistently having difficulty falling asleep. He normally takes a bath between 7:30 and 8 and before had no problem with him falling asleep via nursing after the bath. He would normally fall asleep within 15 minutes. He would maybe wake up in 30 minutes and I would nurse him back to sleep but then he'd be asleep for up to another 4-5 hours before I nurse him back to sleep again. I exclusively breastfeed him and he also cosleeps with us in our bed - which makes nursing very easy in the middle of the night. Now, he won't settle or fall asleep until at least 10, sometimes later. One night it was midnight by the time he fell asleep. He has recently started solids and has been constipated - which we have helped by giving him an water enema. Could this be bothering him? He also now has two teeth and sometimes when he was teething before, this would keep him up but the teething medicine would usally help. Also, the past two days he has woken up completely by 7 and won't go back to sleep. He does nap during the day but it is not at all consistent in timing or how long but usually two a day - one in the morning and one in the afternoon, ranging from 30 minutes to an hour each. One more thing is he is just about to start crawling. I read that sometimes when they are learning new things and entering a new phase this can disrupt their sleep. It would be great to hear from anyone else with a similar experience and advice. However, we are practicing attachment parenting so please don't suggest crying it out with him. thank you in advance.
He sounds overtired. I would get a nap routine down and put him down for the night earlier. Start putting him down 15 min earlier each night unitl he is sleeping well. Also look at his cues, rubbing eyes, yawning, those are clues that he needs to go down then. The Healthy Sleep Habits book really helped me.
hey S.- your letter sounds so much like me 6 months ago!i'd suggest that you really need to start getting a regular routine down for him. it was at about 6 months that my daughter (who was breastfed, co-slept and babyworn) suddenly changed in her sleeping habits and became extremely erratic. She went from going down around 8pm in my arms and transitioning to bed with us, sleeping for 5 to 6 hours and then waking up... to waking up every hour or so, no matter WHERE she was. and her daytime naps were irregular to say the least. I was beginning to despair, as her teeth were coming in, she was crawling AND starting solids, so I knew a lot was going on at once and she was really tired.
My first stop was to the pediatrician, who said that a regular sleeping and eating routine was essential, and that my daughter, at 6 months, did not need to eat at night. So we worked on the night nursing first. It was hard, b/c we co-slept, but finally after repeatedly giving her an empty boob (i'd sneak away and pump, or offer her the one that just was emptied) she got the message really quick. I made sure she had 3 solids a day and at least 30 oz a day (nursed like 4 or 5 times).
Second thing we did was establish a bedtime routine- for bedtime and naps too i stopped nursing her to sleep. I'd nurse until she was drowsy, then put her to bed in her crib for naps. Being in her crib made a big difference too- i wanted her to learn to fall asleep on her own and not in my arms or in my bed. she is easily stimulated, as babies can be, and her sleeping with me nearby was never a deep sleep. It probably took 2 really difficult weeks of her being extremely confused until she realized that being in her crib meant naptime. If she did cry, i didn't let her cry more than a few minutes. At this point I also made sure every nap and bedtime were the same- smae blanket, same lights turning out routine, same lovey in bed with her. I established her naps at being at 8am and 1pm for two hours each, sometimes she slept more, sometimes less. Babies need about 14-16 hrs of sleep a day, which means they can't be awake more than 2 hours or so. Sleep begets sleep, so once he is tired, (rubbing eyes), get him to bed! you really have to be consistent, so that they understand it is naptime. it's hard to do, because sometimes they really want to be awake! but being a parent is about setting limits and enforcing them sometimes, even at this age. it made a HUGE difference right away.
Finally, we tackled night time. I tried to continue co-sleeping but it just stopped working for us, mainly because I put my daughter to bed two hours earlier than before- at 6pm. Sounds crazy? it worked like a CHAMP. Within 2 nights, she was sleeping for 10-12 hours straight. if she cried, i went in and soothed her, (i would let her fuss, but not cry) but for some unknown reason, this earlier bedtime, coupled with a regular daytime routine suddenly "clicked" for her. I nursed her when she woke up in the morning, at 6am. I hated giving up co-sleeping, but she and I and my husband slept so much better when we had our own space, and it gave my husband and I some time alone together, which was really nice! All was not peaches and cream- some nights she was REALLY mad when I'd leave her room... but kids get mad sometimes, and i made sure that i didn't abandon her in her room to cry- but I would let her fuss and sort it out.
And no- the later you keep a baby up does NOT mean they will sleep later in the morning. they are not like adults. so if your son won't sleep past 7... then he's just not going to sleep past 7. 7 is really late for a baby anyway! So that's great he'll sleep that late! Since he needs about 14 hours of sleep a day, you'll have to put him to bed earlier in order to ensure he's getting the right amount of sleep. Right now it sounds that he's overtired, and can't settle himself to stay asleep. That and he needs to learn to fall asleep by himself and not through nursing. he's old enough to be taught how to do this. a lovey will help, as will a routine. it'll probably take you 2-4 weeks to figure it out. Co-sleeping is wonderful and I do miss it, but I realize now that seeing my happy, healthy, well-rested kid that giving it up was best for all of us.
there's just a lot of give and take, and although i thought I was set in my ways and parenting the way I wanted, i realized my daughter was telling me she needed something else for it to work for her. So we slowly changed, each of us, until we found what worked.
phew that was long, but i know sleeping is such a difficult and sensitive subject-what works for someone might not work for you, so the main point is to do what your son needs and be consistent! i wish you lots of luck!
Hi S.,
I am so happy to hear that you are practicing attachment parenting. It really is great, and in the end you will be happy you did. I have 4 children. We practiced attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding etc. My almost 18 year old will be starting college soon. We had our ups and downs during her teen-age years, but we were still connected.
All of what you have mention could be the issue behind the lack of sleeping---teething, developmental milestones, etc. Babies and children are constantly changing--and just when they seem to fit into a nice schedule, it goes out the window.
The constipation is a concern. Is he eating more solids than breastmilk? Solids should only be a complement to the breastmilk for the second half of the first year. Is there a particular food that is causing the issue? Is he eating rice cereal? This can cause problems. Although it is normally recommended as a first food, it can cause constipation. If you have not already, you can try taking a little bit of a fresh banana and smashing it to a consistency suitable for him. Bananas are a good first food.
Hope this helps.
G. T.
S., we found establishing a routine (and sticking with it) useful for our daughter, now 3. The Happy Contented Baby book was really useful for helping us establish those routines-wake up at 7, nap at 10, etc. Children typically respond well to routines - as a first time parent, I didn't really understand how to manage that, so I found the guidelines in the book extremely helpful.
Not sure what might be causing the constipation-did your pediatrician recommend the enemas? Good luck!
If you are breastfeeding, try eating something or taking suppliments containing calcium and especially magnesium about 1-2 hours before your bedtime nursing. Or, add a little calcium and magnesium to formula -- please CHECK with doctor for the right amount and type. Really helps.
Read the book Healthy sleep habits, happy child by Marc Weissbluth... amazing amazing sleep book that will help fix all your sleep problems including napping and nighttime sleep. It will help you develop a schedule for your baby and understand when and how much sleep he will need. At 6 months he definitaly shouldn't be waking up 30 min. after going to sleep and he shouldn't be nursed to sleep... he should be self soothing himself. He also should be getting a total of about 15 hours of sleep a day with his nighttime sleep and his daytime sleep. I loved this book because it not only looked at the "cry it out" technique, but it included other styles of parenting as well. Happy sleeping!
Wow, this sounds exactly like when my son (now 19 months) was that age!!! I completely feel for you! We also consider ourselves 'attachment parents', as we are still breastfeeding, cosleeping, believing in and responding to baby's cries, etc. So, I understand your wanting to stay away from CIO. I do believe it would be helpful to get a routine down for your babe. As soon as he begins to show signs of being tired in the morning, lay down with him and have at least 'quiet time' even if he doesn't actually sleep at that time. Then get up and play/have lunch/get some outside time and as soon as he shows those tired signs, take another 'quiet time' with him. After a while, he will begin to notice this routine and hopefully get into a natural rhythym where he wants to go down for those 2 naps. I didn't really do this with our son, but I sure wish I had! I totally agree that the milestones create changes in sleep patterns, too. We still go through periods where our son wakes a few times a night, and then he'll get back to where he sleeps most of the night. Good luck to you, and feel free to PM me if you like.
Children go through phases, even with sleep. There's always something going on, from trying new things, to growth spurts, etc. This phase too will pass. I think too many parents get caught up in what other people think their child "should" be doing, all kids are individuals and do things in their own way, in their own time. Just relax, follow your instincts, and your child will be just fine, you're doing great!
As for nursing to sleep, if it's fine for you and your baby, go for it. I nursed mine to sleep until they weaned, I was fine with it, it was less stressful for both of us (and if your baby senses that you are stressed, they'll have a harder time going to sleep) and they are both very independent and confident preschoolers with great sleep habits.
I have done the attachment parenting with my son. We only started having a schedule with him at about 20 months. Up until a month ago we just for the most part went with the flow. As your little one goes through the many changes that occur during the first 2 years of life, anything can affect his sleep patterns and needs. We have probably gone through at least a dozen different bedtimes and nap times. We have kept the routines the same, but have altered the times as needed. The more you meets his needs the easier it gets as he gets older because he trusts you.
First, many of your observations about the situation could be right - teething, constipation, growth/developmental spurt, etc. You sound very in touch with your son which is great (althoug I don't know about the whole emema thing - I have to admit that sounds like a very bad idea.)
But my best thought is that he is not sleeping enough, even if he is asleep by 8:00. Babies that age should be sleeping around 16 hours in total, I think. Should be aiming for like 10-12 hours at night and a 2-3 long naps, at least an hour, or a bunch of shorter catnaps. And 7:00 is not early!! Both my kids woke around 5:30-6:30 as infants - 7:00 is lucky!! He will probably wake around then, no matter what time you put him to sleep - his internal cliock tells him when it is daytime.
Anyway, he sounds tired. I would work on getting him to sleep more during the day. It sounds like by the evening, he is overtired and hard to settle. I am surprised he has done well so far, but it may be catching up with him now that he is so big and busy, I suggest the "Healthy Sleep Habits of a Happy Child" book. The basic premise is that sleep begets sleep, and young babies should be up no more than two hours at time. I have a four month old who starts getting tired around 1-1.5 hours and naps for 1-3 hours depending on the nap. In the am, she wakes around 6 and is awake until around 7:30 and then naps for about 2.5 hours. Her other naps are shorter, but she takes about 4 in total. And she sleeps 10 hours straight at night.
I am a fan of many aspects of attachment parenting, although I don't cosleep. I have found, with my second child in particular, that she is easily overstimulated. My first child nursed and rocked to sleep. Often, my second needs to just go in her crib and go to sleep on her own (even when she was just a few weeks old). I do NOT cry it out, NEVER, but I have learned that letting her fuss for 5-10 minutes is much easier on both of us then trying to rock her for almost an hour. She has ben a self-soother from the start.
I wonder if your son might be overstimulated during the day and not learning to self-sooth. It sounds like he might really rely on you to sleep (he is used to the cosleeping arrangment). Maybe he is having trouble napping during the day because you aren't with him. Of course you could nap with him, but that seems like a bad plan. Or if you are "babywearing" him for naps, it may be too much for him to rest fully. So maybe you can work on creating a good self-soothing nap environment. Get him a crib, start a naptime routine in his room, etc. In addition to helping now with nap sleeping, it will help when you decide to fully transition him to his own room.
