5Th Year Old Party Invitation Etiquette

Updated on April 07, 2010
A.T. asks from Boston, MA
9 answers

My son will be turning 5 in a few months. I will be having a party outside of the house. The venue has a max # of kids that I can have at the party so I'm not sure what to do. Is it rude to invite only his closer friends from his preschool class to the party or do I have to invite ALL the kids in his class? I am inviting his cousins and his friends from outside of school to the party as well so that will bump the number of kids up. Can I just invite some and not all?!

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C.C.

answers from Fresno on

I agree with the other moms - don't hand out the invites at school unless you're able to invite all the kids, or all the boys in his class. But it is perfectly ok not to invite everyone he knows (gets expensive fast).

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A.H.

answers from Boston on

I like to use evite.com that way the other parents know who is invited and who isn't. Causes less trouble that way.

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N.S.

answers from Boston on

I think it is fine as long as you mail or hand invites to parents. Just don't have your son do it as kids make a big deal. There may be some stuff said in class so explain to your son about being polite to those not invited. I think it's a fact of life. Kids may have their feelings hurt when they are not invited but it is not right to make your kids be friends w/everyone. Life doesn't work that way. We should be teaching kids to get along with each other in a respectful way even if they are not friends. Plus think of it this way, do you want to send your kid to everyone elses party or just their friends? I think we are sometimes relieved to not go to these things.

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

yes, it is ok to invite some and not all. Just ask him not to discuss the party at school.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

It is okay to invite some not all but I think it is important that the "some" be less than half the class. Not fair to just leave out a few kids. This is a good time to start teaching kindness and stress how important it is to not discuss the party at school. Also, it can be helpful to spread the word to the parents of the children invited so they can explain that same etiquette to their child. Or just not tell their child about it til the party is closer. At 5 that should be easy enough to do.

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S.F.

answers from Madison on

If you want to invite just some of the kids from his preschool class that is fine. Just be sure to mail the invitations to their homes and not hand them out in class.

This is another option for cutting down on the number of kids. Instead of inviting the whole class you could just invite the boys from class. I've done this in the past for my daughter's parties (girls from class only). Otherwise it is just too many kids to invite.

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E.G.

answers from Boston on

I agree that you should send the invites to homes and not hand them out at school. Many preschools have a policy that you have to invite all of the children to spare feelings.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

You can invite just his close friends, but make sure you mail the invites and I would suggest including a little note that he is not inviting everyone so that it isn't a topic of conversation at pick-up! Also, figure out the numbers b/c if you are only over by a handful of kids, keep in mind that some children will not be able to attend and you may be able to ask for an early RSVP and then extend an invite to the other classmates if space allows!

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Yes, invite just those you want. As long as you aren't inviting all but 1 or 2 in the class, it's fine. And of course don't give out the invitations in the school. I personally think it is crazy for people to have huge parties for young kids - they don't get it, they can't handle everything, and it looks like a big gift-fest. When they go to elem school, then you have 20-25 kids in a class. So I never wanted to have my kid receive 25 gifts (which no one wants to sit thru the opening of!) and I didn't want him to have to write 25 thank you notes - AND I didn't want him to go to 25 parties for the other kids. That's every other week at least that there's a party! We followed the age-number rule - when he was 5, he got to invite 5 friends. When he was 9, 9 friends. Beyond that, he usually wanted to do something more expensive so he took 3 really good friends to the movies or to a museum. Try to keep it simple and more enjoyable. When you start receiving a lot of invitations, try to help your child choose who his really good friends are, and just accept those. Otherwise birthdays become monotonous, and your life is spent shopping for gifts that your child never sees his friends open and he never gets thanked for.

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