my daughter, is 5- and is extremly attached to her pacifier still. she only sucks it at night- and really it is to help her fall asleep because within minutes it usually falls out of her mouth and she doesn't really us it all night. Obviously, she is old enough not to have it, and she knows that it isn't appropriate, and is actually embarressed to have her 11 mo. old brother even see her with it in her mouth.
She says, she needs it and loves it and that she will give it up when she is 6. (she said this when she was 4, and 5 was the magic # then.)
I don't want to be cruel, but the dentist and doctor must think I am nuts to allow this and keep telling us both to take it away. Just want to hear anything anyone has to advise! My 9 yr. old had a pacie, and he and i cut the nipple when he was 4 & 1/2 and he never missed it. She is obviously more attached than he was because when I tried this 1 yr. ago- she was devistated and cried like her heart was broken. Of course, she has like 5 pacies, so there was a back up. Again, anything you have to offer is appreciated!!
oh, first of all, thank you ALL for your advice. The route we decided to take was a slower process but it worked! First, we talked about WHY it was important. Then the 1st night, we told her that the plan was to take the paci out of her mouth when she fell asleep. This we did for a few days, and she didn't have it thru the night. We made a big deal about it every morning, "wow you slept all night w/out it, your such a big girl!" Even her 9yr old brother got in on it, and made up a "pacie chart", showing the tally of her nightly successes. (So cute)!
Then came last Sunday, we visited my sister, and my daughter didn't pack her pacie for the car ride home. She ended up falling asleep in the car, and didn't ask for her pacie at all (which is unusual for her). She slept the entire night w/ out it and without waking up looking for it. In the morning, again- we all make a big deal about her success. She was pleased AND beginning to get used to not having it in her mouth (this is a habit, afterall). Again, marking on the pacie chart, etc.
I told her if she did it again for another night- this time in her bed and no pacie to fall asleep, that I would take her to Target, and she could choose any toy she wanted, to reward her for her big achievement. BUT, if she regressed, and had the pacie that night, or for any other night- the toy would have to be returned.
She successfully made it through the night, so I took her to Target and she selected a Barbie w/ a dog & pups. she played with it all day, and we all reminded her how proud we were and how great she had a new barbie because she was a big girl now. From that night on she has had success, and hasn't asked for it once!!! She is still marking her pacie chart and is so proud of herself. I think the key was that it was a family strategy and we all helped her "kick" her habit!
We do still plan on using the pacie fairy approach to dispose of them... probably next week.
I see that others have suggested the "binky fairy". I just wanted to say that the binky fairy worked like a charm for my daughter, she was 3.
Good luck!
Have you thought of having some sort of reward for her giving it up? Does she have a stuffed animal or blanket that she sleeps with? I'm kind of in the same boat with my 4 year old son who still sleeps with his binkie and I'm going to have to think of doing this soon myself!! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
D.,
I think it's time the Binky Fairy came to your house. My son hasn't had an attachment to a binky because I just followed my Mom's lead from when I was younger, and didn't let it be about sleep...just soothing or distraction.
But, what I have seen done is the 'binky fairy' like on Supernanny as one poster mentioned. My friend had a big party with her and the kids and the hubby and they put ALL the binkies in a special basket and let the Fairy some cookies and milk. In the morning the binkies were gone and in their place was a stuffed duck (my cousin loves ducks).
Good Luck and don't worry...we ALL only do the best we can.
It may sound a bit mean but maybe you should suggest a sleepover. Either have one at your house or have her go somewhere. I'd be willing to bet she changes her mind when a peer might see her with it.
Another trick I saw on Supernanny was that she had the "Binky Fairy" come and take all the pacifiers and leave a treat (toy or money or something that your child would like). The first couple nights might be a little tough but if you transfer the dependence to maybe a special thing like a Build-a-Bear that you make with her, that might just help. But YOU have to be the strong one here! Good luck ;)
~V
Throw them all away and say no more...you are not a baby, you don't need it. If she needs something to sleep let her wear your watch or take a stuffed toy to bed.
Hi D.,
That was a really hard thing for us too. What I would strongly recommend is a transitional object. What we did was explained to our son that he was too old for his paci and that he choose whatever he wanted to replace it. Your daugther is old enough to really understand this concept. So we took him to a store with a big stuffed animal section and let him pick anything he wanted. Then we explained that we were going to take his paci away, but now any time he wanted his paci he should give his new stuffed animal big hugs and lots of love ...and it worked. He just transitioned from one object to another.
I hope this was helpful. Good luck!
A.
Hi D.,
I feel your pain. My almost 4 year old only ever used her paci for naps and night so I kept delaying getting rid of it. Once she stopped napping I picked a date about a month ahead of time and we talked about who should get the pacis. She wanted to send them to the baby monkeys and giraffes at the zoo. I was terrified. For a few weeks before she would say, "Tonight I'll sleep without it," but as she lie in bed trying to fall asleep she would just cry and say, "I'm not ready yet Mommy" (heartbreaking) I put them in a box, wrote the address of the zoo and let her give them to our mailman. The first night it took her about an hour to fall asleep (usually asleep in 5 minutes) but since she knew there were no pacis in the house she didn't protest. Next morning we went to get sparkly nail polish and did her nails since now she was a big girl. The second night was about 30 minues and by the 3rd night she was back to falling asleep quickly. She does have a little blankie that she sleeps with which I think helps. I stressed about it so much more than I should have. You can do this and you have to believe in her that she can do it.
Good luck!
Hi Debbi,
I would take away all of her pacifiers except one. Then when that one becomes to old, then that's the end of that. If it gets lost, then that is also the end of it.
I'm sure she will be heart broken, but it won't take her long to get over it.
Good luck!
Sounds like you need a visit from the pacifier fairy. Tell your daughter that there are babies around the world who can't afford them and need to have hers; collect ALL of them up and put them in a special basket or bag and put them either hanging in a tree or under a bush and then during the night, throw them out where she can't find them and leave a special present for her. This does work. She may be sad for a bit but it's worth it. Praise her for being so grown up to help other babies. Good luck!
Hi D.
The best thing to do is to somehow make it your daughter's idea to give it up. Forcing her to stop using it is only going to make a lot of headaches for everyone. The biggest problem in the world today is everyone trying to force everyone else into their mold. She needs to feel respected, she needs to feel like she is in control without you loosing control or your position as the adult. Here are a couple of suggestions on how to achieve it. First ask her questions about how she feels when she has the pacifier, Why she feels she needs it, Does she like having it, How does it make her feel when others know she has it, etc. BUT you must ask the questions in a non-threating and non-judgemental manner. Then try to reason with her, but not by making her feel bad. If you are making a big deal about it she is NOT going to give it up. After your conversation with her tell her "I love you and I know you will give it up when you are ready to give it up." Reinforce the positive. If she asks questions about it be positive. Let me know what her answers are to your questions, what questions you asked and how, and if she has any of her own and I will give you the answers that I gave my daughter.
Hi D.!
I don't have any personal experience with pacifiers as my kids never used them. However, many of my friends children have used them. One friend did something really cute with her son's pacifier...She took him to build a bear and had him choose an animal to make and they stuffed the pacifier in the animal and then closed him up! That way he still has the security of knowing his pacifier is there with him, but he no longer needs to suck on it. I thought it was a brilliant idea! :) Other friends have had their kids "trade in" the pacifier for a new toy or something. Some have had their kids turn in the pacifier for some younger kids that might need them, etc...
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!! :)
D., You are doing your daughter a disservice. Tell your daughter that there are babies around the world who can not afford pacis and tomorrow the mailman is coming by for donations and he must gather her's. I wish you all the best.
I'm agreeing with the mom who said get rid of it at 1.
But since she's 5 it is a problem, throw them out. So she will be sad for a night or 2, but by the 3rd day she won't even remember. Get a back bone mom, take her to do something big girls do. Have a martinellies toast to bye bye binki. Then let her have a sleep over. She won't want it in front of a friend, once she knows she can do it that night she'll be fine the next.
She really will be fine with it by the 3rd night. Make sure you get them all. J.
Dear D.,
My oldest son used his until he was about 6 years old. We had moved around a lot and it was his security at bed time. We would go in and "uncork" him pulling it out of his mouth and it would make a loud suction noise. Since it was only in his bed, I figured orthodontics where better than psychiatric visits when he was older. He eventually gave it up on his own. The fairy idea may work, but personally, I would not force it. She isn't sucking her thumb which many children do until a lot latter.
H.
I love the idea of the binky fairie!!! I agree with going cold turkey also. As a former dental assistant, I can't even begin to tell you the damage you are doing (structurally) to her mouth, which is way worse than a week or so of crying and having a fit over a binky. Best of luck to you :)
Take her to the store and pick out a new teddy or something to comfort her at night...in fact, go to a build a bear workshop and make one....you can even put the pacifier IN IT. But...it's time! Be consistent, don't give in. The first few nights will be really hard but after a week things will die down and she will get used to not having it! Since it is her security tho...I would recomend replacing it with something.
Take it away. cold turkey. You are doing her more harm by letting her act like a baby. It's horrible for her teeth and if the dr. and dentist say to take it away, you probably should listen to them. I don't think anyone should have it after 1! Let alone 2,3,4 or 5!
My son was also devoted to his pacifier. However what we did to help him give it up was get the "Paci Fairy" to come and take them away and leave a present in exchange. This allowed my little boy to partake in the exchange.... we wrapped all his pacifiers up and he drew a picture for the fairy and then we left them in the mailbox. The next day a present arrived. Don't get me wrong. It was still difficult. For about a week he was willing to exchange the present back and it took him much longer to fall asleep because he had to learn a whole new way. But he knew those Pacifiers were gone (and I really got rid of them so I couldn't back out either!) and we just had to get through it. The longer they have relied on them the harder it will be. It is a definite withdrawal but you just have to bite the bullet and go for it. In a month or so it will all be forgotten.
Best of luck.
I saw on super nanny one time where she told the girl (who was around 5 and old enough to understand and do this) that there were other babies in the world that didn't have pacis and it would really help if she could give it up so they could have a turn and then help her make up a big elaborate envelope designed for other babies. She can color it and use glitter glue to make it sparkly. Then when the "mail man" takes the package from the mail box to the other babies the next day there will be a thank you package for her in there with a thank you card and color books or a stuffy to help her sleep or something to make her feel like she was helping babies.
My cousin's son had several - he'd use one and hold the rest as his "security blanket" and would panic if even one was missing. She took him out and showed him the squirrels and told him how the baby squirrels didn't have pacifiers, etc. They "gave" the pacifiers to the mommy squirrels for the babies. She said he did really great with that because he got to be a big boy and help the baby animals.
what i would do is get rid of her back ups. so that when you finally cut the nipple of the one she uses she wont have one to fall back on. explain to her that shes a big girl now and that pacies are for little babies. i had my daughter off the pacie by 4 months of age. i had to give it back at 5 months (she got chicken pox and hardly ate so the pacie soothed her). then i just took it away she didnt care at all. my daughter is a fast transitioner. she was on the the cup and off the bottle at 7 months. i think if your firm with her she will do whats needed.
I have to agree with the binky fairy idea. This works especially well for girls. You take all her binkies, put them in a basket near her bed, in the morning the fairy has come and taken the binkies to other boys and girls who need them or to her magic land whatever version you like, and replaced them with a special toy! My friend had excellent luck with this when he daughter was four. At 7 her daughter still talks about it and can't wait until the fair comes for her little sister's binkies!
I also love the build a bear idea! They also have dolls now too so whatever she is into that might be a nice transition thing to cuddle with and feel secure.
Have you tried cutting of the tips of the paci? This worked for my neice, she didn't cry or anything. Good luck
You don't have a crib still, but friends of ours zip tied it to the crib, so she had to stand outside the crib to suck on it. You could do the same onto something else.
We (my neighbor and myself) both played up the Paci Fairy also, the fairy needed to come get it to take it to other babies who really needed it. ETC. etc. Then you could have the paci fairy leave a special surprise.
I agree with Ashley B, just cut the tip off the paci. If she still 'needs' it, cut a little more off everyday. This was an easy and successful way my daughter decided 'on her own' that she didn't want it anymore. If you need more, the Paci Fairy can come one night (because she is a big girl now,) and replace them all with a little prize!
Good Luck
