5 Year Old Angst!!!

All you can do is really keep a positive attitude. When she starts in tell her she can only say positive things. When she starts to push a button tell her she has to take five minutes and say something nice about everyone in the room. If she doesn't want to it is fine but she will have to go draw and color a picture of something beautiful. Ask her to help you do something nice for someone. This can be helping pick up the toys, set out a snack, whatever. If the other children don't want to play with her don't force the issue. She is old enough to understand a lot more than we realize she does. Explain to her the other children want to be happy and you want her to be happy but if she doesn't do and say nice things she will have to spend a lot of time alone. If you make it a policy they can not say negative things while they are in your home or play alone they will all get along better.

I had this problem with one of my daughter's friends. It got to the point that my husband and two older boys begged me to not invite this girl over anymore. We had the luxury of doing just that. The girls weren't in the same kindergarten class (per my request) so they didn't spend as much time together as they had been. After the summer passed between kindergarten to 1st grade, this child absolutely transformed. She is a completely different girl. She is polite, sweet and does not "push buttons" like she used to. So, I guess what I'm saying is that it could just be a phase. She may grow out of it. In the meantime, show her a good example and continue to be a positive influence. Good luck!!

I can feel what you are going through. I have a 5 year old and watch 2 other 5 year olds. All 3 are girls. One of the girls I watch is the same way the child is that you wrote about. We have talked with her mother. She just thinks it is funny. Her mother is the same way though. We have just decided to stay positive and let her know everytime that what she is doing is not nice at all. We explain to her how she makes others feel when she does whatever it is she is doing. We let her know what she should be doing. Eventually though we will have to separate her from the other 2 girls. My daughter feels so bad when we have to take the little girl out of the room with them. My daughter doesn't like to see anyone get in trouble. She will even try to go sit in time out with her. I always feel bad, but she has to learn that even though she can do these things at home, it is not acceptable here, or anywhere else. I know she understands, but it has to be confusing to her. I feel sooooo bad for her. So I guess my advise would be to stay consistent, and positive. Good luck!!!

I have care for children in my home also. I have read the responses you have gotten and they are all good, especially your house your rules. We have a group time every morning a review the rules here daily. I also give stickers on a chart for good days. The children really enjoy getting a positive reward. It is hard, I have some that seem to run their house but when they are with me they behave or go to the "think about it" spot and then have to try and tell me why they were there. Sometimes getting them to tell you why they got in trouble is easier then you telling them. If you know that she may be starting to have an episode start a conversation with her if you can. I have all boys here and we are on a pretty standard schedule but if one seems to be having a troubled day we sometimes get out the exercise mats and do tumbling or something to expell the extra energy into something positive.

Set up the "That doesn't happen at my house" mentality. As soon as you see that that's happening, nip it in the bud every time and deal with it consistantly (with time outs, or whatever).

Even with the sitter I have, she watches my girls at her house, and my girls will start running around - we both will tell them "There's no running at Ms. Debbie's house."

Be sure to let her know with each action what's going on..."We don't tease others at my house", "We don't push/shove at my house." That way it sort of takes away from the "Well my parents let me do that..." "Well, you aren't at your parent's house, are you? When we're at my house, I make the rules, and the rules are that you don't do that here." Repeat as often as needed.

I've babysat enough kids to know that if you're paying attention, you can almost see kids think...and know that they're about up to something, then it happens. (Like Bill Cosby says: If you're ever in an accident, you're going to have soiled underwear because first you say it, then you do it.) I noticed that on several occasions with my own daughters. You see then start thinking, then they go over and slug another kid and take their toy. So - Mental note to self, next time you see them thinking, they get up to go towards another kid for seemingly no reason, say, "Hey Johnny, what are you doing?" The response will invariably be, "Nothing" as they change direction and go do something else. But watch for the rebound...the Johnny may go back for another pass if he thinks you're not watching. I know that it's impossible to divert every possible occurance, but you can divert some of them.

Good luck!