5 Too Young to Be Cleaning up After Themselves??? What Is Your Opinion?

A 5 year old can wipe something from the floor.

At this age I would have him do age appropriate chores.
Keep in mind, they might not do it perfectly. But that is not the point.
The POINT is, that they "try their best." And then participate, in the family.
That to me, is the point. Not about how 'perfect' it is done. That will come with time and age.

I know my kids will not clean up just like me. But at least if they are doing chores and helping and doing "their best..." then that is fine with me.

A 5 year old, is CERTAINLY old enough... to do things. But, if you have a child clean an ENTIRE room, by themselves, it may be overwhelming and they will not want to try. So keep things, relative. Not expecting him to clean ENTIRE room, but just a small area of it. Just helping. With you. That is the point.

A child, learns a lot by doing chores.
Helping the family, and being a PART of the family, being the key point. For me.
That they are not, helpless.
But doing things and helping, with others in the family.

Also, by helping with chores... it gives a child a great sense of accomplishment... and feeling proud of themselves. That is a golden lesson.

I have my 3 1/2 year old clean up if he spills! Then, I clean again with him watching. I think it is just fine to teach them how to clean up after themselves and practice makes perfect!

The younger they assume responsibility to do stuff like that, the easier it will be on everyone later. I always had the attitude that if they're old enough to get the stuff out, they're old enough to help clean up.

When he's at school or will attend school, the teachers will expect him to clean up his own mess. They don't care how you do as long as it gets done. As he keeps doing it on a regular basis, he will learn how to properly clean up with your help.

The school where my 5 yr old attend, all of the children clean up their own mess. The teacher supervises them while they clean up. At home my son is responsible for cleaning his plate and putting the items in the sink. I'm teaching him to sort his laundry and he has that pretty much down pack. Of course, he loves to do these things now because it makes him feel responsible and independant. Just as your son was telling his dad that he could do it.

Hubby needs to take a trip to a local pre school and observe. He will see how the children clean up after themselves.

You asked and so I'm gonna tell you my opinion.

You were totally right.

Your son wanted to clean up and you were going to let him. Your message to your son was "I think you are capable of taking care of it."

Your husband probably hasn't a clue but his message was, "You aren't good enough." He just stole something from your son.... a little bit of his self-confidence.

You let the child clean it up, then you go and finish where he missed. When your child starts school in a few months, he'll be expected to clean up after himself. It's how children learn how to physically do things, but also how to be responsible.

One thing I do if it's a big sticky mess like the yogurt, is I'll get the most of it cleaned up, then I'll let him finish. I just tell him, "I'm just getting it started". Even my 3 year old knows how to wipe up yogurt.

Just like when I let my husband does the dishes... I go and rearrange the bowls in the dishwasher b/c he can *never* get it right.

5 is too old to not be cleaning up after themselves! My youngest is 3 he puts his toys away, dirty clothes in the laundry room, clears his dirty dishes, and if he spills or makes a mess with food he cleans it to the best of his ability.

I encourage my 2 and 3 year old to clean up their messes. I think it's important for them to learn how to clean up a mess (metaphorically and literally) and to take responsibility for their actions and follow through. Don't cry over spilled milk, just wipe it up! However, when we are in a rush or at someone else's home, I generally clean up the mess (it's just easier).

So, obviously, I don't think 5 is too young.

My 2 year old helps clean messes all the time. Spilled yogurt, spilled milk, dropped pretzels. Most of the time we have to go behind her and clean it up "right", but she is learning, she's not only learning to clean up but to take responsibility for her actions. I imagine your hubby saw your son smearing yogurt everywhere and became frustrated at the mess getting bigger. And I also imagine that since he is gone so much he tends to coddle your son a little more than you as a way of making up for lost time.

You should encorage your 5 yr old to help. I always say the only way my child is going to get it right, is if I show him/her MORE than 1 time the right way. If first you don't succeed, try try again. Cleaning for a 5 yr old is a good thing. If he/she can learn the skills of picking up after themselves at an early age, they will get it later in life. If your husband is worried your son is doing Womens Work, then he needs to get involved in a different way. But in this day and age, there is no Womens Work. When your future daughter-in-love has an accident, your son will manage by himself. Even if he goes on his own later in life, he will be able to take care of himself and show a woman what a great catch you have.
You are doing a great job...stick with it!

I make my 2 year old clean up after herself. Of course, I go back and clean up messes when she is done, but she feels good about herself and I'm teaching her that we clean up after ourselves. I don't even clean it up when she can see me because I don't want her to think that I'm correcting her. She's trying and that's all that matters to me. Even though it's on a small scale, you are teaching your son responsibility and that will go a long way in the future.

I make my 4yr old do the same and we started at 3 ... he needs guidance but these are life skills that need to be learned and the younger the better it teaches them responsibility.

Absolutely not too young to clean up after himself! The earlier the better. My son (now nine), started way before 5. Keep doing what your doing Mom, keep up the good work! :)

No, No, No. Teach them young it will help everyone out in the long run. I actually just posted something about having my 7 and 5 y.o clean up after themselves since they can't seem to hit the potty.

I think it is a wonderful idea to teach kids how to clean at an early age this way it is just second nature to them to pick up after themselves.

Good Job Mommy!

He may be too young to do a thorough job, but God Bless the little guy for trying!

I think teaching him to clean up his own messes is perfectly acceptable. My boys are 4 1/2 and 19 months, my oldest cleans up after himself (to the best of his ability) and has for some time, and my youngest is learning.

I think you are doing a great job. Keep it up Momma.

J., keep doing what you are doing. No, there is nothing wrong having him clean up after himself. Of course a 5 year old isn't going to clean as good as an adult (I hope), but you have taught your son great values and responsibility. If you do it for him most of the time, he'll grow and get old and still rely on you to clean up after him. With my older two I cleaned up behind them when they were younger. I'm still telling them almost 16 and 14 to pick this and that up. My husband stayed home with our youngest, 4 year old now. He does pick up his toys better than his older siblings.

One time my 4 year old spilled his koolaid in the living room floor. I had him help me clean it up. Nothing wrong with it at all.

You are great mother and teaching your children to be responsible for their actions and clean. You Go Mommy!

My daughter is almost 4 and she cleans up her own messes, with my help if it's a bigger mess and requires cleaner. Also both kids (6 and almost 4) are required to clean up their plates after they are done eating. Scrape their plates in the garbage. My oldest puts his dishes in the dishwasher and my youngest just needs to put the dishes on the counter for me to do it. She can't quite reach to put stuff in the dishwasher. I do not think you were asking to much of him. This is how they learn responsibility. In my house, if you make a mess, you clean it up or ask for help if you can't do it yourself.

My soon-to-be-3 yr old son cleans-up after himself within reason:
- Throws his trash in the garbage
- Puts his plate, cup and silverware in the sink
- Learning to put the covers on his bed
- Picks up his toys and puts them in the correct places when asked

Honestly, your husband probably has no idea how capable your son really is! I don't think he's looking for you to do all of the work, he just doesn't want his little boy to get frustrated. My husband tends to overly shelter our little guy too, so when he's starting to do so, I jokingly call him "Marlon"- the father from "Finding Nemo" as a reminder to let go and let him learn from his experiences!

No way is he too young! Good for you for allowing him to be more or less self-sufficient so early on! I think men sometimes forget how capable our children can be, and more importantly, the sense of pride it gives our children when they accomplish something on their own. Good job mama!

no he is old enough keep doing what you are doing my 2 1/2 yr old puts trash in the trash can helps unload and load the dishwasher and picks his food up off the floor (with help of course) picks up his toys and (i have to start it) and he sweeps the floor (of course he just spreads it instead of sweeping. ) and we wash the bathtub walls when we take a bath with a wash rag. he picks up empty store sacks and puts in my sack holder carries groceries and helps put them up. so he is definately old enough. my oldest did laundry at 7. (because his daddy got hurt and i couldnt do it all) he ruined the first load by using bleach thinking it was detergent but bless his heart for trying. and my 2 yr old loves to take out the trash. :)

oh, please! The kiddies in my daycare enjoy picking up & cleaning up after themselves.....& right now, the youngest are <18 months old & will cry if I don't let them carry their cups to the sink! They beeline it to the trashcan with whatever they find, they fight over the slightest piece of paper on the floor for the privilege! They LOVE wiping down the table & chairs.

There is everything RIGHT with teaching children to be self-sufficient. !!

& there is everything WRONG with being an overly-critical parent. !!

I'm on your side! Peace.....

Not too young. Let him do his best ...and then clean it the rest of the way yourself...when he is not looking. If you wait for perfection, it will never come and you will do it yourself always. Teenagers are NOT very good at cleaning up after themselves, and neither are some husbands! The key is to encourage the activity, however non-perfect the results.

Absolutely you are right!!! My goodness, let him clean it..say Good Job! and then finish the job yourself when he's not looking it it's not up to par! Think how proud your little one feels when he cleans his own mess up and you say Good Job! No offense, but not sure where your DH is coming from. For me..it's common sense-

My 2 year old would clean that mess.

You are 100% right about this one, and your husband should be ashamed for speaking that way! Your son is obviously a bright and capable young boy who WANTS to learn and help.

In Montessori schools, they teach kids much younger than 5 to do household work like sweeping, setting the table, etc. It is not child labor! It's teaching kids responsibility and independence.

So good for you - keep doing what you're doing! And tell your husband not to belittle your son when he's trying so hard. After all, he's ONLY 5 - ha!!

Jen
www.morethanmothers.com

If your son is old enough to volunteer to clean up something, he's old enough to do it. With my children, I say,"Let's do it together so I can show you a good way to do it and next time you can do it yourself." If it's not the best clean-up job then once he leaves the room, I complete the cleaning. If a child is never allowed to do things because they aren't doing it right that only teaches them they should never attempt something new unless they can do it perfect the first time. Not a good thing to teach a child.

No way!! I'm teaching my 21 month old to clean his messes. My mom was the same way and didn't make us clean up after ourselves. My husband's mom was, as well. We STILL struggle with keeping up on housework. We are determined to teach my son responsibility for his messes. We want him to take pride in keeping his space clean and cleaning up messes. Kids NEED to know how to clean when they spill, or after they play. It's a good thing. Since your husband is only there for 10% of the parenting...and I assume it's not for the disciplining/teaching part...you should keep doing what you're doing! HE doesn't have to deal with the ramifications of not teaching a child responsibility and pride in cleanliness and order.

Hi J.
I definely don't think he is too young. I think you are teaching him great life lessons and should continue.
My son is 3yrs and he helps me to clean the house,he has done from a very young age.
He does hoovering ,moping etc. with my assistence.
I think one of the good parenting traits is to teach your child independence.
All the best
B. k

When my 6 year old daughter was 4.5 she got a horse for Christmas. (We are a horse family.) Part of the deal was that she has to keep her room tidy and help with chores to keep her horse. She has been helping since before that though. So, no, 5 years is not too young. My 2 year old can clean up a spill on his old, pretty well really. He can open his own yogurt already also. Kids are capable, we as parents just have to let them show us all they are capable of. Many parents deprive their children of this. I think it is great you are teaching him to help! Go mom!

My almost 5-year-old is expected to try to clean up his spills and I help as needed. I try to be discrete about cleaning up after he tries to clean as my mom used to make a big deal about how I was good at cleaning when I was little and it made me feel bad about myself and angry at her because I did try. I have my son try because I think children learn how to behave based on our expectations and the earlier I start with the expectations (as long as they are reasonable), they more likely they'll live up to them. I also know that my son feels good about himself when he demonstrates that he's competent and I want him to feel competent--what a great way to build self-esteem.

I am on board with you definitely! Maybe because your husband is not able to be as involved as you are, he's just not getting the whole point. My daughter is 5 as well and I've been working with her on cleaning up after herself since she was 4. I think you are being a responsible parent in teaching your son early how to be a responsible, respectable individual. If it helps your husband feel better, maybe you can tell him to let your son clean up for himself and then allow your husband to follow up and clean it better if he thinks it wasn't done good enough. Of course, it wouldn't be good for your son to see this since it's so important for him to feel good about what he's doing. Good luck and stay strong girl!

Simply put, you are right and you are a great parent. Good thing they are with you 90% of the time. (I am sure your husband is great but you are a 'natural' parent and have good instincts on how to parent)

Good luck!

My 3 yr old is a little difficult still, but the 4 yr old is good at it. They are expected to clean up thier own messes. Sure, I may have to go behind them, but that's not the point. I don't need them to do it right, I just need them to know they have to do it. It has really cut down on the messes they make!
I reccomend the Book Nurture Shock for your husband. He isn't doing his darling boy any favors by trying to protect him from life. He has to show confidence in the boy, otherwise he is crippling him with the idea that no achievement is expected or even thought possible of him. Think how your son felt after hearing dad say he wasn't capable of doing it. Where's the self esteeem in that? Where's the love and respect in that for you or for your son?

My son was 2 when he began cleaning up those kinds of spills. Not because I'm mean. And also, I'd be aggrivated not only that he was questioning my parenting and thinking I was wrong, but also because I do not like people correcting my son like that AT ALL. I don't want him developing a sense of not being able to do something right or good enough, and I don't want him feeling like something stupid like yogurt on the floor is something to worry about getting in trouble for.
I would get a paper towel, wet it and wring it out, uncrinkle it, and hand it to my son. He will try to get it up, and I'd say "you're doing good, but try this" or "Don't forget to do this" and direct him, calmly. It's not that big a deal. Maybe I'm sensitive or something, but I would really get agitated if someone made my son feel like he couldn't do something right.
That is not to say I'm always calm cool and collected. But that is how I am 90% of the time for sure, in that situation. You're doing just fine. Children need to have self confidence and independence. And he'd be in a bit more trouble if he showed up at school, like someone else said, not knowing how to do it himself.

No way, you are not wrong to have him clean up his messes. My son is 2.5 and he cleans his messes already. Granted, I usually have to do some cleaning up too, but he knows it is his responsibility to clean it up.

Don't let him make you feel bad about this at all!!!

does your husband always have control issues? maybe he could see a counselor. this is not an issue about who should clean up the yogurt off the floor. This is a five year old saying "please, let me do it myself" and being told "NO, you cant do it well enough!" UNHEALTHY! If you let this continue there will be other things your DH thinks the kids isnt good enough at and he will make this poor child feel inferior.

I think your thinking is right on.

But your husbands thinking is probably much like mine in the fact that a 5 year old is in this instance probably going to make a bigger mess than actually clean it up.

Kudos to you for having the patience and to enhance the learning opportunities.

My son has been cleaning up little spills, room, etc since he was three. They like it. It makes them feel like they are contributing to the family, are the "big helper" and gives them some great lessons in independence and responsibility.

Abosulutely no. They can start cleaning up after themselves much younger... it may be a little more messy for you after, but it teaches them to be responsible and help out. It's wonderful that your 5 year old wants to do it himself. Explain to your loving husband that it's not about making him do it but encouraging him to do his own stuff, learning about respect and responsibilty for his own actions. You can always "help" your son clean it up more efficiently without hurting his feelings or discouraging him. Best wishes and God bless!

absolutely he can do it. It is not going to be like an adult did it but he is intelligent and is already in the routine. Look into Love and Logic to bridge the gap between you and your husband.....it really talks about preparing children to grow up on their own.....

Wow! you received lots of answers! YOU are doing good for your son! You are teaching him responsibility! What? does your husband want to wait until he is 15?? LOL! That will just set in "bad" habits for when he is older. Teaching him is good! Keep up the good work.

5 yo is certainly NOT too young to clean up a mess. Just this morning my 4 1/2 yo spilled some cereal on the floor while getting her breakfast. She got the vacuum and cleaned it up without me even asking her too. She did miss a little so I directed her attention to it but she was soooo excited she did it all by herself. This is how they learn. If at first they don't succeed, then they try try again until they do. They need the foundation now, when they're small, to know it's ok to mess up and then how to fix it, no matter what the mess is.

Do you know why your husband believes otherwise? Is that how his mother was with him? That would make his behavior more understandable. When you have multiple children, they HAVE to help or things just wouldn't get done. Unless you're Super Mom. And if so, then my hat is off to you. :D

A five year old is definitely ready to clean up by himself or herself. A three year old will be ready if you introduce and reinforce the behavior appropriately. Even a two year old could carry something to the sink! Most five year olds dearly love cleaning up, and if you give them the right "tools" and praise, you will never have to hire a cleaning service. Dad could lighten up a bit. Not being around kids as much as you, and wanting to preserve a bit of face seem to be issues.

J.
My oldest (he will be 6 in a couple weeks)has been taught since he was young how to clean, by my mother in law. My husband and i both work full time so my mother in law kept him a lot and taught him how to clean. He does not do the most thorough job but he does try. When he sees me cleaning he goes and grabs cleaning supplies and gets to work to. Usually i have to go over what he has done but at least he is trying. I am not the most patient person but i do try NOT to take away from his efforts. I would say he has been cleaning sine he was about 18 months. As long as the child has been taught that cleaning products are not a toy and they are only to be used when your cleaning, i dont think any age is to young. The younger the better because it becomes routine and they learn how to take care of things.

Your husband should be thankful to have such an amazing wife who is obviously doing an excellent job of raising responsible, well-mannered and self-sufficient children! Good for you!!!

God bless!

I'm TOTALLY with you on this one! It's our job as parents to teach our kids to take care of themselves, to learn to do things so that they can be independant and productive members of society one day. That starts at birth. If your son makes a mess, he should try to clean it up. You SHOULD teach him how to do it (when you use a dry cloth, you sometimes smear the yogurt, so after we've wiped the big stuff up, we get a damp towel to get the rest up so it isn't sticky). Does that mean you can't help him, no, does that mean you can't do it for him sometimes, no, but does that mean you shouldn't TEACH him how to do it? ABSOLUTELY NO! Kudo's to you mom for teaching your son. If he came to my house and did that, I'd be telling you what a great job you were doing. His actions will make him the kid mom's don't mind having over and that grandma doesn't mind babysitting!

Pssh, tell hubby to relax. He is old enough and if he wants to, let him..just keep showing him how if he does do it wrong...you learn from mistakes. My son is almost three and I have him clean up after himself. He helps me around the house. When I clean up, I tell him to pick up a toy and put it back in his room and if there is some trash laying around, I hand it to him and ask that he throw it away. He likes to hold the vaccuum with me too. For his room, I started giving him anywhere from a quarter, dime, nickel or penny when he picks up. I stand and monitor him. When he does it wrong like putting toys on his bed instead of the toybox, I take a toy and show him where it goes. He learns and gets better at it. And plus he gets rewarded with a coin to put in his bank...he doesn't like dollars. Likes the jingle of coins.

You will have to work out with your husband what works for you as a team, of course but strictly speaking on the subject of kids cleaning up, I firmly believe it is a great learning experience.

My kids are 4 and 6 and they the dishwasher (onto the counter and then I put them up and no knives), putting their clothes on hangers (I hang them up), sorting laundry and socks, using the electric broom to clean the floors, cleaning spills etc.) Now they often do't do it all the way but how else will they learn if I don't teach them? I often have to go back over their messes but they are getting an opportunity to practice and even more importantly, learning to take responsibility for their actions and their belongings. They are learning that work is a part of life and that it can be done with a cheerful heart...

By the way, doing these little chores takes minutes, equaling less than a half hour a day at the most unless their room has gotten really messy (in which case they are also learning that they must now take responsibility for letting it get so bad). And you can modify what you ask of them based on their age, abilities, how they are doing that day, etc. so that you can remain sensitive to them and not overwhelm them. I was not taught these basic lessons as a child and have suffered for it as a wife having to learn all this, the mindset and the practical aspects. At first it is more work for you having to go back over everything a second time and it may be frustrating for the child just like any new experience can be. But in time it teaches them to be thoughtful and hardworking, qualities that will greatly benefit them in life, and in time they are able to actually competently help you out around the house too!

My almost 2 year old cleans up after herself. Yes, I have to clean up after her, but it is great practice for her and teachers her responsibilities. It sounds like he's stressed at work, and he thinks it's easier to just clean up rather than the process of teaching him responsibility.

Maybe just tell your husband calmly that you know he works hard when he's gone. Then just explain why you're LETTING him clean up his messes (rather than MAKING him clean up). Tell him not to worry about cleaning up after him that you will do it, and he can relax. He'll feel so good that you're wanting him to relax, and you might even find that he wants to do something nice around the house to show his appreciation to how considerate you're being to him. I'm not sure if that makes any sense or not. LOL sorry it's Friday, and I can't seem to gather my thoughts.

Nope, you're right. Obviously at 5, he will still need some help to make sure it's cleaned up the right way, but the bottom line is that he's trying and learning!

5 is not too young to clean up messes.
Period.
Spills, toys, clothes, pee on the floor if there's an accident.
I raised a girl and a boy and there was no difference in chores or cleaning up after themselves as far as gender.

Just my opinion.

Your son is plenty old enough! Even if you have to go back later and clean anything extra up, it's better that he makes the initial attempt. He's gotta start somewhere! You don't want a kid like the one's my husband teaches as a private school who have never even used a broom or mop!

No it's not. My child is 3 about to be 4 & I have been teaching her where things go and having her clean her room. I sit & watch to make sure she does it and does it right.

It is never too young to start a good habit. It will be a lot easier on the child if you teach responsibility from a young age.

Nope my daughter cleans her room makes her bed and helps her 8 year old brother with dishes she is 5. They have a full chores list of little things they can do including hauling their dirty clothes to the laundry room and cleaning their bathroom because I work full time and my husband is overseas. (we do have a cleaning person come in to help out) We all have to pitch in to make our situation work. I can't expect perfection and I don't or that they will do it as I have shown them but they are young and practice makes perfect. We just have to rinse before use. :) I personally think it gives them a sense of responsibility and belonging as part of the team that is our family. Not only that, it teaches them to take responsibility for their actions and even the smallest actions have consequences. I encourage you to keep up the good mommy work.

Five is definitely not too young to clean up. My two-yr-old cleans up his own messes. Not very well, but that is not the point. Learning is a process. We the parents show them how and then let them do.

Absolutly not. How else are they gonna learn if we dont teach them. My youngest just turned 6 and she has been helping with things since she was 4. We started with of course picking up your own messes.

As for the yogurt, let him clean it his way and if its not good enough then get your own towel and finish it off.

Once they turned 5 I had them gathering trash from bathrooms on trash night, making beds, and helping unload the dishwasher. They also put away laundry that goes in drawers. I still hang things up for her. My 9yr old hangs her own stuff up now.

I suggest that when your hubby is around and if he wants to help them then let him, then when hes not around go back to your ways.

Good luck, your doing a great job and teaching your kids to grow into great adults.

I think a 5 year old is capable of attempting to clean up his own mess and will likely need some "help" from Mommy and Daddy. It's good that he knows what the right thing to do is, even if he can't do it totally right - he's only 5! I'm with you on this one, but it sounds like an isolated incident if your husband works all the time. Let it go - especially if your husband is a good man otherwise.

No it is not too early. The more kids do the and by doing they learn the better. The more we do for them then do not learn. Every opportunity is a learning and go girl you are right. G. W

My youngest son is four. He is a young, four, has been four for 3 months.

His chore chart includes: making his bed, putting away his clothes/pajamas, putting away the silverware from the dishwasher (I take out the sharp knives first), and picking up the toys from the floor of the room he shares with his brothers and putting them in his chore box. Yes, there was training that went into it. And yes, some days he doesn't want to put away the silverware and we have to be a bit tough in our teaching that all family members help. But too young? No.

He also sets the table. His older brothers started setting the table when they were 3. I drew out placemats on manilla paper with a circle for the plate, a knife, a fork, and a smaller round circle where the cup went. Then I would set all the components out on the table (before they could carry them) and they would set them on the drawings. Soon they only needed one of the "placemats" in the middle of the table to look at and they could set the table.

It is true that training is harder then doing it for them. But it pays off. You need to tell your husband that you are not looking at the here and now, you are looking to the future. And having a son that is not used to being cleaned up after is priceless.

VickiS

You are doing good. I think it's great that your 5 year old knows he needs to clean up after himself. My oldest was like that but unfortunatly I fell a little short with my youngest. I had more help when my oldest was younger from my parents. My husband is not there a lot of the time so I know what you mean. We don't always agree about parenting styles as mine is much more aggressive than his. Keep up there good work!

You're right, hubby is wrong. And your son even volunteered for the job. Your husband should not stop such initiative.

Also, your husband is really wrong in saying he didn't do it properly.

It's good you and hubby can come to a truce, but stick to your guns. Your son will flourish from it.

That is just crazy he is not only old enough to clean up his own messes, but he is old enough to help you with other things. I have a 5 yr old and 7 yr old and they do things like help unload the dishwasher, clean glass and vacuum not to mention clean their rooms. How else are they going to learn to take care of themselves? The job may not be perfect, but you can fix it after they are done (discreetly of course). You need to give him a sense of purpose as well as provide him a way to make extra money.

My son will be 2 on the 19th and we've been making him clean up his messes for a few months now. As soon as he was able to start making messes we started teaching him how to clean them up. It helps them to feel good about themselves also because it is another task they learn to do and also then they are doing what mommy and daddy do. My son loves to copy what he see's my husband and I do. He helps to sort laundry and picks up his toys and puts them away and various other things. He loves to do these things. All we make him do is clean up his toys and the food messes he makes and he is the one trying to do more, he loves it. I think your husband will let him clean up his own messes eventually, they all do.

It is only ok if he is planning to follow him to college to do the same thing. Kids love to clean up. Now is the perfect teachable moment for him to learn. My 3 y/o son cleans up his own messes with limited help depending on what it is and how big the mess is. It can boost their self-esteem because then they know they can do it by themselves. Also, from a teacher stand-point, he will be expected to clean up after himself when he goes to school so you do him a dis-service by not teaching him to do the same at home to prepare him.
My husband was also gone a lot with our youngest child and so I know what a struggle it is to maintain peace and be on the same page. Hang in there!

my dd is 20 months old and will "clean" up her mess if she spills or drops something. Nothing I make her do its just something she sees her dad and I do so she imitates. after she is done "cleaning" I or daddy will go over it but we would never stop her from cleaning up her mess. hell she screams for the vacuum to do the floors and likes to have a cloth to dust when Im cleaning glass. Good for your little man wanting to do the job himself your hubby needs to just chill. I am sure your little man felt like *hit after dad wells he's doing it wrong. bad on dads part.

One of the main purposes of parenting is to teach our children how to be independent from us and I think you're doing a great job! Everyone wants children who pick up after themselves, help around the house, etc. This is how it happens. This is how these children are made.

People get so wrapped up in the idea that children are helpless, when they demonstrate every day the opposite, whether they're actually contributing to the smooth running of the household or not. It's rare to find a toddler who can't get into something if they're determined to do it- that determination just needs a little direction sometimes!

Our four year old has been unloading the dishwasher for over a year now- by herself (except knives). When we remodeled our ancient kitchen we put drawers in under the countertops instead of traditional cabinets and store all our dishes, utensils, pots & pans there. We did this specifically so our younger children could successfully help with a major chore in the kitchen. The pride in being able to do it on their own is unmistakable.

We also started them folding laundry, making beds, brushing the dog, feeding the pets, etc. around that time. Actually, more accurately, we started out our younger three at around age 3- we hadn't understood the importance of starting them out young when the oldest was that age. It's so much easier to start early! Yes, there will be plenty of messes to clean up letting them do it themselves at an early age, but the rewards of a well-trained child as they grow up will more than make up for it!

My Mother was a wonderful Mom- she did virtually everything for us, believing that was part of being a good Mother. However, I became an adult who's had to learn how to do a whole lot of house work that I didn't appreciate when I was growing up and it still doesn't come naturally for me. My husband, on the other hand, grew up with household chores, and he cleans up without even thinking about it- it's just like background music. It's not a struggle to him because he learned it before he learned any other way.

Keep up the good work. Your husband should be PROUD of the magnificent way you're raising his son- I KNOW his future wife will love you for it!