My 17 pound plus 5 month old will not go back to sleep at night unless he's sucking on me. I fully accept that I've had a part in this habit he has. He has reflux that he got into the habit of doing this early on. In fact he was nearly off the charts in weight at 2 months because of it. He's on medicine for the reflux but the habit remains. I've tried every kind of pacifier there is to no avail. In fact sometimes he wants a particular side and won't rest till I give it to him. Sometimes he will only sleep 45 minutes without his "pacifier". It's exhausting and painful. Is the only way to break him of this habit to have him cry it out a bit? We held and bounced him for an hour last night and would only stop crying if we turned the lights on and got him interested in something ( not something we want to do in the middle of the night) or put him to the breast.
My son slept in bed with us until he was 1yr because he wanted to be on the breast through out the night. I would just change sides 2-3times a night but that allowed me to get more rest.
I truly believe he just needed that comfort and wish we had done the same with his older sister.
Good luck!
These books were helpful for me in a similar situation:
"No Cry Sleep Solution" Elizabeth Pantley
"Baby Book" Dr. Sears
GL. U R not alone.
Addendum: While I am only a mommy and not an expert, after reading some of the new advice, I would like to offer that studies show (see "Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland-- that touch and responding to a baby's needs, especially the first year, are so important to his emotional, physical and cognitive development). Letting a baby Cry it out -- may be a quick fix, but it may not be in the child's best developmental interest over the short and long term.
What your son is doing is biology NORMAL. Babies were not created to use plastic pacifying objects to sooth them that is what breasts are for. This will help regulate your milk supply. Babies are able to control the flow of the breast milk. Just because he is suckling doesn't mean he is eating. Being off the charts for weight has nothing to do with this comfort suckling but instead is just the way your healthy chunky monkey is built. Be proud that your milk is nourishing him in such an amazing way.
I would suggest doing what is also biologically normal for humans (and practiced in most countries around the world) and bring your baby to bed with you. You, and he, will get more sleep that way and it will build the foundation for a secure, confident and independent child and adult.
My son refused the pacifier at 5 months and I took its place. Believe it or not, it really helped boost my milk supply. During the day, I usually wait until he is sleeping soundly and then gently pull away - this frees me up to do whatever. Sometimes, I anticipate that I might have to wait a few minutes before he is in a deep sleep, so I place a book within arms' reach. Of course, I like to stay nearby (or watch him on a video monitor) so that I can nurse him back to sleep if he wakes up after 45 minutes or so.
My son wouldn't take a pacifier at all either no matter what I did. The constant boobie pacifier need came and went as his needs changed. Just keep repeating slowly popping him off once he is completely asleep, I still have to do it just right at 18 months.
Your son is ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD! He NEEDS YOU. I don't support cry it out and even if I did 5 months is way to early for it.
During times when he needed me more I focused on making myself as comfortable as possible. I found an arrangement of pillows that really helps me relax my body so I can rest in relative comfort. A bolster pillow insert (found at JoAnn Fabrics) for my neck while sidelaying as well as a pillow wedged behind my back/hips to lean on and allow my body to relax.
Hi S.-
I went through this with my oldest, so I have a question. Based on his weight and his reflux issues I think there is a very good chance your son may have food allergies. When they have digestive discomfort they will want to suck all the time because it is soothing to them. And if it is food allergies the reflux medicine will not really help with the discomfort. I can give you all sorts of information on how to treat him naturally if you are interested. (I find some people won't consider this option, so I don't want to bore you if you're not interested). Other signs of food allergies/sensitivities are dark/puffy circles under the eyes, rashes of any kind, particularly a "target" rash around the anus (red all around the anus), constipation (which is defined by not going at least once every day), reflux, and with infants the need to suck all the time. You might try taking dairy out of your diet completely and see if that helps. That's usually the culprit. The other big one is gluten (wheat, rye, barley, spelt, and some oats). This is rounded out by five more common allergens: tree nuts, soy, peanuts, shell fish, eggs. But dairy, followed by gluten, is the most prevalent. Oh, and the other thing that tells me food allergies is that your son wants only a particular side to suck on. If it is the left breast he wants to be on that tells me almost conclusively that it is food allergy/sensitivity. Being on the right side will irritate is liver and gall bladder. If it is on the right breast he wants to be on that tells me it is stomach/spleen discomfort he is experiencing. I can tell you what to do in both cases if you are interested.
Please don't hesitate to contact me!
Good luck!
J.
I've read many sleep books in my day - independent sleeping, co-sleelping, no crying, crying, etc. After much research, I found that for me, the one that made the most sense and (gratefully) worked like a charm for my kids was Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." And before anyone starts protesting at how cruel that Ferber cry-it-out thing is, all I can say is - those people haven't read the book. I actually found it to be very doable and not cruel at all. If you want kids who sleep with you forever and wean themselves from you gradually - this is not your book. But if you want to establish good, healthy, independent sleep patterns, this book is the best. My three breast fed kids were sleeping through the night (7pm - 7am) at 7, 4 and 3.5 months respectively. There are different methods for younger babies, but by about 5 months, most children are ready for sleep training.
I'll give you a brief idea of what the method is. If you want more detail, seriously - get the book - best investment I ever made. Or you can message me - I'm happy to help. The basic idea is that you need to eliminate anything your child uses to fall asleep that requires your intervention in the middle of the night. They need to learn to fall asleep on their own with no eating, rocking, music, etc. The reason for this is that everyone - even adults - wake up throughout the night. If babies are used to eating to fall asleep, they will need that again & every time they wake. The solution is to slowly train them how to soothe themselves. You have a nighttime routine that is consistent to signal to the child that it's time for bed. You place them in their crib and leave the room. When they start to cry, stay out of the room for a couple of minutes (it doesn't matter how long - as long as the intervals increase...I always started with just 2 minutes). Then you go back in and comfort them as much as you can WITHOUT picking them up. You can rub their back, talk or sing to them, or lay them back down. After a few minutes, even if they are still crying, you leave again and increase the amount of time you are gone by a bit (I would only increase by one minute each time). Repeat this process. You will find that your child learns that if they cry long enough, you will always come back - they don't feel abandoned, they feel in control. They just realize that at some point, it's not worth crying for that long to make it happen.
Do that every time you put your child to bed - even in the middle of the night or for naps. You will find that each day they cry for less & less time. After about a week or two, all 3 of my kids were sleeping through the night without waking and I could put them in their crib, give them a little pat & leave and they would go right to sleep. Unless there is some sort of illness or something really unusual, my kids rarely wake in the middle of the night. I'm the best rested mom of kids 2, 4 & 6 I know. Good luck! Let me know if I can help!
One more thing...two of my kids wanted nothing to do with a pacifier. I would just let them suck on my thumb, pad side up for a few minutes to help them soothe, but would not allow them to fall asleep that way - or I would be having to be available to them all night long :)
All three of my kids nursed to sleep and stopped on their own around a year old. I had a bit of a problem with my last one, she would wake up when I stopped but quit doing it around 3 or 4 months. Is your son not sleeping at all unless he is suckling or is it just to go to sleep? One of the things I tried to do is sit in a chair or rocker to nurse then put them down. It seemed if I laid in bed and did it, they would never get off me. It is hard to manage I know. My guess is, if he is just suckling to go to sleep and then sleeping I wouldn't worry about it, they stop after a while.
Even though its not the BEST answer try seeing if he will suck on your finger, pad side up, instead of your breast.
My son would NOT take pacifiers, and the only thing i could get him to suck on was my finger. It's the closest to the "real" thing.
I know you would still have to sleep with him, but it might help give your breasts a well needed break.
It didn't work for me, maybe it will for you. My pediatrician recommended snuggling with some sort of snuggli while I nursed him every nursing and put him to bed with it. She said the scent of Mom would help him sleep longer and night. Now I will warn you mine was waking every two hours. When I implemented this he woke every 45 minutes. My theory is he smelled Mom and then wanted her. My pediatrician was baffled by my findings like it doesn't normally happen like this. We don't CIO either. We tried when he was biting me at a year old letting him CIO since he kept biting my nipples I was fed up. He cried until he threw up. Well then I gave in since when he was done vomiting he went right back into it. He did get the point at no biting mommy's nipples though. Otherwise I say i know it's exhausting but keep up with it. It'll get better. Just try putting him in the swing or even taking him on a car ride if you have to to get him to fall asleep. It'll create new bad habits but in the mean time it'll give the nipples a rest and when they're out of the picture he'll probably start sleeping a little longer again. At five months he could be teething too. Maybe that's part of it. The sucking feels good.
