I need help!! I have a 4.5 month old daughter who likes to be held all.the.time!! She goes to a daycare that has 10 other babies in her class besides her so I know they cant possibly hold her all day but whenever she is home with us she doesnt want to be put down. I try to give her as much attention as possible but sometimes I NEED to put her down so I can do laundry, clean, make dinner and all those other house chores as well as just RELAX for 5 minutes but she just cries and cries and cries until I stop what I am doing and pick her up.
Thanks so much for the advice!! We have a sling and a carrier...she doesnt like either of them very much. She can be in them for about 10 minutes before she has had enough and wants out!! Yesterday (sunday) was my usual cleaning day...I put her in her swing in the middle of the room. I cleaned around her...talking to her the whole time, I even danced with the vaccuum!! She seemed ok with that. Our main problem is sitting down to eat...my poor hubby hasnt eaten a warm meal in months!! He has me eat first and holds her before he goes to eat...if we try to eat together she screams and cries the whole time. I'm trying to take things easy and not be so anal about the cleaning but its a hard habit to break...I was a neat freak before having my daughter.
And to those questioning her daycare...there are 11 babies total with 4 teachers...they only have all 11 babies there 1 day a week...usually there are 8 with 3 teachers. My baby really seems to like it there...much to my sadness she smiles every morning we walk into the classroom.
She LOVES YOU!!!!!!! get a sling to put her in and off you go to do whatever either that or a bouncer..
good luck
T.
get a sling, that would be the best advice I can give you. She probably just want's mommy's attention when she's home with you. I would reccommend either a pouch sling or a moby wrap
She just wants that one on one attention. It is okay to let her cry a bit on the floor. Have you tried a sling for those easy to do things like vacumming, wiping counters? It may help due to her bring on your hip or in front of you. That age is hard due to her also not having "mommy kind" of attention while in daycare.
Hi K.,
Get one of the back pack things or get
one of those slings that you wear on your
chest.
You need to take time for your baby or you will pay later on. Swaddle her next to you or become a stay at home mom.
Or have another mom become your surrogate mom.
Find someone to love your baby.
Good luck. D.
Hello, My daughter was like that when she was an infant (she is 2.5 now). I went to a local baby wearing meeting where I got to try out different baby carriers, and they showed me how to do chores while wearing her. It worked well for everything except cooking of course. She felt close to me, and I got some things done. Good luck!
This is totally normal and really hard, but temporary if you reprogram her. You have to make a point of putting her down, and whenever she ISN'T crying hard (I know it doesn't seem like often, but it DOES happen) go pick her up and give her excited cuddles and smiles. She's a little too young to absolutely not pick up when she cries specifically to be held, but you can walk a way for a few minutes, wait until she's dying down a little before returning and start to teach her that you always come back.
Don't keep holding her or pick her back up right in "that moment" where she starts to scream about being put down. Finish putting her down and return in a couple of minutes. Also, do a lot of proactive holding when you don't HAVE to, keep her on your hip while you're on the phone, walking around the house so she feels secure, and then be firm about putting her down. When she gets a couple months older you should refuse to pick her up when she's screaming if she's still doing that. My kids both got through this in a couple of months with self discipline, it's very hard for ME to put them down but you have to or it can get even more out of control.
My youngest is now 3 months, and I'm seeing that spark of realization when I start to put her down and she starts to cry. I am walking away to use the bathroom or whatever even though she cries and returning with big smile and she's less frantic than she was last month, learning I'm always somewhere.
Hi K.,
I know a bit of what you're going through. My own kids went through that phase where they would cry for an hr or even longer, but they quickly outgrew it once they learned I HAD to do something other than sit and hold them. My pediatrician advised me to just give them some toys and put them in a room w/ a monitor and pull the door shut for a bit. She suggested they could be bored. It took a few days, but all was well and good within a rather short period of time. The sooner you get your little angel to realize that you need to do other things, the sooner you're going to break her of it. Best of luck!
I feel your pain! My son was the SAME way!!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you have a "High Need" baby.
If you haven't already read "Attachment Parenting" and "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr. Sears, run out today & grab them! They made me feel SO much better & more understanding about my son & really helped me cope.
The other thing that I would highly suggest is getting a good quality, comfortable baby sling that works for you. I had my son in our THING-A-MA-SLING for most of the day, every day! Yes, there were times that I'd rather fold laundry w/o someone attached to me, but at least I could do it & we were both somewhat happy. Having your hands free while your baby's needs are being met is priceless (clearly I'm biased, but I speak the truth!) There is a 15% discount on them for mamasource members IF you're interested.
Either way, I really hope that you find something that works for both of you. Just take things one day at a time & realize that believe it or not, one day she will be running away from you & yelling at you to not hug her so much! ;-)
A.
9 months in, 9 months out. She wants YOU, she needs to be next to YOU, especially if she is in daycare. You are a good mama and that is why she needs you so much ;) I know it is hard to get things done when you have a screaming baby. It is downright stressful. I carried my first baby in a sling carrier and that was okay when she was little. My second daughter, I wore her in a Mei Tei, I love how close I could get her to me, she felt so secure. I also used an Ergo Baby when she got a little bigger and that was great, too. Now, she is the most happy baby. At about 10 months, she put her self to sleep. I could walk away from her and she knew I'd be right back. I most certainly agree with everyone else that wearing her is your best way to get anything done. Blessings.
Hi, K.~
Some babies are just more high-need than others. If you're interested in learning more, I'd recommend a Dr. Sears book on the topic. My son was the same way, and his needs were responded to with love and affection, and today, at 4, he is happy, well-adjusted, and independent! I am a huge fan of babywearing -- it saved my sanity! I think I would have married the person who invented the pouch sling (I used a New Native Baby Carrier) or my mei tai wrap (there are many out there, but I used the divas n babes brand). You can find both online. If you have a sensitive, flexible, day care staff, I'd suggest you approach them about wearing your baby while your baby girl is at day care and needs it. You could buy her care providers the sling, and they'll have their hands free. Some people may not respond positively to this, but remember that this is still considered baby's '4th Trimester'. She's still adjusting to the world, and may just need that extra attention to feel at ease. It may seem stressful now, but remind yourself that this is a very short phase of life in the grand scheme of things. Once your little girl feels securely attached, she'll be able to more confidently let go!
Best of luck to you!
Just wanted to add that maybe you don't have the right kind of carrier for her. My daughter prefered wraps and my son prefered SSC, neither liked pouches much and both had different ideas on where they liked to ride. My daughter was a front only girl or just off to the side in a RS while my son much prefered to be on my back. As for the eating, have you tried a highchair? Maybe getting her involved in the meal with a sippy cup on the tray for her. My son loved a sippy cup by the time he was 3 months old. I just put water in it at first. You could also try toys on the tray while you both eat so she is involved with the mealtime. Also, if that has been tried and failed, you could try wearing in a carrier high up on your back or better yet on your hubby's back while you eat. that way she can look over his shouldrer and see you eating and talking while you both get to eat. My son spent many meals perched high on my back until he began to like the sitting in a highchair. And then if he was fussy I would just toss him on my back for the rest of the meal. Anyway, hope you can figure it out and remember this too shall pass. My daughter was high needs and with her I often would put her in a carrier on my front to eat a meal as she didn't like being on my back. Now she is a happy independent 4 yo. HTH!
I think a sling or carrier is going to help you tremendously. I would suggest either borrowing or buying used because you may go through several kinds before you find one that works for you and her. That having been said....
I agree that you need to consider finding a different day care situation for her. There should not be (by state regulation) more than 4 infants per adult in a daycare setting. My son's daycare (which is Interplay, in Regent Square-- they arefabulous if you are looking) has even fewer than that, and the babies are nearly always being held when they are awake. Babies need lots and lots of physical attention. Though it hurts our mommy feelings, at that age they don't really care WHO is holding them, as long as someone is!
I know it seems like it now, but this phase does not last forever. You first job is to meet her needs-- not clean the house, or cook meals, or do laundry. That is what your husband is for! Do that stuff when she's asleep and let the rest of it go. One of the hardest things for me when I had my son was realizing that it was never going to go back to the way it was before he came. There just aren't enough hours in the day. Order pizza,eat off paper plates, and throw away the box for the next couple of months! You will eventually get things back in order, but for now just go with the flow. You are working full-time and have an infant-- if you can do those 2 things and get 6 hours of sleep at night, you are doing fabulous.
I used a Maya Wrap sling and it saved my sanity!!!
Get yourself a Baby Bjorn carrier. Your baby gets to be 'held' and you get your arms free to do laundry, cook, etc. My eldest was like yours and the Baby Bjorn was my lifesaver!
I would try a bouncy seat with the vibrating surface. Keep her right next to you while you are folding laundry, etc and keep talking to her and smiling at her. I would try this for short periods of time and gradually make the time a little longer. I know it is excruciating to hear her cry, but she does have to get used to not being held all of the time. Try to soothe her without holding her. Good luck, this will gradually get better!
Ring sling, Peanut shell, carrier. Whatever bramnd you want they have. Some babies just like or just need to be held. A sling will free up your arms and the baby will be happy :)
I am surprised that not one of you mama's suggest she look for another daycare. 11 babies is way too much for anyone to care for. How many teachers in that class? I agree your baby wants and needs your attention, however, she is lacking attention all day. I would suggest finding a home daycare, she will get more attention and love rather than being in such a large daycare.
Yes, I have a torn rotator cuff due to lugging my little man around so much. Trying to make dinner, he would scream until I came to get him. My advice- a good sling and sitting in the floor with baby in your lap to do laundry.
Hi K.,
She probably misses you so maybe you could try the baby bijor(spelled wrong?) Then you can have your hands free to do what you need to do and still have her close to you. It may help a little. I wish you the best of luck. I know its stressful but enjoy her now. It will go so fast.
B.
