4 Yr Old Daughter Seems to Have Anxiety

My 5 yr old son deals with anxiety that often manifests as physical symptoms. In my opinion, you are doing the perfect thing by talking it out with her. The more you get her to talk, the more you will be able to pinpoint what gives her stress. Talking to the teachers will also help you know which centers she gets frustrated with. Maybe you can create some of them at home for practice?? And putting up any examples she makes to show support of her trying? Small steps towards making her feel comfortable with not being perfect! Hard lesson to learn.
My son does better when he knows what to expect, so I always try to talk through the day with him, create schedules that he can see on the fridge, and slather positive affirmation of any attempts to do whatever gives him frustration.
Another thought...when I tell him that I get nervous in my belly when trying new things (white lie), he seems to light up at the thought that I understand what he is talking about. I tell him what I do to calm down, like deep breaths, etc.
Good luck!

Hi Mom

I have a 4 1/2 yr old son also has anxiety issue. I found out through him not talking and socializing in school. He finally said "mommy, I am a little nervous when you left me in school". His ped said what he has is called "selective mutism". My son is not classic mutism type, he talks specially when asked. But the underline anxiety is there. I think the kids like this are super sensitive. I give him extra calcium (300-400mg) a daily permitted by his ped. Calcium has calming affect, I was also suggested B12 (have not tried it yet, I do give him multiVit). My son's anxiety has low or high. So I have to make sure he gets enough sleep. I also enrolled him in gym activity which he likes. I believe increase his confident will reduce anxiety. I am just starting baby-steps to help him, not sure it helps.
Good luck to both of us

My friends 4 year old daughter started doing this-esp the chewing on blankies. Her ped recommended using a child therapist to help her daughter learn to cope better with stress in her life, they are trained and very helpful. Almost immediately she stopped chewing her blankies.

Good Luck!

I think you've already gotten a lot of good feedback but I just wanted to add my two cents. I know all kids are different and some just cope with things better than others but your daughter's strong reaction concerns me a little bit. I would probe a little bit deeper to make sure nothing more is going on. As another person posted above, bullying or teasing from classmates is one possibility. I would want to rule out anything abusive happening from either the classmates or the teacher. When I was four, I went to a daycare center that did some abusive things and I didn't tell my Mom until years and years later b/c the teachers there were punishing me so I didn't want to tell my Mom about it. When I was ten, I had a teacher scream at me so much that I developed stomach pains also. Kids do not know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate treatment from authority figures. It's hard for them to distinguish such things. If I were you, I would ask her some questions to make sure no one is being mean to her and that no one has touched her inappopriately either and reinforce to her beforehand that she won't get in trouble for telling you anything.

Some children are not ready for the school setting at 4 years of age. I would take her out immediately and homeschool her another year or two. You can build a precious bond with her and she will mature and be able to handle things. Don't set her up for an eating disorder! AF

This may sound silly, but let her stay home and do something special with her. Maybe she needs a confidence boost from home. Not that she isn't getting them- she might not see it like you or I see it.- I have went through this with my five year old recently and my 3 almost 4 year old.

My 5 year old- He just started Kindergartenand is doing great in school and saying he loved it, I would pick him up and he would be smiling (he is shy and not very talkative) and answer school was good. But as soon as we walked in the door he would loose it. He didn't want to be around his brothers and he was cranky. We talked about this repeatedly and then one morning he had a total break down (he didn't want to wear a jacket and we insisted) so I called the school and said he was going to be late. He cried for an hour and a half- I finally went in and asked if he needed a hug and he said yes and then I asked if he wanted to stay home he said yes- so we spent the day reading stories and talking about school and what was going on. The next day he jumped out of bed got ready for school properly and happily. He came home happy and stayed happy and his attitude about everything is just more positive. it was a great little boost for him and seemed to be just what he and the rest of the family needed.

I talk with his teacher regularly and she always has great things to say, but there was something going on. For my son it was an issue of just needing some one on one time with me. He was just overwhelmed and needed a break and confidence boost.

With your daughters name- there is a great website that allows you to make tracer pages and print them. The she can practice tracing her name over and over at home- it might help her build her confidence at school. You may be able to find out what the centers are at school she is having a hard time with and do them at home-but one on one and more simplified to build her confidence.

http://www.kidzone.ws/tracers/none/tracer-form.asp
Good luck-

L.

L., I just wanted to say that you are doing the right things already -- talking to the teacher right away, talking to the pediatrician (especially about the gagging, which could be dangerous) and already planning to keep your daughter in pre-K another year. Bravo to you for seeing that another year of pre-k would benefit her and for not trying to send her on to K when you already know she won't be fully ready. If things improved dramatically by next spring, you can change your mind then, of course.

Most importantly, you are already talking with your daughter and encouraging her to talk with you. I know it took some time for her to tell you about the source of her anxiety (problems with the "centers" at school) but now just keep the lines of communications open and be sure she knows that she can tell you anything, even negative feelings (I find that kids often think we expect them to be happy, happy, happy all the time and that we will be disappointed in them if they're not) and things she thinks she's done wrong (tell her you won't be angry with her if she does something "wrong" at school--you just want to know, and from her).

I agree with you that changing classes may set her back at this point and make her feel she's being punished by being forced to give up her friends. This is pre-K, not grade school, so perfection at her centers isn't the point. Work with the teacher and school director, daily if you have to -- but be very sure they take you seriously and give them full details of her behaviors so they understand her anxiety behaviors are real and repeated. And maybe see if you can observe her at school in some way that she can't see you watching; or maybe you can volunteer in class, IF your presence relaxes her enough for her to work better. If she keeps up the chewing and the gagging on food, you could have her evaluated (via your pediatrician) for sensitivity to textures etc. I don't know the name of the conditions involved but some kids do have high sensitivity to sound or light or clothing roughness or food textures, and that could contribute to the food rejection and gagging. But it does sound like the anxiety is the root of this.

Please update us here. My own 3rd grader is undergoing a different kind of anxiety right now and I really feel for you. Take care of yourself!

my daughter did this through all 4 years of preschool. It would get better, then worse, then better again. She always had a hard time leaving me, some times better than others. When she got to the 4s she had 2 months worth of this anxiety, crying when we left her and stomach issues, and we finally found that her best friend had moved away and her favorite teacher had went to a different room. She moved schools (just a coincidence, not related to her issues) and she was totally fine for almost all of pre-k. I thought I was out of the woods and then last April, it started up again. The stomach issues too. After a while, we figured out that another boy who sat next to her was calling her a baby and teasing her and the other boys were starting to do it too. She wasn't like the other kids who defended herself. Instead she would just start to cry. We talked to the teacher and she moved their seats so they were far away from each other and we helped her learn to respond appropriately without crying and she was totally fine. this year in kindergarten she makes me stay in the car while she gets out and goes in a =lone, no problems, not many stomach issues. I wouldn't necessarily move her to a different class. I think being without her friends will cause her more anxiety. Alert the teacher, assure her that it is okay to be worried about centers and as long as she tries her best, it's okay. then see if there is some kind of social issue going on. I'd talk to the pediatrician, maybe some therapy to help with the anxiety. Does she have reflux that is causing her not to want to eat? I always thought my daughter's issues were related to anxiety until her eating therapist said he is convinced she has acid reflux. Good luck, and they do outgrow this.

A friend of mine has a little girl that was always super anxious, esp. about school. She excelled at school but stressed about every little thing anyhow. She was finally diagnosed with Aspberger's and ultimately they decided to put her on a very small dose of Zoloft. My friend said it has been night and day with her. She has put the fear aside and become a child again. The situations could be different obviously but I thought I would mention it so you could ask your ped. It's best to be armed with as much info as possible. good luck!

I'm sorry you're having to go through this too. I know how hard it is to watch your child struggle. We had a very similar experience with our daughter shortly before her 5th birthday. She had always been cautious, reserved, very easily frustrated, etc. but then she started having panic attacks. Crying, coughing, pacing, itching, begging to see a doctor, and asking for medicine. These attacks were only really intense for a few weeks, but next she started having problems eating. She couldn't swallow foods, even her favorites. She'd chew everything to a pulp and then spit it back out saying she couldn't swallow it. For several months we were down to eating only yogurt, ice cream and popsicles. I made fruit smoothies with all sorts of supplements blended in and froze them in popsicle molds to keep some sort of nutrition in her. We saw all kinds of specialists... an allergist, ENT, pediatric GI and a therapist. No one had any answers for us and it kept coming back to anxiety. She seemed to be most worried over her health at the time, but there was never anything physically wrong with her. Fortunately, over the course of the summer, she slowly started adding things back into her diet. We didn't send her to kindergarden in the fall, instead gave her an extra year of PK as well, which I think was the right decision. After she started eating again, we saw other "tics" evolve. Clearing her throat, then jutting her jaw, needing to go to the bathroom frequently, and most recently, rapid blinking -especially during her "trigger times" which were mostly meals and bedtime. She still melts down occasionally over little things, but it is no longer daily. She went to K this fall and seems to be doing very well both academically and socially. Most importantly, she seems to enjoy school and is happy in general. Maybe she has just matured, maybe this will come back at times. She'll probably always have an anxious personality, but hopefully we'll be able to talk and reason it through better in the future and prevent it from escalating so far. I wish I had some more suggestions for you. It sounds like you're doing the right things and staying on top of it with the doctors and school. One thing we heard from several of the doctors was that often these anxiety-related problems in young children resolve on their own and the exact cause is never known. Especially bright children often let their intellect get ahead of their emotional maturity and worry over things they can't control or even understand. So sometimes you shouldn't push too hard or call too much attention to the behaviors. Redirect, distract, don't fuss over them and add to the stress. Hopefully this too shall pass.