4 Years Old Refuses PRE-K Because She's Scared of a Chubby Boys with Dark Skin

I'm wondering where this anxiety has come from, has she had an encounter with a boy that made her think they are all mean?

I would have a very grown up type conversation with her. I would just be firm with her that her behavior is unacceptable. You are not going to allow her to be rude to another child (after all how would you feel if little Johnny was treating you this way?, etc.). Some times if Mom drops the "oh, honey I'm so sorry, etc." kiddos will snap out of their funk.

Good Luck,

M

She's 4, she's old enough to understand some things. Tell her sternly, "He's a nice boy, he's not going to hurt you, and don't call him fat." She can understand those words.

Tell the teacher that if your daughter is crying and refusing because of the boy, to make her sit by herself away from the rest of the group. She can stay there until she is bored enough to face her fears, stop crying, and join the group.

of course she doesn't understand. she's only 4. clearly something has happened to freak her out about certain body types and ethnicities, but you should have been working with her on nice words and mean words prior to this.
no 4 year old of mine would ever have sufficient authority to 'refuse pre-K' for any reason. adults should not let tiny, tiny people be in charge of them.
she doesn't need to be friends with the boy she's scared of. she does have to go to pre-K and be nice, ie polite. stop with long-winded explanations she's not listening to anyway.
'it's time to go to school. yes, we're going in now. you may stay away from juan, but you must use your nice words. i love you. i'll see you this afternoon.'
khairete
S.

What the heck is a "big-maid boy?"

What just happened here? You win the prize for confusing me the most today.

Be very matter of fact with her. Yes, you are going to school. No, we never call another person fat...that hurts their feelings. That boy is perfectly nice. You are doing to school and that is that. Take her to school and go talk to the boy with her. Ask him about himself. Let your daughter watch you smile and interact with him. Tell the teacher to have her sit out if she is misbehaving. I might even go so far as to have that boy over for a playdate and do something really fun with him. Poor kid - your daughter is making him feel bad!

I think some at-home education about accepting ones differences will serve your daughter well for the rest of her life. Good luck.

This sounds made up! Is this made up?

They say the best way to overcome fear is exposure. Find a place with only chubby, dark skinned boys and just throw her into the lion's den!

Is this even a real question?
I'm sorry--this has TROLL potential, IMO.

Either something or someone has scared her...a tv show with a mean bigger kid, a kid at the playground, a dream she had....something. Try to figure it out if you can so you can put it in perspective for her.

You need to assure her that this boy is nice and if there is ever a time someone (anyone) is not then she should let you know. However, she is not in a position to "refuse" pre-k...she's 4!

You can't be for real. First off, kindergarden has not even started yet, how is it that you are already having a problem with another student before the school year? And do you really let your child call people fat? That is going to burn you so hard, not to mention hurt a few feelings.
Assuming for a moment that you aren't a troll, do you by chance live in a very white area? My kid was terrified of the gardner until I just took her outside to talk with him and make peace. So, yes, exposure.

Ditto Rosemud. She's got this wild hair in her head and has chosen this type of body type to be afraid of. You must just NOT let it change anything where school is concerned.

I knew a child who was afraid of tall men. She had a small mom and dad (short and tiny people) and no one in the family was large. When she came to daycare, the daycare ladies were short and fat. That seemed to be okay with her, but one day a kid's dad came in and he was 6'5" (very tall). You would have thought he had a machete the way that child acted.

It was easy because the father rarely came into the daycare. BUT... this boy is there to stay and your daughter will have to come to terms with it. Being tough is the next step since just explaining to her hasn't worked. If you continue to be tough, she'll quit this stuff.

Over exposure. She needs to spend a lot of time with him and not be allowed to choose to not do this. She needs to be flooded with interactions with these kids or she may grow up to have super negative attitudes towards them.

She has to be pushed into this. Then she'll learn to see them for who they are and not by their skin color.

I think you need to investigate this fear further and figure out if she was traumatized (mentally/emotionally/physically) by someone who fits this description before you try to get her over it through exposure.

Next, keep in mind, she is 4. Kids develop weird habits. One day they love carrots the next day they are terrified of anything orange and when you try to make them eat a tangerine (orange in color) they protest so violently they cry them self sick.

Remind her that skin color and size are not factors we use to determine a persons worth and remind yourself that YOU are the adult and a 4 year old cannot refuse to do anything that you don't allow.