4 Years Old Having Problem at Preschool

How much school-work can he possibly have at the age of 4? Coloring a page? Sorting blocks? Gluing macaroni on cardboard? Not kicking a ball to a classmate is not exactly going to ruin his chances to get into Harvard.

What you're describing doesn't sound to me like anything that needs to be punished - it just sounds like he's not interested in whatever is going on at the pre-school.

My son had a little trouble in pre-k. I was not expecting it as he was always calm at home. The children in his class were a bit rowdy though and he was just joining in. His teacher used Red Light Tickets if behavior was not good(anything that physically hurt another child) that day so I always knew how his day went. We started using a rock jar. If he had a good day he got to put a rock in the jar. If he had a bad day two rocks came out of the jar. When the jar was full we went to the Dollar Store for a prize. It is a learning time for young children. They have to share everything in the class room including attention. I really thought my younger son would have more trouble in school but the teachers say he is great. They should see him at home. lol.

It is great that you are worried about your son and that your kids are the most important thing in your life but you also need to worry about yourself. You mentioned that you have no social network to help support you. That is important to have. Look on the interent and ask around to find out if there is something like a mom's club in your town. This is a great way to get to know other moms in the community and for your kid to make new friends. Also get involved in your local church. Do you work? If you do not you could have him stay home with you rather than go to preschool. He might not be ready for it yet. Good Luck

Anytime there is a change in behavior something traumatic has happened to your child. The trauma may not be trauma to others but to him it is, and then it could be as traumatic as someone hurt them and they don't know how or if they should tell. Is there a new child, assistant or routine in the class in the last two weeks? Is someone bothering him but when he wrongfully retaliates he is the only one who gets because the other child isn't seen? There are so many scenerios.How does he react when you take him to his class? Does he have friends? Something happened if in the begining everything was fine. Most kids have a difficult time adjusting in the beginning and as time goes on they become better behaved. But he is the opposite. Is he getting his proper amount of sleep that he needs, is he getting breakfast? From years of working with preschoolers, I have seen where hunger and lack of rest can be reasons for misbehaving. But I would ask the teachers those questions about recent changes in the class, and at home consider his breakfast, sleep time and even tv watching and/or if there is anything new in his home life. Is he an only child? Are you able to volunteer a few hours a week( 1-2 here or there) In disciplining him for his behavior be consistent and not hard on his person, but on the behavior; it could be he does not know how to communicate what is wrong. This is a great opportunity to teach him social skills, but delve deeper into what is going on with him on the inside.I have written a book An Essential Practical Guide to Family Living that addresses child rearing and family relationship issues. It can be ordered at www.destroyingyokes.com Also use the travel time to school as time for you to bond. Prepare him for his schoolday by asking questions about the class,singing classroom songs and telling him what you plan for the afternoon when you pick him up, talk about cheerful things, make sure you give him those moments before he goes off to school. This shows your interest in what he does when he is not with you, and you learn what is going on in class, and this lets him know you CARE about everything in his class,not just when he gets in trouble. Males need affirmation and feeling special. If he knows you will ask him about different kids in the class and what he did, he will want to have good things to talk to you about.Tell girlfriends, and other phone buddies you HAVE to spend this time with him, and you will call them when you drop him off. And the ride home is the same thing, NO PHONE.Do what needs to be done now and the later will be so much easier.

Try asking him why he is misbehaving. My stepdaughter is wonderful on a one-on-one situation with anyone, but put her with a group of kids and all of a sudden she can't behave! I have figured out that she wants attention, and she'll misbehave if that's what it takes. Sometimes going from a home where the child is the center of attention to school where they are not is hard.

I also think punishing him at home won't work because it's not at the time of the crime. I agree to sit down with the teacher, you and the child and work out what will happen if he misbehaves.

Also, don't forget to make it positive too. Maybe he gets a stamp from the teacher at the end of the day, a smiley face if he did good and a sad face if he didn't do so well. He can bring this home to you. If he collects 5 smiley faces maybe he gets a treat? That shows him good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is punished.

Start by talking to the teachers, has something changed? the routine they use? new child or did one leave? Find out from them what they are doing to help him adjust and work thur this time...be there for him and remind him to be good and have fun...my four yr old loved preschool last yr and most of this yr but suddenly hates going. We can't pinpoint the reason but the teachers are great and they work with her and so far so good, she hates being away from home and me all of sudden, poor thing thinks she is missing something lol...maybe that is your sons prob, maybe he thinks your having fun without him...hang in there and keep me posted.

How long has he been at the school? It could be that he doesn't work well with the teachers or like the atmosphere. I had to switch daycares due a change of jobs and my son and daughter did ok at the new daycare but they weren't as happy as at the old daycare. With in about a month he started going backwards with his potty training (he was 3 yrs at the time and been potty trained for 2mo w/few accidents). His accidents increased to 3-4 a week in the morning. The morning teacher was hard for even me to talk to. He did great in the afternoon (different teachers am/pm). Because of this and some other issues that they tried to resolve but couldn't (I gave them lots of opportunity), I pulled them from that daycare. They are in a new daycare and have been happy since day one. Does your son say negative things about the daycare? My son used to say he didn't want to go to school and that he had no friends. He now has lots of friends at the new school. If you can I would stop by unannounced to see whats going on during the day and watch his interactions. If the daycare frowns on you "dropping by" then you need to drop them.

If your son does not have these issues at home then its by choice.
I've done this in the past with good results. I had a meeting with the "teacher" and myself and my son, making it clear that we were in close contact with each other, and were on the same team about what is allowed and what is not, I also make it clear she can call me anytime if she has any problems and will handle it right on the spot. We have this conversation in front of the child, and make him a part of it. I also clearly express my disappointment with him to her, in front of him, and inform her that it will not happen again or he will be in big trouble. By letting the kid know that they wont get away with anything at school they do better, or at least mine did.
Try having your kid sit down and write 50 times, "I am somebody and I will act like somebody. A great punishment that really drives home a message and a good way to work on penmanship.