My son...who will be 4 in 2 days...is having some seperation problems. He just started his second year of pre-school and is in a new classroom. This morning he was histarical! He's cried a little before but this morning he took it to a new level. I did leave him at school though. I don't want him to distrub the other kids in class but he needs to be there. It's only for a few hours in the morning 4 days a week. Last year he never cried or did any of this. I'm at a lose about what to do for him and with him. I don't want to keep him home every time he cries. I don't think that would be good for him. He keeps saying that he'll miss me and that he doesn't like his new classroom. But once he settles down he does have a good time. If anyone has any kind of suggestion or advice, it would be greatly appreciated!! I'm willing to try just about anything! Thank you!!
Talk to him like a grown up/ big boy within reason... tell him that this is a time for mommy to play with her friends. That you don't get all upset when he plays with his friends so it would be really nice if he didn't either... also throw in a little guilt... tell him it hurts your heart to see him get so upset... good luck...
My oldest boy was like this and still has problems at 9. First and foremost it is a first born thing. They just want to be home and play with mommy. Second, the fact that he didn't do this last year tells me he just might not click with this new class he is in. I ultimately moved my son to a different school and he was a whole different kid. It could be something as simple as he and the teacher are just not a good match or maybe there is one other student that he doesn't get along with. You never know.
What it comes down to is he is only 3 (almost 4) and it is too young to be expected to endure major conflict, especially with school, he has to go for a long time and you don't want this to be is lifelong impression of it.
I know you are worried about teaching him that if he cries you take him home, and I wouldn't suggest you take him home anyways. I would go talk to the teacher and see what his behavior is when you are not there, also, pop in a couple of times unexpected. You might find that maybe he looks fine but is withdrawn and off in a corner playing by himself or avoiding situations. This is something that the teacher may see as a personality trait and not alert you to it.
Basically, trust your instincts, if he is not having fun or if the crying does not subside, it is just not separation anxiety and find him a new place to go.
Good luck!
My son does this, too.
What has worked for us is this: I tell him that if he keeps crying I'm going to leave...but if he stops crying and goes and sits with his class I'll stay in the classroom for a little bit. (I don't sit with him but in the back of the room 'cause I've usually got my toddler son with me, too. Plus then I'm not disrupting the flow of the class.) I'll stick around for maybe 10 minutes or so while he settles in. Then when he looks like he's getting comfy, I'll just wave & toss him an 'I love you' sign and leave. And he's usually just fine by then.
Last year I also gave him a photo keychain with pictures of us, so whenever he felt sad or missed us he could go look at it. One day we forgot it so I drew him a picture of us (literally stick figures) and I saw him showing it to his little friends saying, 'And that's my mom, and me...' LOL
Best of luck!
A couple of ideas that may help;
You can give him a photo of you to carry with him that he can look at it when he is missing you, and there is a book called "The Kissing Hand" that my daughter loved, and it really helped her cope with separation anxiety.
Good Luck!
I actually teach preschool and this is a very common thing. It is good you did not take him home when he cried. If he is calming down soon and getting along well in class I would just keep doing what you are doing.
Give him a small picture of you, before you drop him off tell him: you are going to drop him off, you know it is hard for him to be away from mommy, but you will be back to get him at so-so time.
Give him a big hug and kiss and hand him over to the teacher. Most kids from my experience will soon be okay (within 2-3 weeks) about coming to school. This actually works best for the teacher in most cases. Talk with the teacher, ask if she has any additional ideas. If he continues to have a problem for well into the year maybe consider the school he is going to.
Good luck! I've watched many parents/kids go through this every year. Its not easy. Keep trying :)
This happened with my oldest, too.
I started going an hour early to watch her play on the playground while my baby slept in the carseat. We'd also stay an hour after if the baby wasn't fussy. She made friends that she was excited to see. We even played with some of them outside of the schoolyard setting.
One day her teacher assured my daughter that she'd take care of her while she was at school. My daughter was fine after that.
I have a slightly different take on the situation. My son has never had any kind of separation anxiety in any situation & he's been in different kinds of preschool programs, etc. That is, until this summer. We did a few weeks of a summer preschool program and my son did the same thing you are describing. It didn't mean there was something wrong with the program, it really was an issue of control & pushing boundaries for my son. Separation anxiety can occur for a variety of reasons, but most of the time it is not an indication that bad things are happening, it's just a very natural reaction to being in a new situation and separated from mom. I would talk to his teacher & see how he is for the rest of the day. If it's just for a few minutes after you leave, and he's fine for the rest of the time, it is a very normal reaction. The best thing to do it to not show any anxiety yourself - just act as if everything is great. He will feed off of any reaction on your part. When you drop him off, tell him goodbye and don't linger. Tell him you will come back and to have a good time and then leave pretty quickly. Staying longer just prolongs the problem. For us, the teacher had to hold my son while he was crying or he would run out of the class after me. She held him while he watched me leave and within a minute was totally fine for the rest of the day. That is typically what happens. Each day it got better until there were no more problems. After about a week, it stopped altogether. Again, I would talk to the teacher to see if there is anything bigger or longer-lasting going on, but if there isn't, it is a normal reaction that will fade as long as you do not draw out or feed into the drama.
