My daughter has been potty trained since she was 2 1/2 years old, but she constantly refuses to have a BM. She holds it until she can't hold it in any longer (sometimes a week). She's 4 now and she still refuses to have a BM. We give her laxatives just to ensure that she will not get constipated. I know when she has to go because all she wants to do is lay down and she fidgets back and forth. She denies that she needs to go potty. Recently she couldn't sleep through the night and after listening to her whine I got up and put her on the toilet and she finally had a BM. Today, she's back to holding it in. It's been 2 years now and I don't know what to do. We did everything the doctors say, but that doesn't help the fact that she just doesn't want to have a BM. I need help. I don't like the fact that threatening her with the fleet is the only thing that helps. When she has a BM she's herself until she starts holding it again. Any advice?
I forgot to say, because we give her laxatives she doesn't get constipated, she just doesn't want to have a BM. I don't know how to correct this behavior it's very frustrating.
Give her a diet high in fiber. Get rid of all white bread and things that will stop her up. My son has this issue too, and the more fiber I feed him, the less he is afraid to go to the potty. I even buy whole grain macaroni and cheese. I really think this has helped. It sounds like she is just scared to push. My son is the same way. Apple juice helps too, and water. He loves strawberries and apples.
A friend of mine was sharing she used to do a version of what your little girl is doing. You might try an imaginative story that teaches her why the BM needs to happen. For example, my friend had it in her head that the poop family needed to stay together inside her. If you can understand her rational for not pooping, you might get your hook into what would inspire her to poop. Like: when you feel that feeling that makes you want to lay down, it's the magic inside of your body telling you that it's time for the potty to help her get stronger. Or whatever. Frame it in a positive way (as I'm sure you have) and give it some magic.
Good luck!!!
This is embarrassing to admit, but I went through this when I was a child. The previous poster is correct about it being a vicious cycle, although I don't believe this is necessarily an emotional problem. I was afraid of the pain, and I didn't like the playtime I had to give up to poop. That really was all there was to it for me. For me, this problem lasted until I was well into elementary school. My mother would use laxatives when it was absolutely necessary (if I had held it for 5 days and was making myself sick), but not regularly because it is not good for the body, and it doesn't teach her anything.
Instead, I recommend you feed your child lots of things that will help make pooping easier - prunes, grapes, lots of fruits (avoid bananas and other foods that harden poop) and if necessary, mineral oil. Make your child sit on the toilet for a long time several times a day, so that she learns that she has to give up playtime UNLESS she poops, not because she poops. Remind her constantly that it will hurt more if she holds it (although this is more effective when the children are a bit older, but at 4 she may be able to process it over time).
I also think seeing a specialist may be to your benefit, or at least a doctor who has experience dealing with stubborn poopers. Good luck.
My son did this for two years also, and then he started having little "accidents." After many emotional struggles, I finally took him to the doctor and I wish I had done it much sooner. His doctor game him a strict routine of sitting on the potty ten minutes in the morning and ten in the evening (if he hasn't already BM'd). Plus a dose of miralax every morning. Within two weeks, things were MUCH better. Within two months, he started having BMs every morning before school. We are still on the Miralax, and I hope to wean him off it over the next few months. Going to the doctor was GREAT because 1) you find out how incredibly common this is 2) the child gets to hear the instructions from someone besides the parent - in my son's case, this made a HUGE difference and 3) The Miralax (I call it F'in Miracle-ax, pardon my language but it seriously changed my life) helps take the emotional component out. I agree with someone that it's not good to be on it indefinitely, but it's a stool softener, not a laxative.
Welcome to my world..my daughter is 3 and does the same thing since when she holds it for too long and then goes the poop is so big it hurts so she thinks it will hurt like that all the time. What I do now is give her prune juice every day mixed in with some milk and a little water and tell her it is chocolate milk. She loves the taste...lol...and it helps keep it loose enough to make her go. My doc also said myralax...misspelled?? I heard it is a stage most kids go thru. I hope.
Talk to her dr. asap and if you have talked to them before, don't be shy about talking to a different dr. Fecal loading can become a really bad problem. I am not trying to scare you. I know how you feel. My daughter would do this at times too, but I had worked with the dr.s and they were able to help me. Will she poop in a diaper? I know you probably don't want to regress, but trying might help. Try and talk to her about it. Ask her if it hurt when she goes, or if it scares her, or if she feels like she is sick when she goes? I would try and see if you could get her to tell you why she might be doing it, you might know how to help her.. Do not punish her for not going though, this can make her feel bad about herself like she is not a good girl...Good luck!
Three things children can control that we can't is eating, sleeping and toileting. For whatever her reasoning is,many times it is fear based (and you may never figure it out) she has the control . I agree to not make an obvious big deal about it in front of her, but quiletly increase her fiber and fruit and offer her fun things to do that are only for sitting on the potty. Maybe a new book or magna doodle, even a dvd player with her favorite movie. If she learns to relax while sitting on the potty, in time she will get the routine down. At her age of development she is learning what she can control, (remember she doen't have the ability to rational that If she would just go on a regular basis, it wouldn't hurt, all she is able to see is Poop=Hurt, so don't poop) this is a common problem. Good Luck
My son had the same problem for a while and it was b/c it hurt. I would give him prunes daily and stool softeners. We did this till it became routine for him. Now he goes daily w/o a problem and w/o supplements.I give him fiber supplements now. I think you just need to increase the fiber in her diet to make it easier for her to go. Hope this helps. I know what your going through and it can take months to get her on track. Be patient. Good luck.
When my daughter was learning how to use the potty, she had trouble with BMs. My husband took over in that department - for some reason she was able to accomplish it more easily with him. He did have a calmer demeanor than I, and was able to explain the whole process to her a lot better. It took 2 times and she was going fine on her own. Have you "called for back-up" yet? Might be something to try.
Have you tried a star chart? I had the same problem with my son when he was 3 yrs old. He still used a diaper for a BM. We started a star chart. I'd give one star for an attempt to have a BM on the potty and 2 for actually doing it! It took a while but he eventually did it and then soon there after just started doing it on his own. Oh, we had a pretty decent prize for having done so many Bms. We also gave a mini prize each time he managed.
She is withholding her poop because she is constipated. Then when poop is constipated it HURTS when it comes out. Then the child won't want to poop again. It is a vicious cycle. Because it is an emotion based problem (it hurts when pooping) and a biological/medical problem.
Laxatives/suppositories are not recommended, especially in children. It can become habit forming and it is NOT supposed to be used indefinitely.
Her not wanting to poop, is an emotion based issue.
My daughter, even if we did not force her to potty... got Constipated. We had to see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. I would suggest that. A regular Pediatrician, will not know how to treat this.
For us, the Specialist said that is can take MONTHS to overcome... emotionally for the child and the constipation problem which is a vicious cycle because they "withhold" it. The doctor says it then causes "anxiety."
The Pediatric Gastroenterologist we saw, abhors laxatives and suppositories.
Next, if constipation and not pooping gets bad enough... it can develop into "Encopresis." this is bad.
I suggest, you see a specialist.
She has anxiety about it, or it is a sense of control, or it hurts when she poops and she does not want to.... it seems to be a real emotional issue for her.
Does she have any problems? Any stresses? Anxiety? Sibling problems? School problems?
All the best,
Susan
I assume you talked to her dr? sorry I dont have anything for you but I do know that a lot of children do not like to BM and I have heard that this is not totally uncommon, but yes still a problem. sorry and good luck
I know that nutrition experts will hate this, but it works. I offered one single M & M as a reward after going number 2 on the potty. We only had to do this a few times and my son went regularly after that.
Please have her see a pediatric gastroenterologist and do it now before this pattern trains her bowel not to work correctly. She should be old enough to take in the messages from the doctor and the sooner you get this straightened out, the better. They will probably have you switch her to Miralax and give you some ways of handling it that helps give the control back to her.
Perhaps she is old enough for the "waste from healthy food needs to be eliminated from your body" talk? Kind of approach it from a logical, no nonsense angle.
Also, do you think she's attention-seeking? What happens if you just ignore it for a week?
