A little about my family. I have a 18 year old daughter and 4 year old son. His father recently, about 3 months ago, moved out of state. After he moved I put my son into daycare and got him potty trained. His father stayed home with him but was never deligent about taking him potty.
He does great most of the time but lately he is wetting himself and will play with his poo. He has done this 3 - 4 times. I try to talk to him so he understand that the poo only goes into the toilet and will make him sick if he plays with it.
I discussed this with his father and apparnetly he did the same thing as a child and feels I should not discipline him.
I am at a loss. He normally only has accidents at home and not at school or daycare.
I would appreciate any suggestions or thoughts.
I would first like to say thank you to everyone that responded.
Just to clarify he does not play with it in the potty but normally after I have put him to bed. I am taking him to the potty more and sitting with him. He had previously stopped being interested in the stickers for going potty but we are donig this again.
This evening he pooed in his room but he did not play with it and came and told me he had an accident. So that is a small improvement. I am planning on going by the library to see what books I can find on the subject tomorrow on my way home from work.
I think it is part frustratin with his dad going and not understanding, then starting pre-k, and going back to day care. He has had a lot of changes in the past few months and as an adult it is hard to remember that sometimes but with everything all we can do is our best,
Again, thank everyone for taking time out of your lives to offer your advice.
Its not about the poo - its about the anxiety he is experiencing from all the changes. This isnt about accidents.
What are the things that happen before he plays with the poo? Find the triggers and you will find the cause.
Good luck.
t
It's really hard to tell, from your description, when he's playing with it. If it's when he's on the potty, I wouldn't let him be alone. If he tries while you're there, I would simply say, "no, yucky". Wash his hands and move forward. He is old enough to talk to, so talk to him about it. Ask him if he needs a new toy if he will stop playing with it. (Bribery works well in our house). I don't believe he should be punished, I would talk to him first. Is he doing it at school or only at home? I would just keep a good eye on him.
OMG, my son started doing this when he turned 4 too! UGH!! YES, unfortunately it is NORMAL but not exactly healthy or socially acceptable.
At first, I didn't punish him for it but did sit him down and have a long talk with him on right and wrong and that poop comes out of your body because it doesn't need it anymore and so you shouldn't play with it. It goes in the potty. He promised not to do it anymore..... whatever!!!
The second and third times, I was very upset but tried to handle it without totally loosing it!! very hard, by the way!
After that, the niceties were over! NO PLAYING WITH YOUR POO, IT'S DISCUSTING AND IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE IN THIS HOUSE. Also, breaking the silence and telling DAD about it was a big deterent.
Finally, what really worked (I feel) was giving him the grown up, scientific version of the talk. You pee and poo are waste products from your body. They are the toxins and solids that your organs produce because your body doesn't need the stuff anymore. If it were to stay in your body, your body would get very sick because the poisions would be stuck in your body. Now, when you PLAY with those poisions, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR BODY IS GOING TO DO??? MAKE YOU SICK. STOP PLAYING WITH IT!!
Anyway, it finally stopped. It really didn't help that there is that commercial on all the kid channels about the little kids talking about germs and the one boy is whispering in the other's ear about how he plays with his poo!!!
I hope it goes well with you. It really did seem like forever, but he did grow out of it. Good luck and make sure he washes his hands!!
I'd be consistent and firm that it is inappropriate for big boys to touch poop. But I'd also offer an alternative for him to channel that "creativity" towards... If he likes the feel of it squishing and all, perhaps buy some molding clay or spend the extra money on giving him 2 or 3 new playdough toys, etc.
Of course, I wouldn't discount that this behavior is passive aggressive anger about his dad moving far away. I've heard of small children playing with poop, mostly boys, but all of them were much younger (like 2 yo). At 4, he is old enough to know that he should not be doing this. The fact that he is acting out in this way might be his way of expressing his frustration and anger at the change in his routine and in him feeling the absence of his dad.
If its a phase, then he will grow out of it. However, I'm a proponent of getting a child psychologist involved if it persists longer than you think a phase should last. You don't want any frustration to feaster and grow into bitterness. What if he mistakenly blames you for daycare and his dad's move?... You definitely don't want those feelings build up; he'll just rebel later.
Hi L.-
First I would find out what the school is doing differently as far as going potty. Do they have a set time every few hours when they have everyone go potty or is he recognizing on his own that he needs to go? It could be that they are making him go regularly and you are waiting for him to know it's time and he doesn't recognize the signals yet. As far as the playing with the poo goes, I would try to come up with some sort of discipline for this since by 4 he should be able to understand not to play with it. Be careful though that you are making it clear to him that he is being punished for playing with the poo, not for having an accident.
Best of luck,
K.
he is being touched or molested all signs
dear L.,
i know this sounds strange but i did the same thing when i was small. i dont know what my mom did but after my first time i was too grossed out to do it again. its curiosity.no, but seriously. accompany him to the bathroom. tell him you cant leave him alone because you cant trust him by himself. playing with poop is unacceptible. he may just start to tell you why he does it as he sits there. =) good luck
M.
I'm sorry I never had experience with this but I really think it is something that he will grow out of, I'm sure you have already told him about the germs that is in it and that it could really make him sick. But tell him that if it gets under his finger nails and into his mouth he will get put in the hospital and they will have to give him needles.Which is very true and can become really serious.(e coli)
