4 Year Old Peeing His Pants

J., My firend just went through this with her 4 yo son. She started taking him to the potty like every fifteen minutes. No matter what he was doing she made him stop and go into the bathroom. I think that made him more annoyed but it seemed to work. He did not like getting interrupted while he was playing so he seemed to stop peeing inhis pants pretty quick. I don't know if this will help you but it seemed to work for her. Good luck.
L.

Instead of asking him just put him on the potty and tell him he can't get up until he goes. If he is doing it right after you ask him then you already know his potty schedule and know when he needs to go. I have had the same problem with my son and this method worked for me. He goes just so he can go back to what he was doing.

hey J.,
i have a 4 year old who pees hisself at night no problems during the day whatsoever, and i felt like something was wrong with him so i took him to the doctors and had him examined and found nothing so i decided hes lazy or too busy just as youre assuming but i found out in the last couple of weeks it for attention sometimes so i get him up at different times of the night and at 2am 3am 5am whatevertime i feel .and i make him p because hes only 4 and i know it seems like he should no by now but as parents thats our job to make sure hes peeing start watching how much he drinks and ct drinks out after a certain time and also even if he says no mommy i dont have to make him go anyway 4-5 times every 2 hours moniter when he wets himself 9times out of 10 this is the time that u should make him go stand in front of the toilet and one more thing tell him hes not a baby anymore and big boys pee in the toilet and give him a reward after the first couple times of success hand claps and big hugs and kisses are just as good as skittles i pray that u find this advice useful may god bless u and your family F.

Kids will revert back at times. Limit his drinking a bit. Start from scratch and make him sit on the potty every half hour or hour, whatever he needs. Don't accept that he "doesn't have to go". When he wets, only discipline after the fact, not later in the day, etc. Make sure he takes care of his own mess. If there's a mess on the floor, give him a paper towel to dry it, and a Lysol wipe to clean it and then throw them away. He needs to put his own wet clothes in the hamper himself and gets his own clean clothes and dresses himself. Then he sits in time out or whatever. It may not work right away, but the idea is to still discipline him. We don't know that he's being lazy or not. We don't know if he may have a mild infection that is causing him to wet now. Either way, be consistent and firm, make him do the clean up and he'll soon get back on track. It's frustrating but this is not unusual. If he has a dry day or time period, give him huge praises. Kids still like to please at this age. Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

I have a 4 year old daughter who does the same thing. She thinks it is funny. When I ask her why she says, " I had to finish my picture or I had to finish watching Spongebob". This leads me to believe that she is too busy to stop or just plain lazy.

I am soo fusterated too, because she is going to pre-school in the fall (at least, I hope). Maybe this is just a 4 year old phase! I'm sorry I could not offer any ideas, but I am all out too. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

My daughter is 3 and she has been trained for at least 6 months but occasionly will hae a accident, if it goes on for a couple of days at a time i remind her that she can not go to school if she keeps peeing her pants cause big girls don't pee their pants and the teacher will not be happy about it. she is very anxious to go to school so maybe if your son is also it might work...good luck

Well, I'd be glad that it isn't poop to start with! ;-)

This really isn't *your* problem, it is *his,* and thus *he* needs to choose to change it. Now you can set up the conditions to make him more likely to change. But you have to let go of the concept that it is *your* problem.

Two of my kids went through similar issues (although it was poop--like I said, be grateful!). What worked for us was putting clean up responsibility solely in the child's hands. When we would notice that an accident had occurred, we immediately sent the child to get fresh clothes and then to the bathroom, and the child could not come out until the clothes had been changed, dirty ones rinsed and put in the laundry. We did not yell, shame, or show any upset. Just "oh, I see you had an accident. Well you need to clean up." In the case of *really* messy underpants that were too much for a 4 year old to clean...they got tossed in the trash.

And when the child was nearly ready to run out of underwear, off to "Stuff-mart" we went with allowance money--and at least one other sibling with allowance money. The "potty trained" sibling got to pick a toy out. The "accident prone" child was usually looking at other toys wanting to buy them, but I'd just say "I'm sorry, you need to use your allowance to buy underwear today. That toy sure looks fun though, maybe next time." Again, no shaming or scolding. No "well if you hadn't messed your pants so many times you could buy that toy." Because a 4 year old in our house only gets $.50 per week in allowance...we'd chip in *some*, but we'd make sure that about 8 weeks worth of allowance went toward an underwear purchase. We only had to make one trip to purchase underwear with each of the 2 kids we had this issue with.

Since you aren't dealing with poop, what you might do to replace to the "Stuff-mart" run would be to have your son put his soiled clothes in a specific basket, and when it is ready to wash, charge him for laundry washing services.

Good luck!

My son didn't want to potty train until he started pre-school at 3. Then he was great almost the first day. I think the peer idea and what was "appropriate" really helped him. Is your son in a situation like preschool with other kids where he can get an idea of that it is good to not pee his pants or is it just the two of you? My son only went to school two mornings but it made a world of difference in his attitude.

He was also lazy in not wanting to stop what he was doing. I know it's hard but you need to stop the activity and step in saying it's "time to go to the bathroom" and just take him by the hand. If you separate him from what he wants to do, he'll likely get the idea that he can't do it until he goes to the bathroom. Boys are weird that way....

I don't really have a solution for your problem, but I can give you my experience. When I was a child I pee'd my pants almost everyday. I literally could not stop it. I had no control over my bladder. I can remember my mom and dad yelling at me and it crushed me because they didn't believe me when I told them it was an accident. I still continue to have some mild bladder control problems. All I can say is please make sure it is not a physical problem. I still remember the criticizing I got from family and school friends.

A little about me: SAHM of 3yr and 2yr old boys. married six yrs.

I understand your situation. What have I done when my boys tell me that they don't need to go and I KNOW that they need to. I make them stop what they are doing and I walk them to the bathroom. That simple. Of course, they are not happy with me at that moment, but we are accident-free!
Best of luck to you,
L.

I think he will end up not liking the feeling of the wet underwear, etc. When my son was 4, he would have "dribble" incidents and did pee his pants a few times. I would take him into the bathroom to pee before we left the house, etc. Or if I noticed it had been awhile since he last went. Could you try "pee time" at regular intervals: when he gets up, before meals, before bath etc.? Good luck!

If I were you I would take your son to the doctors to make sure it is not a medical condition, especially since he has just recently started to have accidents after not having any. My nephew had this happen and the cause were little cycts on the side of his bladder that would fill up with urine and then burst causing it to appear as though he had wet his pants. His mother too thought it was just laziness but took him to the doctors after it continued for a year.

I've been going through the same thing with my daughter who turns 4 today :) I am going to bring it up to my pediatrician at her checkup because my 7 year old son has been taking Ditropan. But I'm finding that I mainly need to step up my vigilance. I think sometimes the novelty of independence wears off and they miss the attention they no longer receive through dressing and diaper changes. I also agree with the "laziness" issue, though. When she is doing the dance, but tells me she doesn't need to go, I tell her to prove to me that she doesn't have to--show me there is no pee. So far this has worked nearly every time. I also tell her when I have to go and "suggest" that she come and use the potty too. We only have one bathroom, and it's on the second floor, so if someone goes up with her, she's usually much more agreeable to go. Good luck . . . you can see you're not alone.

I have had some experience with a 4 year old who both pooped and peed his pants. I wish I knew everything I know now back then, so I feel like I really need to add my two cents. I would strongly recommend checking in with your pediatrician before starting any behavioral modification program. I really thought my son was "just being lazy" but he wasn't. He really had no control over what was happening. Once I understood this we could fix it and make it stop. He's 10 now and all of that is just a bad memory, but I really wish I had been quicker to bring it up to his doctor.

Odds are there is absolutely nothing wrong physically with your little guy. Lots of kids this age still wet their pants from time to time. BUT if there is a physical problem your son really can't control what is going on. It was very frustrating and damaging to my little guy emotionally when he was being punished or rewarded for things he had no control over.

Maybe after ruling out anything physical with your pediatrician, you might try not asking him if he has to use the bathroom, but take hime there and make him try. That is what worked for me. They will almost always say they don't have to go if asked. You are correct that they don't want to stop whatever fun activity for the potty break until they cannot hold it any longer..then..often too late. Don't worry, he will grow out of it most likely with your help.

Hello! One suggestion is making up a chart and giving him stickers every day that he stays dry. Give him a goal (a short one) "if you can stay dry for 1 week - no accidents - we can have a mommy/son date" and then take him to McDonalds or Wendy's for an ice cream treat.

After he reaches the goal of one week, then make it longer (2 weeks) and build from there, and then eventually taper off the rewards. Make sure you give him lots of positive feedback! Kids love and thrive on positive feedback. In the end they want to please their parents.

Good luck

Has something recnetly changed in his life? I know that when my daughter was 2 she was completely potty trained, then my step brother from Cananda came down to visit us for a few months and she started pooping her pants! I finally told him that he had to be more stern with her, she was testing him, at first she didn't want to, but when he did, she stopped pooping her pants.

Could this be what's happening in your sons life?

I also use to tell her that the Toilet needs to eat or he will starve! He need's to eat your poop, that's what he likes. She seemed to be happey to help him!

Good luck!

is it possible he has a UTI my son did the same thing and it turned out to be a bladder infection

Hi J.,
I totally understand your situation! My oldest, now 4 1/2, went through a short stage where she got lazy and would have accidents. One question is one of your other kids younger than your son and still in diapers? At one point when my daughter had been potty trained for a long time, even at night she just decided that her little brother had it easier b/c he wasn't "interrupted" by having to go to the potty. Most importantly, you have to stop asking him if he has to go adn tell him its time to go! I found that to be the first big step! Then I wouldn't punish him, but rather praise him when he does go easily when told! And this is a weird one, but it worked for my daughter! When she got to the point where she would say she doesn't need to go and I know she does, I would say you better go now, b/c I can see it in your belly and there is a lot in there! she would always lift her shirt and look at me and say "ok mommy, like she couldn't hide the fact that she had to go! I was so funny that it worked and she believed me, but hey, take advantage right? So be firm when you tell him its time to go, if he's watching TV, turn it off until goes, or whatever it may be, try to make it fun like a race, I would do that with my daughter and she thought it was great! I would go to one potty and she would go to another and we'd see who could pee first! Course I always let her win, but she didn't catch on! Good luck and don't get discouraged, if you catch it early this phase won't last long! Jennifer