4 Year Old Needs to Go to Preschool...

L.,
I don't have a child development degree but I do have many years of experience in running a daycare. I would say to send him to preschool and let him deal with his fear now. You do not have to send him 5 days a week you could send him on a two day or even three day program. Many schools have that option. Some have three days for 4 yrs old and 2 for yrs old. So you will have to call around.
I feel this will help him break into it on a slower bases. If you wait until kindergarten than he will be forced to deal with this 5 days a week. Plus you take the chance of other children teasing him because he is throwing fits when his mommy leaves. If you do preschool it will help him develop the social skills that he needs to be successful in kindergarten.

I would send him. I have a 9 year old son who has social phobia. In preschool he mainly played by himself but he would do some stuff with the other kids as well. Every one thought it was just a phase he was going through. Then he went on to kindergarten. It was so bad by this time that he would not even speak to his teacher until after Christmas break. by this time he was so far behind in learning that they finly did testing on him and he is getting the help he needs. They didn't put him on any meds to help with the anxity until the end of he 2nd grade year. He is now doing a lot better and will still be scared at first but he always has something small to hold on to so he will feel safe like when he goes to camp over the summer. I would pay close attion to how he is doing and if he needs more innervation talk to the doctor and don't let them tell you oh he will just grow out of it if his being shy starts to interfere with is learning in school. Good luck with all of it.

I will tell you that it is much easier for a child to start kindergarten if they have gone to preschool. Your child will get over the shyness, so I say do it now and not in kindergarten.

My four yo was the same way. I sent him to preschool this past year. The first week or so was the hardest. He was also very shy. I had to leave him with the teacher screaming. The hardest thing was to just walk away but I knew it was better for him if I left him there. I was worried that if I indulged him and played into his fears he'd think there was something to be afraid of at school and that would make it ten times harder. His teacher was very understanding and patient. She always told me he was fine within 5-10 minutes after I left. After the first week he was excited to go and I didn't have any more problems. He'd made friends and was happy. It will be hard but you are right that it will be easier to deal with now than in kindergarten.

I believe that even if he is shy about new people or situations, that after a day or 2 in preschool he will be having way too much fun to even remember that he was shy. If the preschool is in a day care type place (like the one that I work at) then you would be able to call during the day and check up on him to make sure that he is doing well. Preschool teachers (or kindergarten teachers) understand and have worked with many shy children and are going to be sensitive to your son's needs during the first few days of transition.

It may be hard for him at first when you get ready to leave, so maybe you could go in to the preschool for a tour first when you can stay with him and he can meet the teacher(s) and some of the children, so it won't be quite as scary as just dropping him off without knowing anybody. I think having him go now would be a good thing for him. If you have any other questions, just let me know.

I think your son will be just fine. I had a terrible experience with my son when he went to school. First off, I was the busdriver, needless to say everyone would get off except him. He would cry his little heart out and of course I would give in. Not good!! I talked to his teacher and she said to me bring him into the school whether he is crying or not. She said he was fine when he was in class when I wasn't there. So I took him to school and believe me he wasn't happy with me just walking away. The teacher assured me that she would call if there were any problems or I could call her when I got home. I called when I got home and she told me he was having a ball. It was the hardest thing for me to do, I was crying going home. Needless to say I never had a problem with him afterwards. So if your fearing that it won't work out, I'm sure it will but ask if you can make a call just to reassure yourself.
Good luck and I'm sure your son will have the happiest day of his life playing with the toys and being with others' his own age.

L.,
I definitely lean towards sending him despite the shyness, because as you pointed out, he will be going to Kindergarten next year, and he will have an easier time making that transition if he has the preschool experience now.
Be sure to find a preschool that YOU are comfortable with, where the care providers are kind and patient. They have lots of experience helping kids adjust. Maybe they can even give you suggestions.
My kids both adjusted to daycare & then preschool fairly well, but my daughter went through a phase where she would cling and cry. Her daycare let me drop her off in their office, where she would spend about 5 minutes "helping" and then go to her classroom. They also told me that a lot of kids fuss & cling until the mom leaves, and then start playing quite happily!
You sound like a great mom, and I'm sure things will work out.
Oops, one more idea! I have seen kids books (like Berenstein Bears) about going to school. I have used books about going to the doctor, dentist, etc. to help my kids get used to the idea before some big new thing, and they have helped alot. Best wishes!!

Hello L., My name is Cindy and I would like to let you know about a school in Washington Township (27 mile and VanDyke) They are a private school that work with each child and develop a ciricullum per each childs abilities, Krambrooke-Griffin Academy (KGA) is AWESOME. All three of my kids go there and the youngest was in Preschool, and going into Pre-kindergarten, Dan is going into 4th and Jon is 7th. Daniel is way above grade level and they accommidate him where in the Catholic they couldn't keep up with him and Jon is going into 7th but at a 5th grade level. So instead of making him feel like a failure not being able to do all 7th grade work they can adjust his work. Math is at a 5th grade and they send him into the 5th grade class to do the work.
I am so please with the Director, Kathy Kram and her ability to help each and everyone of the children and the parents. I
could go on and on about what this school has to offer but I would like you to check out the website or even call Kathy to set up an appointment to look at all that they have to offer.
www.krambrooke.com
###-###-####.
Thank you so much and ggo luck.
God Bless, Cindy

My daughter had the same problem when she was starting preschool.Preschool helped her so much the next year for real school, I am not sure how she would have done without the expossure she had in preschool. Just remember to make it sound exciting and fun and not to betray that you are nervous too or he will read it. ASk the teacher when you meet before school starts for a class list and help him make at least one friend before the first day then he will not be going into a room of strangers. As class progressed I sent home our number with different kids so we could set up playdates and before long my leg clinger was dancing into class to see all of her friends and waving my away like I was cramping her style.

Don't indulge him. Absolutely not. You start giving in now and you'll have a larger problem on your hands later. Take control now.
He's 4. What child that age knows his own mind or how they'll like something or how it will benefit them? Few to zero. Put him in preschool, because it will give him the socialization skills he'll need. Plus it's a good time for him to learn rules about respect and sharing and classroom behavior.

Hi L.,

I know this is a difficult choice for you. As I am also the mother of a 4 year old son, I decided to send him to pre-school. I am very glad that I did.

I found a wonderful Christian based Montessori in the Waterford area. The teacher, Miss Carolyn, has over 25 years experience in this area and used to own a large Montessori school for 20 years in Tennessee. What I like about sending my son to her pre-school program is that it is a nice transition from home to real school. She takes a maximum of 6 children and she spends individual time with all of them. The classroom is built on to her house, so there is a very warm and inviting feel. She is an amazing teacher and the fact that they read a bible story every day and say daily prayers is a bonus!

I found Miss Carolyn's to be the least intimidating pre-school option for my son (and I!). When he goes, he is not walking in to a big group of kids...he is walking in to a personalized setting and welcoming environment. After just over a year of attending Miss Carolyn's he looks forward to his weekly routine and I never deal with tears or anxiety. The best part is she is VERY affordable!

www.misscarolynsmontessori.com

Whether you are in the Waterford area or not, in my experience, it has been wonderful sending my son to pre-school. From one Mom to another...I would highly suggest it!

Good luck!

S.

Guess I'm not an "expert" but having seen the change in school expectations in the past 8 years, I think he'll benefit from preschool. Especially if he wants to go, but gets scared at the last minute. Doesn't sound like he's not ready, just has hurdles. He'll feel so good about himself if he pushes past that. I've had friends offer a special treat after the day's over to give an incentive. (Offer made at home, before the upset starts, that is) If he really freaks out, I've heard they usually stop so long as you don't prolong the separation or get emotional yourself. With all that said, my middle son was not emotionally ready to be gone as long as the school week was. They suggested to keep him home a few days per week. So I'd confer with the teachers a lot and watch his behavior. He may benefit more with a 3 day preschool. My son now is super social and loves school. He had his issues though. 3rd grade was rough. He's going into middle in Sept.

last year when my daughter went to preschool she would cry when i was a bout to leave i think it is becasue she got used to me being home all the time that summer before becasue of maternity leave. anyways as long as you find a great school the teachers will be very nice and help with that transition. her teachers always helped distract her and try to explain all the "cool" stuff they would do that day and she was fine.
i think it is the school that you choose that will help with his shyness.

L.,

I sent all three of my kids to Triunity Christian School. The preschool teacher is fantastic. She brings the shy right out of kids!!! - and gets them very involved. She has wonderful, exciting activities for them to do and all my kids loved her as a teacher. There are plenty of opportunities to get involved in the class if you like. Also they have a half day program 3 days a week and a fullday program 3 days a week. (the price was also comparable to other programs) The School is located on 44th st between Byron center and Burlingame in Wyoming. Hope this helps.

L.

The main purpose of preschool is to teach children how to soclailize in a group. That is very important for your childs soxial development. If he tries to chicken out at the last minute, just tell him that he needs to go to school, that is not a choice, but let him know that once he gets there he may choose to participate, or sit by himself. He will have a little bit of an adjustment time, which may be difficult on both of you, but he will greatly benifit in the long run. Remember that next year he will not have the choice to participate, and that will effect his grades right from the start.

L., If you think your son is ready, (1) look for a co op preschool, that way you could be with him once a month, (2) or put him in a program that is 3 days only. The first days could be rough but is IS better for him! You know that. Explain to him, he is ready and the class needs his help to learn more.
You can do it! The first day, go 5 minutes early, show him on the clock when you are leaving, and when you are coming back. THEN LEAVE! The teacher can handle it! I promise, many children have the same troubles. Good luck! K.
*mom of 5, grown, one who was REALLY shy, Preschool teacher for 30 years!*

Hi L.,
My son sounds alot like your son. I enrolled him in preschool and then we talked about it alot during the summer. Well, I was so worried that he was going to start crying when I dropped him off. I was worried for nothing. He hopped out of the car and right to the teacher. He even forgot to say good-bye. My 18 month old was the one that cried for his brother. It was pretty funny. Looking back I can't believe my son was so shy. He is so outgoing now and has no problem talking with new people. I would highly recommend sending him to preshool. It will help him get over his shyness plus teachers know how to help with shy kids. Noah's teachers had him make a "book" with pictures of his home, parents, siblings, ect. Whenever Noah felt shy or homesick they would take out his book and have him tell them who everyone was and by the time he was done he had forgotten how homesick he was. Good luck.
Chris

Definitely send him.He will need it for Kindergarten. They must know how to write their name, know and reconize all the letters and sounds. My son sounds just like yours. Shy until the ice is broken. The first day was killer and took everything in me not to cry. You cant cry or they will think something is wrong. His sweet little eyes looked up at me and said "but mamma I thought you would be staying with me." He started to cry. His teachers were great and consoled him and I sat in the hallway for a half hour. By the fourth day he couldnt wait to go and is now bugging me when kindergarten starts. your son will be fine. kids really need the buffer of preschool before K starts.

Hi L., Well, I suppose I am going to be the only one with a different point of view.
Kids are all different. Some are ready to leave their moms at age 3 or 4 to go off to preschool and have fun with others.
Some are not and that should be ok. Sometimes we feel the pressure of society that we have to do preschool. Go with your gut and your intuition for that individual child of yours. Maybe he would be better served with another year with you gaining self assurance. It dosen't really matter, because at some point.....pre school or kindergarten he is going to have to learn to be without you. So why not give him an extra year with you. Kids with pre school under their belt do NOT do any better then kids that do not. Kids all learn and develop at different times they really do not catch up with each other at a even level until around 3rd grade (so they say). Pre-school may not prove any difference to your son only that you started the process of school early. I am not an advoacate of preschool. It think we are pushing our kids to hard...to early. If he is shy and needs you for another year you could teach him things at home.
Even during the shool year I sit down with my son every day and go over different skills (math, sight words, reading, manners etc.) We parents are more powerful then we are given credit for these days. Maybe your son is just not a pre school kind of kid. Maybe this year your could focus on different situations that might make him stronger in his social skills (shyness).
You only have a short time to be a child. Let it linger.
m.
( at age 9, 10, 18 or 20 the kids with preschool do not stand out anymore then the kids without. Pre- school does not make any diference in their life in the long run. It is just something society is pushing on us. In reality Kindergarten is not even manditory. The state starts kids off at First Grade. That must tell us something.)

Hi L.,

As a person who has an ECD (Early Chilhood Degree) you do not need a degree to figure this out. I have three children, two boys and a girl, they have all gone to pre-school. The only one who jumped up and got ready for pre-school three days a week was my daughter, also our youngest. Boys are not generally excited to get there. Neither of my boys wanted to go, as in twice a week did not want to go, until they got into the class and then I could not get them out. One was shy and one wasn't and they were about the same when it came to leaving me and going into a class with kids they didn't know. Should you put him in anyway...it will have to be your call. I would start by taking him to reading groups at the library and taking him to child safe places to play and let him get use to making friends. Most pre-schools you can visit and talk with the teacher and she can help with a lot of your reservations also. If your elementary school where he will be going to kindergarten has a pre-school that is a really good start, as he will be use to the building by kindergarten. Pre-school is viewed in many different ways by many different parents. I chose a play based for all three of my kids and they did really well. They learned way more than I thought they would and still had fun doing it. The boys went to a pre-school that was in an elementary school but not the one that they ended up going to as ours does not offer one. It was a big help as at least they were use to a big building and bigger kids and etc. My oldest son has always been very outgoing and he had the hardest time with it. My middle son was a lot quieter and quite shy when he was little and he loved it. It depends a lot on the teacher and how you view it and present it. If you are nervous and have reservations then he most likely will too. It is such a great age and my all time favorite to work with and teach. My husband and I teach the 4's - K's (Kindergarten)at our church. The majority of the 4's are very hesitant at first to come into our class. We win them over however, pretty fast. I just love pre-schoolers and kindergarteners, it is the reason that I still teach on Sunday even though my own are long past that point. Much success to you and your son and enjoy pre-school, you are both going to love it. The refrigerator art alone is worth it, ha.

Do you have a cooperative (co-op) preschool in your area? I have an Early Childhhod background and I currently teach at a co-op preschool in Troy, MI.
I think they are great for all children but especially for ones like your son, as well as mine. You will have the opportunity to "work" in the classroom on a monthly basis and the teachers are very open to having you stay for all of or part of the session even when it's not your day to "work".
This will help your son ease into the transition of being away from mommy and under the care of other adults. Before you know it, he'll be running into the classroom waving goodbye to you!

As a kindergarten and first grade teacher, I can tell you that preschool is important. It is a much easier transition for the child and more play based than most kindergarten programs these days. I would recommend looking into the co-op preschool because you can be regularly involved in your sons development. Generally every community has at least 1. Good Luck!

Hello L.,
I would suggest to have him go to preschool that way he will learn to interact and socialize with other kids so that when it is time to go to a young 5's or Kindergarten he will be a little more prepared to be away from you, thats the hardest part to get them use to not having you right there. Good luck, Im sure he'll do fine!

I am an early elementary teacher and can say that "ready for school" means so many different things. Preschool is a great time for kids to learn the structure of school, organized play, listening skills, sharing, being away from home/mom, and so many more "growing up"skills. Academics are not the primary focus of preschool- getting ready for school is. I would definitely put him in preschool and help him work through the shyness. In kindergarten the focus is still on making friends and learning to work together, but the learning is the main focus.

I used Novi Co-operative preschool for my son. It's great b/c you volunteer a few times monthly so you can see his development. Most communities have a co-op program, (walled lake and commerce both have them.). If not find a shorter program such as 1 or 2 days a week to try to transition him. My baby girl is going to be a problem too but I will jump that hurdle next year. Good Luck.

As a teacher, I would recommend sending your son to preschool. Don't worry if there are tears, the teachers are used to it and very good at calming a child down. this will help your son with great strides for Kindergarten. Even if he doesn't need preschool for the "school" part, it is a good social and follow directions learning center. This will also prepare your son to be away when he is in school and start to build relationships with other kids and adults. If you decide not to do preschool, I would look into a young five's program; this can also help with kindergarten. Good luck with it, I know it's a hard decision.

Hi L.,
Signing him up for preschool won't force him to overcome shyness. He just may be wired that way (I was a very shy child until college, and not I am very outgoing) or his personality will change as he grows older. However, the experience of socializing with other peers may be helpful in this area. If you do decide to sign him up for preschool, talk to the teachers ahead of time about his shyness and potential separation issues. If they are a well-trained staff, they will be very familiar with helping kids with different temperments transition into the classroom. When my 3 year old started preschool this year, he would run into the classroom and barely (or really rarely) look back to say goodbye. However, he would stand at the sidelines and observe the other children until he felt comfortable joining in. It sounds like your son may be similar- he does well with other children, but may need some time to warm up and gain some confidence in social situations. Again, I think that preschool might be a good idea if you feel like the staff will be supportive. I recommend finding a preschool that is accredited by the NAEYC. The program will be play-based, and will have had to pass standards that require training for the staff, and a philosophy that children learn best without pressure, through play, etc. It also promotes the notion that preschool is more for emotional and social gains than anything else. Hope this helps. Please emamil me if you need any clarification. I haven't had a full coffee yet so I may be making no sense...
S. Z.

I too have a 4-year old going to preschool in the fall. Even though your concerned about your son's shyness, preschool will be good for him in many ways. As parents our job is to help teach our children coping skills that they will need as adults. Preschool is about learning how to have social interaction. My mother is a kindergarden teacher and informs me that socialization is key to children performing well academically as they progress in school. So let your son go to preschool. Remember there will be other kids going through the same thing as him. I would continue to give him the support he needs by telling him that you understand it can be scary to be in a new situation around new people and point out to him a time in the past where he was able to overcome or find comfort in a situation that was scary or new to him. That way he will know that he can do it! Good luck.

Hi I have been teaching for 11 years and the last 7 have been at an early childhood center. I have two boys myself...7 & 4. In my opinion, your child needs to go to preschool for the social aspect. As a professional, we have noticed a big difference in the kindergarten kids that have had a preschool experience. They cope better, they adjust better, and do better academically and socially. We have had some kids at school that many days were hard to get them to stay. I would say the best thing would be to hand them off to the teacher and leave. I know that is sometimes hard but usually the child will settle down in a few minutes. We had a mother that would sit and hug and her child and try to reason with them for 1/2 hour and in the end it made no difference. You have to let you child know they will be safe, have fun, and you will be back soon to get them.

It's harder on the moms than on the kids! :) Preschool workers are used to children not wanting to stay. This is normal. You have been his be-all and end-all for his whole life. After you leave - with your son crying - he will get over it quickly and have a blast making new friends and learning the skills that he will need for kindergarten.

By all means, let him go. And take tissues in the car for you!

S.

As a speech language pathologist I would recommend you sending him to preschool. Preschool is a great place for children to learn/develop social skills. For many of the kids it is their first time being away from home so they are all in the same boat. It may be hard in the beginning but one thing that might help is to get to know some of the parents right off the bat and have playdates with them so your son can get to know their child in a familiar enviroment. Sometimes having one friend at school makes the transition easier. I really think it is harder on us as the parents then it is on the little ones. Most of the time within in 5 minutes after the parent leaves the child is fine and you can always call the school and ask how he is doing!

Good luck!

Hi L.---My daughter was born in November and so would have been only 4 to start kindegarten. In our schoold district all kids were screened at 4 for school readiness. Amanda was VERY clingy and showed great hesistation when being tested. So was accepted into the head start program because of her 'poor' testing. At her first conference, the teachers couldn't believe that she was the same little girl they labeled weeks earlier as an at-risk child. She was fine once she got into the school setting.

She's always been hesitant to explore unfamiliar or new situations. We walked out of many bookstores because she wouldn't ask the clerk to help her find the book she wanted, and that was even in Jr. High. But she's a great kid, even living on her own in Chicago and now the Los Angeles area, still uncertain and nervous about things she can't control. But we assure her constantly that she is smart and will be ok no matter what and that we are here when she really needs us.

So, don't expect a battle or a battle is what you will get. Expect that he'll adjust and have a great time because that's the great kid you know that he is.

Good luck. D.

L. ~
Have you thought about co-op preschool? What's nice is that it's only a couple days a week, and you go in to work there a time or two a month (each program has thier own requirements depending on how many kids are in the class). The socialization is really good, and it can be reassurring if you're there with him sometimes.
D.

It sounds like you are ready to send your child and that your child is ready, just shy. I taught preschool and saw some of the same behaviors. Although you are truly the expert on your child, I can assure you that 99% of the time, leaving the children is harder on the parents. To set your child up for success, here are some ideas that we do: Make sure to attend the 'open house' for the preschool (assuming they hold one; if not visit the classroom with your child before school starts). Make sure you are home for your 'home visit' (again, if they have these). If your child really needs you 'there' you can get a locket and put your picture in it. This way anytime they 'need' you they can look at your picture and feel better. I had one little girl last year that this worked VERY well for. You can also ask the teacher to put your picture up in your child's locker/cubby. Finally, have faith that the teachers really are aware of all the children and work to get them all comfortable with the environment and each other very quickly. Many parents are surprised to hear how 'loud' their child is in school. :)

Hi L.,
I also had a shy child entering preschool. We didn't know anyone in the area very well, so getting together beforehand wasn't an option. We used a co-op, 3-day preschool, and the teacher was very good about bringing kids out of their shell. If she knows ahead of time what your child is going through, she can help you out. Her teacher would help by giving her important things to do, such as lead the girls to the bathroom, or help with the chalkboard, etc... My daughter had no trouble adjusting. In fact, on the second day, she couldn't wait to go!
We used to "practice" preschool at home, so she had a feel for her role in it. We would act out situations that could happen so she felt prepared. A lot of times shyness is just fear of the unknown. I should know, I was a shy kid too!!

Best wishes on a successful preschool year!
J. :)

I would send him. My oldest (she is 5 now) wanted to go then didnt want to then did...so she went to preschool at 3 for 2 days a week then when she was 4 she went for 4 days (both times only half days) and at first she cried and said she didnt want to go but the teacher swere great and then she loved it. I would definitly send him, better to get him used to it now then wait to K. And the shorter # of days a week will make it a gradual thing for him. Also I completely agree on the homeschooling thing...I would never for all those same reasons (I am sure!).

Good Luck!