My son just turned 4 last month and is in preschool with kids all older than him (they are all turning 5). He has always had an aggressive personality, but lately it is turning physical. Today we were at a classmates birthday party and I witnessed him bump a kid (on purpose), warning given. Then he tackled a kid, second warning and told if he does not keep his hands to himself we are leaving. Then he punched a kid in the eye. Done. Told him to come with me, we were leaving. Of course he threw a fit, but to his credit he still followed me out and got in the car and all. Anyway, he was sent to his room. where he fell asleep. he has had the Wii taken away along with any television. I talked to him about how that made the other child feel, why he would punch someone, and that it its not acceptable behavior. I just don;t know what else to do. I am consistent in his discipline for these actions, I follow through, I discuss his feelings and the other kid's. How do I get him to stop this? My mom suggested putting him in karate because they teach discipline. Anyone ever done this? Any other suggestions? He is such a great kid! So smart, attentive and wonderful with his little sister. He's also very sweet, loves to cuddle, hug and kiss. He's not a bad boy! Help!
On a side note, I do have a daughter, 10 months, and sometimes I think he is acting out for attention. I try to be fair, but lets face it, babies take a lot of time. I've also been having some marital issues, which we are resolving and things are looking better than they have in a long time.
I think at this point, I would stop with the warnings...no "three times and you're out". First offense... immediate time out. he knows what is right and wrong, and that he can get away with it the first two times (that you catch him).
Karate could be a good option for him! It's worth a try!!!
i am happy to hear that you and your husband are working out your issues, good luck to you guys. I have a daughter that just turned 3 and another that just turned 1. my 3yr old at first was very cautious, very careful when the baby was first born, but the older and more independent the younger one grew the more aggresive my eldest became with her. now that my 1yr old is walking my 3 yr old is pushing her to the ground and "playing" far too aggresively. everytime i turn my back my little one is crying and sure enough i find her on the floor covering her face. just recently i spoke to my husband about putting our oldest in karate or soccer. karate does provide dicipline and soccer because we figuered she would learn teamwork and the importance of being there to help her teammates. i'm sorry that i don't have any advice to offer, i read your post and felt like i was able to sypathize with your dilemma. i just wanted to let you know that i too am struggling with a lovable, huggable, cute, curious little child whom i'm having a hard time figuring out. i'll wait to see what advice other mother might have for us, but hang in there. like they say on that popular kids tv network, 'we're not perfect, we're parents' and i couldn't agree more. good luck to us all :D
Hi Mom,
You son may need to see a psychlogist. There may be some underlyning problem(s) going on. Usually at age 4 years of age children with ADHD/ADD can become more aggressive at 4 years of age. I've been through this and my best friend advised me to take him to see a counselor or psychologist and I'm so glad I did. He's now 11, making great decisions, being very gentle and kind and doing awesome in school, home and everywhere else he goes.
Don't very embarrassed, but help those you love. There's help out there.
HI S.,
Sigh...I know exactly where you're at. Do you let him watch any tv or movies (like Disney or Pixar)?
We have gone through this with our son who is 41/2. He is just as you describe; sweet cuddly, hug and kissable, however, he is a big , strong, active boy who likes to wrestle and doesn't yet know his strength or limits. I am not a big time-out person, but several months ago I started to impose them and they helped a bit. They aren't really punitive, just an imposed break for him to settle down and not continue aggressive or inappropriate behavior. I believe that several things cause our son's behavior. We have found that sleep (or lack) is the single biggest contributor to negative behavior, hunger is second. And he also seems to get overstimulated and then doesn't know how to come down from that.
In your birthday party scenario, I would have done this... Upon seeing him purposely bump his classmate, I would have walked over to him and kneeled down to eye level. "John I saw you bump into Bobbie on purpose. I need you to come sit quietly with me for a little while." Sit with him and talk to him about what is happening at the party and see if he settles down a bit. ( If he throws a fit because he has to sit with you tell him that he needs to settle or you'll go sit in the car.) When he feels calmer tell him that he can now go back to the party, but he needs to be gentle with friends or he won't be able to stay. I would only give one warning and I would try this method to see if he actually needs your help to settle down. Sometimes words just don't do it when there's a lot happening.
Back to the TV and movies... We got rid of most tv and all of the movies. Our son is a visual and very creative little guy, and part of his behavior was acting out what he saw. He would pick out the lions fighting in Lion King or whatever could be remotely construed as aggressive and act it out, and he started to have trouble sleeping. All of his behavior and sleep problems decreased pretty dramatically once we stopped watching the movies. And don't get me wrong... it's not like he got to watch movies all day long. But a little here and a little there was enough.
I also read a great book that I have recommended several times, called Raising Your Emotionally Intelligent Child. It changed my perspective on feelings of anger and sadness and helped me understand and deal a little better with our son's "tantrums".
You might want to talk with the preschool too and ask them to be on the look-out for rough play with the bigger boys. It's inevitable that he's going to pick up things from other kids, but at this age it can be controlled a little more if everyone is aware that it's a problem. He might also feel somewhat threatened by the play even though he engages in it and not really know how to handle those feelings.
Good luck!
