This is my son's 4th year at this preschool... This is his first year going 5x's per week though (he used to go 3xs per week)... EVERYDAY I drop him off, he cries hysterically!!!!!!!!!!! I've talked to the teacher about it and she said, 5-10 minutes after I leave he's fine... I believe that!!! She said he's really good, interacts with all the kids (which I believe because he's very outgoing), does his work, and doesn't act out...
I've tried talking about it with him and he said he hates school.... When I say why, he said because it's boring... I also found out that their are 2 trouble makers in his class.... I've ALWAYS taught my son to NEVER put his hands on anyone... He finally (after prying it out of him) told me that the 2 boys can be mean to him.. Pushing, shoving, etc...The one boy has spit a few times at the teacher. The boys go into timeouts for it (and they don't just do it to my son) and have both been to the office ( he goes to a private Christian School).. When I asked my son what he does when they've pushed him, he said nothing! It broke my heart because we are the one's that instilled in him to never touch anyone....I have now changed my talk with him.. NOW, I told him 3 steps... 1st time- you tell whomever is picking on you to STOP TOUCHING ME in a very firm, loud voice (whether their verbally saying something or physically doing something) 2nd time- tell the teacher, 3rd time- hit back and we'll deal with the consequences later..
I'm at a lose... The director today said, she's giving the trouble maker boys 1 week, and then will decide if she's going to kick them out of the program (they've had 2 sit down meetings with the boys parents and multiple phone calls)
I still, don't know though, if this all comes down to a "control" issue.... This is the first year where he's on a schedule at school... Playtime is limited, and I think he's looking to have fun and VPK isn't "fun" like the other 3 years were...
Suggestions????? How do I get him to stop crying every morning???
No offense but he has to buck up and learn that school is not ALWAYS fun and things are not ALWAYS fun. As well he needs to learn that this is the proper way to handle bullies and being bullied - so praise him for telling you and remind him he can and should speak up sooner. It looks as though these boys will be expelled soon and he should see that process. Give it a few weeks after this situation has cooled down to see what happens.
The other boys are bullies and this Christian School, like public schools, is trying to ignore it! You need to be very aggressive with this situation and let them know that you will not tolerate this type of bullying. You and the other parents are paying good money for your child to be there and I am sure that the admistrators and teachers are making great salaries so they need to earn them! Let the school know, in writing, that you consider that there is a bully issue at the school; you will not tolerate it; you will be documenting incidents and brining them to the attention of the staff in a timely manner and that if the school does not protect your son, you will sue them! Plain and simple! The only thing schools understand, even private schools, is money! Hit them in their pocket book and they pay attention. Anything else is swept under the carpet. Also, let them know you will be talking to other parents and asking those parents to talk to their children so you will have a full understanding of what these kids are doing to the other students! Do not let this go on. If your son sours on school now, the next 12 years will be a nightmare!
Look, stop trying to figure this out. the teacher told you he is fine 5-10 minutes after you leave. They say he does his work and interacts with others. He's doing GREAT. He is probably crying because he knows he has a long day ahead of him dealing with the bullies. He doesn't know what to expect from "the boys". He is stressed. Hopefully the school will do the RIGHT thing and get those boys out of there. But until then, give your son that biggest,tightest hug and kiss, tell him he is big and strong and he is doing great, then leave. Do your crying in the car.
You need to read a book called The Kissing Hand. Basically it's about a rabbit (i think) that doesn't want to go to school. His mommy kisses the palm of his hand then closes his fingers tight into a fist. Then whenever the boys "needs his mommy" he makes a fist then opens it and there lies a kiss in the palm of his hand from his mommy. He will always know that you are close by.
Have you ever worked with someone that you couldn't stand and when you walked into the building that "they" were in, you could feel that overwhelming feeling of sickness. Well your son is going thru this now.
Big hugs and kisses to him. Good luck!
I can't imagine why any Director would tolerate this behavior at the preschool. I would keep after them to get rid of the 2 boys. Ban together with the other parents in the class and see that this gets done pronto, schedule some meetings of your own. In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing and role play with your son on how to respond each time, what he should say...just act it out with him so he'll become more assertive about it. Also, see if you can volunteer in the classroom - that way you can observe what's going on and maybe you'll see that indeed your son is bored if the classroom if too chaotic, disorganized, the learning is too simplified compared to what he already knows, etc. The teachers always let us volunteer in VPK. When you get teachers who refuse to let parents in the room, then you need to question why. If you work, take a day off work and go in there and observe. Get a babysitter if you have other kids...and go in the classroom and find out what it's like for yourself.
A few suggestions- 1st I would bring him and have him evaluated by a SIPT certified OT to see if he has sensory processing difficulties and she can set up a sensory diet of activities for him so his central nervous system will be able to tolerate all the things happening during the day and he will not have anxiety.
2nd- 4 year olds do not in any way belong doing academics. They are too young to be in such a structured, sit down and learn to read and write porgram. If the program can teach children letters and numbers by having them move thier bodies and play that's what you want to look for. Maybe Montessori, depends on the school. This VPK thing is backfiring so badly by the time children get to higher grades because the information they learned at younger ages never meant anything to them and their vision and auditory was not ready to receive the information. Your son is stressed out. I see this all the time in my line of work. Look for a play/socila program for him. He will not be behind the other kids because his brain will be more ready from all the input he will be receiving through normal development....
Do you believe the teacher that he is fine after 5 minutes? If so, then this is just natural adjustment . Separation can be tough for a while in the fall, but can get worse if you press him for reasons, which he has to search his mind for and then tell you something from his day. If so, just stay positive, tell him that you know he and his teacher can handle the day well and keep a brave face, without over talking it. Serve yourself a nice cup of coffee or juice when you get home and think about the fun he is having. However, if you think he is really being bullied, then he needs protection from the teacher, now. And finally, you are absolutely correct, the adjustment to less play can take a while. I don't blame him, as I prefer to play myself!
You are doing the right thing by teaching him the 3 steps, I totally agree with that method, I have told my daughter the same thing from pre-school day 1.
A friend of mine has just been through a similar situation, her son started pre-school last year for 3 morning a week for the first few weeks he was OK, but after a few weeks he became very clingy to her when she would drop him off, and cry and cry, yeah he did stop when she left but he still wasn't happy when she picked him up. Eventually she got it out of him that a couple of the boys in the class where being very aggressive towards him and the teachers int he class choose not to see it or deal with it. She approached the director numerous times over a 3 month period, and each time she promised to look into it and address the situation, but nothing changed. We spoke to other parents in the class and the boys where doing it to other children as well, but the other kids where handling the situation differently, but that is not the point, they shouldn't be allowed to get away with behavior like that. My friend took her son out of the school for the summer and has enrolled him into a different school for pre - k, and the difference in him is unbelievable.... he loves going to school, loves his new teachers and can't wait to go everyday.
I would personally give the director 1 last chance to make the situation right. pre-school and pre-k mold and shape how you child will feel about school for the rest of his life and you want the best possible start for him.
Good luck..
My niece was bullied beyond belief at a private Christian school. That's no guarantee of character of the students, that's for sure.
I think it's best to empower your son with ideas and ways of responding to this rough behavior:
•Tell a teacher
•Tell them he doesn't like it
•Ask them to stop
etc.
"Boy behavior" does covers a W-I-D-E range. Many boys are more 'alpha' or 'aggressive' than others, that's true.
At least the teachers are aware of it and aren't turning a blind eye.
He seems OK after 5-10 minutes so I'm sure he's getting used to the grind....he's going to have to deal with kids like this eventually and most likely, throughout his school career. He'd be well served to learn hhow to deal with it now.
In my mind if the boys are spitting at a teacher they need to be suspened pending expulsion. That is a BIG no to show that amount of disrespect to anyone, let alone a teacher. I would heavily push the fact that you are paying money for a GOOD & SAFE education for your son. Neither is happening. If you don't get the education out of what your paying then you need to go else where. If the boys do get expelled, then that is great. If not go else where.
As for your son. Yes he does need to learn how to stand up for himself. I am not a violent person (nor do I encourage it 90% of the time) but I was bullied near to killing myself. BUT the only thing that made things better for me, was fighting back and telling the butt head kids that I was strong and not going to take it. About a month after I started fighting back it stopped to near nothing. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Get your son into Karate and help build up his self esteem and teach him how to fight if (hopefully he will never need to) he needs to protect himself.
