4 Mo Wont Sleep Alone at Night HELP!

Just a thought.....

Have you tried swaddeling him tightly?? WHen my son was smaller, his startle reflex would wake him and the only thing that worked was swaddling him tightly. Other thought...do you have a very obvious night time ritual/routine? This too can help him/her.

My daughter did the same thing when she was about that age. Although it is summer we may be hot, they may not be. I would cover her up with a blanket and when I was about to put her down she would get wrapped up in her blanket, she was happy and so was I.

I havent read the other suggestions but Dr Sears has an awesome book called The Fussy Baby Book. It has helped us tremendously with my son, now one year old. Remember, he's only a baby once. :-)

Well of course I don't know how big your little man is, but maybe swaddling will help. Since you said he flails his little arms when you lay him down, it might be because he feels insecure after being held and basically bundled up in your arms. Every babie's tempermant is different but I know that my cousin's baby boy would not sleep without being swaddled for quite a while. Now it could also be that the bassinet is not all the comfy. Ours had a pad in it that could fold in three places. I realized that my boy was getting a little uncomfortable with those big crevices and I started wrapping the thing securly in a blanket so that it would be flatter and a little softer, but that is also when I decided it was time to move him to his crib and he was much more comfortable. It could also be his tummy bothering him when he lays flat. I know people that had their babies in bouncy seats to sleep for quite a while when they we so little. So I guess just keep trying different things, you will find out what works and get that sleep you are needing!! Best wishes to you :)

Your son just wants comfort from Mommy and Daddy after a long day. I cosleep but I know it isn't right for everyone. If you babe is in bed with you make sure you are co sleeping safely! http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070600.asp

Also, "No Cry Sleep Solution" is an AWESOME book! I feel letting a baby cry himself to sleep is horrible. That's not self soothing, that's them giving up hope that Mommy will comfort him. This book has many gentle ideas that of course do not involve crying and it works! Read it and try it out. :)

I think co-sleeping is great! My 4 month old son starting crying everytime we put him in his bassinet at about 5 weeks old. He's been sleeping in our bed ever since. I noticed a huge change in his personality after the first night of bed sharing...(not as fussy, happier/more alert baby) Co-sleeping/family bed just works better for some babies/families. Check out Dr. Sear's take on co-sleeping/family bed...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Hope that helps...

Swaddling may help, although that might be a habit you have to break later. Definitely worth a try. Also, it's probably time for him to learn how to put himself to sleep on his own. The ability to self soothe is so important. Put him down when he's starting to get sleepy. He may cry, but crying isn't necessarily a bad thing. You can go in there and pat his back, but don't pick him up. Even at this age a baby can learn how long it takes before mom gives in and he gets what he wants. Does he have his own room? Being so close to you guys may also give him some extra drive to keep crying. I know this sounds a little harsh, but I'm 3 for 3 on really great sleepers, so I feel like it works and you can start getting better sleep, too. Some hard work now is worth the great payoff!

My son slept in bed with us until he was like 10 months. I had started to transition him to his crib at around 8 months when I started to not sleep so well. I would put him in his crib for naps, with a blanket and a pillow that we had already slept with. Then at night he would wake up and I would have to pat his back or hold him a little until he got used to his crib. This took a couple of weeks, but I could never let him cry. He has been sleeping great in his crib since he was about 11 months. When he is tired he pushes me away and leans towards his crib. Not sure if this is good advice but I have always done what allows me (us) to get the most sleep. I think do what works for you guys, as long as everyone is sleeping well (at least ok). I even nursed him frequently during the night. If you are worried about rolling unto him they sell little co-sleepers(?) that he can sleep in while in bed with you guys. Good luck.

Just let him sleep with your for a few more months and try again. 4 months is pretty young and may just need some security at night.

My first child slept with us until he was 3 and I was pregnant with my second son. My 2nd son slept with us until I felt he was big enough to sleep with his older brother, which was about 1 years old. In fact they both still tend to end up in our bed by the end of the night. Thank God for king size beds. hehe Co-sleeping isn't for everyone but it worked for my family. I felt better having them close and they seemed to sleep better. Be smart and take the proper precautions that make the bed safe for the baby. Even better, they now have the little sleeper bed with sides on it that lays in bed with you. I LOVED THAT THING!!! You do what feels right for you!!!

Have you concidered just going ahead and co-sleeping? I have done this with 2 of my children and never had a sleepless night. It is a big commitment on your part, but (especially if you are breastfeeding) it is so much easier on you when they are young. You can research this on the Dr Sears web site or by looking up co-sleeping on the web. You must be careful and follow some precautions for it to be safe for your baby. My youngest still sleeps with us (she will move to her own bed when she is 2 like her sister did). My oldest had no problem moving to her own bed when it was time and is a very healthy and well adjusted sleeper now. This is a very personal choice, but it may be the right one for you and your baby. Good luck.

My first child is 4mon old and I have had similar problems. The VERY best thing I bought before she was born is the Arms Reach Mini co-sleeper. It makes getting in and out of bed easier than the standard size plus it is so much easier to reach over and pat her bottom from my bed. Also, I attached the vibration thing from her playpen on to it- if she wakes shortly after going down that seems to help sooth her back into sleep. There is only one good way that I have found to put her down without waking up, she sleeps great in my arms or next to me but NOT when you try and lay her down. I fold a flannel sheet into a tight quarter, swaddle her tightly in a scottish lace blanket so that she doesn't get too hot, place it on the bed and under her and I then lay next to her till her breathing is really steady. Once she is alseep I scootch out of bed and am able to pick her up from underneath the thick flannel. It keeps the temerature underneath her the same and she doesn't jostle as much. I make sure the sides are rolled way under (similar to a sleep positioner) so it isn't a suffocation hazard.....I was opposed to co-sleeping, but occasionally it does happen especially now that she is teething. Good luck as we both muddle through our first wonderful baby experience!

Hi L.! I have been there. Here is what worked for me. A friend of mine told me about a book called "Good Night, Sleep Tight". What a lifesaver. This book teaches you about kids sleep cycles from birth to 6-7 years of age. It taught me about how to teach my babies how to sleep and taught me how much sleep they should be getting as well as development changes such as separation anxiety that will affect sleep. I have 3 kids ages 14, 3 and 5 months. I didn't have this book with the oldest one, but used it with my other two. It works. My 5 month old goes down at 7:30 pm. and doesn't wake till 5 am for a feeding. I hope this works for you. It doesn't happen overnight, but on those sleepness nights tell yourself it's an investment. You will soon be sleeping.

When my daughter was born and did nothing but cry for the 1st 8 hrs, the delivery nurse gave me some great advice...."Put yourself in her place, she just came through the most traumatic event in her lifetime. You may have been the one that pushed her out of that small space but SHE is the one that was PUSHED out!!!"

This advice works for you too....your son spent 9 months in a small, warm, safe place where he could hear your voice, feel your heat, feel your heartbeat. Is it any wonder that he wants that still? I think the swaddling suggestions and some of the co-sleeping ideas you've gotten from other moms are perfect. My only advice is to be patient, don't worry that he'll never sleep outside of your arms....how many 20 yrs olds still sleep in mama's arms? In other words, enjoy your son time goes by TOO fast.

Try letting him sleep in his carrier, or with one of your shirts in his bassinet. The carried keeps him cozier and your shirt has your scent. Good luck.

Bunting, bunting, bunting! Our daughter did the exact same thing so we started wrapping her up in a receiving blanket just before I nursed her to sleep. Fold the blanket in a triangle, put the point down, put him on the blanket with his shoulders at the wide top and the point by his bottom. Fold in the long sides...put one end under his right arm and tuck it in, then bring the other end around him and to his back. Make sure there is plenty of room for him to breath, but make it snug. Then when he falls asleep eating, move him to the bassinet. Another thing to try is a foam thing that keeps them from rolling over. It has like a valley and two sides and you put them in the middle of it. I used to put my girls in that as I was nursing them and then move the whole contraption to the bassinet. The thing is, he has you trained now to give him what he wants, now sadly you will have to train him that you won't do it, which will mean letting him cry. I am not an advocate of hours or many minutes even of crying, but when he cries, go to the bassinet and put your hand on him...tell him "night night" do not pick him up, but pat him or just rest your hand on him. When he is settled down, walk away and repeat as necessary. It will take a day or two, or three, but even if you have to pick him up, put him right back in the bassinet. I won't give you the "bed with Mom and Dad is dangerous" lecture...I am sure someone else will! Good luck and hang in there, it will get better.

So you obviously are getting a ton of advise and everyone thinks theirs is best. Let me put mine out there too :) I was a happy co-sleeper with my daughters. It was great and convenient and I loved sleeping with my babies. It was difficult to transition them as I hear from most families that co-sleep. It was cozy and can be very safe. We opted to do something a little different with my second one.

After my first daughter and her transition troubles we read and put into practice some of the principles of the Baby Whisperer. I loved the Baby Whisperer because she is middle of the road. The Ferber method where you let your kid cry themselves to sleep was just not going to work for our family, I couldn't do it to my babies. I also wanted my kids to learn to sooth themselves to sleep so I didn't have to rock them or something every time they were to go to bed. Again the Baby Whisperer teaches you their sleep cycles, helps you to respect your baby and her signals and doesn't require you to let them scream themselves to bed. Our next baby probably won't be sleeping with us much though as I really liked that my second was able to put herself to nap and such, but at night she nursed constantly. I ended up frustrated and angry with my husband by the time she was done nursing at 18 months. I'll be doing the Baby Whisperer the whole way next time even though I loved co-sleeping.
Everyone is going to give you a ton of advise, but you need to find what will work for your family. You and your husband have to both be happy with whatever plan you do. You guys have to decide something as a team and go with it, whatever method you decide. Good Luck!

Swaddling worked really well for us. Use a big square blanket or get a SwaddleMe, which is really nice in the middle of the night! I had two that I interchanged for laundry day.

The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp is the BEST book out there for getting little babies to sleep. They also have the DVD which shows him doing his tips so you can see how it's done (also takes less time to watch sometimes when you are a busy mom).

Also, co-sleeping can be safely done, despite what some posters have said to scare you. Just follow the "rules" for co-sleeping IF that is something you feel is right for your family. It's not right for some and perfect for others. Dr. Sears has a lot to say about co-sleeping. If that is something you're interested in, visit his site (just do a search for Dr. William Sears).

GL! Your boy is totally normal!

OOOhhh I so did this with my daughter! We had a week of "baby bootcamp". The words that i kept in mind were "she has to learn to sooth herself back to sleep. If I am her sleep-aide, we are BOTH in trouble"
I put Jillian in her crib...and she cried! I set a timer for 10 minutes (feels like and eternity) and returned for reassurance. I continued this in longer times until she funally slept. All together it took about a week. First 2 nights were rough, and got progressively easier after that. One "trick" I used (and still do) is I don't speak to her after "bedtime". You can provide care and love without words. That helped her have cues for day and night.
My BFF gave me the book "The baby whisperer" It was a life saver!
Best wishes for SWEET LONG DREAMS!

I have found that my son sleeps very well after turning on the vibration in his pack n play. I would definitely try that!

Mother of a beautiful 5 month old

If he is clean, fed and doesn't have reflux then I would pout him on his tummy or back in his crib and let him cry it out. He has already learned your buttons making this nightime thing a whole lot harder than it is. It will be hard the first night but it will get better! If this habit of him sleeping withy ou or you staying up b/c he crys will get SO much harder when he gets older! I was there! He will learn after the first night of crying that nighttime is for sleeping. It will be hard on you the first few nights but in the long run will be best for the WHOLE family.

Try swaddling. My 4 month doesn't like naps but once I swaddle and rock he is down. At night I like to use the sleep blankets. They make ones that swaddle the top half and help to control the arms from flailing. My son is always kicking so slowing down his moments help. Also try wrapping him in a t-shirt that you have warn. He might just need your smell close to him.

Good luck.

I really recommend AGAINST cosleeping and check out the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer" http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Newborn/... All the moms I know swear by the techniques, including me!

Make this a mission to figure out - not something optional. There's lots of incorrect stuff out there about co-sleeping. There are a few people who've written books on it who have ignored facts & the realities of modern living. I've mentioned this on another board too, but co-sleeping, especially for such small babies is dangerous. I've done it myself occasionally and I'm not judging anyone at all, but this info doesn't seem to be common knowledge as it should be.

My brother is a pediatrician and he had a patient (and knows of several others) who died because they were suffocated in their parent's bed. They weren't obese or on drugs. Just normal tired parents in the modern american type of bed. Little babies can't fight their way out if we roll over on them, or they can get stuck between the headboard and the mattress among other things. The parents always think they will wake up, that they could never possibly not notice something like this - but there's no way to be responsible for our actions as we sleep. People who advocate co-sleeping talk about how it's common throughout history and other cultures. Well, they didn't have headboards, a bunch of pillows and plush mattresses. There's just too much complexity in modern beds and opportunity for a little one to get trapped or smothered.

My 5 cents again on co-sleeping. I've done it myself before I knew. It's comfortable & convenient, but not worth the risk. Also, there are several threads on this board from Mom's who are having trouble getting their kids out of the bed when they're older!

I hope the book helps you out. It's very popular and should be available at many bookstores, here's the website and some background http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/story.html#1 .
Good Luck!

Hi L.,

Two things I can think of, the first being the most important. (I've had 4 kids and can understand your frustration! My kids are from 19 - 27!)

I think your son has just gotten used to the warmtn and comfort of sleeping with people, and he knows when he hits the bed that it is not what he wants, he wants a nice warm body to sleep with, and who can blame him really? But, my 3rd child slept with me for MONTHS and MONTHS and the longer you do not break this habit, the harder it is to break it. Maybe if you hold him until he goes to sleep in your arms, but before he goes to sleep, put a baby blanket between your body and his, wadded up a bit. Then when you lay him down, make sure the blanket, which will retain your body heat, is what he feels when you lay him down, and not the cold mattress. Also, maybe you can warm his mattress a bit with a heating pad first, then of course have it removed and unplugged before you put him to bed. Anyway, if you have the blanket close to him, hopefully it will retain your mommy smell, and your warmth, long enough for him to remain asleep and eventually he will get used to sleeping by himself again.

Good luck.

Also, the 2nd thing I wanted to mention is that I personally can't sleep with even a crack of light coming underneath the door in my bedroom. It might be possible that a light in the room could disrupt his sleep also.

Let me know if any of this helps!!

Sheila

P.S. In reading your note again, you say he will fall asleep on the couch (by himself I guess..) and he takes naps ok in the day, so there is hope! Maybe he just does not like his mattress in the playpen. ?? Good luck

I feel your dilemna. My little girl is also 4months old. She is now sleeping through the night in her own crib.
I still bring her to the bed once in a while, because I truly enjoy the whole co-sleeping thing. HOWEVER, I also have a 2yr old that is in our bed on occasion, so I don't want to get her too used to it. Anyhow. She is the same way. What I found works for us and got her sleeping through the night at 3months .. was sleeping on her stomach.
If I put her on her back, she flails her arms and kicks her legs and wakes up. (Same as your son). Same thing on her side. She is just one of those babies that prefers sleeping on her tummy. She is my 3rd child and they all had their preferences. You should try that for him and see if it helps. Just keep in mind to first make sure he is able to lift his head and turn from side to side on his own. Tummy time on the floor will be able to let you see this. I recently started to lay her in he crib while she is still awake (on her tummy) and now she puts herself to sleep. We bathe, change, nurse, cuddle, put her in bed, and turn off all the lights. It's worked awesome for us. GOOD LUCK

Try putting him down in his playpen on a shirt or blanket with your scent. Also, have you tried swaddling him? Used to work wonders on my kids.