does anyone have any ideas to get a almost 5 yr old boy to poop on the toilet. my boyfriends son wont poop on the toilet only in his underwear. we have tried most everything we can think of he has had his toys taken away he has had to clean it himself even rinsing the underwear in the toilet now he just goes and cleans it out himself or dumps it in and says he went on the toilet he knows when he has to go cuz he will run and lock himself in his room we have tried making him sit when we find him doin that and he will not poop on teh toilet while he is sitting on it we have even tried a pott chair in his room to at least get a little start in the right direction any ideas would be nice thank u
You made him clean out his own underwear in the toilet?
Humiliating the child is not going to help this situation. It will only make it worse.
Make sure he isn't constipated.
Our son was a little head strong in this area as well. We did put him on Miralax to soften things up and then we made him sit on the toilet for 10 minutes 3x a day - we gave him a timer and said the only way you can get off before the 10 minutes is up is to poop. When he pooped we rewarded him with hot wheels (something small that he really liked).
I think the other thing that push our son was we made a specific trip to the pediatrian - I went to get ideas (Miralax)but the Dr also talked about what would happens to your body when you hold it, he asked why he did it, etc. (We have a great pediatrian!) I don't know if it was the content of the conversation or just that someone else knew about what he was doing and talking about it but that was a real jump start on the right path. You can also talk about it in the context of school, etc.
Just some thoughts - good luck
Have you tried an award system? Find his most valued possession-something that he has to do or play with everyday. It could be a game or even something that he can do that is special with just him and his dad or something along those lines. Tell him he earns a point for everytime he goes in the potty. After 5 points, he gets his prize. Our son has ADHD and he got a Nintendo DS for Christmas (it wasn't my idea). So for everything he completes at school he gets a ticket. He decided that once he reached 100 tickets, we would buy him a new game. One ticket is worth 2 minuets on his DS and if he has a bad day then his tickets only count toward the new game. The trick is to find out what he will do ANYTHING for. Taking away things doesn't work because he still has the control. Sure you take away something, but he is still in control. Positive reinforcement is really the way to go. It took us a long time because somethings our kids do seem so easy to fix. There is a reason why he has held on to this. Make sure you talk to his pediatrician about it also. My youngest sister also pooped in her underwear until she was 7. After several doctors, we discovered that she is missing a group of muscles in her rectum that aid in bowel control. She basically couldn't stop it. Good luck and stay positive.
What about a reward chart? Make a big chart, get cool stickers, and have a great reward that he wants. Maybe a dinner out, a special toy, going to the zoo, reading with Dad, anything as long as he wants it.
Random thought, could it be that he is acting out in some way? You mention it is your boyfriend's son. Is he having a hard time with the relationship? Like I said random thought.
Good luck. I can understand the frustration.
If this were my kid, the first thing I would do is remove or disengage the lock on his bedroom door, so that he can not lock himself in.
I have more questions than answers when I read your post. I wonder if your BF has custody of his son or visitation, and if you live with them. I also wonder if the boy is doing this elsewhere (his mom's, other relatives, daycare) or just at his father's house. I also wonder if punishments, rewards, and expectations are consistent between your BF's house and the boy's mother's--this is KEY!! The expectations, rewards and punishments HAVE to be the same, or they are meaningless.
There is more going on here than simply potty training. The fact that he locks himself in his room and that he lies about going in his pants are some very rebellious behaviors for such a young child. You need to get to the root of the problem.
In the meantime, I think making him clean up after himself is a good idea. I don't think it's humiliating at all, but rather a fitting consequence.
I wonder what would happen if you said to him, "You can poop in your pants if you want, but you need to be standing in the bathroom when you do it. You can't be running around the house. And you have to clean up after yourself, we're not going to do it for you." He's *choosing* to poop in his pants anyway. Once it becomes a non-issue and he can no longer get attention for it--negative or positive--I am willing to bet good money that the behavior will stop.
Hi A.,
This has worked with my 5 year old boy in a different situation....
we tried taking favorite toys away or having other consequences and when that didn't do the trick we tried a positive reinforcement type deal. Some may call this bribing, but whatever you want to call it worked for us! :-) Also, note, we have only done this on a few specific occassions. I fear overuse of it may have it lose it's appeal. Anyway......
We picked a very favorite activity of his, told him about it, and used it as the reward for doing what we needed him to do. For him it was inviting a friend to go to one of those inflatable jumping places for a couple of hours. We've also done it with a something special he has been wanting for long time (i.e. batman backpack or new movie). It has to be something they REALLY want so it makes it easiest for them to work towards it. First we explained very specifically what he needed to do. Then marked it out on the calendar with him so he could see what he was working towards and then put an "X' on the calendar each day he did the required task. After 3 days (or however many days you pick) with "X's" we went and did the fun activity he was working towards or in another case went out and bought the backpack he was wanting. It worked great. He was working hard towards getting something positive from it and we were able to get him into the habit of doing something he needed to do. After the initial "prize" he "got it" and has done good ever since.
Hope this helps some.
Good luck-
Tami
Well, you could try putting him back in pull-ups until he gets it thru his little head that the only way that he can go back to wearing big boy underwear is when he stops pooping in his pants. He's trying to play mind games with you and his father. If you do this, throw out all of his stained underwear and buy him a set of new ones of his choosing. When he asks to wear them, tell him that he can only wear them when he stops going pooping in his pants and uses the big boy potty and that is that. My now 15 year old but then 5 year old did just about the same thing. He came home one day from school and told me that he wanted to have a pull up put on and when asked why he said that he had to go poop. I then told him that he had to do that in the big boy potty and that was the end of him going in his pants. My now 13 year old then also 5 had a very hard time getting the concept of using the big boy potty until that Christmas, when he had gotten a package of underwear from his grandmother, which he wanted to wear. I told him that he could wear them but that he couldn't poop or pee on Batman or Spiderman or SuperMan and that did the trick. Within 24 hours he was totally potty trained. But you also have to keep in mind that what will work with one child may not work for another and that these are just suggestions
