4 Almost 5 Yr Old Won't Go to the Potty

M.,

I work as a part-time Nanny and have one little boy who we had lots of problems getting to use the potty. What we finally did was have several little boys the same age who were potty trained come to the house to play and made a big deal out of them using the potty and their really cool big boy underwear after several visits he decided that he wanted to be a big boy and that was the end of the diapers and pullups.

J.

Here's one thing I read by the Sears dr.s: make sure that, for #2, both feet are on the floor, not dangling. Dangling feet tighten muscles in the bum region that need to relax in order to poop.

Let me add that giving him a little stool for his feet is even better. It helps the body to kind of mimic the squatting position. Makes pooping a breeze. It's nice for *everyone* to have a little stool for their feet! I've used the waste paper basket upon occasion :) Rocking forward and backward also helps. Making it as easy as possible for him and enhancing his chances of success will give him a "winning attitude" about it encourage him to keep at it.

Good luck!
L.

I don't recommend showering the child in cold water. That's every shocking and could make your battles with him worse.

Going to the potty is something they can control. Put yourself in your son's place. You are desperate, you're trying every trick in the book to get him to go. You cannot make him go and you never will make him. He has to want to go. I would back off a little. Then see if a neighbor/relative /cousin can come over with their kids a few years older for a play date. When those kids go to the bathroom at your house make a big deal out of it. Heap praise, rewards. Do this and DO NOT compare them to your son. Don't say things like "see, Bobby Goes on the potty, why don't you?" Just let him watch. Makre sure you have the rewards yougave the other kids out where he can see them and they are rewards that are meaningful to him. Stop pressureing him though because you're not going to get anywhere. Does he like you to read to him? We have a drawer in our vanity where my son keeps his book stash. We read one to him and then he "reads" his other books until he's done. He loves it. If he's not ready to go when he needs to try before school starts, instead of making him get on the potty, we dance to the potty singing his favorite songs.

M.,

Well it worked for my 22 month-old son to let him run around without bottoms for a few days and I would remind him to go potty every 30 minutes. He did have occasional accidents that I had to clean up but I made sure he stayed off furniture and off of carpeted areas. Somehow it worked and helped him learn when he needed to go and after a few days I transitioned to underwear while we were home.

I wish I had other advice as I know you are probably frustrated.

M., this is a control issue and one that is very serious. Punishment or humiliation will only make it worse. THe "bribe" may not be big enough. I would speak to your pediatrican and make sure he isn't withholding his poop and getting impacted which can become very serious, very quickly. I would sit down and talk to him in a nonaccusatory way about it and see what he says about what makes him nervous or upset about going potty in the toilet. This is very common problem but need to be addressed now. Good Luck.

M.,
What does the doctor say? What kind of punishment do you use? time outs, verbal warnings, letting it stay on him???? Do you think there's a problem or is he being lazy? So does he go to daycare? How do they handle him? Have you tried to get him to sink Cheerios? I have a son who is almost 2 1/2 and for him we (well the daycare worked wonders) would sit him on the pot every 45 minutes or 20 minutes after a cup, we would tell him to try to pee pee. Then after he got that, we would encourage him to sit longer and go poo poo. Once we knew he had the concept, when he had accidents we would punish him (one pop, a verbal warning (no no, not good) or leave it on him -- he didn't like that at all. Now for the most part, he's potty trained. I think seeing other kids use it is a great incentive too. And they usually love the praise after a good job! Try the doctor first because it could be a medical problem. Good luck.

I have some tips but too many to write if you want to call me ###-###-####. gail good tulsa OK

I don't really have any advise for you. Perhaps it is time to get an evaluation by your dr or by a developmental expert (like at the county health department).

What I did want to say is perhaps this will put it in perspective for all the moms that write in about "potty training problems" for kids that are 18 - 30 months.

sounds difficult. this sounds a little harsh but i know a couple who used this method on their son and it worked. when he would go in his pants they would put him in the shower with COLD water. (they put him in immediately clothes and all) they would clean him up in cold water and they put him in fresh clothes and underwear and start over. they only had to do this twice and he got the picture and used the toilet. good luck

There's a baby in my family that was potty trained at 2! His babysitter took him to the potty every 15 minutes whether he had to go or not.
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You may have already done this, but if not, make sure he does not have a medical problem that would make it impossible to control himself and go to the potty. This is not something that he has a choice about. He must go potty in the toilet. Bribery does usually work ... find something that is affordable that he would find as a great reward! Tell him that if he has no accidents for one month, he'll get it!! It doesn't have to be any huge reward, maybe even a day and picnic at a park, just as long as he would LOVE it. He's not a baby any longer. I know it would be messy, but he should have to clean himself up after an accident and wash his underware out in the sink before putting them in the laundry. Of course, you will have to then clean up from his mess, but make it unpleasant for him and have hand sanitizer handy for afterwards. If it is messy, stinky and bad for him, he should want to stop. Good luck!!!

Stop buying the pull-ups! It is too easy for him to just go in the disposables...my daughter was stubbborn too, and wasn't fully potty trained until this year at almost age 4. As soon as I told her, "No more princess pull-ups, you get princess panties instead" she pretty much stopped that nonsense because she hated having dirty pants. I just did a lot of laundry. She had a few accidents the first week at school, then after that she was fine. I fibbed to the preschool teacher and told them she was potty trained, when in fact she was still having accidents at home. Once she was in school, she wanted to be like all the others, saw them always using the toilet and followed suit. Peer presure is a powerful thing...even at 4 years old. Good luck.

I would talk to a pediatricain first. Have him examined to make sure nothing is wrong and he is not in pain when he tries to use the potty. If all is okay then I would make a reward chart. Make a big deal about him doing it himself. When he goes #1 he gets to put the sticker or check mark on the chart. When he goes #2 let him put 2 or 3 stickers. This will show him that it is a much bigger accomplishement. When his chart is full then let him got pick out a great prize at the store. Also don't link potty training and school. He may be scared of school and not want to use the potty. Good luck.

I had this problem FOREVER with my son. He turned 6 in June. I just broke him of this a couple of months ago.
He would go #1 on the potty with no problem. However, the other... he would not have it. I'd put him in pull ups and he'd poop in them. I'd put him in underwear and he'd poop in them. I bribed and punished him as well. He would go to 1st grade and come home with poop in his underwear. I tried to explain how the other kids would make fun of him and he would be 'labeled' for life- didn't care enough to stop doing it.
UGH!
I also need to mention, he spent almost a week in the hospital in March. He had held it in for sooo long and 'it' had gotten so hard inside that it would not come out on it's own. It was horrible. He was five years old and they had to give him an IV with fluids, put a tube down his throat to continuously administer a med called 'go lightly' (which is the total opposite) and he got an enima about 5 times a day for three days. The tube had to stay in for two days. It came out both ends for two days straight (even with the tube inside). I thought after that he would be afraid to hold it in. Nope.
So, this is what I did. I took all of his favorite toys away. After dinner, every night, he had to sit on the potty for 5 minutes. If nothing happened then he could get up and run around for about 15 minutes then back to the potty for another 5 minutes. It slowly started to work. Every time he went he was allowed to pick out a toy that he wanted back.
As I mentioned, it has only been a couple of months. But, for the first time in his life, on Tuesday he went into the bathroom and went by his self without me having to tell him.
Whew! That was a long battle. I hope it's over.
Good luck!