4 1/2 Yr Old Sleeping with Us

Put the child in HER bed ALONE. If she wails... let her. She'll live. It's a control issue. Leave a radio on low volume ... like classical. Classical music allows ones mind to be more imaginative. good luck.

We went through this. It takes a week to really break the habit and you can't ever let her sleep with you again or it will take another week. I saw this on Super Nanny and it works! Put her in bed and sit on the floor in the room with no interaction. The first time she gets out of bed. Take her to the bed and say it is time for bed and put her back in. The second through fifty times just put her back in bed with no talking or interaction. This may take 30 minutes or a couple of hours, but once they figure you won't budge they will stay in bed. It'll take about three days, but it works. Also, if she wakes up and comes to you bed walk her straight back to her bed. she may be afraid in her new room so try a new special night light to help. Also, if you don't have a good routine for bed it make it more difficult. Even if it's just a short book or bath, that signals bed for them. Everytime I'm not good with bed routine I pay! I have three under the age of 7 and it takes twice as long with just bed with no "routine" signals.
Hope this helps. If you are strong about it they figure it out.

Personally all my kids would get in the bed with their dad and i at some point during the night, all my 18 mommy years. I feel the need to have cuddle time with my kids, my 16 yr old still needs it from time to time. If your daughter is starting out in your bed at night thats not good but do understand that in her mind... this is not her room that she remembers. Do 'green tea & chamomile' time before bed, after bathtime with lavender and chamomile soaps. They have lavender stuffed bears that soothe the mind and help them sleep, and chamomile is a natural sleep aid so dilute her tea just a tad. Just help her get comfortable in her room at night. too, get glow in the dark stars... help her count them.

Our five year old has slept with us most of her life (for a lot of different reasons). We have now just started getting her to sleep in her bed, which she helped decorate in Princess stuff (some which we sewed together). Give her an incentive. Stickers on calendars to show how many days she is sleeping in her room (big sticker for all night; small sticker for part of the night). Say a prayer with her, tuck her in, and hang on for the ride! It does get easier....

Hey there! That's a tough one... We have 4 kids - our oldest is 9 and the baby is 9 months. Our oldest was in this habit for a while when she was in the preschool years... We decided to really put our foot down and change the habit. Believe me, it was very difficult -- BUT, it was time for everyone to get some well needed rest!!! With our next 3 kids, we never got caught in that habit with them and they all sleep WONDERFULLY in their own beds. Maybe try having a 'you're a big girl' talk with her and let her know that big girls sleep in their own bed. Honestly, I believe that sometimes it's not the kiddos that are having a rough time, but the parents who aren't willing to let their little ones grow up and be independent. It really just depends on how badly you truly want the situation to change....... :)

C.,
We had the exact same problem when we moved a few years ago. We never let our kids sleep with us and they never made an issue of it, but when we moved they started coming in nearly every night, waking us up and getting in bed with us. Our 3 1/2 year old did it the most. We felt like the issue was being in a new house at night and waking up feeling disoriented and scared. We told her and her sister that they could NOT sleep in the bed, but if they needed to come in in the night to just bring a blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor. This way they weren't scared and getting into a habit of sleeping with us, and we weren't getting woken up in the night. This worked great and after a month or so it stopped completely. She is now 7 and only every now and again when there is a thunderstorm (they are scared of thunder and lightening) that wakes them up, she and her 4 year old sister will come into our room and sleep on the floor. We felt like it was simply a transition into living in the new home and it was a good compromise between them wanting to be in our bed with us and wanting them to be in their own beds. Good luck!

C.,
I too fall asleep quickly when I lay with my son. I think most of the time I fall asleep first.
I bought a bigger bed:)
I also try to get him very relaxed and then get up before I succumb to the baby dust! (i.e. read a couple of books and then I tickle him lightly on the back) Also, I have been letting him play outside for about an hour before bedtime and that seems to wear him out!!! I give him a warm bath and he has been going to sleep quickly and I have been able to get some work done around the house!

I'm a grandma now but when my kids were younger we had a simular situation.... my suggestion is to put a pallet beside your bed and let her sleep there for a week or so (don't let her into your bed, if she needs to be close hang your hand over the side so she can find it) and then every day or two move the pallet farther away.... near the door...into the hallway and into her new room... and finally next to her own bed...it might take a couple of weeks to get her all the way into her own room but it is worth a try... it worked with my son... hope it works for you...

I sit on the floor next to my 5 yr old son's bed. Sometimes I have to hold his hand to remind him that I'm there. I try my best to stay awake until he's asleep. Sometimes I sleep for a while, but usually not very long, then go to my own bed. He does sometimes come during the night and get in bed with us. I used to be concerned about that, but have decided that he will not sleep with us when he is high school. For now, I will enjoy watching his peaceful face while he's sleeping. As long as he's going to sleep in his bed, I will not concern myself. There will come a day when he will stop coming to my room altogether.
Good luck!!
K.

I told this to another mom once but it worked for me.

At nighttime, kiss her little arm so she can see your lipstick on her arm. I also sprayed my perfume on her teddy bear/blanket. I left a light on so when she woke up, she would see the kiss and feel reassured. Since she smells you, you may sleep longer and sounder. Sounds weird, yeah, but it worked for me. Good luck

We moved into a new house when my older daughter was about 3 1/2 years old, too. She had shared our room for the previous year because that was all we had, so I knew she was scared of being alone in this big new room (no matter that it was very inviting). When nothing seemed to work (reading stories, baby dolls tucked in beside her, etc.), I decided I was entertaining her too much. I started reading directly from the Bible (King James Version (because that was what I was used to)). I was amazed at how she really seemed to calm down. First, though, we looked in the closet and under her bed. Then, we prayed that her fears would be gone because "God is not the author of fear...but of power, love and a sound mind". I just read a chapter or two from anywhere in the Bible because, after all, what was she REALLY understanding anyway. I gave her a stuffed animal, made sure the nightlight was on, and left the room. I also tacked up on the wall and right beside her pillow, a glow-in-the-dark, classic picture of the two children crossing over a bridge with their gaurdian angel standing over them. (We are talking many, many years ago...the dark ages (before VCR))!! ;> What I really, really, REALLY came to think, though, is that we highly underestimate our children...and in the power of God's Word.

If you don't want to sleep in her bed because it is uncomfortable, why then should she, when she has found a much more comfortable bed in your room. I just had to say that. I can't help see the humor here.

I would recommend perhaps making her bed more comfortable for her, leave alone when you have to lie with her in her room. Get one of those foamy egg crate peices of bedding from Wal-mart or Target. Even if you have to cut it to size. A few years ago I did my $20 crib matteress when the kids were infants. Everyone in my family has one today, becuse they do add that little extra feel of heavenly cushion. Next would be to include her in picking out a bedspread and a few assesories of her liking. Maybe that would get her more interested in staying in her room. This day in time when my husband leaves town (and he does about once or twice a week) They have to earn a "special night" of sleeping wtih me. I get so much more cooperation as the two compete for it on a daily basis! I have a 5yr old girl and a 9 year old boy. One more thing....she listens to a lullaby CD and he listens to KSBJ music or his Crickets/Rainfoest noise to go to sleep.
Happy ZZZZZZZZZZZ M.

We were having issues with our 4 1/2 yr old getting into our bed at night - we were to lazy to take him back upstairs. Then non of us were getting any sleep. We mad a pallet on our floor. He can come in our room, but he cannot get in our bed. He is perfectly happy with that. He goes through stages where he will stay in his bed all night then back to the phase of getting on the pallet. I would prefer him in his bed, but at least we are all getting sleep!

You need to stop this now...I know it sounds harsh but I have a friend who had such a hard time stopping this habit. As a couple, their relationship would suffer because they would never have the alone time they needed. If my girls get scared at some point through the night and come down to our room, sometimes we let them hop in bed and other times, we walk them up and reassure them everything is okay. If it was bad dreams that were the culprit, (this sounds sill but it worked) I would go get a clear zip lock bag...we would go back to her room and start capturing the "bad dreams" this is good for the imagination. We would look under the pillow, under the bed, on the sheets and oops...sometimes even in her hair! lol Anyway, she would zip the bag, we wrote "bad dream bag" on it and we would put it in the freezer. When she would go back to sleep, I would sprinkle pepper in it...this would represent the bad dreams. She would check it in the morning and see how they turned black. It is a fun way to get them to forget about those bad dreams. You need to do this for yourself and especially for your daughter. Good luck!

Make her room look like her room--same bedding, favorite toys, photos, whatever. Let her help you with it. Then make a new rule that kids need to sleep in their own beds period. Put a lock on your door if you need to. Once they learn the new rules, they cooperate better. It'll be tough to deal with the fits, begging, crying, etc, but life will get better once they figure out the new rule.

Hi C.,

Some folks are big proponents of the "family bed". Developmentally, there is merit in allowing your children to sleep with you.

I, however, am a proponent of the parent needing good rest every night in order to be a great parent the next day!

Look for a classic book entitled, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Thurber. He outlines several ways to break this habit - which is what this may have become. Children often become dependent upon a certain environment to easily fall asleep. If you are part of those conditions, then every time she goes to sleep, she will expect you to be there. If she wakes up in the night, she will want you there to settle back to sleep. Sound familiar?

We faced this same issue with our second child. The solution can take as little as a few nights to resolve. If sleep is important to you, love your daughter enough to address this now, before any habits become further ingrained. You'll all sleep better for it!

Contact me with any questions,

J. B
PARENT COACH

Find out what she is scared of, or why she is going to your room. We got a little purse-sized spray air freshener (oust) from Walmart. I cut and pasted pictures of "monsters," spiders, scorpions and snakes into a word document and printed a "label" that said MONSTER SPRAY. We would go around the room spraying in the closet and under the bed before bed. We also bought a lava lamp as a night light (you should try to put it on a timer or turn it off when you go to bed since they get pretty hot). Just tell your little one that this is her new room and that you and Daddy have your own room now. If she doesn't already have one, maybe get her a "lovey" of some kind...soft animal or doll to sleep with to "protect her" and keep her company. Good Luck!

It may be a lame "easy way out" but we use kid videos for ours to watch - I only let them watch videos they've seen a million times, and they normally watch only for a few minutes and fall asleep within a normal time frame - it helps for kids who are scared to lie there in the dark alone. Also make sure to have a routine - bath, story, then lights out. The tv thing may be a cop out, but once you let them sleep w/ you, it is hard to go to sleeping alone. It CAN be done - my son slept w/ me until he was 3 or 4 and now he is fine in his room (but of course, we use the videos). There is also a good video from Veggie Tales, something like "What was I scared of?" that has a line "God is bigger than the boogie man," and it is a good one for them to see and remind them of, even if you don't use the TV in the room crutch (and we only allow kid videos, no cable or network TV, in their rooms). Good luck!!!