3Yo Refuses Naps, Won't Go to Bed at Night, and Wakes up Early

i haven't read the rest of the responses but my son is 2 years 9 months and just got through a MAJOR illness where he didn't eat for a week...liquid diet and that was only after four days of NOTHING on his stomach...anyway my point is it was pretty traumatic for him, and his sleep pattern is horrible now. he used to ALWAYS be in bed by 8 and never got out of bed or fought it at all. now it's a nightmare - last night i literally got about 4 hours sleep. anyway i just wanted to say, A. hang in there - we are working through his issues it's just taking forever. and B. i think that giving up the binkie can be stressful and i bet that is what is causing this. try to be patient. that was a source of comfort for him and now it's gone. i wouldn't stress the nap too much, make him have quiet time but work on getting him on a solid nighttime routine, then the naps will work themselves out. he may be getting to where he doesn't need one. but i'd tackle the nighttime sleeping first. tonight after work (i get off at 4) i took my son to the gas station, walmart, mcdonald's, and the mall....it helped keep him active and now he is sleeping (in my bed still...but that's a battle for later...at least he's sleeping!!) good luck!

What a nightmare for you! Sounds to me like you are missing the "sleep window" and he is overtired. 5pm is too early for bed - but 8:30 is too late. Probably he needs to be down around 7pm FOR THE NIGHT - not a cat nap. He also might be ready for a nap at a much earlier time than you are expecting. Perhaps he is tired as early as 10 or 11am - but if you are waiting until after lunch for a nap then he is overtired and can't settle down.

If he gets out of bed, the conventional wisdom is you must NOT SPEAK to him, but just silently put him back in bed over and over - even if it takes 100 times. Do not interact with him or give him attention of any kind. Just put him back in bed and walk away. You must be firm and absolutely confident.

Then of course you have to make sure your basics are taken care of: *consistent* bedtime routine, darkened quiet room to sleep in, etc...

I would decide on a schedule (shifting both naptime and bedtime earlier) and stick to it religiously for at least 2 weeks. You may meet even more resistance at first, but if he knows you won't let up, he will eventually accept it. You can't try something different every day and expect him to shape up. You'll have to stand your ground for a long stretch of time to see any results.

And by the way, I think b/t 7 and 8am is a perfectly normal and reasonable time for a child that age to wake up. In fact, I'd be thrilled with it! Best of luck.

Wow what a chore, when my children got to wher they didn't want to take a nap, they still had to lay down for at least an hour, they usually fell asleep for at least 1 hour
They could take a book to bed or I would read a very short story. But they couldn't get out of bed to play. Some times discipline is necessary, to gain control. and if he crys for 2 hours it will be less and less each day, he will learn you mean what you say and crying isn't going to change that. They much learn that your words are true and you stand behind them, you will want this rule firm in their minds for later when they get older and are out of your site.
J.

normal, typical 3y.o. behavior....& it doesn't mean that you have to put up with it. Clearly & firmly set your rules & subsequent consequences....& be consistent & don't back down. You don't have to be mean or harsh....simply be the parent. Don't allow your child to rule the roost. Your job is to allow him the means to thrive & grow...which is not happening if he's not cooperating and getting the sleep everyone needs.

I, too, battled with sleeping issues. Most parents do. It's a long hard battle which usually ends before age 4 or 5. The only time "the bedtime rules" were broken was when either my husband or myself was gone for the night. Then it was a special treat to sleep with Mommy or Daddy. & here's food for thought: what happens when both of your children are climbing into bed with you??? !!!

Sooo, for naptime: with my daycare, I use no lights & soft music. I am still or do very quiet chores. I try not to talk on the phone & I do not watch tv. I don't make the house silent...but for the beginning of naptime I ensure that all is calm & peaceful. My kiddies range from 2-5, & all take good restful naps. The trick is to wear them out during playtime! A good lunch & then set the stage for a good nap. Their naps range from 1 1/2 hours to almost 3 hours for some of them. (My own children never, ever napped like this!)

I seriously recommend having a "conference" with your child. Clearly state how life is going to go....set your rules & consequences....& stick with them. If needed, implement a reward system (if you lay down like a big boy, sleep until I tell you that you can get up, then you may have a ??special treat when you get up, etc.) Do what you have to do to get him to listen to you. If he's not following your rules now, what will life be like when he's older - bigger - & mouthier??? As parents, it's part of our job description to nip the "brat" attitude out of our children. If we don't do it, then who will???

I wish you Peace!

Hmmm, a nightmare for you for sure...similar to what I went through. First I would recommend getting them into more activities during the day that will wear them out...take them to the library for storytime, if you have a waterpark/splash area, playplace at a McDonald's or something...anything out in this heat (even a trip to Walmart) will wear them out. Bring them home, feed them lunch and make it mandatory quite time (i.e. they HAVE to lay down in their beds)...they don't have to sleep but they have to stay there for at least an hour. If the 3 1/2 doesn't want to sleep he can take books to bed with him and look at them. Or you could lay down with them and read them a few stories...chances are they will fall asleep by the time you are done with them.

DO NOT let them sleep more than 90 minutes or you will have more ramifications in not being able to get them down at a reasonable time at night. My suggestion for nightime would be a nice warm bath with the Johnson & Johnson Lavender bedtime bath (always worked like a charm for my kiddos) again a book and off to bed. Absolutely, no TV or computer games before bedtime because it gets them too wound up.

My eldest son I was able to program the best buy my youngest daughter is still an early riser...if that is the case, teach him self suffience if you aren't willing to get up with him at that early hour...set out some easy grab breakfast stuff (cereal in a ziplock, pop-tarts, juice boxes, etc.) and teach him how to turn on the TV...set the channel to his favorite cartoon show before you go to bed so all he has to do is turn it on...that way he will be quite and give you and sissy a chance to get at least an extra hour of sleep. Let him know what his parameters are...what he CAN do and what he CAN'T do (i.e. go outside, play with stove, etc.)...never had a problem with my daughter on this and it's been going on since she was 2 (she's now 4). Another option is to offer that he can come snuggle with you in the bed in the morning (once Daddy has gone to work)...sometimes you can get them to go back to sleep at this point for another hour...but it's a great bonding time for you as well.

You are right about not putting him down at 5 pm. But I will tell you at that age (and a little younger in my house) I called that the arsenic hour. I found that no matter how well rested the kids were or tired they ALWAYS melted down right at the dinner hour when I was getting dinner ready...the only way I could settle it down was to sit on the couch and snuggle with them or rock. You may just have to premake dinner and have hubby turn it on when he gets home.

You may also want to replace that binkie with some other form of lovey...a nice trip to Build-a-Bear or T-Rex (they have Build-a-Dinosaur) may be well worthwhile for you. My son latched onto the Dinosaur and my daughter picket out a jaguar because she was big into Diego at the time...a year later for her and 2 for my son and they are still carrying those animals around. Giving up Binks is a TOUGH thing for them...so some kind of surrogate may be helpful in this transitory period. Best of luck and keep us posted on what happens!

My son stopped needing to take a nap at around 3 years old. He would still fall asleep occasionally during a car ride in the afternoon, but it was not often. All kids are a little different with their sleep needs. I've found that without the nap, he needs to go to bed around 7:30. If he ends up staying up late for some reason (we are at an activity, etc)- he gets a second wind, but it doesn't bode well for the next day because he is extra tired. I would try to skip the nap and try to have him in bed earlier. He may still sleep until a similar time in the morning, as at this age, they still need a lot of sleep. My son will sleep for about 11 hours at night if he gets to bed at a good time. Good luck!!

I would first recommend a replacement comforting item such as a stuffed animal or something. Good for you for getting him off the binky (by the way, how'd you do it? How long did it take?). I have heard of going to Build a Bear and letting him choose a stuffed animal (maybe name him or her binky?) and he can use that for comfort. My daughter wakes up several times per night and is usually comforted with a rub on the back or me sitting by her bed. Maybe lay with him when he wakes up until he gets more comfortable going back to bed? What about laying with him for naps? Instead of naps, what about instituting a down time (in bed with books only) for an hour or two? Good luck!

K.,
This may seem obvious, but my first thoughts were on your son's diet. Does he eat foods with sugar or drink caffeine? Fruit and juice have natural sugar that can pep up kids. Cutting out any caffeine (tea, soda, chocolate) and reducing sugar (sweets and fruits) after lunch time might help.

Does he have any other comfort item now that the paci is gone? Maybe a substitute item would help - a teddy bear or blanket or whatever might be a steady companion to offer comfort.

My 3 year and 4 1/2 month old has been doing the same thing! We took his pacifier away at the end of May (he only used it for naps and nightime) and he actually stopped asking about it after about two days.
I think he is trying to stop taking naps during the day, so I've actually stopped trying to force it. On days when he seems really tired I put him in room and he plays for an hour while he thinks that I think he's sleeping (ha) but I feel like it gives him some quiet time to unwind by himself and this seems to help out on those evenings.
I agree he can be a real terror by 5:00 in the evening on days he doesn't take a nap, but then I try to get him to lay on the couch and I put in a movie and sometimes he falls asleep and I wake him up for dinner or he just has some nice quiet relaxing time and that usually helps him make it to bedtime.
I take him to a daycare facility a few times a week for the interaction and they told me that some of their 3 year olds don't take naps, but they do lay on their cot during naptime.
My son did go through a phase where he was coming into our room in the middle of the night or waking up way too early, nut it does seem that it was a phase b/c he has since stopped doing it. My son does find it very hard to go to sleep at 8:00 when it is still bright and sunny out his window.
Good luck, and everything will work out. He's just trying to adjust to getting older. Maybe you can find something calm and relaxing for him to do in the afternoon where he has the "opportunity" to nap if HE wants to, but is not forcing him to nap.