Ok, this morning I just had to write in. We've been working on the potty training for a while now, but my little one will NOT ever tell me when she needs to go or after she has gone regardless of poo or peepee. She is now waking up dry somedays and i've praised her and taken her straight into go potty (successfully) Further praise and a jelly belly bean , one of her favorite things. However, unless I put her on the potty she never ventures there or asks to go or indicates she needs to be changed. This is also the case if she's really "wet" as with training pant underwear where she feels it. She will just go and hang out with wet pants until I discover it. She does not seem to have any fear issues, she doesnt however seem to like "little" pottys and wants to only sit on the regular toilet where I have a inner seat that makes it smaller opening. But today just did it for me, After our successful trip to the potty came back into her room to find some training pants and there on the dresser was a pull up diaper which she went over to and affectionately held and said she "loved diaper". I didnt react, but I wanted to scream. I have offered /told her she could have Dora panties like her sister if she goes on the potty, but she has cried and said no, no panties.... she loves those diapers.... any suggestions? I want to be done with them asap.
I would try letting her go naked around the house for a while. We're training my son right now and if he has a diaper on he usually won't say anything, but if he's naked he yells, "Potty!" when he needs to go and runs straight to the bathroom.
Get rid of the diapers. This process is no different than teaching her to use a spoon to feed herself, or teaching her to put her own shoes on. It's a life skill, plain and simple. You simply must convey to her that she will be going peepee and poopoo in the potty from now on. It's not a choice for her to make, it's simply what's going to happen. Then, undress her from the waist down. Watch her carefully and whenever you think she might have to go potty, RUN her to the potty! Sometimes she'll make it, sometimes she won't. When you don't make it, just be matter of fact about it and tell her, "Next time you'll make it to the potty in time." (And then be sure she does!) She may be unclear on what it actually FEELS like when she has to go peepee, so being naked may really help her "get it."
I guess the bottom line for me is: you're the parent who wants her to learn this skill. You can't rely on a child who has never used the potty before, to WANT to use the potty. You've just got to lead her in this process and fully expect her to succeed quickly in it. Once she knows that this is not a "choice" of where she will go peepee and poopoo, she'll get with the program!
Each child takes (and deserves)his/her own time to do different things. Our son went # 1 around 3.7 years of age and # 2 at age 5. We let him be after trying in vain to train. Punishing, rewarding, pushing are not always effective and not recommended at all by some experts. There is a also a book about that - Punished by Rewards. I have also read that comparison with other kids specially siblings or putting pressure to be a big girl/boy is counter productive. Each child has a right to be who they are. They don't have to be like others but themselves. This goes a long way in developing a high self esteem, independence, and problem solving and decision making skills.
Just give your daughter the power to make the decision, don't take it away from her. Perhaps, bring her a calender (picked out by her) and ask her to mark the date when would she like to use potty. Just keep giving her gentle reminders from time to time about her decision. Just validate her and respect her feelings about loving diapers. Potty training is really achieving physical control on holding in and release. To go in potty or diaper is simply a choice and that is what your daughter chooses right now. It is just like having a lovey toy or blanket, or hvaing love for bottle or breastmilk for longer time. If your daughter is staying dry at night then to me she is already trained. If we let a child nurse as long as she/he wants then why make a big deal about diapers? Eventually every child comes around. I do not know of any college student wearing diapers;)
Cheers,
-Rachna
My youngest wanted to be a baby and was difficult to train. She also didn't mind being wet and would rather be wet and dirty than take the time from playing to go potty.
I agree about getting rid of the pull-ups. They don't make the kids misreable enough.
What worked for me was to show her the difference between what a baby gets to do and what a big girl gets to do. In the morning I let her choose a diaper or pretty panties. Then her choice dictated if she got to do baby stuff or if she got to do big girl stuff. I made it a point to show her it was to her advantage to be a big girl by pointing out what she was missing when she chose to be a baby. For example, babies take two naps a day, big girls only take one- babies don't get to go to their friends house to play, big girls do - etc.
Good luck!
Hey L.,
Maybe it will help you a bit to know you are not alone in this. My granddaughter will be 37-months-old on the 1st, and loves her diapers the same as your daughter. She has no desire to use the potty. We have used charts, stickers, candy, her favorite panty's and now we are going to buy a toy that she get's to pick out but can only use while she is on the potty. I have asked for help from friends and I have been told she will use the potty when she is ready. I hope she is ready soon! Good luck with your endeavor. I will be watching.
B..
On Dr Phil tv show there was an episode on potty training. Here is the link; http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/264 Basically he brought in a doll that "wets" and had the toddler show the doll how to go potty. After the doll was successful he threw a party for the doll , confetti, and noise makers. He made sure that the child had lots of fluids, and after the child was successful, he got a party too. It looked like fun! Good luck!
Hi L.,
Well, it is called potty "training" for a reason. It is not about punishing or rewarding (though praise is always a good idea) but teaching your child that this is what she needs to do now.
First of all, stop buying diapers, period. Bring home several packs of beautiful panties, dora, princesses, whatever she's into. Yes, it will be a tough couple of days, and she may cry and throw a fit but you will be surprised how quickly she gets over it.
Also, you must take her potty every hour in the beginning, stretching it out to every two to three hours over a week or two. Don't count on her to tell you when she needs to go, just keep taking her. When she goes in the potty give her lots of praise (and maybe a little sticker on her potty) and when she doesn't go just cheerfully say, that's OK we'll come back later. Don't make a big deal about accidents, they will happen, just be matter of fact about it.
So many moms think this whole process is about pushing, but I really think it's about empowering our kids.
Best of luck to you :)
I can understand your frustration with this, but I think you need to simply relax with it. This girl is going to grow up and want to be in 'big girl' underwear sooner or later. Your frustration might just delay that time longer. So keep on offering and encouraging the potty training, but try to stay calm about her love of her diapers for the time being. Since I'm sure the cost of diapers is a factor in your frustration, perhaps you could find a way to encourage her to wear them only at certain times of the day... for instance at night time, and during her naps.
L.,
Thank you for this question. I have an almost 35 mo old that loves her diapers also. I have found the pull ups do not work with her at all (she still wears diapers). I am potty training both her and her sister (almost 22 mo old) and have started putting underwear over their diapers. They both now get upset if I forget the underwear :) I am still having issues with the older one regarding getting rid of the diapers.
I wish you much luck and please let me know what works for you!
J.
Hi L.,
Does your daughter think of herself as a "Big Girl"? I told my youngest when she was going through the potty training time that "Big Girls" don't wear diapers, only babies did. I think it was when she was around 2 that she was fully potty trained. It is very annoying to have to change diapers of toddlers when they should be using the potty, but you just have to let them do it in their own time. I started my kids out on a potty chair, then started putting the potty seat on the big toilet and they thought that was cool. If you have more than one bathroom, you can just leave the seat on the toilet and everyone else can use the other bathroom. With potty training, you have to take them every few hours and sometimes every hour so they get used to going in there. You don't have much of a life when potty training. LOL! Maybe you could try a different reward like stars on a chart for every time she uses the potty. Hope this helps you and good luck.
J.
L.,
Get rid of the diapers and training pants in the house so she can train totally. That is what we had to do with our oldest. She wanted to rely on the other things and would not train fully until we got rid of those things.
My sister did not get fully trained until she was 4.5 and that was only because she was never pushed and had to start kindergarten. How awful--she lived with her mom 90% of the time, and I think that had a lot to do with it.
W. M.
Definitely just lose the diapers/PullUps and go straight to panties. Save this for a time when you can do lots of clean ups and be armed with carpet/floor cleaner and lots of rags. Our son would still be in PullUps at age six now -- seriously -- if I let him because he had zero interest in potty training. It took forever (years) with him. As soon as we ditched the PullUps and went to underwear, he was considered trained enough in just a few days that he moved up from the daycare room to preschool. Made all the difference in the world.
Good luck!
