My husband and I were both sent out of town on different business trips last week. My 3 year old had just been potty-trained and had a very good routine. She would wake up about 6:30 on the weekends, go down for a nap around 11:30 and would sleep about 1-1/2 to 2 hours, then to bed around 8:00. She would happily walk into her room that she shares with her baby brother at sleep times and climb into her bed and wait to be "tucked in". Well, ever since I got back into town, she has reverted. She doesn't use the potty very well at all anymore and she will resist going to her room to go to sleep. Even on Saturday, my husband wasn't back from his trip yet, but I told her that it was time to take a nap and she walked with me to her room, but she played in her bed for 3 hours straight, never once did she fall asleep. I would walk in the room every 20 minutes or so to make sure that she was still in her bed. She was still laying there, playing with her books everytime I went it. She never took a nap on Saturday, although she was still in a great mood all day. On Sunday, she was a little crabby and I stayed in her room until she fell asleep, she slept for 25 minutes and then was back up. She goes to daycare through the week and they even noticed that she is taking a significantly smaller nap, if they can even get her to sleep. She is starting to do a little better with the potty, but she is still having at least one accident per day. So, I am curious if she is having security issues. I am thinking that she is still too young, but could she be ready to not take naps anymore? I am lost and I don't like feeling lost.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your experiences. Me and my hubby have been back for about 2 weeks now and she is doing much better, much less accidents with the potty and she is almost back on track with her naps at home. I did find out that my Dad did have them go down for a nap when they were with him, but he went in the room, laid down, and took a nap with them to help them sleep easier. I have never done this, even from the time I brought them home from the hospital because I was a co-sleeper with my parents until I was 11 years old and the only reason I stopped then was because they were getting a divorce and it was really traumatic for me. So, I had decided before I was even pregnant with my first that "sleep time" was going to be a positive thing and something that they were going to do on their own and figure out for themselves. I make it a point that any time to sleep is a good time, I stay upbeat about going to bedtime and almost make it seem like "party time" and tell them that they can do what they want in their dreams, they can go to the world's biggest park, the swimming pool, anything that they want it to be, they just have to close their eyes and imagine where they want to go on their sleep journey. In conclusion, she has been doing much better in both the sleep and potty areas. My hubby and I even went on a date for Valentine's Day and left her, and our son, with a different set of grandparents and she did great. When we went to pick her up in the late evening, she was sleeping and I woke her up to put her in the car and I made sure that I reassured her that Daddy and I were back to get her before she woke up for the next day.
I have been lucky if my 18 mo olds take a regular nap. So, I would say that if you have gotten away with it this long, you have been really lucky. LOL I have had 7 children, and only 1 took a daytime nap after 18 mos. This last one isn't to that age yet, but I expect with his issues, he will probably still take them until 2yo. My mother always had her children take naps until 5yo, but I don't know how she managed it. :)
If the daycare is noticing that she is not taking as long of a nap and this was going on before your trips, then I would say that she is probably going through an adjustment stage. That doesn't mean that she doesn't need a nap anymore. I have noticed with my daughter and my nieces that at about 3 years old they go through a stage where they start fighting the nap and a lot of people let them stop taking naps at that point. I think it is just a stage they go through to try to test their limits. She probably did get a little out of routine while you were gone and the timing of the two together doesn't help. Stick with the routine that you are used to and she will figure things out again before too long. At nap time, as long as she is laying down quitely, don't worry too much about whether or not she actually sleeps. She is still resting and if she is tired, she will sleep. But don't give up on that nap just yet. It took a couple of weeks and a couple of battles (very strong willed child!) with my oldest but she was back to her regular naps within a week or two.
My son will be 2 1/2 on Monday and he hasn't been napping since early December. He still could use one, but he just won't go. I try to run errands in the late afternoon so he can nod off in the car, but other than that.... Some kids just give up their naps earlier. I wouldn't automatically assume it's a security issue.
i know you're just asking "to know", since there's not a lot you can do about it, but in my opinion, she still needs her naps. i would bet that she is just unsettled from mommy and daddy being gone. you hear it all the time (and i'm sure lots of mamas on here will have first hand stories) that as soon as something "traumatic" happens, the child reverts. three is too young to "really" understand these business trips, or even if she has some idea of what it means, she will still be upset by your absence. good luck, my only advice is to try to have patience and follow her cues. she may take a few weeks to get back into a routine. good luck!
It is possible that whomever you left your daughter with didn't enforce your naptimes and it'd thrown off her schedule. It is also possible that she's no longer needing an 1 1/2 nap. My daughter is 4 and hasn't taken a nap for over a year. I think it's great that she still stayed in her bed for as long as she did. Why not step it up and call it peace and quite time instead of nap time? It'll make her feel a little more grown up and not be such a turn off (while still giving you p & q time)
As for the security issues...heck yeah, I think she's got them. She's not going to sleep because she thinks that if she closes her eyes when she opens them you all won't be there. I'm a military wife. My eldest is 5 and daddy's only been around for 2 years of his life...I AM the ONLY anchor that has ALWAYS been here day in and day out. If I take off for a day or even a weekend the kids are pretty frantic and constantly ask about me (unless there are a WHOLE LOT of kids around to distract them from my departure).
Spend some extra time with her...do some mommy and me projects...maybe even get her into your scrapboooking or do a craft together. Just reinforce to her that sometimes mommies and daddies have to go away because of their jobs but that you all will be back and miss them the whole time! Another thing that we did for the kids was to get pictures taken of them with their daddy before his deployments and they always had them on their nightstands to say goodnight to daddy. You might want to consider getting her her own picture...or if you want to take it one step more...Walmart is selling a portable digital photo frame for like $29 right now and it'll hold some 60 pictures. You can load it up with all kinds of photos of you're family and it'll be a nice thing for her to look at if she gets lonely or misses you.
As for the potty thing...just keep trying. Maybe an incentive prize will help. My daughter was promised a new doll when she went a week w/o messing her pants (daytime only). You can also do daily rewards...extra 15 minutes staying up late, extra snack, stickers, you name it. That also may help (but at a point it didn't with my kids...they just got too stubborn). The important thing about the potty training is to keep it positive. When she goes just let her know how proud of her you are and what a big girl she is. They say for every negative thing you say you should counter with 4 positives...a hard thing to do sometimes but really really true with potty training. Good luck!
I think that in this day and age, when everyone wants us to believe that we "have" to work and daycare is "just as good as" if not better than staying home with your children, we can often downplay our significance to our children. The truth is, you and your husband are very important (the most) fixtures in your children's lives, and leaving them for days at a time for any reason is going to be very detrimental to their feelings of security and ultimately, then, to their behavior. I strongly urge you to consider staying home with your children or at the very least finding a job that does not require you to leave them entirely for more than a few hours. This will reassure your child and help her behavior.
I don't know about the potty issues b/c I haven't gotten that far with my almost 3 year old son, but i do know that he has started napping less regularly. I haven't been concerned about it because other then wanting to go to bed a little earlier at night all seems fine and he has a cousin who is three that doesn't nap regularly so I "assumed" that this was normal for this age. For several days he will sleep 2-4 hours at nap time (he's always napped for long periods of time) and other days he simply doesn't nap and he really doesn't look or act sleepy until bedtime. I do usually offer him some "quiet time" in his room where he starts out in his bed and then usually plays in there for about an hour before getting on with the day. As far as anxiety or security issues, I think it could be a real thing at this age, I believe they are very aware of what goes on around them and maybe your daughter had a tough time dealing with both Mom and Dad being gone and just needs a little time to get back into her zone again.
Good Morning Rae,
Little ones are Masters at throwing a cog into that smooth turning wheel...lol They all Change, some days from one minute to the next. Makes it a challenge for sure.
Who did your little one stay with while you & hubby were away? Daycare provider, Gr Mama & Gr papa? Did the children stay away from your home with others or did someone stay in your home with them? Did they stick to your schedule? There can be a lot of things that could add to your dilemma. For us even though we try to follow what Mom & Dad want for the boys, it's not always the way it turns out. For our other 3 gr kids, It's up to us as we had been * bascially* total caregivers and sat the example for them for alot of their toddler time. (they lived with us) mom & dad too UGH..lol
We make sure there are phone calls when something good happens. Example: Mama I poo pooed in the potty!! Daddy I helped Nana vac up Zanes cheerooos mess!
Give your little one a little time and she will probably return to her former way of doing things. Corbin will be 4 next month and some days he crashes at nap time and other times he lays in there and talks to his woobie. He goes to bed at home around 8. Usually trys the I gotta potty, or can I have more hugs routine.. lol SOMETIMES grrrr Mama gives in and lets him watch a Video while he goes to sleep. I think I finally am getting through to them this is not a good plan or idea. He is very demanding the next morning when this happens. He is overly tired and grumpy.
I told our DIL she could handle " Shame on you mama you hurt my feelings" for a minute as she kissed him goodnight and tucked him in. Shut the door and leave.
Thats what I do here when he gets demanding about watching cartoons at nap time. LOL
Give your little one time and lots of WOW what a big girl you are. I bet you feel so much better now after your nice nap.
If at all possible when your away make sure you call and talk to her often.
God Bless you, what a Great mama you are for wanting to help your sweet princess get through the time away.
K. Nana of 5
PS I will have Corbin & Zane the end of Mar while mom goes to NC for Business. This will be Zanes first time without mom. He is 16 months now. Dad ( our son) will come for dinner and bedtime tuck ins, but he is not good in total care...lol He can have a panic attack and gets really short tempered.. :)) It is humerous. Gen had eye surgery last yr, was either that or eventually go blind. She had the monitor on to hear the baby. He woke up and gen laid there thinking maybe he will go back to sleep.. Then as she realized that wasn't happening she heard Drew go in. Then she heard OH YUCK Zane. your momma would be so Proud of me. gag gag gag...lol
The issue is probably much more of a reversion due to the business trips. Even if her routine stayed the same, just not having you there when she is used to that can cause a reversion.
My son was never a good napper. He just never required as much sleep as other kids...I'm sure he gets this from me! haha Anyway, the ending of naps is usually a gradual thing, kids don't just one day decided they don't need naps anymore. You will know when she doesn't require them as much, or at all.
I would say keep at the routine, and she was a good napper before, so she should get back into it.
Your daughter sounds normal. I had one child that napped every other day around age 3. Another that napped every third day and another that went to no naps just a longer bedtime. Her potty training sounds like her body is mature. As for the one accident aper day, she is probably distracted and doesn't want to stop playing.
1. ask constantly if she needs to use the bathroom or just make her try to go every half hour if she is playing
2. if she is using pull-ups you may switch to undies so its a terrible feeling if she has an accident. Its great that she stays in her room and has quiet time even if she doesn't sleep.
As hard as it is, she may just be ready to give up the naps. She will probably be ready to go to bed earlier at night then. My son is 4 and hasn't taken regular naps for about a year. All children are a little bit different about how much sleep they need. My son goes to bed at night around 7:30 and sleeps for approx. 11 hours. I hope all works out well for you guys!
Maybe instead of a security issue, she's just out of routine. Whoever was watching her must not have kept your routines. Now mommy and daddy gotta get her back in gear, nobody does it like mommy and daddy :)
