3 Y/o Starting Preschool in Sept. a Couple of Concerns

We too were worried about my son (now 4 1/2) when he started pre-school at 3. He peed all the time outside. He never peed on the playground at school. I think it was a new place and the teachers reminded him to go to the bathroom a lot. Also don't stress accidents happen and he will learn the correct behavior.

"Third, he thinks I'm going with him."

I know your concerns are serious, but that line just cracked me up! Thanks for the laugh!

Hi M.,
What a great letter. It addressed very common worries. First, think of the places you go with your son. Does he take off his clothes and pee outside at all those places, or has he figured out there are places that he shouldn't do this? Either way, don't worry. Arrange an appointment with his teacher prior to beginning preschool, and mention these behaviors. The teacher will have experience with home behaviors and be able to head them off.
Why does he think you are going with him? Have you told him that you are so happy to be bringing him to a place where he will make friends, and that he will be safe with his teacher, and that you will go home when he is in school so that you can clean the house? These messages let him know that you are certain of what you are having him do, and where you will be. That helps with the security issues. If you have told him these things, there's no need to repeat. He is saying you will stay with him because that makes him feel secure. Again, make a plan with the teacher. If you will have the twins with you, it probably would be best if you hugged him once, kissed him twice, said good-by and left. If you will not have the twins, you have other options. Ask the teacher to plan with you what would be best for your son. If you are giving him a pep talk, I would avoid using the "You're a big boy now." because he may very well not want to be a big boy, knowing his Mom is going to be home with the twins. Sometimes it does help to say "You're 3 now. Three year olds go to preschool."
Have a wonderful fall.

I don't know if this will help but my daughter, 4 now, loved it when I told her that she was a big girl now going to school...like mommy has to go to work.
The teachers will help him get through the day. Just remember, when saying goodbye to him don't linger. Give him a kiss, tell him you love him and will be back to pick him up and leave...even if he starts to cry. It's not easy but it'll help the transition.
Best of luck.

Don't try to solve all the issues before preschool starts. The teachers and aids are very good at addressing all kinds of needs as they start school. Three is very little and no one will expect your son to be perfect, especially his first day. If you just reliquish control and gently explain what will happen, and not happen when he gets there, he'll at least have heard it from you before the teachers. Sounds like he's a very normal preschooler :)

To address the issue of your son thinking you're going to preschool with him, try reading some books about school and point out that parents are not with the kids. I've been talking to my daughter a lot about what she can expect at preschool: from dropping her off (and not staying) to activities she might do to picking her up. She always does better in new situations when we've prepared her in advance.
And, I have to keep reminding myself, that my child is not the first 3-year-old to start preschool and most of them do very well. My child is also not the first 3-year-old the teachers have ever had, and certainly can't be the worst. :-)
Good luck and enjoy the time with your twins,
J.

so funny. I have two boys and one loves to pee outside. I am a preschool teacher so I hope I can give you a few tips. DOnt worry about the clothing/peeing thing we have seen it ALL! Those two things will rectify themselves within two weeks, let the teachers deal with those. As for thinking that youre going with him that one is tougher. Talk about going to school a little bit, but dont dwell on it. The night b-4 tell him you will taking him there and he will stay and paly, make new friends etc. Then tell him you will come and pick him up . When you take him to his first day try to have hijm walk in w/ you not be carried in. It makes a huge difference. It may take a few weeks but he'll(and you) will do fine. Good Luck, most of us have been through this same situation....

Hi M. F.
I had to put my Gr.Granddaughter in daycare full time when I first got custody of her and she did great after the first
couple days. Those teachers are the best and have an answer for all your concerns. Try not to appear to worried about your child he senses these things you know.
Good luck C. E.

Hi Michelle
I have directed and taught Preschool for years.
Explain to your son that school has different rules.
You can explain that they have to keep him safe and things he is allowed to do at home will not be allowed at school. Be
honest and positive about the fun he will have.
He may suprise you and seperate quickly. A good preschool
teacher and director will help you along with your concerns!
Good luck!
P. F

I have to laugh about the peeing outside that's very typical of boys and sometimes girls. I worked in daycare and preschhol and it's something we have dealt with occassionaly. I wouldn't stress about it too much because if he does happen to pee outside once chances are that it will only be once because the teachers will be there and let him know that he needs to go inside, for some reason kids respond better to teachers about this. Plus they aren't going to want to do it in front of their new friends. As far as the clothes issue I'ld buy soem special clothes for school and let him start off by going in shorts and a t shirt. Let him wear sneakers without socks(some preschools don't allow sandals because they can come off easily causing the child to trip)I'ld let his teachers know the issues you're dealing with and they can make a really big deal about the clothes he's wearing. have you visited the school with your son adn met the teacher? If you haven't I would and get a book about going to school and let him know it's his special time away from home but that you'll be back to get him. It might be really hard for both of at first to seperate or he might be so excited that he "forgets" about you and runs to play and then doesn't want to leave school. Also in a few weeks what might have been an easy drop off could turn into him crying and clinging to your leg not wanting to go to school. these are all normal. the teachers are used to it and will help him adjust. From my experience it was always harder to deal with the kids while the parents where still there. try not to worry what you're anxious about is normal and if you worry about it too much your son will start to worry too.

Hi Michelle!!!
OMG! it was as if you were describing my daughter! She is 3and a half but she started preschool at 2yrs. She hates to wear clothes and prefers to be naked which we have no problem with. She also enjoys doing her business outside and again removes all clothes before doing so. THe good news is that she does none of this at school. SHe pees in the potty and remains clothed, she has never been spoken too about any of her habits or anything like that. THe good thing about school is it is soo structured and the kids want to do well and behave. Like I said it has not been an issue for us but maybe just let your sons teachers know about his habits and im sure they will gently correct him if he starts stripping.
As far as him thinking you are going I would just tell him hes a big boy and this is his special time with his friends and teachers. I usually stay with my daughter for 15-20 min to get her adjusted and it also allows me to help out with breakfast and get to know the kids. THis approach works well with my daughter and helps her feel safe and unrushed.
Good Luck!

I have to say - Its a totally different enviroment. My daughter is different at daycare than she is at home. They follow what the other kids do. He will be so busy with the other kids that he will leave his clothes on. As far as peeing outsid e- he will see the other kids doing it inside and will follow their lead - although will probably attempt to pee outside a few times!

Remember - its more anxiety for us than it is for them.