3 1/2 Year Old Daughter Still Insists on Wearing Diapers

My son was not interested either at that age. Daycare recommended putting him in underwear with those plastic cover sheild underwear on top. This would help them feel uncomfortable after having an accident. He still didn't care. He just took a wider stance when walking. I stopped after that. How do you train someone that doesn't even care if they have a load in their pants. After a few weeks I tried again and he came around. I've heard others tell their child that they will make the character on their underwear sad if they dirty their pants. It worked for them.

This can be a really hot button topic on this website. Just so you know your daughter is not the only one, both of my boys were both between 3 1/2 and 4 before they were completely trained. Like you, we had tried almost everything. I even sought professional advice from a child psychologist and was told to "back off." You will get a lot of advice to just take away the diapers and pull-ups. Someone from one of my ECFE classes did that and ended up with poopy underwear to deal with every day for several months. That wasn't worth it to me. She will be trained and it may even happen suddenly when you least expect it. Good luck!

My son was the same way, he would have a complete fit if we even tried setting him on the potty. My son turned 3 in May and after 2 other failed potty training attempts our doctor recommended we just do it with no turning back, so thats what i did 3 weeks ago, i put him in underwear and got rid of the diapers, it started rough and it sucked, but after 3 accidents in 20 minutes someone recomended putting him on the potty every five minutes for five minutes and forcing him to sit their and soon enough he would realize it was easier to just go when he had to, he had a fit the first time i did it but only took the one time and after that it was the end of diapers and hello underwear. No accidents since. I thought that was good advice for my son, he is stubborn and would have stayed in diapers until 40 years old if I let him LOL.

Good Luck and I hope it goes well for you and your daughter.

At 3.5 she is old enough to be responsible for her actions.

I would give her a choice every morning.
"Would you like underpants or a diaper?"

(donot buy pullups they are dumb and make it incredibly comfortable to go #1and#2 on yourself as they are to absorbant)

Then when she goes #1 or #2 she can change herself, clean up herself and do it all herself. If she goes in her underpants she can put the soiled ones in the laundry room, clean up the floor with spray/rag, and go to her bedroom and change herself. If she goes potty in her diaper, she can remove the diaper, clean herself, and put a new one on. DONOT help as much as you want to let her do a horrible job wiping her butt or cleaning up. DONOT do it for her. Let her figure out how much work it is to be lazy and not use the potty. After awhile she should figure it out and just use the potty. 3.5 is beyond to old to be doing this if this doesn't work take her to the pedatrician. A typical 3 yr.old can get themselves dressed, use the bathroom, and attend preschool without help from mom. So don't baby her let her clean her own messes up. If she won't change her diaper and clean up then punish her. Put your foot down and don't give in. Be consistant. I'm not trying to attack you I had a stubborn daughter too. What worked for me was making it a competition with the other kids at daycare, they'd race for the potty and literally fist fight for who got to go first and I started making her responsible for her actions. I've always been a big fan of independance. She had to climb in her carseat and attempt to buckle up,I did what she couldn't at age2, She had to put her shoes on at age2 I tied them.

What if you told her that her little brother needs to learn how to use the potty, and needs his big sister to show him? Maybe that will make her want to use it to show him that it's ok and not scary. I know this could sound a little deceiving to some people, but if it works...what the harm?

Good luck!

When our son was 3 he was able to use the potty, recognized when he had to but still refused to. Finally we were able to get him to tell us why he still went in his diaper or pull up. His answer was "because I can". Our solution was to take the option away. We put him in underware & problem solved (after a few battles with getting them on). He never had an accident & has been great ever since.

My daugher, same age, did the EXACT SAME THING. At her 3 year check up, when I was exasberated since my Daughter had been using the potty ONLY at her will for over a year, they declared her "officially resistant". She had been sitting on the potty before nap, bath, and bedtime since she had been 18 months old. She could go tinkle then stop mid-stream, get her M&M, then go some more and ask for another one - I was at wits end since she was still peeing in her pull ups! SO, I gave up. I quit talking about it as much as possible and just changed her diaper without a word. Then after about a week or two of that, I put her in underwear. Everytime she had an 'accident', I calmly made her put her soiled clothes in the washing machine and made her scrub the spot on the floor. (I went back over it when she wasn't looking). For poop accidents, well, I simply dumped the poop into the potty while she was looking and then soaked her undies in an old bucket w/oxyclean. It took only 3 days of having to 'work' at it, and finally she had enough. On the 4th day, she was magically trained. It was a long, exhuasting journey, so I completely empathize with you.... but oh how WONDERFUL it WILL FEEL when she DOES DO IT, which SHE WILL!!!!! Good luck!!!!! We are into our 2nd month now of not having to buy diapers and it's awesome.

M., hi. I have to say I will be no help to you at all on this subject, because I am in the SAME EXACT BOAT!! My daughter is also 3 1/2 and I have also tried everything I can possibly think of, and she just won't do it. She will not tell me that she has to go until she has already gone... I also have a son--he is 1 1/2, not 2 like your son. I had posted a question about this a few months ago saying I did not know what else to do and I felt lost...and people attacked me--so, I just want to say that you are not alone in this situation, I also am having this dilema...I will be checking back to see your responses to this question also....although this situation is not ideal, I am glad to hear I am not the only one dealing with this. :)

M.,

My daughter's friend was about 3 and still in diapers even though she could have been trained. Her mother finally gave her control, but also responsibility. She explained that her daughter could wear diapers, but she had to change them and clean up after herself; mom wasn't doing it anymore. Mom also explained that diapers and wipes were expensive and she would have to earn the money to pay for them by doing chores around the house. It wasn't an empty threat. Mom followed through consistently with everything she said and the daughter very quickly trained herself. She will stay in diapers as long as it's convenient, clean and socially acceptable for her to do so. So if you want her to have control over the situation, give her the accountability that goes with control.

S.

Hi M., With my son he showed interested at age 2 to go in the potty. But even though we had tried working on it using the stickers, etc. he just wasn't there yet. So what I decided to do was to tell him that we were no longer going to buy anymore diapers. He had to start wearing his underwear. That seemed to help. He was a little bit younger then your daughter is. With her being a little older, she will probably understand this better. So far I haven't had to buy diapers yet. I had enough here. But I am now faced with needing to get him staying dry over night so I can leave him in underwear. Every once in a while he wants me to put them on. But I don't. Just make sure you have a lot of underwear on hand. She might come around. I wish you luck!

Have you tried putting her in the training underwear with the plastic over the top??? That would at least make her a bit more uncomfortable when she goes.... I agree. I HATE pull-ups. They only confused our daughter. She was potty trained for a month by the time she was 2 and went completely backwards. (Around the time her baby brother was born.) We completely quit and tried again when she turned 3. Only underwear. Worked really well! She was trained in about a week.

Set the rules. Tell her every time the timer beeps she needs to go sit on the potty for x amount of time or till she goes. Set the timer for EVERY 30 MINUTES. Forget treats. Forget stickers. None of that worked for our daughter either.... And if she has an accident (either make her clean up OR you help) and just forget about it. Don't beat yourself up. If you chose, make some sort of "punishment" (lose tv time, take away toy, time out, etc.) if that works for her. Some kids it does, some it doesn't.

And if you are TOTALLY done, just give up for another month or two and try again. I doubt any healthy regular child has went to collage in diapers. LOL!

Good luck.

M., I think that few things are as frustrating as potty training! Don't you just wish you could push a button and make them do it? With our 3rd child, nothing worked! He was 2 1/2, but I'd tried everything you have, too, and those things had worked with two other kids, so what was the deal now? Finally, we simply told our child that I would no longer be buying diapers and he would have to be a big boy and learn to go on the potty otherwise he wouldn't be able to go do all the fun stuff we get to do outside the home since his clothes would be wet. It was a tough week, and sometimes I felt like I was taking steps backwards instead of forward. But after about 3 days of sticking with it, he was trained. Day and night trained! He still has the occasional accident at nighttime, but I think when he realized he had no choice but to do it, he decided it was more important to choose to go on the potty than miss out on the fun (going ot the zoo, to the park to play, to swim at the neighbors house, etc.)

One more thing -- I know lots of moms are advocates of pull=ups, but I have found that they simply hindered our training efforts. <y kids would use the pull-ups as a "crutch" -- they weren't something special. They were just still a diaper to them. So I will not use them with my 4th child for that reason.

Good luck and hang in there!

I would say train him and get all diapers out of the house.

I have all boys and none of them trained until they were close to 4 years old. They simply were not interested. One thing that really helped for us was to let them pick out their new underwear themselves. We went to Target and they all got a pack of underwear that aligned with their passions at the time (Madagascar, Spiderman and Thomas). So, that was a great incentive.

We also got one of those seats that fit over the toilet and didn't have a separate "potty" for our kids. So, they learned from day one that the toilet is what we use. I think that helped a lot. I have a lot of friends who are struggling with the transition from the potty to the toilet with their kids. We didn't have to worry about that transition.

I agree with the previous posters that Pull-ups were just confusing. I used Imse Vimse cloth trainers (http://www.cottontailbaby.com/item_40/Imse-Vimse-Training...) and they were much better. The trainers won't stop a deluge but will stop a small accident and my kids DID feel wetness. I think that was super important. I think when they don't feel wetness they don't really get what is going on.

Good luck. They are not going to go to college wearing diapers!! This will happen for you. You just need to hang in there.