3 1/2 Year Old Daughter Doesn't Eat Much

I agree with Heather A, the previous post. My daughter did the same thing and I asked her pediatrician about it and he said have her sit at the table with the family (if that's the situation), if she doesn't eat, wrap up the plate and wait until she is hungry. My doc said his son did the same thing and there were times his son went to bed without dinner, but in the morning he ate a great breakfast. I also have found that if they're hungry enough they'll eat what you put in front of them, it took me 5 years to finally have that aha moment.

good luck

My rule with my 4 yr old is No snacking 2 hrs before dinner. If he doesn't want dinner he must take 4 bites (1 for each age year) of anything on his plate. If he wants a snack later and only ate his 4 bites he can have a healthy snack. I use to only offer more dinner but he would never take it even though I could tell he was hungry. Now we settle for a healthy snack like applesauce or fruit.

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Sorry about your situation. It must be frustrating to have to deal with this. The one thing I will say is that 3 1/2 year olds probably need less food than what you think, and as long as she is healthy, that means she is getting enough to eat.

Another thing to look at is how much is your daughter drinking? A lot of juice and milk drinking will fill her tummy up and provide her with alot of calories--so she ends up getting more of her calories from liquids instead of foods (hence not eating very much.) If that is the case, you could start offering liquids less often. You could also start offering water more when she does want something to drink.

As far as the refusing to eat dinner thing, then wanting dinner later.....I think it's really your call on that. If you want her to learn to eat dinner with the family at a certain time, and if you want her to learn it sooner rather than later....then make her sit down for dinner with the family and let her know that if she chooses not to eat now she is not going to get anything later! (And don't let her drink milk and juice after dinner either to fill her tummy up.) I imagine you'll have a few days of unpleasantness, but I also imagine she'll get with the program fairly quickly.

But if you think that is too harsh, then yes, save the dinner and let her eat it later. She'll learn to eat with the family eventually, whether it's in 2 months or 2 years.

That one is really a judgement call.

I hope some of these things I've said helped, and I know it's hard, but if you have a healthy happy little girl, then rest assured you are probably doing things mostly right!

How late in the day is her afternoon snack, and what time do you eat dinner? If she has a late snack, and an early dinner, she may not be hungry until after dinner. However, if that's not the case, I just wouldn't feed her anything past your normal dinner time--she really won't starve between dinner and breakfast, and you'll be reinforcing the idea that eating is for the times you set.

I'm going through basically the same thing with my two and four year old boys--although it's mostly the two year old who doesn't want to eat at meals; my eldest just doesn't eat that much in general.

At our house we have three meals and two snacks. The boys get a choice of our standard breakfast foods: bagel & cream cheese, "snack mix" (cheerios, peanuts, & craisins), whole grain waffles, yogurt, or cereal (granola or wheat chex). Then they usually get to choose from 2-3 sandwhich options for lunch, but dinner is whatever their father or I make--period. If they don't like it and don't want to eat it, we don't force them, plead with them, or bribe them. We just excuse them from the table and remind them that they can't have anything else to eat until breakfast. We have always been firm about this, and they don't complain--much. They know it won't do them any good. If they're truly hungry, they'll sit and eat. Usually they'll just eat a huge breakfast the next morning. :)

Right now my youngest eats breakfast (of which the kids can have seconds and thirds if they ask for it, and sometimes they do), but then half an hour later is asking for a snack. I think he just likes snacks more than meals. He'll be begging for snacks, but then when it's time he won't finish his lunch or dinner. It's frustrating, but I know he's technically getting enough to eat for the day. The one thing that saves my sanity is the minimal daily diet recommended by T. Berry Brazelton:
-16 oz. milk or its equivalent in cheese or yogurt
-2 oz. of iron-containing protein (meat or an egg) or cereals fortified with iron
-1 oz OJ or fresh fruit
-one mulivitamin to cover uneated veggies

That's not to say that you shouldn't try to have your child eat more, but if that's all she actually gets in her during the day, she'll be fine until she gets a little older. I recommend that you stick to your set meal/snack times, keep offering healthy food choices, and don't worry if she skips a meal here and there. She should come around eventually. Good luck!

Sugar is the culprit. I have a now 9 year old that had the exact same behavior. I'd give him sweet things in an effort to get him to 'enjoy' the food not realizing this was spoiling not only his desire, but his appetite for other foods. Offer sweets ONLY after they other, more nutritional foods have been eaten to your satisfaction. I found with my son that he had to realize sweets were a treat, not a main course. I still stuggle with this today so I'm no pro. My husband and I notice that the less sweets he eats, the more like a "normal" eater he is. BTW, when a child gets hungry enough, they'd eat a mayonaise sandwich on raisin bread if that's all there was to eat. :0) Good luck!

My best friend went through this with her 3 year old. He was a small boy anyway, so it was a big issue! She "fixed" the problem though! It took about 2 weeks. She would give him his breakfast, and when he wouldn't eat she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your breakfast we will not have snack before lunch." Then at lunch she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your lunch, we will not have a snack before dinner." and at dinner she would say "Tristen, if you do not eat your dinner, we will not have a snack before bedtime." It was ALWAYS that same line. She was strong and never gave in...even if she knew he was hungry at 10am, he would wait and eat lunch at the normal time. BUT if he ate really well, then he could have a fun snack! It only took about 2 weeks of consistent effort and he did fine. Now a year later he is one of the best eaters in our circle of friends!

GOOD LUCK! I think this is one of the hardest issues we face as moms! We want our kids to eat healthy, and be strong, but when they fight us we questions what we are doing!! Again, good luck!!

-I agree with all of the other postings. And you're very right that trying to be the best Moms we can be is very tough.

-You already know this, but I can't stress enough, the importance of not making food/dinnertime an issue!!!!
-Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. She will wake up hungry, and she needs protein, fiber and fruit. Waffles and syrup are junk food. The chocolate milk sounds like her only real morning nutrition.
-Her snacks should only be nutritious: carrots, cheeses, yogurt, peanut butter, broccoli, eggs, whole wheat cereals and breads. Don't cut out good calories, cut out wasted calories from white flour, white sugar, corn syrup, etc.
-Eliminate all "fast food". Keep cheese, "gogurt", and baby carrots in the car.
-Her afternoon preschool snack may be interfering with her dinner appetite. Try serving dinner to the whole family at a later time. (Don't let her know why.) Make your family dinnertimes special. Dinner is actually the least important meal of the day from a nutritional standpoint. In our culture, however, it is the most important for family socialization. She should still sit there and talk with the family about her day whether she's eating or not.
-If/when you set her dinner dish in front of her at the table later on after dinner, make it "businesslike". I wouldn't sit down and socialize with her at that time. Don't make it special. She should be eating alone (maybe you could be cleaning the kitchen).
-I believe in sticker charts. Some people call it bribery. I've had great luck with them, though.
-Hope this helps! Good luck!

the best advice i've heard is too cut out snacks. i know you can't do it during the week if she's in preschool but you could try it on the weekend. when my 3.5 yo dd doesn't eat her lunch, we skip afternoon snack, etc. if she doesn't eat dinner, i offer it to her later (the fruit, etc) because i know she's just holding it for what she wants. our doctor said to avoid the power struggle and that she will survive a missed meal. good luck!

Don't give into her whims.You should contact her school to see how much she actually is eating.It could be that when she gets home she's not hungry.Cut out snacks and see how she does.Whatever you do-don't make two seperate meals.If she doesn't want to eat what you make at dinner, save it for her.She'll eat whatever you put in front of her if she's hungry enough.

Hi! I also have a 3.5 year old, and she's my third girl, so I've recently been around the block on this and have heard all the advice. I would start by cutting the pm snack to make sure she's hungry right at dinner time. If she refuses dinner (which she will if you're serving a healthy dinner that might not be her favorite), carefully wrap it up and save it until she says she's hungry. All of my girls still complain about dinner! Of course they don't want broccoli, chicken, and other healthy things. Their tastes have been exposed to all the treats in life and the healthy stuff is not their very first choice (mine either!). Definitely take the reigns here and help her understand that she cannot choose what she eats (3 is the prime time when they start trying to control, and the first time they get a bowl of cereal two hours later because mom just wants them to eat something, the more they'll use it). There are other options too, like not letting her eat after dinner time, but that's hard for a mom that's hearing "I'm hungry", so I always opt for pulling out a saved dinner. If she's still saying 'no' to dinner, it's a control issue, because kids WILL eat when they're really hungry. Regardless, maintain the upper hand and do what's best for her, which is to ensure she can and will eat healthy choices. Good luck, I know it's a hard stage, I still have this alot!

I had a daughter who would eat only bread and milk all the time. I took her to the doctor for her regular check up. She was low on iron in her blood. He suggested she needed to eat more greens. I slowly and gradually weaned her from the bread and milk and started to give her little portion of different foods. I would eat with her. make it very special. To join her with her meal. maybe show her you are having the same thing she is eating. Make it fun to eat. But gradually reduce other foods that she over does with.
It is just some ideas. My daughter now is an adult and eats well of course. And has children of her own.
Take care
Vicki W.

Hi,G... I,too,have a 3 1/2 year old girl that doesn't eat very much either.(As my grandmother says "She doesn't eat enough to choke a bird.") She eats small portions of food and says she's finished. So we tell her no treats or snacks and then when she gets hungry,we get her whatever she had before. (Also,she would want something to eat before going to bed and we would give her something light but healthy(yogurt or cheerios) so she wouldn't get up in the night and want milk.)Is your little girl drinking too much before meals or trying to replace meals with liquids?
We limit the amount of liquids she drinks before meals and during meals.(I also notice that if she gets lots of exercise (playing,running and jumping outside) that she will eat more at one sitting especially after she gets up from her nap. Good Luck!!

Everybody has offered great advice, so I thought that I would mention one other thing. Find out what time her afternoon snack is at daycare and also ask them how well she eats at snack times and lunch time. Maybe the snack is so late in the day that she really isn't hungry at dinnertime, if you are serving it really early. It's a shame, but most of us forget to listen to our actual hunger pangs and eat even if we aren't hungry. Maybe she is really still listening to her inner signals, which is good. Maybe you could make dinnertime a little later? I definitely would offer her the dinner again if she is hungry later, or fruits or veggies. Good luck!

Hey G.,

Truly I still think I have the most picky child on the planet. I can relate to you. My "picky eater" is 5 now. He is also the slowest eater on the planet. Four homemade chicken nuggets, 2 scoops of unsweetened apple sauce with cinnamon, and 3 small pieces of broccoli, can take him an hour to eat. We also went through a very long stage of him sucking on food and keeping it in his mouth...ewww gross! Believe me I feel your pain.

My advice to you while I'm sure you've heard it is to find something atleast semi healthy and stick to it. My son eats Skippy Natural Peanut Butter and Trader Joes Organic Blueberry Jelly on Trader Joes whole wheat bread everyday for lunch! He loves it! Whatever she chooses just make it the most healthy version of it possible.

If you have the time, make those waffles yourself. Stick all sorts of healthy stuff in the batter, like ground flax seed and wheat germ, provided no allergies are present. Make a bunch one time a week, then freeze them. Take one out, pop it in the toaster, and use real maple syrup if you can, or honey. It's better than Mrs. Butterworth's or Aunt Jamima.

Make meals look like snacks, finger foods are great. Let her make things with you if possible. Kids are 50% more likely to eat what they make. Talk healthy with her all of the time. Explain what is healthy, what is not, what is ok to eat all of the time, and what is only ok here and there. I know she's 3, but she'll grasp some of this believe me.

One day if you can, give her a tote bag, and have a field trip at the grocery store. One place to this which is really fun is Whole Foods. They have a ton of samples all through the store. Ask her if she'd like to try them. Tell her you are going to play a game. Ask her to pick out some things that she'd like to try and to put them in her bag.

You could also get her a kids cookbook and let her pick out recipes. Now that my son is five and he understands more of my vocabulary I have let it be known that I am not a short order cook. Truly if they are hungry they will eat. Now I've had this little boy go many nights without dinner. If you simply can't handle it give her one bowl of cereal, half a sandwich, or a yogurt, something light and healthy. Do not make a whole other meal for her though.

My rule is for my children is if they can pick out healthy breakfast choices and lunches, then I'll let them choose. However, dinner is my meal. I make the choices. I do try to accomadate with favorite veggies and what not, and sometimes I'll make two green veggies, simply because one son will eat anything, and my picky one only wants to eat broccoli. Sometimes I only make one though. I like to have a green veggie at every dinner.

Is she motivated by dessert? My boys get rewarded for eating most or all of their dinner by dessert. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Most nights it is 2 scoops of Bryers ice cream, or two Trader Joes brand oreo cookies. This is a reward, not a bribe. I mean who doesn't like dessert? I can understand her being stubborn enough to forfit it though. Many times as much as my son loves dessert, he still opted not to eat his dinner.

Let me encourage you in saying it does get better. My little man eats more now than he used to eat. I got to a point with dinner where I say to him, listen I am not going to get upset anymore. However, understand that Mommy worked hard to make this dinner, so if you choose not to eat it, that is fine with me. I'd like you to eat, but again, it's fine. Understand dessert will not be served to you, and you will not eat anything else. That's just me. I think children are catered to way too much today.

I've heard that helps is planning meals with your child. Actually sit down at the computer, and amke out a food calendar. Letting her pick some things may help. Give her choices a, b, c, and d. Then let her arrange them. You can even decorate the calendar with clip art.

Let her make placemats for the dinner table. She could color a piece of paper, and then you can laminate them. I have a laminator, $25 at Walmart or you can take it to Staples, Office Max...whatever. You could also help her make napkin rings for the silverwear. You can use construction paper, fabric, pipe cleaners, whatever you have.

The over all point is let her be involved in the process while at the same time you calling the shots. Stress that meal time is family time, and its important to do it atleast once a day together. Hope all of my blabbering helps!

I have had the same problem with my son. He went through a spell (about 6 months), that he didn't want to eat. I would leave his lunch on the table. I figured if he got hungry enough he would eat it. The same with dinner. To make sure he was getting some of the vitamins he needs, I give him a Tbsp. of ovaltine in his milk. He usually drink 3 cups of milk a day. This way he gets a full serving during the day. The last couple of days he has been eating all of his meals. Good luck.

An article in Parents magazine addressed the issue of nutrition and pediatricians noted that a child gets the nutrition needed over the course of a week, not just a day. Hopefully she has days where she eats more than other days. A vitamin supplement may help too.

When my kids did this I started making a plate of what we had for dinner in the fridge. When they were hungry they could eat that or a peanut butter/jelly sandwich or cheese- something healthy. If they only wanted something (junk food) then I would refuse. Sometimes they wanted fruit or raw veggi's. That was acceptable also. Good Luck!

Maybe it's an issue with sweets. You said she had a waffle with syrup, toast with honey or chocolate milk... perhaps she only wants to eat something when it's accompanied by something sweet.

I would prepare a snack of p butter on corn cake or whatever and an apple cut up. Steamed broccoli with ranch dip, or other nutricious snacks. If she skips dinner, she needs something to eat and is not hungry when you eat, so feed her.

Sounds like she is testing limits. She needs to know who's in charge, and that needs to be you and her father. Children feel insecure if they don't have solid limits. It's o.k. to assert your authority. They won't break! And they won't hate you! We have a child who is also often difficult to feed. He's not a picky eater at all, he just doesn't want to eat sometimes. We usually insist that he have at least three big bites of food at dinner. We will let him sit there for a long time if he isn't doing it. (He can't leave the table until he has done it). If it goes too long, we take away privileges (can't go out and play after dinner, that sort of thing). and tell him he will not get anything else for the evening (no dessert, or treat etc.). He tests that, but then we don't have that problem the next night. He's been getting better and better. You just have to be consistent. Hang in there! It's a lot of work, but it's kind of "pay now or pay later" - and if it's later, it's a LOT harder. You need to establish this now. The older they get, the harder it is. God bless you.

at 3 and a half she should be able to understand that if she doesnt eat dinner when everyone else does theres no other snacks later at night. supposedly it makes it harder to sleep if you eat late at night too. just make sure you stick with what you say. no food after dinner then no food after dinner. if you are worried about what shes eating or not eating give her pedisure. it can help fill her up and give her nutrients... but it sounds like she should be on something like pedisure since shes having waffles for breakfast and not eating much else. good luck!