3 1/2 Neice Wetting Bed..

Instead of the punishing approach, I would recommend not making a big deal about the accidents - just say "accidents happen" and then nicely help her change, etc. Then, do make a big deal of no accidents and try coming up with some rewards for no accidents!! I think that will go a long way. She needs to feel like you love her no matter what!

You might want to take her to a chiropractor. Her back might be out and she really can't feel the sensation.

Please do not punish her for wetting the bed. Honestly, do you think any child, no matter the age, wants to be woken up by their pee? Trust me, they don't. Although you said she did great for 2 mos straight, please know that most kids do not stay dry at night until the ages of 5-7. Some do of course, but most do not. Day time and night time potty training are not the same. For her to wet at night or at nap time is very normal. You ask how you can help her. For starters, don't make it a big deal at all. If she isn't staying dry for a week straight at night, then pull ups are OK, once she is dry for a week you could try the underwear again. Some don't agree with this and think this actually gives a child permission to wet themselves. I disagree, my kids are 4 and 6 and wear pull ups at night (we have bed wetting in our family) some mornings they are dry, some they are not, it's not consistent and their sleep is much more important. They don't hang out in their diaper and pee themselves, they wear them for sleep and take them off as soon as they wake. So for night time, either put her in pull ups or if you don't want to do that then get a plastic cover for the mattress and make sure to always have extra sheets/pjs handy so it makes things easy on you both when she does wake up wet. When this does happen, do not get angry or discipline, just help her with her sheets while she changes and get her back in to her cozy bed.

If you don't believe me on no discipline for bed wetting, please talk to your ped. Taking away treats/cartoons/toys just isn't right for this. She isn't doing this to be "bad"

I commend you for taking care of your nieces.
Best wishes,
M.

Hi R.:
I commend you on taking on the responsibility of raising your nieces.I'm quite sure, it can't be an easy task.I must concur with the other responders here. Your nieces relapse,could very well be because of the added pressure,of knowing that she will be punished in some way for her mistakes.Like the others mentioned,you can't punish a child for something she has no control over.Nightmares or bad dreams are common at this age,and if she is a deep sleeper,this could be the cause as well.Please use compassion,and the utmost understanding with her,to make progress.I wish you and your darlin nieces the very best. J. M

Hello R.,
My daughter just turned 3 and has been potty trained for over a year. Once she was trained during the day she didn't want to wear pull ups at night so she figured out how to stay dry overnight.
She has had a few episodes in which she will go through a phase of wetting the bed at night. Sometimes I can tell what's triggering it (such as the move to our new house) and sometimes it seems as if it's for no aparent reason. It hasn't happened often but it's so frustrating when it does. Especially when night after night you have to get up and change her sheets. My advice to you would be to gently explain to her why she needs to use the restroom whenever she has an accident but I WOULD NOT punish her! She's only 3 and 1/2 and I think it would confuse and frustrate her to have treats and cartoons withheld when she has an accident. It most likely happens in her sleep and she has no control over it. Keep in mind some kids aren't fully trained at night until they are almost 5. I think it's just a phase and she'll get past it. Yes, you'll have a few frustrating nights of changing PJs and sheets and yes, you'll be doing some laundry but I think you'll get there. Another thing you can try is positive reinforcement. Really make it a big deal and praise her when she has a dry night. She'll feel so proud of herself that she'll really work on staying dry the next night. With my daughter we make sure that she uses the restroom before she goes to bed. It's simple but it often makes the difference if she can make it the night or not. Also, when she seems to be having lots of trouble staying dry through the night, my husband or I will take her to go potty just before we go to bed (she sometimes barely wakes up) but it seems to help us get over the hill with the issues. One last piece of advise, I personally think pull ups are more of a hinderance. They can't really feel when they go and so it doesn't trigger them to wake up. I know wearing underware is going to create more of a mess to clean up but I also think it will help her to get back on track faster. I would also say that if nothing helps and she continues to have issues for another 2 weeks or so that I would make a trip to her pediatrician just to make sure.
I hope this helps! Just know that you're not the only one that's had to go through this!! Your niece will get past this (probably sooner rather than later). Best of Luck to you...you're an awesome "mom"!

She is still so little, only 3 1/2. Most kids aren't potty trained at night for a lot longer than that. It usually comes later than during the day. It's normal. They don't have the same control of the bladder as we do, and even many adults have trouble with that. Punishing her for something she cannot truly control is not healthy and bad for the self esteem of the child.
Keep her on the pull ups and make sure to take her often to the bathroom. Especially at school. Remind the teachers to remind her to go. Start sticker chart, praising her when she does go. Positive reinforcement works better.
My son, 4 yrs old, every once in a while has accidents at school. Too busy playing to go to the bathroom. If you scold them that's not good for their self esteem. It's just an accident.
Bed wetting ,if it continues as she's older, could be a different matter and need to talk to her doctor. My brother wet his bed for a long time and my parents used to punish him, but nothing worked. There are underlying reason's for it and especially lack of bladder control.
Good luck, and remember she's still little and give tons of positive reinforcement. I know it's frustrating. But, it will be ok.

First of all, punishment for wetting the bed is inappropriate. Children can't help it! Would you punish her for throwing up in the bed? Of course not! Just change her clothes and sheets and say nothing other than reassure her that you understand it was an accident. Stick to the pull ups if you have to. She is only 3.5, so I wouldn't worry. Some children wet the bed well into their teens. My son wet his bed pretty regularly throughout elementary school, and still does (although rarely) and he's in 8th grade. It's not that big of deal. It will either pass, or you'll just deal with it. God Bless you and your family.

First off, I would actually take her to the ped to rule out a urinary tract/bladder infection.

If there ISN'T an infection going on, here are a few things to consider:

1) Regression is TOTALLY natural, especially if she's done some kind of developmental leap recently. It takes tons and tons of energy/time to rewire the CNS, which is what happens when the body is converting urinary control from the autonomic to the somatic. New stuff (like learning the alphabet, or how to swim, or x,y,z), can interupt that process. Which is actually a GOOD thing. We need to know how to hold it AND do other things ;), but it does take a little time. Accidents tend to happen for the first year to year and a half after being completely potty trained. Night time accidents tend to be far more frequent. Most parents I know, use either pull-ups or waterproof sheets/pads etc., for about 2 years after their child is night time trained. (That also helps when they catch a stomach bug, btw.)

2) Night time control is something that in totally OUT of all of our control. AKA, it's not something that we have conscious control over. Punishing someone for something they have no control over will universally cause anxiety, frustration, and resentment. Instead of punishing her for her accidents, try snuggles & telling her that it will be okay, you know her body is learning. If she's awake enough, have her help you toss the sheets in the wash. But she shouldn't be getting in trouble.

3) You say that you're their guardian. Without knowing the situation... could your niece be feeling safe enough now to have nightmares? It's a bizarre thing, I know, but if she DIDN'T feel safe before, and she's starting to now, her mind may be relaxing enough to let her imagine more. Also, if she was hyper-vigilant before, she may now finally be relaxing into deeper more restful sleep.

She is NOT going "backwards." She is just not doing what is expected.

For a child... NIGHT-TIME control, is different that just potty training. FULL night-time control, is not biologically "attained" until about 5-7 years old. And, THIS is normal.

My daughter, did not attain full night-time control, sans accidents, until about 5 years old. Even now at 6 years old, she still occasionally has accidents at night. So what. I just use a waterproof bed pad under her. No problem. We do not "control" her eating/drinking at night. One time, she even told me she had a dream that she WAS on the toilet peeing, until she felt herself actually wet! It was funny and we just laughed about it, and I changed her bed-pad and her pajamas, and she went back to bed. No problem.

NO punishment/rewards/withholding drinks at night, will do anything to "control" her night time accidents.
It is a biological attainment. Its NOT "her" fault.

You can help her by, letting her know, she is not "bad" or doing anything 'wrong." She's not. She is only 3.5 years old... they do this. Its NORMAL. As she gets older, it will NATURALLY be better, as her biological bladder control will mature.

All the best,
Susan

You must be doing a great job, R., if your niece feels safe enough to sleep that deeply. As everyone said, control of your bladder is biological, like learning to walk - it's not mind over matter. It happens when it happens. My daughter wore pull-ups at night until she was 5. I did try to prevent peeing accidents by taking her to the bathroom just around the time she would have the accident, and that did help. On another note, the consequences she's having are reinforcing stress, which is something this little girl has had enough of if she's not living with her birth family. She doesn't need to be "punished" - and please don't make her clean up after herself in the middle of the night! She's 3, for God's sake. She needs acceptance and love, unconditionally, which is something it sounds like you've got in abundance.

You're wonderful to give loving care to your two neices.

Now, a word about bed wetting. I wet my bed intermittently until I was 12. Please, do not punish your neice. She can't help it. Really. I've been there. Thankfully I had a loving mother that would allow no teasing or degrading remarks in relation to my bladder (I'm the 5th of 6 kids). I've even had bladder "prodecures" as a child to determine if I had a small bladder (it is). Bed wetting is not something a child wants to do. I'm now the mom of a 4 1/2 year old boy and he is still in PullUps. I asked the Dr. at his Kindergarten checkup about bedwetting. He said to think in the 'rule of 7'. Imagine a group of 49 children. One out of 7 children will wet the bed. By the time that group gets to be 7 years old, only one of that group will still be wetting the bed. In other words, the likelihood of your neice still wetting the bed at 7 is much less than you would imagine. Just hope that helped. And, please, reinstate her rewards. She's obviously gone through enough to be in your home. She just needs love (and praise when she's dry).

She's only 3 1/2, her body still learning to control bladder at night. please don't take away her treats and cartoon and purnishing her for wetting her bed. Put her back on pull up, get the cool affect kind that she will feel wet at night. that make her uncomfortable at night and will wake her up and she will learn to wake up to go bathroom instead of peeing while sleeping. My boy is still in pull up at night, even though he hasn't wet his pull up for couple week straight. he get excited waking up in the morning w/out wetting his pull up. So, i think a rewarding for not wetting better than purnishing for wetting.

good luck,

This is very normal. Many children wear diapers at night & during naps because they can't be expected to master that right away. I strongly urge you to NOT punish her for having an accident in her sleep, it's really not an accident, many kids simply cannot control their bladders while they sleep until they are 7 or 8 years old. Even if they have some dry nights it doesn't mean they are able to do it all the time. I was surprised to learn that but found out from pediatrician and further research that it is normal. Just put a waterproof pad under her sheet and she'll eventually get there.

Hi R.,

So much great advice above. I just wanted to add a bit more. I lived with my aunt and uncle for over a year at one point. I loved them and felt loved by them, for us the situation worked out very well. I wonder if maybe when your neice was able to stay dry, if she was not sleeping as deeply, therefor she was not wetting. Or, and I say this without any knowledge of what their parents situation is, maybe she had a different night time routine.

In my house, we wake up several times in the night to have my almost 4yr old walk to the bathroom. I am not suggesting that you do this because sleeping is so important, but if you wake up to go, you could save yourself having to wash more laundry if you take her at those times. The other bit I have to offer is, buy some of the ultra soft blankets. They are thinner than conforters, therefor easier to wash/take less space in the wash machine. We use a vinyl mattress cover and non-toxic cleaner so that we can quickly wipe down after an accident and slip her right into bed. Also, my daughter doesn't sleep in pj's and panties anymore. She made this decision on her own, but it does make it easier when she does go to the potty, no extra fuss and no wet clothes to have to get out of if an accident does occur. We stopped the pull-ups because they are expensive and I just got tired of diapers. We tried limiting liquids and dicipline, that didn't work. Now we reward with stickers for staying dry. This is working out for us. I hope this helps.

First off, hats off to you for stepping up and being there for yoru neices. I admire people that do that.

She's only 3.5 and whie you don't say how long she's been with you, it sounds like this may be a stress reaction. After having her doctor check her out I'd put her back into pull ups and ignore it. It's typical for kids to not be consistenly night trained at this age. She won't be going to high school in diaperss.

Please don't punish her, this is not something she can control. I'd also make sure that nothing bad is happening at day care. Good luck.

I totally agree that you should not punish a child for wetting the bed. So often it is a physiological issue they cannot control, even if they try. Children often backslide on potty training, especially under stress. And children often have a delayed reaction to stress.

When my son was 3-1/2 I almost died from a ruptured aneurysm. Before that I had never been separated from him for more than one night. I was hospitalized for 9 days and could not hug my kids for 2 months. Our son said nothing while all this was happening, but 6 months later, for the first time in his life, exhibited extreme separation anxiety. This is a very independent little boy who suddenly was terrified that mommy was going to go away. He was truly hysterical about it, and we didn't know why. Finally we figured it out it was a latent reaction to my being away while ill. Once we talked to him about it, he calmed down over a couple weeks.

You've gotten some great advice about ruling out a medical issue. I would certainly look at things from an emotional perspective, and remember that children often fluctuate in their behavior in response to their life.

Your problem is that you are making her fear you by taking things away when she pees. That's horrible. The difference now, is that she is getting older and understands the consequences, which was harder for her to understand before. That's like someone who takes away their kids toys and treats if they stutter, which is something they cannot help. You said you do not give her water right before bed, but when you drink water, it takes an hour for it to make it to her bladder. YOU are making it harder on HER. She is still learning. She should have water an hour before bed and she should go to the bathroom right before bed. You can give her one or two sips right before bed because that will not fill her bladder. The poor little thing is being punished by something she has a hard time controlling and if you give her water anytime within an hour of bedtime, it is your fault.

Hi R.,

My son reverted about the same time. First check to make sure there is no medical problem. If there isn't try an incentive chart. We made a chart and gave our son a sticker for each day he didn't wet his pants. After 10 stickers he got a special present. After about a month, he stopped wetting again and we haven't had any problems since (unless he is sick or something like that...)

Hope this helps! Good luck.

Hello, For a 3 1/2 year old to go backwards in training, is not unheard of. Also, consider that even though you have had her for a while, she has been through some sort of trauma in her little life which may still be bothering her. You can have her checked by her doctor and rule out any physical problems, but I would also remember that things which seem small to adults can be huge for little children. Lots of patience and pull ups might be the answer. I would restrain from punishment for this. She may not be able to help it and punishment may only make the problem worse. Think of it this way, she probably won't be doing this when she is 20, so is it that big of a deal?
Good luck with your precious nieces.
K. K.

It can be an issue with her body not being able to keep her bladder closed while she is sleeping. It could also be an issue about the situation (which you did not expand on) that got her to your house without parents. Don't give her a hard time. My sister wet the bed until she was 12, about the age the body catches up with itself and remedies the problem.

She may have a small bladder. 2 of my 4 children have a small bladder. And, it's not only during bedtime, but during the day. If I take them anywhere, I need to remind them to go to the bathroom before we leave, and when we arrive at our destination, sometimes they already have to go. Whereas my other 2 (my youngest even) don't have a problem and can hold it for 1/2 a day without any issues. Just be patient. It's tough but if she has a small bladder, it's really not her fault or yours.

I completely agree with Michelle E and in my opinion withholding toys and treats just because she pees when she is asleep is cruel. When I read this...I just couldn't believe it!.

But on the other hand I admire you for taking care of her.

She is only 3 1/2 years old.

Stop taking away anything for the accidents. Make it no big deal and help her to relax. Just get her the pull-ups and let her decide when she's ready to forego them. She'll get her confidence back and will be fine.