2Nd Baby - Saint Paul,MN

My 2nd child just turned 1 and my oldest is just over 3. I think the 2nd child seems a lot easier, because you know what to expect and you are not a new mom anymore, but be prepared to have your oldest child mad at you or regress for a month or two. The one mistake we made was having my husband do most of the care of my "then" 2 year old and I dealt with the baby more due to nursing. I think this made it worse, because missed me and it made her resent the baby a little. After about 8 weeks everything goes back to normal. My emotions were definitely not as crazy as they were with the 1st. I think I was more tired because with 2 there is NO down time. I liked the other persons "party" idea for becoming a big brother. Also, I would get your toddler a few wrapped toys and say they are from the baby. Good Luck!

My 2 oldest were only 17 months apart. Most of the time, it wasn't really a problem, but when trying to nurse the baby, my oldest would get into just about anything and everything, decide he was going to "fix a snack", etc. If I tried to follow him around of course, it was upsetting to my newborn's digestive system, she would spit up...and my oldest figured out pretty quickly that I wasn't able to do much to stop him during those times. I finally figured out to keep a box of "special toys" that he could play with only when I was nursing. Simple solution, but at the time, this situation drove me so nuts, thought I'd mention it in case you experience the same issue.
HTH!

Well, you can count on the emotional roller coaster to come back around!! And it's maybe a little more extreme the second time - at least for me anyway. And as far as handling the two little ones, just trust that you will get used to it in time. It's hard at first, especially going places, but having your baby at the beginning of summer will be so helpful, because you don't have to bundle them first! That's a whole other step that takes forEVER!! :) Trust that you will develop a new routine with the baby and your toddler - for me it really took about 5 months, and now at 7 months, we're really starting to get things figured out. And know that this is just as hard on the toddler as it is on you! My older son has taken the birth of his brother very well, and loves his brother so much, but has definitely regressed in a lot of his behaviors toward us. Mainly, he wants to be a baby forever. :) So, there are a lot of adjustments, and it's hard, but you'll be fine. "This too shall pass," and then they won't be babies anymore!!! (Which is both sad and awesome at the same time ;)
Best of luck and congrats to you,
Amy K

Our daughter was just over 2 when our son was born. One thing that was hard for me (and is still hard) was to realize that sometimes it is OK to let the baby cry while I dealt with big sister. She would sometimes get sad when baby brother was taking up all of my time. It was important for me to cuddle her and make her the center of attention for a little while even if that meant the baby cried. I also tried really hard to make some time for just mommy and big sister while baby brother stayed with dad or stayed at day care just a little longer. It was as simple as running errands with me or making a trip to our favorite store. I also found little ways that she could help with the baby--getting a diaper for him, choosing which shirt he would where, getting his blanket, etc. We bought her a doctor kit that was a present for her from the baby that she got to open when she came to visit. Daddy also took her shopping to pick out some presents to bring to the baby at the hospital.
It wasn't easy at first and there are still times when it is a little overwhelming but it does get better. Don't be afraid to ask for help. One of the biggest things that has helped me is to make time for myself. I don't let myself feel guilty if the kids stay at daycare for an extra hour once in awhile so that I can sit in a coffee shop and read. If you don't have that escape for yourself it will be very difficult to cope. I've also been trying to learn that right now my house is never going to look like one in Better Homes and Gardens. I'm trying to accept that now with 2 kids there is twice the mess and half the time to clean it. There is a new definition of clean in our house!

I'm not saying any of this to scare you -I just wish someone had been this honest with me!

I KNEW having two small children was going to be hard and that my oldest would have some issues with the new baby, etc. but it was REALLY HARD! And it's REALLY tiring. REALLY TIRING!!!! Just get yourself in place mentally for the fact that for the next few years you're going to be insanely busy and pulled in several different directions. I'm not saying that it's not fun and wonderful and that your life won't be full of love -because it will be! Just know that you're all going to go through some real growing pains over the next year and if you burst into tears frequently -you and no one close to you should find it strange! You DO get into a schedule and groove, but it's not easy. I think if I had mentally prepared myself for this a little more, then maybe I would find it easier, so that's what I'm urging you to do.

Hi C.!

Congratulations on baby #2! My two girls are 28 months apart and there was absolutely an adjustment period but we DID eventually settle into a schedule and now it seems like I've had two forever! One of the things I wasn't prepared for were the guilty feelings I felt for no longer being able to spend all of my time with my older daughter. She has been incredibly loving with her little sister and has never exhibited any jealous behavior but I still felt bad for having to split my time. And in the first few months, the baby needs so much of your time that you will feel like you have very little time for your older child (especially if you nurse). It forced my older daughter to go to her daddy for things that she previously would have gone to me for so in some ways that was actually good. It takes longer with the second one to settle into a routine because you are now trying to mesh two schedules. Try not to get frustrated and overwhelmed...you WILL figure it out and you will sleep again some day! Overall, having a second child is wonderful...to see your children together and see how much they love each other is a beautiful thing. Good luck to you!

Try to present the baby positively and let the older child help and she'll most likely enjoy getting diapers or whatever you can have her do to help. Let her have time alone with you while the baby is sleeping at some point in the day. But remember you do need rest too. Leave some time during the day for quiet or whatever you need. We never had one of our kids show jealousy when we brought the baby home and I think it all has to do with how you act, talk and relate to the baby and acting at any point like either child is a burden is not going to help. Not saying you will do that. I have pictures of one of our daughters sitting on the sofa with her doll in a doll infant seat and the baby sitting by her in her infant seat. She copied everything I did and they were two years apart. I also have a cute picture of one of the other girls laying on her stomach on the floor at about 3 or 4 months old and the two years older sister laying on the floor 'holding her head up' and it's so funny and cute. She was a 'baby' for a short time trying to copy the baby. Two years is a good space for them to help you and still play together. Yes, I did have days where I cried after I came home but just be prepared and have help if you can for at least part of the day so you can rest for a bit in the beginning. Needless to say those weren't the only days I cried. I cried when the boys emptied the canisters, etc. too. :-) And many other things they did. :-) But wouldn't trade it for anything now.

Remember to spend lots of time with your oldest! Try to spend time with her when the baby is sleeping otherwise jelousy might just arise! Also don't expect the 2nd to develop like the oldest! Both mine developed faster in diffrent areas! BTW my oldest is 19 months and my youngest 6 months! Try to let your oldest help out as much as she can and remember that there is enough love for both kids! I worried I wouldn't love my youngest the same as I did my oldest but to much of my surprise it was like my heart grew and both carried an equal amount of love! Congrates and good luck if you by chance need anything just send me a message and I will let you know my experiences. I also had 2 cesarian setions. Good luck!

I cried like that too with my 1st, but not with the 2nd. The 2nd was so much easier for me, but the only thing that was really weird at first was figuring out which kid to put in the car first and what was I supposed to do with the other child when I was putting the other one in the carseat. That took a while to get used to, but now it's a piece of cake because I'm so used to it. Oh, and your older kid might act like a crazy fool when the baby comes home, so just give the older one lots of love and patience. My 2 year old acted like one for 3 weeks when his sister came home from the hospital. He wouldn't listen and threw big tantrums, I actually felt guilty for having another baby and ruining his life, but then he started to act like his normal loving self and now he absolutely loves his baby sister. So don't worry- everything will be absolutely fine.

I have two girls that are fifteen months apart. You will encounter jealousy, a vie for your attention from both girls especially after the younger one gets older. Also if one gets upset usually it is not too long before the other one gets upset too. Two kids crying is not easy on the ears. They will fight but they will also occupy each other and give you a much needed break. All in all, I have enjoyed having my kids so close in age. It has not been easy but the older they get the better it gets. Enjoy because they will definitely be close I think. My two are and they are two completely different little girls. Congratulations.

The one thing I learned with my second was if someone wants to help, let them! Let them do a load of laundry or cook a meal so you can rest. I was SO sleep deprived because I was trying to do everything. Finally one of my good friends (who had 6 children) finally talked me into letting her help. She made a few meals and did a few dishes so I could nap when the girls were. Just getting that extra hour or so of sleep made me feel like a new woman!

My second just turned a year (my first will be three next month) and I wish I had known that it's much more of a juggling act the second time around. They have such different needs that it seemed one was always waiting while I took care of the other one. Something I wish I had realized sooner was that my older child was still essentially a baby. I feel like I expected a lot more from her because in comparison to the baby, she suddenly looked so big. But really I was being a bit unfair in my expectations. Oh, and I found it got easier around six months, and much easier now that the first year is over. Good luck and congrats!

I recommend letting the first one help as much as she's able, so she feels included. My daughter doesnt have any little siblings, but she loves helping with the babies in daycare. Helping get diapers, being told to "watch" the baby while you run to the bathroom or something (by watch, I mean, the baby is in it's crib or swing, or whatever and safe, and you let her think she's in charge). Little kids that age love to be helpful, and I would encourage it as much as possible.

Just watch out in case of jealousy or something. I hated my little sister, I felt that she was the reason our dogs had to stay outside now, and I'd rather have the dogs, so I would pinch her and stuff when my mom wasnt looking. (God, I just cringe now when I think of it! But as a 5 year old, that seemed like the thing to do....) so try not to make big changes that seem like the baby's fault.

Good luck!