Mamas,
Four weeks ago, my previously GREAT sleeping toddler woke SCREAMING and climbed out of her crib because there were shadows in her room. Every night since, she is night waking at least 3x night and it is a beating for all of us.
Initially it was borne of fear (her little heart was pounding and she would throw herself at me as I went in the room), but now I fear it is more of a habit, wanting to sleep with someone.
She is now in a twin bed as the climbing out of the crib was getting out of hand and we were afraid she would hurt herself. Unfortunately, she now sees that as a license to get up and come to our room/roam, so we've put a baby gate on one door and the other door enters through our Jack/Jill bath so she can only come to our room (though she has managed to scale the vertical posts of the baby gate).
We are big fans of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby and the next step is putting locks on the door to keep her in there and safe.
Here's what we've tried so far:
- a toddler bed (out of the crib), which she hated.
- checked out the room at bedtime (same one she's been in since birth and the bed is in the same place as the crib was) and looked for suspicious shadows/things that she could be afraid of and saw nothing.
- removed the nightlight at her request.
- banned all movies/television save a very short list of PBS and Leapfrog videos (no Disney movies)
- tried all manners of "monster/shadow spray," scaring the shadows out, no avail. "But the shadows are still there, Mom!"
- reward system, no buy in on her part.
- tried leaving a dim, but brighter than nightlight light in the room - she woke up 6x that night.
- tried letting her sleep in the extra twin bed in sister's room and the result was that she woke up her sister and both of them were up 4x that night.
- have room-darkening shades already in the room so it's as dark as it's going to get.
- we know it's not her ears/medical as she's been to the doctor 2x in the last 3 weeks.
We bring her back to her room and put her back in bed and 30-40 mins later, she is back in our bedroom. We repeated this parade 4 times between 2:30 and 5:30 am last night alone.
Save her older sister starting school (they sleep in separate rooms) in mid-August, there is nothing that has rocked her world to cause this sleep disruption.
She is **beyond exhausted** as am I, and I'm afraid the last step will be putting locks on her door and locking her in there and letting her cry it out. The locks seem harsh, but she is the kind of kid who will go and get bread, butter and a butter knife to butter herself a slice of bread while I'm in the shower(!) so there is NO WAY I can leave her roaming the house at night.
Thanks in advance for your help!
Edited to add: I should have mentioned that the "sleep with us" option is no longer an option as she is now using it as time to play, sing songs etc. She has kept us up for 3+ hrs in the middle of the night doing this. These are social calls now.
Success!
We doubled up on the baby gates, stacking one on top of the other, thus allowing her to see out, but not get out. We also locked the door to our bathroom, and I explained to her that Dad and I need sleep at night and so does she.
Night 1 - woke once at 1:08. Cried for me, I went in, comforted her and reminded her that she needed to sleep in her big girl bed. No more visiting at night. Turned on her music. She cried for literally 2 minutes and fell back to sleep! Also removed second baby gate.
Night 2 - no night waking, but up early at 5:30. I told her it wasn't time to get up yet, it was still nighttime. Went back to bed. She cried for 6 minutes (including shouting "Sissy! Come get me out!" to her older sister, before dropping Aback off to sleep until 6:45.
Night 3 - bed at 6:30. Woke at 7 a - no night waking!
I don't know what you next step *should* be but I have to say that I think the locks on her door would be dangerous and traumatic.
I think it's a phase that will pass eventually, although not an enjoyable phase.
Didn't read the other responses but here are my suggestions:
1. When she comes into your room - tell her she can sleep in there and make her a bed on the floor next to your bed.
2. Keep walking her back to bed and leaving the room. Eventually she'll tire of this.
3. Lay down with her in her bed until she's asleep.
4. Let her sleep with you.
Just a few ideas!
Sounds good! I thought locks on the door would scar kids for life. Well, we had to do behavioral therapy for our son and the therapist reassured as multiple times that locking him in his room was often the safest, smartest idea. He said there would be no long-term harm. We had to use locks because our son wouldn't go to bed otherwise (would climb out of bed repeatedly -- 20+ times -- for HOURS and fail to get the sleep he needed) and wouldn't sit for time-out. Guess what? At seven, our son is NOT scarred in any way. The therapist was right.
This is the age where nightmares start up. Their imaginations run full tilt all day and they don't stop when they go to sleep at night.
My son would wake up in the night and be alone and scared in the dark.
It didn't matter he loved his room and his bed and his nightlight and his comfort stuffed animals. When he was scared he wanted me near him.
I never had to worry about him wandering the house at night. He always made a bee line from his bed right to me (right across the hall).
After awhile he got smart and knew if he woke me up, I'd take him back to bed. So sometimes I'd wake up in the morning and find my son had tucked himself in at the foot of our bed and was sleeping while holding my foot.
They do grow out of it eventually.
Talk about covering your bases!! Go you! My girls have always shared a room, but my one tried and true remedy to creeping around at night: double up the baby gates (preferably 2 different types, one on top of the other) and IGNORING IT. It's going to suck for a few days, but it will pay off BIG in the end. One of my girlfriends had twin boys that would still get over the baby gates, and in desperation she had their bedroom door sawed in half and removed the top half, so they were stuck in there but she could still peek in (and get them out... they loved locking themselves in by jamming things in the keyhole). But stay with it, ignoring the behavior... it's a tough love lesson for sure, but I promise she'll get bored with it (not to mention she's GOT to be as exhausted as you are!!) Best wishes!!
We did locks on their doors from the time they could climb out of their cribs until they were potty-trained. I personally think it is much more dangerous to allow an 18 month old child to room the house in the middle of the night - what if there was a fire? How would you know where they were? After they were nighttime potty-trained they were only allowed to go from their bedroom to the bathroom and back again (our bedroom is downstairs) - and suprisingly they follow the rules. We have a baby monitor for each of their rooms in our room (they are 3, 5 and 7) so we can hear them at all times and when one of them wakes up in the middle of the night with a nightmare one of us goes up their to sooth them back to sleep and then we return to our own beds.
I would have trouble putting locks on a child's door. But no, you don't want her to roam the house at night. (One of my granddaughters, when she was a little older than your girl, went through a spell of getting up at night and wandering around. I asked her why she did it and she said, "I like to see what everything looks like when it's dark.")
You may have to get firm here. Tell her that there are always shadows in the dark, not only in her room, but also in your room and every room in the house. They're right where they're supposed to be, and they're friendly. She needs to stay in bed at night so they can do their jobs.
This line is adapted from an old book by Russell and Lillian Hoban called "Bedtime for Frances." You might look for it at your library. Your daughter might not be old enough to enjoy it yet, but you are! And that explanation may work for a girl your daughter's age.
It could be that the night light makes even more shadows, so maybe she will do better without it. See if she likes some soft CD music playing when the lights go out - it may distract her from you-know-what.
And... lots of praise and maybe a big-girl reward here and there for staying in bed and sleeping through the night!
Keep it up. I wouldn't recommend locking her in her room. Making it so she only has access to your room was a great idea.
When she comes in, pick her up and immediately put her back in bed and walk away. Do not talk to her or engage. If she talks about the shadows give her a simple, "It's okay honey, you're safe." Don't answer questions, don't respond. You may have to do this a lot for the first week, but she'll get the idea if you don't engage with her. She won't be getting what she wants and she'll eventually get much better sleep.
One friend of mine whose child was doing the exact same thing found remote alarms. They put the alarm on the outside of the child's door and if the child opens it, the alarm goes off. The child hated that so he will not open his door. He could still get out if he needed to, but he now stays in his room without an issue and they know if he gets up and starts to get in the kitchen or whatever.
My brother did the same thing when he was younger... my parents removed his bedroom door and replaced it with a screen door that had an eye hook lock, they could look in, he could see out, and he was rstricted to his room.
They also removed everything out of the room except for his bed... gave him nothing to do or look at except for his bed and the back of his eyelids...lol
Get creative! Good Luck
Not all kids can stay in their rooms, much less at this young age. At these ages, a child does NOT even have fully developed 'impulse-control' yet either
When I was that age... and a bit older... I would wake. I was like your daughter except I didn't scream. I would, wake at night, get up, creep down our LONG LONG dark scary hallway... go to my parent's room, squeeze in between them, and sleep.
They let me.
I grew out of it.
It was no biggie.
I simply, would get scared at night by myself in my room even if my sister was right next door... and I simply missed my parents and was lonely.
My parents let me. They did not battle about it.
This was... one of my FONDEST childhood memories, of my parents, of when I was that age. I look back on my parents, letting me, as being very profoundly empathetic. And... they KNEW I would grow out of it. Which a child does do. They never once, made me feel 'bad' about it.
My Sister on the other hand... was different. Cold. She thought I was 'weird" and made fun of me and could NEVER fathom... why I'd want to sleep with/near my parents.
Each child is different.
Or, put a mattress on the floor of your room... for when you child wanders and comes into your room.
all the best,
Susan
I feel your pain. We are in the same boat only our son is 5. This started for us with a move and a Disney movie and then some bad preschool experiences. We have a very sensitive, very imaginative child.
But now, for us it feels like it's really become a habit. He wakes up at night for whatever reason, and comes into our room to me. We tried all the things you mentioned. The only thing that worked for us was to put a bed on the floor next to ours. If he has a bad dream I comfort him for a minute and then tell him to go to sleep on the little bed. He did resist this at first ( "I need to TOUCH you!!!!") During waking hours we explained that Mommy and Daddy are tired, you are tired, we can't continue to be up every night... either he has to sleep on the little bed or go back to his bed. Now he comes in a goes right back to sleep. We sleep better and he does too. Occasionally he sleeps all night in his bed. Then my daughter or the cat wake us up! Haha!
Good luck~ It's really really hard to do without sleep and you do start to think about desperate measures. I have heard other people suggest locks on the doors. Seems like this will set you up for all kinds of other problems. Her imagination is already full steam ahead and will continue to grow by leaps and bounds for the next 2 years. Can you imagine her, by herself, being terrified of shadows in the dark and not being able to get out of her room and/or get to you? To each his own I guess, but there's no way that I could put locks on the door.
