22-Month Old on Hunger Strike

Hey J.,
I have a 23 month old that isn't into food either. I try to make him fruit smoothies and add "superfood" (a green drink found in the grocery stores, usually near the vegetables, made by Naked or Odewalla) to get some vitamins and vegetables in him.
Homemade chicken noodle soup seems to work too. I know how frustrating this can be!

My youngest son did this at about 18 months and realized he wanted to be in control of what he ate and when. We had a child psychologist suggest getting him his own little table and chairs and set it up in the kitchen. Lots of finger foods, fruit, cheese,little meats and just have it out for him/her to eat when they are hungry, the more you hype and worry the worse it gets believe me I know. We spent lots of money going to Child Psychiatrists and it all came down to control. I have always been told that little ones will eat when they need too, just have it available. Good Luck!

L.

I have a 27 month old daughter. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she totally refuses. It's been like that for quite a while. I don't worry about it...I provide food for her, put it in front of her and she can eat it or not...that's her choice. I give her the power of choosing to eat or not by not saying anything about it at all...I simply provide the food. If she starts to freak in her booster chair over her food, I just tell her she doesn't have to eat, but the food is there if she wants to...that typically calms her down. She is very healthy and I'm not stressed!

I agree with all of the responses so far. It is one of the main rules in our house that you eat what is put in front of you and you don't complain. If you complain, whine or act "ugly" at the table while others are trying to enjoy their meals, you get to go to your room and not be part of the family for the time being. Most of the time our kids sit in their room for a minute, then ask if they can come apologize so they can eat. But there are times when they refuse to eat, and that's fine too, but in never fails, the next morning they are so hungry they will eat anything, and lots of it. Even though is is so politically incorrect these days, we would really benefit, as well as our kids, to step back into how our mothers were raised. I am constantly on the phone with my grandmother asking advice. I really like good old fashioned parenting. It works!

I had a similar situation with my oldest son when he wsa about the same age. Your daughter will not starve herself to death. When she is hungry enough she will eat. I swear my son would go a week at a time without hardly eating a thing. He did grow out of it. Now he's a healthy 10 year old that eats everything in the house. I just continued to serve him what I made and the older he got the better he became with eating what was served. It is hard watching your child never want to eat, but it will get better. Just don't force her to eat. She will come around.

J.,
You're right, It's a power struggle. Kids have control over few things - eating, sleeping, dressing. Your little one has discovered she can get "lots of attention" from mom by refusing to eat.

I'd recommend going to the www.loveandlogic.com and listening (or downloading to your MP3) for FREE the March 2nd broadcast called "when we do the right thing." That will give you some ideas to handle powerstruggles. Then check out from the library or buy the CD called "Avoiding Power Struggles" from Love & Logic. Then the icing on the cake is to take a class "Becoming a Love & Logic Parent" to really sink in these new skills you'll be learning. Check out www.shellymoorman.com for class schedules & info.

Good Luck!

Hi, I hope I don't sound too mean because that is not my intention at all. You and your husband need to get tough with your daughter. She has figured out that you will give into her (letting her pick her dinner, etc.) Kids need boundaries. You need to set the rule that she will eat what is cooked for dinner or she will not eat. Believe me she will get hungry and eventually eat. Kids are extremely smart! Smarter than we believe. My husband tells me there were many times he went to bed without eating his dinner but always snuck out of his room later that night to eat what was left for him on the dinner table. There is a power struggle going on in your family right now. It will be extremely difficult but you and your husband need to be the ones to set the rules. Take care and good luck! T.

I would reccomend giving her Pediasure until she's through this stage to make sure she's at least getting some nutrients.

J.,
I am in a very similar situation...my 2 year old son has also been on a 'hunger strike'for several months and he also allergic to milk, eggs and tree nuts. To suppliment his diet (due to all the restrictions)we give him 30 oz of "Elecare" formula so he is not totally lacking in nutrition, but we are still struggling with the day-to-day 'feedings' and have decided we needed some outside help. After consulting with his allergist and meeting with a dietician, we now have an appointment with 'eating clinic' at Children's Hospital next week. I was told to bring some food and (from what I am understanding)that they will observe him and essentially 're-train' him to eat since it has become an all-out battle as soon as we place him in his high-chair at mealtime. I am hoping this will be the solution to our problem, and hopefully something for you to think about if your situation continues.

This is my first post on MamaSource, so I hope that I was able to help a bit.

Best of luck to you!
-C. E.

J.,
I am a mother of an 8-year old girl and a 6-year old boy. They were both picky eaters and barely ate enough to keep a bird alive. They still don't eat much, but just as many have probably told you by now, a child will eat when they are absolutely hungry. As a parent, you may feel that you are not meeting your child's needs if you let them go hungry, but you are meeting her needs. Just keep the plate of food on the table so that she can snack. It is a much healthier way of eating!

As far as catering to her every whim, cut that out right now, or you're setting yourself up to be a waitress in your own home. A wonderful book to read on discipline is, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tripp. Hope this helps!

-K.
B.
Childcare Giver (8 years)
Mother

Hi, J.,

I,TOO, AM 36 WITH A 21 MO. OLD AND EXPECTING ANOTHER! I'VE FOUND THAT LIMITING SNACKING LEADS TO INCREASED HUNGER, ESP. FOR THE HEALTHY FOOD (VEGGIES) DURING MEALS, AND ALLOWING YOUR CHILD TO FEED HERSELF MAY MAKE HER MORE COOPERATIVE; ALSO, ALTHOUGH OUR SON WATCHES ONLY A LITTLE TV, PUTTING HIS HIGH CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE TV FOR THE SHORT WHILE WHY HE EATS SERVES AS A DISTRACTION AND HE SEEMS TO EAT MORE OF WHAT HE SHOULD; WE DON'T PLAN TO MAKE THIS A HABIT IN THE LONG RUN, BUT IT WORKS FOR NOW. ALSO, YOU MAY WANT TO LIMIT HIGH CAL DRINKS (MILK) AND EMPTY CAL OR OVERLY SWEETENED FRUIT JUICES JUST PRIOR TO MEAL TIME SO THAT SHE DOES NOT FILL UP ON DRINKS. GOOD LUCK!

This is not very professional advice...but it works for me :) When my 27 month old acts this way I do one of two things.

1) I ask him what he does want to eat (responses are usually cookie, candy, fruit snack, grapes, etc.) and then I say OK you can have (a cookie) and soup (or whatever we're eating). Then I make him eat 1-3 bites (depending on how difficulate he' being) of soup so and then a bite of cookie. If that doesn't work then I ask him if he wants (option 2) to play a game.

2) Go to www.pbskids.org find whatever TV your child's most obsessed with, let them pick a game and then feed her bites before every click of the mouse or so. If she refuses...stop the game and say "if you want to play the game I need to you take a bite." I can get my boy to eat almost a ton of anything this way.

Good Luck!

Hi J.,

Wow, this is tough. I have an 11 year old boy who will eat virtually nothing. Ramen, macandcheese, potatoes, pizza, rice with soy sauce...you get the picture. No veggies, no fruits, etc. I make him try one bite of everything at every meal but I constantly worry about his health and nutrition. That said, my partner reminds me of a friend who ate nothing but bacon bits for a whole year and survived. It will be ok. (I'm telling myself this as much as you.)

Try some vegan recipes for your daughter...there are some great options out there! If you need some meal ideas email me and I will be happy to give you some ideas.

Did you bring her for allergy testing? She might have reaction towards some foods and that make her afraid of eating. I have the same problem with my daughter as well, but first we eliminate dairy, soy, tomato, banana, wheat, seafood, nuts, and also some fruits like berries, citrus. then each month, we slowly add one and see how she react. It was a long process, but it worth doing it as she has confidence EATING again. She even allergy to chicken, beef, the allergist said that she can only eat oat, turkey!!! Now she is 4, and s getting better. By the way, have you try giving her just the egg yolk? that might work too. Good luck.

L.

Hello J., In response to the psychological aspects of your daughter's resistance, you may be interested in reading, "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk," by Faber and Mazlish. This may help you get through this time with more understanding of your daughter's perspective and with your relationship with her intact. ~T.

We always made our son eat what we eat. At this age, they are testing to see where their boundaries are at. So, we would put food on his plate and he could eat it or not. If he didn't he wouldn't get a snack later. From the time they are babies we are always so worried about them getting enough to eat. Its enough to drive you crazy. At some point, they need to learn to eat when its offered.
For lots of great parenting advice and the chance to hang out with other parents, you should visit:
http://lets-yada-yada-yada.com/register.php?referrerid=1396
Its SO much fun!

Hi J.,
My son did this around December. VERY unusual for him as he eats like a teenager (and I'm not being sarcastic). It turned out that he had a pretty nasty ear infection. No other symptoms (including no fever), just an obvious hunger but no appetite.
As soon as we treated and his ear started feeling better the appetite came back. He's been eating like a horse again since then. (we're talking 24-36 hours, so not a long time at all)
Might be a shot in the dark, but could your daughter be the same way?

You have 2 choices. Leave the food out and she will eat when she's ready, or make her wait until the next meal. Either way, and child's instincts are to survive. If you leave her alone, she will eventually eat. She will NOT starve to death. Your pediatrition will tell you the same thing I'm sure.

I read about this technique and it makes some sense...
at the dinner table have food on serving platters and you and your husband help yourselves, gushing and complementing the chef of the nite and then tell your daughter to let you know if she needs help with serving herself with something of her choice. Then proceed to talk about your day and so on. I wouldn't pay her any attention to negative behavior unless it gets really out of hand in which case I'd warn her if she acts out she'll have to spend time away from you two.
Good luck, I don't think this will last too much longer...

I would make sure she is healthy and then remember children will not starve if you offer food. They will eat if they get hungry enough. I would serve meals and if she doesn't eat then leave the plate there until the next meal time. Sooner or later they will eat. I wouldn't make it a big deal unless they are snacking on other things and then not eating their meals. In this case I would stop all snacks.

My son went on a hunger strike when his baby sister arrived. I think he was just trying to control the only thing he could - whether or not he was eating. Everything else in his life got turned upside down without asking him first, so he was compensating by controlling what he could - his behavior. And choosing not to eat was a definite way to get us to pay strict and complete attention to only him.

So maybe she's just trying to exert control over the only thing she can? I wouldn't get in a power struggle with her if it were me. I would designate a drawer or shelf in your kitchen that is full of approved snacks for her, show it to her and make it clear that if she's hungry she can eat any of the food on her special shelf whenever she wants. If you take the struggle out of it and just reassure her that she can eat when she wants, maybe she'll come around.

I think your bio said that you have another baby on the way, so perhaps she's reacting to that? To the changes in her environment and your body - all of which are happening (presumably) without her consent. It's hard for little one's to reconcile change, especially the fundamental change of adding a sibling!

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Hi J.,

To me, it sounds like she may have more food allergies than you are aware of. When my daughter was quite young she refused to eat anything with peanuts. She would get quite angry with us when we would try to give her some. I thought she just hated the taste or smell. It wasn't until she ate a small bite of a peanut butter cup from her sister's backpack (she couldn't see the peanut butter) and had an anaphylactic reaction that we understood what the problem was. A year or two later, I tried to give her some green peas for dinner (as I often did). However, this time she tried them and said they made her mouth hurt. She refused to eat them. Soon after, the same thing happened with beans. I wondered if she was just pretending that these foods bothered her because she didn't like the taste and didn't want to have to eat them. I took her to the allergist to have her tested just in case. The tests verified that yes, she was allergic to not only peanuts and tree nuts, but also beans, peas, sesame, cantalope, dry roasted soy, etc.

Obviously I may be way off base here, but after my past experiences with food allergies, I would definately try to get a clear picture of what may be going on by a visit to an experienced pediatric allergist.

Best wishes!

She will not allow herself to starve. Be matter of fact, serve what everyone is eating, then offer it to her, if she won't eat remove her from the table and say "okay, we need to have dinner and you need to sit here if you aren't going to eat" and continue you eating. Keep it on the plate in the fridge and if she comes back around saying she is hungry bring back out that same plate. Do not cook anything different for her and just make sure she is hydrated, even giving her a children's vitamin on the days she really isn't eating much to make sure she is getting those. She will not starve, it is called a power struggle and this is just the first phase....good luck. Don't allow her to sit at the table and cry, be nice but firm and say okay if you don't want to eat you need to leave the table. She will cave, promise..

How long has the "hunger strike" been going on? If it is a fairly new thing she could be teething. My 22 mo old just got some new teeth and I was worried about him for a few weeks for the same reason. He just wouldn't eat anything (maybe a few crackers) and he drank milk like it was going out of style. There were a few times he was so fussy I was willing to try anything. At that point I still was not sure it was new teeth, but I put some orajel in his mouth and he quieted right down. I don't think he was any more willing to eat at that point, but he stopped the tantrum.
Just a thought.
M.

Hi J., I have a set of twins that are almost 3. One has never had any kind of problem with eating, but the other is what you might call a "monster" and has done exactly what you say your 22 month old is doing. We would put food in front of her, and 90% of the time, she would scream and push it away-it didn't matter what it was most of the time. I have a lot of other kids, so I have been through this before, what I did was this... If she would scream or throw a fit in any way, I said "Fine, you stay there, and your food will stay here- (Away from her,but not out of sight, in fact, barely out of her reach)-until you are ready to be nice. WHEN you can be nice, you may get your food and eat it." Then we (the family) would almost completely ignore her - almost immediatley she would reach for her food. So we would ask her, "Are you ready to be nice?" We wouldn't let her have it until she is done crying, yelling or whatever. I have NEVER put her away from the family - (ALTHOUGH, I do realize that sometimes it REALLY needs to be done that way)-- Her thing was the same thing, a new baby in the family. She needs love understanding and the most important thing PATIENCE. The most important thing is that you do NOT play the "get even game" where you are going to punish her because you are upset or angry. One of my favorite sayings (although I can't remember where it came from) is this... "Kids need love most when they deserve it the least." It has worked for me for 20 years and 12 kids! And by the way, she will eat whatever is put in front of her WITHOUT throwing a fit 90% of the time now! GOOD LUCK!

Susan put it so perfectly. My mother-in-law suggested something along those same lines when my twins were refusing to eat. Put your daughter at the table (preferably in reach of the table)and put her food in reach. then ignore her. don't make remarks about how yummy such and such is. just eat and compliment whomever cooked on what a wonderful meal. When she sees everyone eating and not fussing she will try new foods. The BIGGEST thing to remember is "Patience". try one new food a week, and just act like it's no big deal. Just sit down at mealtime and start chowing. She may also want to be in a Big kid chair so a booster seat may be a good idea. Good Luck