20 Month Old Has Crying Fits When Daddy Comes home...normal Phase?

While the clinginess is normal, I think she's also worried because of him not being home anymore. She's afraid you're going to leave too, probably. My daughter used to do this at that age, especially when my husband would go out of town for a couple of days. He'd get home from a business trip and she'd avoid him like crazy or give him a hard time about things that were usually fine. It's a tough age! Don't force it, but do gently direct her to spend time with him, and have him take her for walks after work or something that gets them out of the house for a short time.

It's a phase and probably a bit of jealousy on top of it. She realized how much time daddy being home takes mommy away from here while he was off work for those two weeks. Sounds silly right!! But think about it, you are her #1 caretaker during the day, then daddy comes home so it's a new face to play with which allows you to cook and what not while he spends time with her. Well, daddy was home for 2 weeks straight so she may not feel like she is your #1 any more because daddy took your time away from her or she had to share you with daddy. It's just like the phase some tend to go through (mine included right now) that mommy can only do it, daddy can't do anything even if daddy is standing right there to help and mommy is on the other side of the house!! It's all part of them gowing up and being dependent on mommy because we are home all day with them, IMO. My 8yr daughter was never like that growing up and I think it's because I worked full time and she went to daycare.

Now, don't force her to be with daddy but you can't have her haning off your apron strings while you cook either. So you might want to think about a baby gate at the kitchen door way. That way she can see you and you can safely cook and be in the kitchen. And more than likey, she'll scream and throw a fit but she is only 20 months old so there is no reasoning with her about this. Best bet is to just tell her mommy is cooking and it is not safe for her to be in the kitchen. In the mean time, have daddy pop in one of her favorite movies and see if she'll sit down and watch it with him and calm down. It may take a few days, but as long as both of you hold your ground, she'll over come it and life will smooth back out again!!

Good luck!
S.

It's hard to be specific without knowing the specific famlily dynamics, but no, you're not alone. Children don't understand their emotions at that age and they come out in strange ways sometimes. What makes sense to us is not what makes sense to them, because they're not trying to make sense and be logical, they just react in whatever way happens naturally. Due to the fact that she got used to him being home during the holidays and now he's gone to work each day she could be reacting this way because she's mad & scared for him to leave again. I know...it doesn't make sense, but it happens. You would think they would want to spend extra time BECAUSE he's gone a lot, but not until they understand the comings and goings. Another thing is that ANY change in situation like that could cause this reaction, simply because they don't understand the change. It makes them feel insecure for a bit, so they cling to what's safe and secure for them...you! You are her safe place that doesn't usually leave, I'm guessing. The phase won't last forever, but I would suggest that you actually take some "me" time OUT of the house while Daddy keeps her. That will help reattach him as a safe place, too, while giving you some much needed time away. It will also show her that either of you can leave and that you always come back. She just needs to know that she's safe and loved unconditionally. Though it sounds funny after I said that changes can cause the stress, but the idea is to stay reasonably consistent with schedules & such, but to let her know little by little that change is okay. FT gone, then FT here, then FT gone again is a bit more shocking to her, but take steps to get you out for a break (helps your sanity, too), and also for her to go places with each of you separately & together. It makes sense that if things are too much the same every day then any change will be a shock, so teach her change is okay. Okay, I'm being redundent...sorry! I hope this helps a bit. If you have other questions, my contact info. is at www.MissLaLasTreehouse.com. Take care!

I will be honest in the fact that I didn't read any other posts so if this has already been said I apologize.

She could be feeling scared because of seperation anxiety. If he was home for two weeks and now all of a sudden gone again (even if during the days) she may feel she is going to be "abandoned" again. (I am not a doc just a mom!) I have heard of this before. Try to maybe start something just her and daddy does. And he needs to make sure to continue trying to get her to talk with her. Anyway, just a thought, like I said I am just a mom! LOL

Hope it settles soon!

M.

Yep -- a phase. It'll pass. In the meantime, I'd just very calmly and plainly tell her, "Oh, Sweetheart! I love you too and as soon as I'm finished, I'll cuddle with you. For now, play with Daddy." Positive and upbeat. If she needs some time to get control of herself, she can go be alone in her room until she's feeling better. Just stay positive and loving. And give her extra love and attention -- it's so great to cuddle someone who will wrap her little body around you with all the passion and love a 20-month-old can muster!!!

It's a phase and I remember it well! My daughter would cling to my leg while I washed dishes at the sink, and if she could have glued herself to me, she would have. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her hanging onto me and when I would wrench her away to do so, she would bang her head until I got up. Her doctor then said, "Don't worry about it. It will pass. If she knocks herself unconcious, she won't do it anymore." Very flippant attitude, but he was so right. It's a phase, it will pass, and in the meantime, do not be worried over it or she will pick up on that in a heartbeat. Kids are like little radar machines and defy all logic sometimes, too. Tell her daddy that time will come, sooner than later, when she will want to be only with him, so his time is coming. Eventually, this same clingy child who wants only mommy, will decide that daddy is the apple of her eye and Mom can do nothing right. (be prepared). Happened about age 10 with my girls and that phase lasts a whole lot longer than this one.

Sounds like your child is getting into the age where separation anxiety is the norm,--terrible two's. Does you husband have a mustache or beard? Sometimes that seems to scare babies or young children. If your husband is loud, or overly stressed, he may need to ease in . You just may need to give it some time and go on about your business if you need some me time. It will pass.

I don't have any advice for you other than this sounds normal. Kids go through clingy phases and the wobble back and forth to the favorite parent (which is mostly mom). My daughter is 2 1/2 and acts the exact way you described if she a) misses a nap, b) is hungry c) if something during the day has scared her or something she didn't like happened at preschool. 20 months is about the age for remembering things, so if something scared her a few days ago, she still remembers it. This will pass and she's normal!

It's a phase. My 2 year old son has been doing this a lot the past few weeks (he's been sick, and you know how that makes everything worse.) Actually, he's been going back and forth lately, sometimes preferring Dad, so at least we can take turns, but USUALLY he makes it VERY clear that Mom is gold standard, and Dad is an Inferior Substitute Parental Unit (or ISPU). If you can find the humour in it, it makes things more bearable. (Dad looks hurt and says "Hey, I'm a Perfectly Acceptable Parental Unit, too, you know." And of course my son furrows his brow at him, or turns his head away and buries it into my shoulder. You just have to laugh.)

What I do is just ask my husband to make dinner while I hold the baby. (And that's NOT an easy thing to do, letting him make dinner, because this man, bless his heart, had managed to make a kitchen catastrophe out of Jello, which I didn't think was possible.) I know it's tiresome, but you can hold the baby while you have a glass of wine, or *maybe* read something. Think of how short the time is - imagine yourself in 20 years when she's grown up and how fondly you will remember these times.

And just to let you know you're not alone, yesterday my son woke up from a nap and *insisted* on "Daddy snuggles" - Mom would NOT do. Then this morning (right after I left for work - Dad's staying home with him today), he woke up and asked for Mom and whenever Dad came near him, he cried "No! I want MOMMY!" and literally swatted him away.

One thing I would try if Daddy gets home before dark, is to have Dad take her outside for a play time. I've not met a little one yet who doesn't love to be outside. We used this to distract our own children. It also helped the toddlers in our church children's department to become
comfortable with our workers. I'm sure this situation is hard on your husband, but remember that this, too, will pass as she gets a little older and becomes a real Daddy's girl. God Bless!